My mother favorites her niece’s kids over mine. What do I do to fix it


I’m going to try to be short as possible but I can’t make any promises. The problem is with my own mother. I feel that she does not care or love my daughter (her grandchild) as much as she loves my cousin‘s 3 daughters. She will go out of her way to help them when they live an hour away. I live 15 minutes from her and she never even comes to see my 1 yr. old daughter. I used to think that my daughter wasn’t invited to outings with them because she was too young and couldn’t walk but that’s not the case. My cousin’s youngest is only six months old. My mom always made me feel that she loved my cousin more and now she’s doing it to my daughter by favoriting her niece‘s kids. She always calls them beautiful and that they look just like her (my mom) and that they look like my grandmother (my mom’s mom). So is my baby not loved for the simple fact that she looks nothing like them? I don’t know what my mom’s problem is and I brought it up once that Saturdays used to be the day I would bring my daughter over but when my cousin moved into town she now brings her daughters over every single weekend. They spend the night Friday through Sunday staying the whole weekend! I asked my mom: So don’t bring her over on Saturdays anymore? That used to be the day that I brought her over now you don’t even ask for her. All she said was: I’m sorry you feel that way. She didn’t even own up to never inviting my daughter and I to any of their outings. I only brought it up the one time and it still hurts as nothing has changed. It‘s been five months since my cousin has moved into town and I’m deeply depressed about my daughter not getting the love she should be from her own grandma.

Comments (3)
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Unfortunately, you can’t compel your mother to love your daughter, and agonising about it will only make you unhappy and your daughter feel inferior.

What you can do is to get on with life, and leave your mother to get on with hers. Make new friends for your daughter to visit. Perhaps you could visit a local seniors’ centre, I’m sure some of the ladies there would love to have a little girl to fuss over.

Your mother may realise what she is missing out on, or she may not. Her loss.

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Does your daughter have any other grandparents? How about your in-laws? If so, are they attentive to your daughter? Perhaps she can have the relationship with them that you'd like her to have with your daughter. It sounds as though your mother has a history of this, since you said that you always felt she liked your cousin more than she liked you. So - - - try to let it go and look for that close relationship someplace else with someone who would love to have it.

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Your story hits home. I know how you feel and it hurts. Mine is not exactly the same but there are similarities on both my husband’s side with his mother and me with my mom and siblings.

I’m finally facing up to some realities now.

Your mom has real issues that she never dealt with. Is your cousin’s mom around? Does your mom possibly feel some duty to stand in for her?

All of that still doesn’t explain or excuse your mom’s behavior.

I’m sorry. Hang in there.

Your mom is missing out. It’s a mistake.

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