Virtual Funeral

liira55

I watched my neighbours from my hometown funeral onlline this morning. Very sad. Only her 4 sons, 2 daughter-in-laws and 1 grandchild were in attendance and they were all seated 6 feet apart from each other. Here is a bit about her:


An incredible survivor of 87 years, she had a strong work ethic and a passion for the simple things in life. She faced the challenge of coming to a new country (arriving in Wawa) in her early 20’s and raised a family with amazing grace and revered independence, later moving to Sault Ste Marie to be closer to her boys. She was a domestic “engineer” and along side her late sister-in-law, Vincenza, they had prepared many special occasion suppers that were legendary in taste, quality and quantity. She tended to an annual garden that could feed a small village and was fiercely proud of both the flowers she cultivated and the effective home crafted tools that helped her gardens flourish – even once earning a beautification award from the city. The cold winters in Wawa allowed her to spend an abundance of time on another favourite hobby as a seamstress. She beamed with pride every time she told the story of how that skill came to be and the certificate earned in Italy at a young age still hangs on the wall of her sewing room! Her willingness to live life happily was obvious in how she infectiously smiled when she danced, sang and socialized with those she knew all her life and those she met in the later years.

SaveComment29Like1
Comments (29)
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
pudgeder

Sadly, I am afraid virtual funerals are going to be the new norm for awhile. A few people that I know that have had loved ones pass are opting for cremation, and then having a service after all the social distancing has passed.

I pray that it is soon.


2 Likes Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Annie Deighnaugh

Well as sad as that is, at least we do have technology to help us through this rather than complete isolation.


1 Like Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Elmer J Fudd

In recent years, funeral services have become less and less common in my area. Burials most often tend to be family only and of course not even that if the decedent was cremated. So-called Celebrations of Life, a happy/sad party to honor the departed held a month or more later, are more likely. Doing that also helps out-of-the area people who want to attend "something' but who may not be able to drop everything and arrange a trip with only a few days warning.

For many people, when there is a funeral of interest, doing it virtually may be better than being there in person. Maybe it'll catch on?

2 Likes Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Uptown Gal

That is so sad...but what Elmer said is pretty true for me and friends and family.

Everyone has moved around so much, and so many are far from their "home".

Growing up, the family funerals were huge with large groups coming. In my

generation that doesn't seem to be so important as it was in my parents' time.

Definitely a different outlook for a number of reasons, I guess.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
liira55

This was for an 87 year old Sicilian women. Many Sicilians and Italians do not get cremated or buried, they get entombment. If it wasn't for what was going on in this world right now, the funeral would have been in a Catholic Church with every Italian and Sicilian person who in lived in her city plus many friends of her children.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Elmer J Fudd

I think maybe you took my comment too literally. I'm not a funeral expert (and want it to stay that way), but simplistically either there's a body in a casket or there isn't. If there is, it's "buried" - in the ground, in a tomb, in a mausoleum (if different, i don't know), that was what I was referring to. The ceremony where a casket is placed where it will remain, often for family only. I accept and I'm sorry if I used the wrong word or if what I said was ambiguous.

Religious services as a separate matter also seem to be waning.

As uptown girl describes, I think also on the wane are clusters of family members in proximity to one another in small towns. People are mobile and more and more go where their lives and opportunities or even personal whims take them.

1 Like Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
maifleur03

Weddings and funerals used to be the only times that families got together at least in this area. So many had moved away after WWII that it was impossible for most to return except for important occasions. Now the generation that moved away has either died or are unable to travel. Families stay less in touch with each other and there is no longer a feeling of having a home town where your roots connected to.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sephia_wa

A state trooper was killed in the line of duty in my area a couple of days ago. With the thousands of law enforcement personnel who attend funerals of downed officers, I don't know how they're going to handle this service.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
lkgrace345

My husband passed away on March 5th. The kids are on each side of the US. I've had to delay his Celebration of Life until it is safe for them to travel and the airlines can resume service. He and I had already planned for cremation so that plan has helped all of us. Hopefully we'll all make it through this crisis so we can make that happen.





Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Elmer J Fudd

maifleur, I think the notion of roots was more a description of reality rather than preference, people being stuck or facing obstacles, or not inclined to pursue something elsewhere.

I think more common today are those who opt for flexibility and freedom of choice in its place.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
maddielee

lkgrace, I’m sorry for your loss.


I’m at the stage in my life when I read the daily obituaries. What was once normal having a visitation, service and burial listed is now a short statement like, “due to the Corona virus situation a memorial service has not been planned.“

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Michele

Ikgrace, I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t find words. I hope when you can get together one day you will find comfort in each other’s company.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
maifleur03

Elmer I think it is more an age thing. Very few of my age 72 would fly across the country for an aunt, cousin, or really anyone other than mother, father, brothers, or sisters. My parents generation that is rapidly disappearing thought it was important that any death be marked by all the family gathering unless it meant the loss of a job. Just be glad that it is no longer necessary for the family to wear black. Women for a year. Men for three months. Some families of the generation before my parents that was the norm.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
maifleur03

Ikgrace please accept my condolences. Although your children can not be with you physically they are there with you mentally.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Elmer J Fudd

Sorry, best wishes to you lkgrace.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Elmer J Fudd

We're all in different places with different backgrounds, mailfleur03, but to me you're describing how mores of obligation have changed over time. They have changed greatly and always have.

You also bring up some very old fashioned practices that I think fell out of favor in most US places long, long ago.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
pudgeder

lkgrace, my deepest sympathies and best wishes to you.


Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
blfenton

Ikgrace - I am so sorry. I hope you are able to have someone around to offer you comfort and hugs.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
liira55

@Ikgrace, sorry for your loss.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
marilyn_c

Lkgrace, I'm so sorry.

A fellow I graduated high school with, died a few days ago. Cancer, not covid. They made a video memorial for him, but not sure when they will have his service.

I have only lived in very small towns...most of them rural. Funerals where everyone who knew the deceased shows up. If at a church, versus the funeral home, the ladies of the church prepare a meal in the fellowship hall, for the family and anyone who wants to attend. It is still common for people to bring food to the home of the deceased.

I want to be cremated, versus buried. I don't want a funeral or memorial of any kind, but I think the way things are done in the small towns are very nice, and tho those things may eventually change, I don't think it will be any time soon.

2 Likes Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Michael

@lkgrace, sorry for the loss of your dear husband.


Last month my wife's sister and cousin died on the same day, same hometown, 2.5 hours north of us. SIL of natural causes, cousin by auto accident.

Following cremation of both, the immediate family gathered for a small memorial service held by the hospice chaplain. It was a 90 minute memorial service followed by lunch at a restaurant of choice. Just the way the deceased requested.




Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
georgysmom2

liira, your friend sounds like a lovely, lovely lady. I'm sorry for your loss.

lkgrace, my sincerest condolences for the loss of your husband.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Raye Smith

This is one of the worst of the many hardships created by the panic.

I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to not have loved ones & friends by your side physically supporting you through a loss at a funeral. That is truly one of our deepest, most necessary needs in life, to have physical close contact with others. I think of all the funerals that I've been to that the most important contact was a hug, it always works when words fail us.

1 Like Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Michele

Liira55. I’m sorry for your loss. I apologize for not doing so sooner.

We just received word this week that my mother’s childhood friend passed. I spoke to my cousin in Brittany. No funeral. It was not covid related. Just old age. My mom just lost her last sibling last month. My uncle was 96. This is a horrible time. So much pain.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
clt3

And my 96 year old MIL died yesterday. Stuck in AZ but can't see our kids or grandkids here. Can't go home to Ohio. Feel like we're in limbo. At least she wanted to be cremated.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
PRO
Anglophilia

In my area of flyover country, visitation and a church funeral are still the norm for those who die over 65 or for children. Cremation is becoming more popular but is still not the norm. My husband was cremated and I wish to be also, and there will be a church service.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
blfenton

lira55 and clt3 - I am saddened to hear about the passing of your friend and your MIL.

We're in such uncertain and scary times and these situations are being handled alone. I hope you both have some support, limited though it may be.

Here, for my family and group of friends, cremation is definitely the norm followed by a Celebration of Life. My father and brother both died more than 20 years ago and both were cremated.


Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Yayagal

I told my family ten years ago, immediate cremation, no wake and then a huge joy parting party later on. They all agree and want to do the same.Tja

lliira That eulogy was wonderful. ty.

Save     Thanked by liira55
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
bpath reads banned books too

My mother wishes to be cremated, so if that needs to happen before we can gather again, we will just wait for that later time to hold a gathering. My brother will have to feel safe flying in from Asia, I would not want to do it without him.

2 Likes Save     Thanked by liira55
Browse Gardening and Landscaping Stories on Houzz See all Stories
Closets 5 Tips for Lightening Your Closet’s Load
Create more space for clothes that make you look and feel good by learning to let go
Full Story
My Houzz My Houzz: Sophisticated, Old-World Charm for a Dallas Rambler
Warm wood tones and secondhand finds shine in this first-time homeowner’s home
Full Story
Feel-Good Home Escape the Inheritance Trap: What to Do With Sentimental Pieces
Too meaningful to toss but too hideous, precious or unusual to display? These ideas can help
Full Story