I really appreciate everybody's input. It has been really valuable to me to read and help me work through this. I talked with her BFFs parents last night whose daughter is not at the school. Her BFFs mom picked up for me as I got stuck in traffic behind a wreck. She read her folder notes and was a bit shocked about the complaints such as wasted time during center time, not standing still in line, etc. Then her husband mentioned that it is not worth for your child to be feeling like she isn't good or picked on at this point in her life when you can do something about it since even though the teachers doesn't say it all the kids know who is the one they call bad and no point in harming her self esteem at this age. He also said he has never ever seen her act like anything but a normal 5 year old and they are around us a lot. They also have a strong willed daughter. He told me to listen to my instincts. I felt better to have talked to them and validate that I think it is a bit extreme. He also said he was sure the administrator wasn't used to talking to somebody who is well educated and researches everything and then contradicts her. They both know the person in question. It is funny because that is almost exactly word for word what I thought after talking to her yesterday morning about what the law actually says. Yesterday went good and later in the afternoon when I checked in to see how things were going they said if she wasn't asleep by a certain time then she'd get to read books and do puzzles. Seems like they decided to listen to me about what the state said after all. This morning was more like a normal drop off with one exception. My daughter said as soon as I parked and came to her side to help her out that "Mommy I have a tummy ache" and I asked if she needed to go and potty, the answer was no and I could feel it seemed more psychological than physical as she was dragging to go into school. Since late last week this has been going on about not wanting to go in vs. she used to run ahead of me and be all excited. I really feel for her as it can't be easy to process. I left her with that I think she is an awesome kid and I know she is the best and she reluctantly let me go. Then this morning I got a call from principal at the school we were hoping she would get into for Kindergarten - didn't make it into pre-K, saying they have an opening in the Spring in the pre-K class. I'm going in on Tuesday to meet with the principal. DH and I are going to discuss some more, but we are fairly certain we will switch. I don't want to deal with anymore threats of you can leave if you don't like it when discussing things as I feel it is unproductive and I feel bullied when it is said. The upside too is that if she already is a student then she can continue into the Kindergarten program and we don't have to worry about being on the waiting list. I also looked at their published schedule and they have story/naptime and at a much later time that seem to fit much better with an older childs need for a nap than the 1.5 hr earlier that they enforce at her current school which works for younger children. Their time is more in line with the time she actually falls asleep on the weekend than the time we tell her to go and take the nap (we try to stick to the same schedule as school). This just seems like a wonderful gift to me as I was worried about moving her through too many places and doesn't seem like it could have come at a better time. One of the boys on our street is also in this class and she plays with him and his older sister who is in 1st grade at the school. This post was edited by lyfia on Fri, Dec 13, 13 at 15:07

My almost 16 year old cat Maud was diagnosed with melanoma on the tip of her nose after a biopsy. We went to an oncologist who said surgery to remove her nose was the best shot at removing the cancer, and we would follow up with a series of cancer vaccines. She just had the surgery less than a week ago and is doing AMAZINGLY well! The surgeon was an artist and she was running around the day she came home. She stayed one night in the hospital and the techs told us she was asking for petting that night! We are so hopeful this has cleared the cancer and the surgery has not been a huge deal for our senior cat at all. She is on pain meds every 8 hours, which make her sleepy right after. The surgeon said he wished more owners considered nose removal rather than be upset by a cosmetic issue when the animal could care less how it looks. I am sharing in hopes that people will consider surgery for an older cat, depending on the type of cancer of course. My girl has amazed me with her will to live and resilience.

@JMT - good suggestions, I will see how it goes Sat., and see what BF's mom thinks re shower gifts. @Amber/susan - as to BM trying to have all the power, I've told BF to stand up and be firm, without being pushy. No, BM shouldn't dictate who else sees baby on BF's visits, but it's at her house and she legally can deny entry if she wants until BF gets visits at his place. Yes, she can make plans too, but never is flexible for BF, whom she allows so little time w/baby already, no matter how special his plans are or the ease with which she could change hers to accommodate his if she chose to. BM clearly "gets off" on her control of the situation. @Susan -- BM only involved BF for the money. She has said she'd not have allowed visits at all, but her lawyer said she must. So, maybe she was advised that there is "more to it," but now that baby's here it's too late and she's done all she can to direct the course of things. True, I have no *legal* rights, but I can (and should) voice my concerns to BF and if the situation does not reach a point I can 'accept,' yes, I'll have to leave. The fact that BM has been immature, unreasonable, controlling and condescending so far makes me think it'll be very hard to accept and live with it... @Amber -- BF and I would see each other every weekend and sometimes once mid-week. Before I knew about a baby on the way, BF talked about moving here. No way I can leave my (well-paying) job, there are no similar opportunities in his small town and I have student loans to pay, plus I work long days already so commuting for me is problematic whereas he gets mileage to/from work. Best I can do is move to westside (now on east) and he'd have a 35-40 min commute. Assuming BF and BM split driving so each picks up baby on their days with her, that's not a horrible drive a few days a week, but it's certainly not as convenient as now. On the other hand, schools out my way are *much* better than the crap district BM and fiance moved into, so one would think in the long run it'd actually be best for BF's daughter, if she can get a superior education. Anyway, I won't sacrifice my career for this uncertain situation, not having ever lived with BF or knowing what future with child and BM holds. I also can't continue living an hour apart, feeling more like I have a pen pal than a partner. BF now of course has even less time for me, which wasn't much to start with, but I shouldn't have to put my life on hold while he sorts out his issues. I may suggest taking a break so he's not half-assing being a dad and a boyfriend, and see what happens. Thanks for all the helpful advice. I am still going to meet BM Sat., see what happens on the return court date next month, and take it from there.

First of all, big (((HUGS))) to you. I have been where you are--and still am---regarding my relationship with my SS. BM has tried so hard for years to turn him against me. It has really taken a toll, and things only started to turn around when, sadly, SS saw his mom assault me when she was intoxicated. As awful as that was, it was a turning point in our relationship--for the first time, SS saw BM in a different light. It was like a switch turned on in him in which he realized his mom's behavior was crazy. Since then---he is not the way he used to be. He used to think his mom was right about everything, that she was his big protector and savior, and DH and I were the enemy. Things are much improved in that respect, but it's dreadfuil it took such a terrible incident for him to see that. He even told DH a few weeks ago "my mom says you love _____ (stepsister, my daughter) more than me, but I know that's not true, you love us both the same." AW. SO SAD that his BM feels the need to fill his head with that....but the older he gets, the more he can see the truth. Nonetheless--she IS still his mom and he loves her. I think the key in your situation is perseverance and patience. Keep plugging away. Do right by your family, by your SKs when they are with you and just trust it will all work out. Have you and DH done any marrigage/premarital counseling? I have found it invaluable with step issues. DH and I go periodically, and I think we might go again soon. It helps to have an objective third party who can help you both articulate your thoughts/feelings, and who can help you come to a resolution. I am most concerned that you left your family/friends to be with DH. That puts you in a very vulnerable position. do you have a job in your new city? Friends? I would develop your own support system as best you can. I know when I get down about the added stressors of being in a stepfamily, just getting out for a night w/the girls, or going to a movie with a friend, or my mom can do wonders. It recharges me mentally.