My Dad actually like pineapple pizza
6 years ago
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- 6 years ago
- 6 years agolast modified: 6 years ago
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Lost my dad, just need to talk (or write)
Comments (8)Hello Dazed, I am so sorry for all you are going through. Deborah also. Death is such a thief and we are never prepared I think. Not wether it's a long drawn out illness or totally out of the blue unexpected. It's not easier one way or the other because hope is always present and we don't see our loved ones gone. Can't. My mom died in 1991, Fourth of July weekend. She had baby sat her granddaughters for the weekend and was tired. They were small, 4 and 6 and kept grandma running. :) She told my dad she was going to take a nap to be up to watch t.v. with him later that evening. He went to bed later and thought she was just going to sleep through the night and when he woke for work at 4:00a.m. she was gone. No look of pain or strain. Just, stopped. For my dad especially, it was devastating. My mom and I were close, I was an only child and was close to both of my parents. However, they were each others best friend. My dad was a railroad man for 36 years, my mom worked in a factory for Milton Bradley toys. She was happiest as a 'homemaker', loved her little apartment, to cook and have company over for dinner. She prized what she had because she grew up so poor. My dad passed nine years later and thankfully now rests next to my mother. It's all he ever wanted and unfortunately drank himself there. Just couldn't cope. Find peace. What I was wondering is what beliefs you may have that you find comforting? Do you have questions about death? Do you look to scripture for comfort? It's there. Everything you may wonder about. Where your loved ones are. What they're doing. What they're not doing. What is in their future and yours. I would be so happy to help you through your own bibles find these answers. It's nothing mystical or magical. It is what has always been available free of charge for any who look to it for help. It's what gets me through day to day. There is sure hope of seeing them again. As far as doing as your mom said, Dazed, I would take a job if she says she is fine. Busyness is best right now. If she has to keep busy, even if its dealing with a somewhat difficult younger sister...it's good for her. We all need to feel we're in control. Your mom too. She knows you're there and willing and simple words of encouragement and complement on each step she takes is going to work wonders. My mom never let my dad use the washer or dryer when she was alive. "I have my own system". she'd say. When she died I kept close contact with my dad and helped with meals and such, but, cleaning and laundry...simple mundane little things I left for him and to my great surprise he accomplished it. He also shrunk a few items but it provided some good laughs between us. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. What she needs is space and hope. You too. You and Deborah both. Feel free to ask anything anytime, here or at rottenlivia@yahoo.com My name is Kim I'm a mom myself, a school bus driver and still a daughter. Always....See MoreMy mother died 2 days ago, dad just a year ago. This sucks!
Comments (5)I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing said or done helps,but I do care, that you've had to go through this traumatic experience. My Mom died of ovarian cancer July 3rd 2009. She had the surgery followed by chemo treatments, it was in remission for 4 years. Only to come back again about a year and a half later. More chemo, tons of tests, they switched chemo treatments a few times. We got her into one of the best cancer treatment centers and the end result was, she still died. I seen my mom go through so much with the chemo treatments so I understand your mom's not wanting to go through it =/ I would of insisted Mom do chemo, too simply cause I couldn't bear to lose her. It hurts. It hasn't gotten better so far. In fact sometimes it seems to get worse as I realize, I've never gone without talking to her for so long. I really hope it does get easier for the both of us. Like you my Mom was pretty much all I had. Never been close to my Dad....See MoreMy dad is going insane..........
Comments (5)I would not worry about it. He's not really going insane, just seems to be seriously pouting that he did not receive more and is not in control over what his father did nor what his stepmother plans to do. Sounds like Grandpa figured up son had gotten through the years all son was going to get. Wise of Grandpa to have a will and clearly laid out the divisions. I'm not one to believe our parents 'owe' us as their children to leave us all their assests and life savings. Sure, they can't take the money with them but what they actually do with it is their decision. Sometimes this does cause remaining heirs to become resentful and angry....'I should get this/that', 'why did so and so even get included', 'whine whine, blah blah'...but bottom line is it is the deceased person's last will and testiment and the deceased gets to do however he pleases. Grandpa could have left every spare nickle not going to Grandma to charity and/or desired a match to be put to a big pile. I think a lot of times parents 'help' their children all their children's adult lifes and come 'settlement' time the parent has decided that kiddo has received all their share already. It's a personal decision and Grandpa made it. To whine to you that Grandpa and now Grandma chooses to give others some is not 'crazy' in his line of thinking...but it is unrealistic of him to think he has a right to complain or that he should be entitled to the money. I'd refuse to discuss it with him. Afterall Grandma is still very much alive and of course you hope Grandma has many more years to live and you intend to enjoy and treasure the years you have left with the woman... even if Grandma announced today YOU either will not receive a dime in the end. He can pout all he wants. In the end Grandma might decide to leave all that's left to a charity for animals....what's he going to do then? Call up the charity and demand they give him a chunk? I have a hunch Grandma desires to leave some to you grandkids because your father has indeed been helped all his life, will blow it and she feels the money is better 'spent' now helping the next generation get off to a better start. I would not dwell on it, plan on it nor agrue about it. Grandma is a grown up, she gets to do as she pleases (unless their were strict guidelines in Grandpa's will that become effective on Grandma's death)....See MoreMy Dad's Wife
Comments (27)It was chocolate with homemade (not by me of course) vanilla frosting with exactly 12 chocolate sprinkles. Then I had the strawberry one as well buy failed to count the sprinkles as I felt too stressed at the time. I had two because the first one did not do the trick. PO1 I have no desire to add to my stressful life by contacting my dad's other children. We were not raised together. Maybe it isn't their fault but their biological mother locked me and my brother in a closet for days during our visits to my dad's. I was 8 the last time I let her close and lock the door on me. So no thanks. I have no need for reuniting and reliving the horror I sustained while my dad was married to their mother. I'm sure she abused them as well but they did move away with her and have continued to stay in the same area as her so I bet there is some loyalty to her, she is their mother. I know where they are. My sister keeps in touch with them. My sister and I are so different. She is best friends to this day with a girl who stole her bike, pushed her in the street and beat her face in. That girl would be no where near my face after that attack but my sister is forgiving. The same reason she tolerates my dad's inability to commit to being her father for longer than a week after 40 yrs. What surprises me is that she was 13 when he left and so she was very effected by it but she just has this need to know all of her blood biological relatives. The same way that she is attached to antiques and old pictures. I honestly don't care for the junk. I have no attachment to blood ties - maybe because I am 100% effected by being raised and loved by people who are not blood related to me. I have an entire family of non blood related people through my stepdad. My sister is not close to them because she was older but I was still in diapers. I don't feel the need to go off and find all of my dad's offspring. I'm sure there are more out there. He is good at reproducing. I just feel no attachment to them. Maybe I am weird but I just feel nothing. One half brother is dying. He has aids. He doesn't take care of himself. He prostetutes.. Why would I want to even say I'm related to someone that is possibly spreading a disease because he is ignorant and angry? I have NO desire. I dont care to know the other one either. The one time I did talk to him, he told me he remembered that I stole his toys. I was 5! He was still holding it against me. I had to steal something otherwise I was locked in a closet or not fed. I needed something to draw attention to myself! I have overcome that abuse. It never really defined me. I never really had issues. I was a great kid. So was my brother. My brother went on to serve our country freely and proudly for the last 17 years. So proud of him! We both overcame it and although I know it wasn't their fault what happened, I just don't want to bring that back in to my life. As far as my dad, I just don't know what I want right now. I considered writing him a letter and just calling it the end. No more contact. Move on. But the other part of me is scared I'll need his kidney one day. Actually that was a joke. I think putting it in writing makes it final. I don't want to hurt my dad. I don't want my words to burn into his eyeballs but I'm certain I just don't want a relationship with him. I just don't know if I want or need to tell him. I have nothing to get off my chest. I have told him all of the things I am sharing with you all, already. He knows it all and all he can do is say I'm sorry, again. I don't want him to say I am sorry. I know he is. I just have no interest. Do you think I'll change my mind as I get older? Not sure. JMT for the record, I agree with you 100%. I already said that and I don't think you need my approval but I completely get what you are saying. A bio parent that gives their child up for adoption is no more a deadbeat than a man who gave up his rights for the same reasons. Just because you both didn't give your child up doesn't change the circumstances. Maybe it would be different to PO1 if you BOTH gave the child up for adoption. Then you are selfless and did what was best for the child. For some reason we as a society say that because MOM kept the baby then dad should have to keep the baby too. But you have opened my eyes to that just isn't how it is nor should it be. I would probably have been so much better off had my dad just walked away and never looked back. Instead he wanted to drag us around to each girlfriend/new wife he had where I sustained abuse and guess what... Dad wasn't home anyway. He was always at work....See More- 6 years ago
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