DD is looking for opinions on baby daughter's name
7 years ago
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NYC daughter is hiring a baby nurse: where do we fit in?
Comments (9)Let me speak for the other side! If you have problems communicating with your daughter before a grandchild is born, you will continue to have them after! Just because you see your role in a cut and dried pattern, that doesn't mean your daughter or her husband see it the same way. You said: This is what her previously pregnant friends have done and it has worked out very well for them. I am having a lot of trouble with this, and it seems to be reinforcing some negative issues that are in our relationship: she can be extremely reactive to my feedback . . . So, being "reactive" is nothing new. Do you think at a time when she is experiencing this new role of being a mother herself, she needs the tension that "negative issues" and "reactive to my feedback" would bring? Your role should be to support your daughter and your grandchild as best you can. If this means sucking it up and being in a hotel, while a nurse tell her "how to" instead of being the one - - then do it! This is not the time for the two of you to hash out past issues, it is the time to forge a new respectful relationship. That new relationship must include allowing your daughter to make her own judgement calls regarding her child. Please remember advise is given, but it doesn't have to be taken! Now, I know that I have been a bit harsh. I too had a difficult relationship with my mother. She walked in to "help" with the baby (my first born) to my freshly scrubbed home saying "What can I clean?" I had been up all night getting the house ready, including scrubbing floor on my hands and knees to make it acceptable to her, and I tell you it was spotless. I had a good friend and neighbor come over to "check" and she told me I was going overboard, OCD type of overboard. Still, it wasn't "good enough" for my mom! I had taken care of children and babies since I was 10 years old, but to her I didn't do anything right: I stored the diapers in the wrong place, I bathed the baby in the wrong spot (in a baby tub on the kitchen table, with all my supplies instead of the kitchen sink - as she had done), I breast fed instead of bottle, I had the baby in a bassinet by my bed instead of isolated in the crib on a different floor (in Navy housing - floor plan was poorly laid out). By the second day of her visit I was so nervous, my milk stopped flowing! All I wanted from her was to coo and coddle the baby. Make a fuss over her, be a grandma. For me, well she was a great cook. Having a few home cooked meals prepared while I napped with the baby would have been a godsend. Instead, she wanted to shop, go out to see the sights of the city and invited company (brother, SIL and their two children to visit for 3 days - and nights) after all, she was in the area and not doing anything. Mom is gone now, it was rough but out of 12 grands, only 2 have fond memories of her! To spotlight the reason: my DD went for a visit, just a day after her 7th birthday. No mention of the birthday was made. In a room she would share with cousins who arrived 2 days later were gifts, beautifully wrapped and labeled -- for the cousins -- nothing for DD! Grandma said to me "I'm sure she got lots of nice things for her birthday, I sent her a card, I guess she didn't get it before you came down." DD was heart broken, Grandma had gone on and on about how she never celebrated a birthday with her, and we had made special arrangements to be there (on a very limited budget). On top of that, cousins went on and on about how they were going to a tea shop for a special tea with Grandma THE DAY AFTER WE WENT HOME, JUST THE THREE OF THEM, SPECIAL! So, I caution you to take a look at how you offer your feedback, how you treat your daughter and the new baby. We know that you feel that what you have said in the past is OK and her reaction is poor. But, truly look at it, is it critical? Do you expect your advise to be totally accepted and feel rejected if she modifies or chooses to not follow it, for whatever reason there may be? Foggyj used the term emotional game, but if there is a "game" being played, there has to be more than one player. I wish you luck with your new grand baby and daughter, but please take it easy on her, after all she is new at this role -- just as you were once. Susan...See MoreDaughter Named September?
Comments (72)Yeah I've heard of lots of Doc's with weird names; you can actually find lists of them on the web...Doctor Names. Imagine there's even a Dr Frankenstein! If I were going to be a doctor, I certainly would change my name to something like Dr Easy or Dr Happy! http://izismile.com/2011/07/07/most_unfortunate_doctors_names_20_pics.html...See Morebaby shower-need your opinions please!
Comments (17)Lisa, Some ideas from an "older" woman! Please take them in the vein they are offered, and do what you please. I'm not really that old, but I can get considerably grumpy at times, LOL. BTW, I just turned 50. The only baby showers I expect to be invited to anymore are for my son's wife if he ever has one, or one child of my very best friend. I know the idea of having the guests address their own thank-you envelopes is an idea that has taken off among the younger set - but seriously, as an "older person", I was shocked the first time it happened to me, and a bit offended, too! Reasoning - I've been invited, I've taken time to either make or shop for a gift, and the bride (in my case) or mother-to-be can't take enough time to write her own thank-you notes? Either thank me, or don't, but don't make me work for a thank-you note. I'd rather not have it. If you're going to be having a large number of older people, you may consider having (assigning) someone to fill out those envelopes, or have it done in advance, or just skip it. The older folks will be offended. And you or your daughter will all ready have the addresses if you've invited the people. Use a computer and print out the address labels in advance. Also, JMHO, favors are not necessary! I came for the party to "shower" the mother-to-be with a gift, and I really don't want a "thing" to take away. A thing means I have to store it, or use it, or pitch it - in other words, it puts an additional obligation on me. And a favor that is a food item will be left by more than 1/2 the guests - been there, seen it happen too many times. Save the money and start a savings account, LOL. If you absolutely must do favors, please, an unscented candle (I have asthma), wrapped in the tulle with a ribbon, but I don't want to have to throw out a plastic safety pin, diminutive bottle or other "baby" thing. And I will throw them out, and so will your guests! But I could possibly reuse the ribbon. I find it wasteful of both money and resources to stick little plastic things on gifts. I much prefer to be provided with a beautiful chocolate truffle to eat AT the shower - and one is enough. I LOVE, LOVE the idea of a clothesline on the wall to pin the outfits on!! I think that's brilliant! I also think the decorated onesies are a wonderful idea! Also great is the idea of having guests sign or draw on a quilt block. Have them all over-sized, with the freezer paper already ironed on. Draw the border, so they don't go into the seam allowance. Have fabric crayons or pigma markers ready, as well as some ideas for simple drawings from coloring books, or a list of "baby sayings" for them to write. As to the games - I'm not hard of hearing, but I also have little tolerance of shower games. I would not participate in a measuring of the mother's belly. I was 29 when I had my baby, and I was horrified when people at work wanted to touch my belly - and work people threw me a shower. Fortunately my DH worked at the same place, and he stopped them from playing that game. LOL. They still made me a fricking hat from all the ribbons, and insisted I wear it for a photo. I didn't like that either, but tolerated it with good grace. Bingo might be tolerable. Understand, all of these shower games started when it was giddy 18 and 19 year old girls having babies, and the people who attended baby showers were all the same age, and the only older people were the mums and grandmums. Friends of the parents didn't usually attend. They showed up AFTER the birth with a lovely blanket or outfit, several days after Mother and baby were home. So I don't know how old your DD is, and you have to consider both her and the audience. I was a good 10 years older when I had my first than my mother was. My sensibilites and preferences were too. Shower food - crudite and dip, fruit and dip, finger sandwiches if you wish, cake, punch, tea and coffee. Maybe a truffle. Please take this in the way I intend it - tongue in cheek for the most part, but also trying to save you some money. I would concentrate on nice food and drink, no favors, only one game at the most. Sit around! Eat! Open presents! Nothing more is required of a good shower. Hoping I didn't sound too grumpy, LOL. Mary...See MoreOpinions needed - special baby quilt
Comments (10)Yes tieing it is completely safe for baby. I always tie my seat pads for my kitchen chair pads with embroidery floss and none of them have come undone. I just made new ones but i had the last ones for 10 years and they get more wear than a blanket would. The ties go in the corners of your squares. you make a small x over the corner then tie the ends in a square knot and clip the ends to 1/4 inch. Make sure it's a square knot and not a granny knot. I prefer embroidery floss because it ties better than yarn and doesn't stretch. I just did 2 fleece blankets for my niece's baby. I did the hemming on the machine. This is how I did it. I folded it over 1 inch toward the right side and left the corners free. Them took the corners and made them into miters and pinned. Then I sewed the miters on all the corners, removed the pins and turned the hem back to the wrong side and pinned. I gave the edges a press with a damp press cloth under the iron. Then I sewed the hem with a decorative stitch. My machine has a stitch with little hearts. I widened the stitch as much as I could and sewed over the edge of the fleece to make a hem. Fleece does not fray so it doesn't have to be turned under. I don't know what stitches your machine has, just make sure you use one that has width so you can keep the edge of the material in the middle of the stitch. I sewed on the wrong side and the stitches showed up well on the right side and it looks good with that 1 inch hem....See More- 7 years ago
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