There has been a few comments since last time I had a chance to log on. First, as for time, I am not looking for my daughter to solve the relationship problems. I just want to keep things moving long enough for her to have a say in what happens. If things fall apart right now, there is a good chance she would end up leaving the country with my wife. In addition, I will have finished my education in a couple of years. That may help our relationship as well. As for treating my wife good. I TRY to give her a kiss every day...try to hug her. Make sure I thank her when she does things around the house. I know showing appreciating and gratitude is important. We go out for dinner every now and then. I try to good on all the important holidays (Birthday, Anniversary, Valentines Day, Christmas). I have gotten her flowers...but that has slowed a bit. It is tough to do without the least bit of affection back. I tell her that I love her regularly (daily or more) but get "No you don't," in response. She does work some extremely long hours. She had a chance to get a job with less hours but wanted to keep her current job. She likes what she is doing but does not like the long hours. She is angry at me for the career decisions I made, I try to support her in the decisions she makes. I am not going to make them for her. I do a lot of the housework....cook the bulk of the meals, clean up dishes, do laundry, keep the yard good, try to keep the house clean. She does help out around the house some...it is not like she does not do anything. I know she is working hard. Now that I am retired, she does need to work but not as much as she does. It would really be rough to make it on just the retirement check. I make enough money to cover a place to stay. We don't need a whole lot more. She works where she does because she likes that job. It is in her field and does seem like a good job other than the hours. While she enjoys the job, it seems like there is a lot of drama there. I always ask her how her day was...and get about an hour or two of all the excitement. It seems like there are a couple of groups of women that can't get along...she is in the middle of one of the two groups. I have worked shift work myself and know there is alway conflict there...she can not let things slide. We will see how things go.

Hi again tkaye, Pehaps the double load of losing your beloved Dad ... and seeing how much the suddenly being alone has upset your mother's applecart has added to the stress that you are feeling. Also, I've been wondering how your husband feels about all of this. Would he be really, deep-down pleased to see you develop some other interests and friends apart from your relationship with him? Sometimes men like being the boss/leader ... having women lean on them ... and get their noses somewhat out of joint if the leaner even makes noises about becoming more independent, let alone start working on it. Some of them may wonder whether this is just the beginning ... whether she would like to leave and be on her own, for some reason(s), and is gearing up for such a move. A number of women who were used to staying at home when the children were growing have found, after the children are gone and they have much more free time, that they enjoy either going out to find small, or even full-time work, or developing other interests that, possibly, they hadn't been aware before that they had. It's great to be loved deeply. And it's great to enjoy one's self and have a spirit of independence, to grow and develop different facets of one's personality and being as one matures. As someone said - many people who become older find that, though they were two ... they become one, and feel very inadequate. Another thing that is important is that, though each partner may handle a portion of the activities, chores and management that is part of the family's life ... it's important that both learn how to do the whole thing, how to carry on what needs to be done, for very few couples find that both depart this life at the same time ... ... and usually it's the woman who is the survivor. Too often, and often unfortunately, the woman has learned little about how to manage the family's business and financial affairs. It's a real shame when some fast-talking rascal manages to run off with a substantial portion of their, now her retirement asset. Leaving her without that familiar, beloved hand to hold ... but with a much lighter pocketbook ... and justly suspicious of the motives of many who surround her, to whom she should be looking for greater friendship in her newly lonely state. ole joyful

I think it can be a huge stressor, especially when one wants the reno and the other is conceding to it. Clearly I was the one who wanted it most, and initiated looking into it, and that meant that there were times that I was so frustrated with him I wanted to scream (sometimes it went a little further than just wanting to...). When I look back my frustration was usually brought on by my bringing to him some form of this: "if we spend just a little more on x, we can do y" -- which is understandably frustrating to someone who didn't really care if we continued on with a 40-year old, 8x8 kitchen. Marriage is about compromise, and a kitchen reno affords the opportunity to practice that skill unlike any other process, IMO. and I feel lucky to have someone who will, at times, set aside his own priorities and adopt mine -- yet with the honesty to tell me how he feels about it, and let me know when I'm going too far, or maybe running roughshod over others/him (which I can do if left unchecked). Is that process fun? No. But "the process" is what helps strengthen a relationship. By his willingness to re-do the kitchen despite it not being his own priorities, I felt cared for. By my willingness to respect and incorporate his input and choices in the process, he felt respected. In the end we ended up with something we love and enjoy together, and from time to time we even laugh about the tense moments -- such as when I suggested we do a microwave drawer instead of a standard microwave and my mild-mannered husband responded, "Why don't we just get a **&$ Wolf range too?" (which he did do the MWD but it did not come with a Wolf -- leading me to occasionally ask when my Wolf is coming, and we both laugh. Maybe not everybody would, but that's us. We look back on the reno process with appreciation for one another, and I think it makes us love the kitchen even more because it's now a milestone in our relationship --- kinda like, "see what we did together???" It's painful to go through but great to come out the other side of.

Hurricane Harvey didn't hurt us. It was after it hit, went in shore, turned around, came back and stalled over head that did the damage to us and many other people. When you get more than 50 inches of rain in a very short time, you are likely to flood, I don't care where you are. Why don't people in California leave when they know it is going to rain and they have already lost all the brush (from fires) that hold the soil in place? Some places in Houston flood every time it rains. We don't leave from storms for several reasons. One....sometimes you can't get back in. Two, we have shrimp boats that must be seen after. Three, animals that must be taken care of. And last, but not least, the idiotic way that people evacuate around here. Over 100 people died evacuating from here for Hurricane Rita. Ninety nine percent didn't need to go....but they were scared spitless due to what happened with Hurricane Katrina, which was nothing like conditions here. They had never been through a hurricane, because actually here, we don't have them all that often. Had one in 1961, one in 1983, and then they thought Rita was going to get them in 2005. People came through Katrina okay....it was afterwards when the levy broke that all the disaster happened. There is no way we would get on the highways with all of those people....who ended up stranded in traffic, no gasoline available, in intense August heat. People died evacuating, and guess what...........it didn't hit here. My husband's deckhand evacuated to Jasper...in East Texas, and it hit there and she couldn't get back for days afterwards.....no gas and no electricity to run the pumps. Everything isn't always as cut and dried as what people think....looking at it from afar.