I like it. A lot.

I would much rather donate to a cause then to buy something for someone who doesn’t need anything.

I don't mind donating, but I don't know why people don't just say they do not want gifts, instead of trying to direct the givers. Everyone in my circle has come to that, because all of us can buy what we want and already have more than we need.

I don’t mind the concept in theory but I don’t like contributing to charities that are at odds with my beliefs. I would rather “no gifts please”.

No gifts, please is much preferable to my way of thinking than telling people what to buy. Mind you, you can always buy flowers, chocolates, homemade jam or chutney, tickets to a show or some other zero footprint gift for the person who has it all. Of course, donating in someone's honor to an organization they support with their time, treasure or talent is a lovely tribute if it comes from the giver.

Hmm, I wouldn’t like it In lieu of a wedding gift but I do like it in lieu of flowers at a funeral, even when directed to a particular charity. I wonder why?

I'm not a fan. Requests for gifts of any kind are never appropriate imho. Even when they're worded nicely :)

I am really not completely sure how I feel about this, but think I lean closely towards siding with Penny.

I don't mind being told where to direct memorial contributions. I'm quite familiar with that, grew up with that tradition, and appreciate knowing where to send the donation. I do hate the endless soliciting after the donation and do everything I can so that the organization will never solicit me again. As for other contributions for birthdays, etc., as long as it wasn't for something I just could NOT get believe in, why not?

In your case, I would rather they have said "no gifts," but then there is always someone/people that will bring one anyway. If I had suggested a charity for a birthday, I would also add "or the charity of your choice.".

I don't mind the "in lieu of flowers" for funerals, and would rather the money go to help a cause rather than wilt in the sun.

When my parents died so close together, Dad's written wish was to be cremated, then wait to be buried with Mom. We did not have a large funeral - just a small family only memorial service. We did not invite their closest friends, mainly because Dad always hated funerals and would only attend those necessary, and I really don't like them either. The wife in one of the couples asked about donations, so I told her two (one geared towards each of their passions). She evidently did not like either suggestion, so she chose to donate to a different foundation. Why ask me in the first place?!

The problem with writing No Gifts is too many people won’t honor that, so maybe a charity suggestion is an attempt to prevent the flowers, chocolates, wine, tchotchkes, etc. Some of us, me included, really don’t want a gift and our wishes are too often ignored.

In the situation described by the OP - a birthday party for a senior woman - there are limited ways to convey what you are trying to say. If you say nothing, she gets silver picture frames and other things she does not want. Registering at a department store or even Amazon seems overkill for a birthday. Asking for gift certificates is even more tacky. Asking for disposable gifts gets her gift baskets with jelly and teas and other stuff she may not want. Suggesting - not demanding - donations to a charity hits the right note, IMO.

That said, I'm getting tired of seeing Facebook posts of people asking for donations to a charity because that person is having a birthday. Throwing a party for someone else - it's OK. Posting a request for yourself on Facebook without the promise of some good cake and ice cream - no.

I have specific charities that I support because I align with their purposes and missions. I generally do not donate to requests otherwise. In the OP's case above, I would decline to donate.

If it were my birthday, I would simply state, No Gifts Please. I agree with Graywings that this may mean I received a bunch of picture frames or scented candles. That's fine--those people brought gifts to make themselves feel better about attending. I would still welcome them and celebrate with them, but would later donate anything I did not want.

The exceptions are funerals... I donate per the deceased wishes. I'm not sure why this is my exception, but it is.

I agree with Feathers...and as far as the "no gifts please" rule? You would probably get one from me that I very carefully thought about and considered and spent hours mulling over.

After I give it (certainly NOT in front of anyone else), I'm well aware that you might not keep it.

Yes...I get that some people might think that this is a very selfish outlook.

I don’t “get” that people over the age of 10 still have birthday parties. OK, for the 16th (for girls, why don’t boys?) , 40th, 90th and anything over 100.

We all were born, no one’s birth is that special is it?

I understand and appreciate a group of friends getting together for a lunch and using a birthday as an excuse, but please keep it small and don’t have the wait staff come out and sing.

Oly! You seem like such a fun and sweet and generous person...

I'm so sorry your husband died at such a young age... I bet he loved your joie de vivre :)

I dont mind it, but I do march to the beat of a different drummer. I absolutely detest the non-wanted gifts. If I stated no gifts, that would be what I meant, but I know that some people feel they really need to reach out and if that were the case, I'd prefer they donate to charity-even if it's their own choice. I don't really celebrate my birthday-my kids threw me a surprise party for my 50th and it was amazing. I did throw myself a 40th birthday party-it was shortly after my Dad had passed and I needed to celebrate life-but other than that, annual birthdays are just passed with a kiss from my husband and calls from my kids.

I don't even like receiving cards because I just feel guilty about recycling them! The exception being for special occasions-I keep sympathy cards because those still bring me comfort.

However, mentioning that Facebook thing-it comes up and asks you if you want to create a fundraiser for your birthday and they'll donate a couple bucks in your name. This year, in light of the current Administration and a group that is especially important to me being attacked, I set one up for that. I was brought to tears by the generosity of my friends-the goal amount was exceeded-I honestly thought nothing would be donated. I now know that rather than getting some 'gift' I really, really don't want, some good will be done instead.

When I had my house warming party, I specified no gifts, as I was downsizing my stuff. (I explained this.) I didn't even consider directing them to a charity (in my experience, that's only happened when its a funeral as in, "In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to the Alzheimer's Society" - which is what we sent out for Dad's passing).

Just come and enjoy the day with me! I'm not inviting you because I want stuff, I want to see your smiling faces!

At the housewarming, people did bring things, but they were consumables as in bottles of wine, a braid of home-grown garlic, and the like. A few garden plants - but little I had to hang onto around inside.

A twist to the request for a gift to a charity is the current trend I see on Facebook. The "for my birthday this year, I am asking for donation to" with the name of a specific charity inserted her.e. Why would someone presume that I plan to give her a birthday gift?

That person isn't premusing that you're giving her a gift. Facebook pages go out to a lot of people, all "friends" so to speak, but no one thinks the post implies that the birthday boy or girl expects a gift from you.

I'm a fan. People love to give gifts. As my grandfather would tell us when we thanked him for a gift, "my dear, you have no idea how much joy it brings me to do this." At the time, I didn't. Now I do. My preference is to suggest donations to a charity of one's choice, but if I like the one they support, I will absolutely give. But I would draw the line at giving to a charity that went against my beliefs.

Oly, you are an amazing person! I think we all should plan a GW party for your 80th!