The lack of a thank you would be maddening to me. I have been sending our cleaner a check every 2 weeks and she never fails to text me a simple "thank you." It's common courtesy. I think for many reasons you could do well with a change at this point.

I would find that very frustrating, especially after having such a long relationship with her. I also don't understand people who don't offer a simple thank you. Given the situation, I would find a new cleaning person.

I just called our cleaning lady back, and without me even asking she volunteered that she would be wearing a mask and gloves. We left the house while she was here-went for a drive and then to my closed office.

Fori: a cloth mask is better than the more common N95 masks which are vented--they protect the wearer but still happily spray OUT of the mask.

Just as info, the N-95 masks I wore at work prior to retirement - were NOT vented. Not all N-95's are vented.

I will say the dust masks I wear out now, while not providing the N-95 protection I knew in my working days, are not at all uncomfortable or hard to breathe through. It's not hot here yet. I don't expect them to be hotter than wearing a t-shirt, anyway. Which if I'm going to be out in public in the summer, I hope I wear at LEAST that!

Although maybe this is because I still remember how the N-95s were...

I have said if they made it law you have to wear a mask when in public i.e. not in your own home..everyone would stay home!! Masks are warm and awful to wear let alone do physical labor in!! You can hold your course but to judge her for wanting to breathe when she is bending, scrubbing, mopping etc. is cruel. You don't have her infecting you and she doesn't have to attempt suffocation while working. win win.

Agree, Artemis. It was poorly worded. I meant that the more common N95 masks (that people tend to have in their household) are vented.

In CA, a lot of people have masks from fire season, and these are usually N95 with a vent. They should be worn with another mask...but really, at this point I'm glad people are wearing anything...

I just got back from a walk along a creek trail near my house. There are nice wide paths on either side of the creek, about 50 ft. apart. I had my mask with me in case I met others along the trail. On the other side was a large work crew from the honor farm or some other managed group. They all had leaf blowers, blowing leaves off a natural path that's part of nature. Whatever. But the stench of gas or diesel from the leaf blowers was strong even across the creek on my side. My mask!!! Was I ever glad I had something convenient and hands-free with which to cover my breathing apparatus (nose and mouth).

I figure masks are going to be with us for the foreseeable future, even as we slowly return to what passes for normal life. If that's what it takes to keep people healthy, I'm on board.

There are a lot of things that we wear that are uncomfortable such as bra's, heels, thongs (no panty lines in white pants), shirts in high heat days etc. And, we suffer those for fashion or what's socially acceptable. I do not see why people would not make an exception for discomfort in a real life or death situation.

It's totally your call as how you want to handle people in your house esp with a compromised person living there.

I am one of those people who find masks very uncomfortable, annoying, and even disorienting. I have tried several kinds and they all make anything I am doing unpleasant. So, I stay home as much as possible. I want to go to the garden center to buy plants but the whole process is tiring. My glasses steam up and the mask always rides up and hits my lower lids so I am constantly tugging on it to keep it out of my eyes. I have thyroid eye disease so it's especially bothersome.

You need to do what works best for you and makes you feel comfortable. My mom, who walks 5 miles a day and is 76, wears a mask when she walks but still has the cleaning lady come. She and my step-dad leave while the cleaning lady is in the house, without a mask, and then come home a few hours later.

You know, I do believe that those who complain so loudly that masks make them uncomfortable completely miss the bigger picture. Of course masks are less comfortable than an unobstructed face, but unless you have an actual medical condition, you aren't going to die wearing one. You might, however, die by not wearing one, or you just might cause the death of someone else. You really think you have "the right" to roll those dice?

Discomfort and inconvenience are a given right now. "Suffering" is a choice.

I just make myself wear my mask. I run outside if my claustrophobia kicks in and take a breather. I live with steamy glasses. In general I live with the discomfort.

I don't want to give this horrible disease to anyone. Two of my sisters and one of my clients are in the danger category. Basically I wear masks and gloves all the time now.

I think they say you are whatever you eat.. Well I think I am now whatever I put all over my hands and my face all the time. I wash my hands and face several times a day now.

I am saying that I, a person who really hates masks, have the luxury of being able to stay home. A lot of people need to go out of their homes to work. If you only need a mask to go to Trader Joe's once a week then yes, it's easy to suck it up for that hour in air conditioning getting comfort food to enjoy in your home.

I haven't put gas in my car since 3/17 so I have pretty much stayed home. DH does most of the shopping and he said that when he goes out less and less people are wearing masks.

At this point the horse is out of the barn. Every precaution should have happened earlier and with more force. Now I fear this haphazard and scattered approach with conflicting messages will have us back where we started under "stay at home" orders. again. I may not need to get gas until September??

Masks protecting others from disease spread is settled science. Has been for years, which is why doctors wear them into surgery. The common misconception bears reiteration, a mask does not protect you as much from getting it, but it protects those around you from you spreading it to them as an asymptomatic spreader. it's protective value to you by wearing it is not zero, and it is major for your ability to protect others. You are correct that your cleaning lady is the type of person who could spread the disease, multiple wide variety of contacts every day. I wear a mask when cleaning my dad's house. Mildly uncomfortable, but if you offered outdoor breaks and opportunity to adjust thermostat, you met her half way. Different folks have different tolerances for stuff on their faces I guess. Like i said, I wear masks often when doing outdoor work, dust in my lungs and the problems that could cause are far more uncomfortable for me so I have always worn them. However, over long periods of time and with sweat, it is a problem. I handle it by taking breaks. Hubs has had to wear them all day, he said it was awful. But he still did it to protect himself. So I dunno. You tried to work with her. You were not unsympathetic.

I have said if they made it law you have to wear a mask when in public i.e. not in your own home..everyone would stay home!!

This may be simplistic, but somewhere I read that if everyone wore a mask in public we would have 80% fewer cases.

Sign me up! If that was all we had to do!? That'd be fantastic.

And Jterri made some great points. My conclusion: if a mask bothers someone, they need try one while going braless. Maybe it'll even out?

Here's the Vanity Fair article about the study showing that if 80% of us wore masks when we are in public that Covid cases would plummet.

https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/05/masks-covid-19-infections-would-plummet-new-study-says

bbstx, I am glad you parted ways with your cleaning lady.

It is most aggravating that she wasn't appreciative that you continued to pay her during the lock down. That is just unbelievable, and in my book, inexcusable. Not to mention, downright rude.

I’ve mentioned before that a doctor I know writes a weekly column. His latest came out today. He’s very level-headed. He’s a former Army Ranger which is to say, he isn’t afraid of much. But he said “it will be a long time before I go out in a public place without a mask.“

Can anyone tell me why even though I’ve thanked everyone, the “Say thank you...” on all has turned back green? Regardless, thank you all for taking the time to comment. It is interesting to read the various points of view.

I'm seeing the "thank yous"

Terezosa are they green or black thank yous? All of them on my screen have turned back to green. I use the “thank yous” to know which comment I’ve read last.

I am seeing the "thank yous" in black. I use the gardenweb URL, if that makes a difference.

I’m using houzz. Whenever I‘ve tried to convert it to GW, it flips over to Houzz. Oh, well. Y’all all know I appreciate you!

Well, that does say a lot, by her not giving you a thank you!

Glad you decided to let Her go.

Just another perspective. The cleaning lady might be afraid to say anything in case you take it away.

She might be afraid to say something in case you have expectations that she can't meet.

These are just guesses but they are what goes through my head when someone gives me extra. I wonder oh no how am I going to pay for this one. And it is often the case that more is expected. Not every time but very often. I always attempt to rise to the challenge and if I can't I explain why I can't. I tell the person right away that thank you very much but I won't be able to do XY or z as I am just too busy Etc.

I refused to be paid during covid-19 time when I couldn't go to work. I didn't want to set up a precedence where I was obligated to do more and I could do and the person would be disappointed because I didn't do it and they paid me extra.

Bbstx, I am happy you decided to let your housekeeper go. On the surface, it may seem like a small thing to many, but it’s not. I applaud you for so many reasons. Her knowing your DH’s condition and still refusing is abhorrent. You helped her by paying her salary. The least she could do is thank you and wear a mask for a few hours. While it may seem difficult to work with a mask on, think about what some of the nurses who have contributed to this conversation had to say about it.

And when did wearing a mask become a form of ‘social signaling’? It’s safety and so much more.

yeonassky I understand what you are saying, but Bbstx has employed this housekeeper for 16 years! I'm sure that she would not have kept working for Bbstx if she had found her to be someone who was prone to making demands.

And when did wearing a mask become a form of ‘social signaling’? It’s safety and so much more.

Sadly, there are those who consider people who wear masks to be "sheeple", because we are listening to the medical and scientific experts, while they know better because of YouTube videos they have watched, plus the fact that their hero refuses to wear one.

The cleaning lady might be afraid to say anything in case you take it away.

She might be afraid to say something in case you have expectations that she can't meet.

I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be argumentative, but I have no idea what you are trying to say here, yeonassky.

“Might be afraid to say anything in case [I] take it away”? What ”it” am I going to take away? The money that I’ve already given her? And, obviously, she isn’t afraid to say anything to me if she has said she will not wear a mask.

“expectations that she can't meet”? What expectation is she unaware of that she would be unable to meet? I asked her to wear a mask. My expectation was pretty clear. It didn’t get to the question of whether or not she has a mask, but if she doesn’t, I would have been happy to supply her one. However, in our county you cannot go into a public place without a mask, so I’m fairly certain she must have one.

Qatar Airlines and Air-Asia are requiring their in-cabin flight crews to suit up. Haz-mat suits, masks, face shields and gloves. Can you imagine working in that?

I’m sure it is a scary time to be a flight attendant.

Yeah, there are some who say that wearing a mask is a sign of weakness and kowtowing to Big Brother. By god, their rights to breathe freely "trump" (yep) any scientific backed guidance. I would imagine that mindset has existed since the dawn of time, although it's sad to see that it does still have a foothold in the modern age. The thought is that those who mask up are socially signaling a virtue that is scoffable. Weak little liberal crybabies.

And that is one reason that I do wear a mask... to mark visually the gulf between my "virtue" and their ugliness. If that is offensive, so be it.

I agree Ida. Some idiots have tried to turn non-partisan public health advice into a culture war. All I can hope for in the face of such evil is Darwinism.

I wish we could fire all mask-refusers.

I personally don't know anyone who thinks anyone who wears a mask are weak little liberal crybabies. All of my (mostly conservative) friends wear them, going in any store. So, that just doesn't make sense. I'm thinking "some people" want to make it look that way. I would actually, not like it one bit, people thinking, me wearing a mask means I'm a liberal.

I saw Matthew McConnaughey on TV last week. He and one of his conservative friends have started a campaign to refute the liberal vs. conservative distinction that some are trying to foster concerning mask wearing.

Fortunately from what I am seeing in my area, most are wearing masks. When I see someone who isn't, I just assume they are inconsiderate, an idiot or have health issues which don't allow wearing a mask. I wear a mask and it is not a political statement. I think it is a minority who are trying to make it one. We are talking life and death, not liberal or conservative.

I texted with my house cleaner. She says she will wear a mask if requested. Now I am torn between having her come and being uncomfortable (she said they were) or continuing to self clean. If she isn't wearing a mask at other homes she cleans, what is she bringing into mine.

It's clear that those who are FLAUNTING being unmasked are not of a liberal bent. You don't have to identify with them or with any liberal who wears a mask; that's not the point. But there's no need to sidestep the fact that those who are protesting restrictions by flagrant displays of "their rights", including openly gathering, unmasked, bearing
arms and flags considered to be subversive symbols by most are opposed to anything that they believe smacks of liberalism. And they are one reason that I mask myself.

Sorry I didn't mean to confuse things or upset you. I am just looking at the money aspect from my perspective.

As far as the mask goes I don't know why she resists that. I wouldn't. I wear one all the time. I am on your side as far as that goes 100%.

I was talking about why she might not be forthcoming with thank yous about the money. And her underlying possible thoughts. Not denigrating your behaviour in any way.

I think that there are relatively few people who believe that physical/social distancing and mask wearing are political. But those that do are overly represented on the news because everyone else is inside being good and not making news.

It's probably a good idea for all of us to find masks that fit comfortably and get used to wearing them. Try to embrace our new fashion accessory.

Yeonassky, thanks for the clarification.

Would you all want people who have recovered from covid-19 to continue wearing masks in public? How do you differentiate those whom you will accuse of being selfish?

Yes, recovered people should wear masks until we have reliable data about reinfections or resurgence in people who have had it. There is some information out there that people are becoming reinfected, so could spread the disease while thinking they are "cured."

"I wish we could fire all mask-refusers"

I agree, but we can pass ordinances requiring them, then fine those who go without. But a better tactic, I think, is to insist that stores and other places require masks for anyone entering. Stores could choose to not do that and we could refuse to shop there. Employees could refuse to work there (although an ordinance requiring mask wearing would protect employees from being fired or being denied unemployment, if the employer wasn't enforcing the law).

A friend just told me she saw something about a Costco store where a covidiot wore a mask into the store so he could get in, then removed it. A manager told him he was required to wear a mask to shop there. Everyone else was wearing one. The man refused, so the manager took his cart and started wheeling it away. The guy told his wife to just put the masks back on so they could pay and get out of there. The manager refused to return the cart, told the man to leave and that he was banned from shopping there in the future. Costco must have empowered their employees to be able to take this sort of action when met with resistance/refusal. yay for Costco and I wish all stores would take that stance. It wouldn't take long for acceptance of the new normal would kick in.

I know some people are attacking workers trying to enforce mask wearing. Maybe stores will have to hire bouncers/guards to take on that role. Good, more jobs for people.

Masks are warm and awful to wear let alone do physical labor in!!

So if you go for surgery, if the surgeon is cool and comfortable wearing his/her skivvies and nothing else, that would be fine with you right? No weighty hot scrubs or masks or gloves nope nope nope. And it would be enough for the nurses to wear thongs for the ladies and whatever the equivalent is called for the gents I forget.

In fact, the household help, yard help, checkers etc, should not have to wear any clothing at all while they work so they wouldn't feel all restricted and warm.

I highly suspect I have had the virus but could not be tested. I have recovered from those symptoms but I wear a mask. There just isn't enough known about reinfection or mutations.

It isn't practical to test everyone, all the time to determine who is or is not a carrier on any given day. It's not even practical to test everyone who feels like they had covid 19 and are recovered. It's not cost effective. Just like it is not cost effective to drug test 100K welfare users at a cost of 1M to catch the 1000 who might test positive on any given day, thereby saving 300K. Do the math. To be economical, one parses sparse resources to where you will get the most bang for your buck.

Not sure that all these people who feel like they should be an exception to the rule are liberal or conservative. In fact, they are just folks who get off breaking rules in some cases. Don't get me started on folks I know who work in retail and have to argue with people saying their dog is a "support animal" so that they have to bring them into a store. Or any number of safety rules that I have had to enforce that someone argues for because their case is special. No dogs allowed in the park but my dog is special, no collecting of plant material but I just took one small flower, etc. If the rules don't apply to everyone, that isn't fair. And if everyone gets to break the rules, then they serve no purpose. Rules help people survive living together in groups. Stores have safety rules. "Don't climb on the shelves" for example. Does that impede your civil rights? Perfectly reasonable for businesses to employ safety rules to keep their customers and employees safe. Also perfectly reasonable for an employer than to ask that their workers comply with safety rules. I had to handle lots of hazardous materials in science lab and in landscaping. I got in trouble if I didn't follow company safety regulations. I never felt my civil right were being trampled on. See someone get thwapped in the eye once by a branch ricocheting off a tree being cut down, and you'll never again whine about having to wear safety goggles when using a chainsaw, even if said goggles are hot as blazes.

I think that there are relatively few people who believe that physical/social distancing and mask wearing are political. But those that do are overly represented on the news because everyone else is inside being good and not making news.

@Fori - how I wish that were true but far from it where I live. It is HIGHLY political and in the ugliest of ways. I belong to local online groups that are for the most part very much in favor of masks, slow openings etc. But not all feel that way and they are very vocal. I read the local papers online and I read the comments (really need to stop that) and it is truly painful to know how some people think and realize they are my 'neighbors' somewhere in town.

I guess I’m fortunate. The town where I live does not seem to have made masks a political issue and I hope they don’t.

And god forbid they adopt Lucille’s suggestion of everyone going naked. HA!

You’ve been paying her without her being there for 2 months. It may be the right thing to do, but not everyone is doing that (she is fortunate).

Regardless of HER reasons, by not wearing a mask, she is putting everyone around her at risk. As I said in my thread about not wearing masks WTH!!!!

By not respecting your simple request to at least comply while she is in your home is wrong especially as her employer.

You may value her because of how long she’s been with you, I can only assume that over the past 16 years, you’ve always treated her well. However, her response does not reflect that same loyalty or sense of appreciation to you and personally, that would be a problem for me.

I think the message is very clear and I would find someone else.

Thanks, Lukki, I like to think I treat her well. I give her a small cash gift for her birthday and a little larger cash gift for Christmas. If we are away, she can come whenever she wants to. Only when I’m home, do I ask her to come on a specific day. I’ve never spoken to her harshly. Given the current state of things and DH’s health, I don’t think my request was unreasonable.

Not having her here has given me the push I needed to do some deep cleaning. I spent 4 hours yesterday cleaning kitchen cabinets, my stove, and my vent hood. I probably only got 20% of the cabinets done but they were the ones on either side of the stove, so they were a bit grimier than the other cabinets. A paste of baking soda and water worked wonders. And I’m considering running away with Mr. Clean. My stove shines!

You’re welcome. No not unreasonable at all, you shouldn’t have even needed to ask IMO. You’ve obviously been very kind to her and tried to let her know she is appreciated. It’s s sad thing when the street only moves in one direction, I’d turn the corner and find another. When it comes to Covid-19 and even some of today’s politics, I’ve noticed that for the first time we’re able to see each other’s true colors and some of them aren’t very appealing.

I hate the process of deep cleaning but boy it’s a wonderfully rewarding feeling when it’s done!!!

Bbstx, I am so sorry your cleaning person let you down this way. Clearly you thought highly of her enough to pay her even when she was not working, not at all a given with that line of work. I hope you find an excellent new cleaning person.

I also paid my cleaning person for two months even though I didn’t have them coming to the house. They texted me each time they got my check to let me know they received it and to say thanks. I asked them to start again last week, and they came wearing masks and gloves. I’m glad we were able to pay them, as they said they were down to one day’s work per week.