hhireno, I never thought for a moment that you were trying to shame me. I thought you spoke the very obvious truth: if I have 2 dresses that I love, why am I buying less than flattering clothes to serve the same purpose? I have a friend who never packs scarves when she travels. As her souvenirs, she buys beautiful scarves during her trip. Love the bag in a bag story!

Terri, “the Bricktop theory” of packing is good! If you wouldn’t wear it at home, it is useless.

Mtn, love your daughter’s comment. I, too, am not sure what she meant, but she did say she liked it. Good enough!

Oh you put a name to it “The Bricktop Theory”, so much better than my ramble. I’m stealing that!

Oh, good, I didn’t want you to think I was judging you. You do you.

I love The Bricktop Theory. i will apply it this summer when I have to pack, and probably buy a few things, for a business related trip with my husband.

I always pack a minimum of 4 scarves but rarely buy them when traveling, probably because I already have too many.

Unefemme.net also does packing posts and an analysis of what worked and what didn‘t. She’s a carry-on packer but her advice is also useful for checked bagged people.

I stayed out of this thread because I couldn't contribute anything to the first dress... :(

Quick question...Do any of you have arm issues with these sleeveless beauties? I've got horrible upper arms that nobody needs to be exposed to. I even shy away from short sleeves this year..

Some would look cute with a 3/4 length sweater, but what do you do in the heat?

Penny, no one cares about your upper arms but you. I live in Florida, people would drop dead in the summer if they worried about that. If someone is put together nicely with combed hair, a touch of makeup and some accessories no one cares about your arm. An arm is not a butt or boob. Free the arm.

Thanks, terri...

I guess it's my own issue then

Sorry if I sounded harsh Penny. Really though, who could look at an arm with disdain in the summer?

Maybe something with a laser cut arm? I can’t tell if this is a sweater. Discredit if it is.

Free the arm. Justeri, that is funny!

For me, my sticker is my stomach. Working out with weights is great for the arms. You really can see a difference.

No apologies necessary at all.

bbstx, I've heard good things about this website...

If you go to this link and scroll down, you can see that you can customize it. You can choose your neckline, hem height, size to fit YOU rather than a standard size. This one is a jersey knit which is great for travel, but hot (for me anyway)

But, if nothing else, the website is fun to mess around with. There are tons of styles (some of those shown are not so great, but if you customize--they're a lot nicer)

https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Dresses/Cape-sleeve-cotton-knit-dress-CL0060033

(Just linked a dress that I would wear, not the only one they have)

This one is vaguely similar to your original choice...again...scroll down midway to see your choices on the model to the right of the page..

https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Dresses/Trapeze-hem-jersey-knit-dress-CL0061299

I think it may have been unefemme.net that led me down the path that ended up with my buying the denim dress! Maybe, maybe not. But I’ve looked at her packing capsules in the past.

Penny, I totally understand your arm issue. Even my daughter who is a cross-fit fanatic worries about her arms. I recently read something, perhaps a blog post, that more or less echoed what justerrilynn said, no one really looks at our arms. I think we all have a tendency to find a flaw with ourselves and focus on it.

Eh, I will be the dissenting voice. I think people do look at and notice everything about you. That's not what people like to hear or believe, but IMHO no one misses anything, really.

So where does that leave those who have any flaws? (like, everybody)

People can decide for themselves how to weigh the choices. So if, say, extra-large people want to wear mini-skirts, and they feel good in them, why not? And if someone feels self-conscious about what others might deem a minor flaw, but they are more comfortable dressing to deemphasize it, that is fine too.

But, Mtn, it’s people of a certain age and good health that can and do look and critique more closely. Well, okay, some aren’t so young, but my point is a person shouldn’t have to comply to others objections to the point of dying from a heatstroke. It’s like this...someone might hate my arm but that person might have B.O or needs to floss. They are not perfect either so why should I suffer? Free the arm summer’s comin.

I find as I get older, I care a lot less what other people think and care more about how it makes me feel.

Have any of you read Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck? I thought it was hilarious and, of course, poignant.

I did read that years ago...great description, bbstx--poignant.

I agree that some of us should (God I hate that word so much) not care. But we can't control that. And I'm not just speaking about body issues...it can be concerns about any aspect of life...

Many times I mentally flip the bird and simply do things or wear things that I'm sure are considered "wrong" or "inappropriate" by others...but sometimes I can't. Because it bothers ME.

ETA: ANYWAY...back to the task at hand...bbstx, did you find something appropriate for your holday? How long are you going for?

Cran, that particular Bricktops used to be the Riverhouse. You have it the other way around. I was there. Did you see me waving? I had on a sleeveless top.

Penny - I get where you are coming from. My arms are not my best feature. I do not wear sleeveless out just anywhere. And it's not because I care what others think, it's about how it makes ME feel. But Mountain is right. People DO look and they DO notice. It's the world we live in. And really, I don't know that you shouldn't care about how you look. My grandmother was a big influence in my life. Probably one of the reasons I don't wear sweats. LOL I guess she was a good old school southern lady. You got up each day and you made yourself presentable. Didn't matter if you weren't leaving the house, you made yourself presentable. Same as you made your bed, picked up the house, etc. She believed in putting your best foot forward, so to speak, and it has stuck with me.

Back to the original question. I'm glad you decided against that dress. It wouldn't do anyone any favors. It's just not a very flattering design. There are so many other cute chambray dresses you could wear. Wear something that makes you feel good!

Was that you on the yacht going by ??

Seriously, I think if you arms are tan they don’t look half as bad as my pale sad arms.

I received an email from Imogen Lampert from the Inside Out Style blog. Her taste isn’t anywhere near mine but she has some interesting topics.

Today’s email made me think of this discussion. One topic is: the 27 questions to ask yourself before you buy a garment. Twenty-seven?! I’m not much of a shopper, or buyer, and asking myself 27 questions will put the kabosh on purchases. I’m tempted to click on the link just to find out what the questions could be.

The other topic that has me rolling my eyes is how to use your hair texture to determine what fabric to choose. Oh my, am I limited to old, thin, pillie fabric to represent my hair?

Penny, our trip is 15 days in mid-May. This thread has helped my really focus on what I need to think about. My first step is going to be to pull out the spreadsheet from our trip to Italy last year and see how that is going to work for Spain.

Mtn, in addition to spreadsheets, last year I tried using Power Point to make visual renderings of outfits. For example, my navy pants with my red top and my silver necklace and my shoes. It was totally ridiculous and tons of work to find pictures of the garment or similar garments. I found that laying the clothes out on the bed was much faster and much easier. Sometimes I can carry my desire for organization just too far!

Penny, I hear ya with the upper arms. I'm thin, but unless I'm constantly flexing my biceps, they're ugh...to me. And that's all that matters. I'm sure most people don't care about them, if they look at them at all (I'm at the invisible age). But I do have a healthy (unhealthy?) dose of vanity left in me and that's why I take care of my hair and use what I hope is flattering makeup (light touch), and look for a more flattering sleeve length. 3/4 length sleeves are my favorite.

Well, since I don't travel extensively, I'm very excited for you!

I tend to be one who packs everything but the kitchen sink...as far as clothes go, though, I find I don't wear everything that I pack...I just favor the same comfy tops and capris or leggings...But 15 days? I don't own that many outfits... :)

The forum at Flyer Talk has information that I've found to be wonderful (got my ebags luggage as a result of the recommendations there)...and I'll be on the lookout for a "travel" dress as I'm inspired by this thread :)

No, no, no! Don't anybody suggest that "tanned fat looks better than pale fat!" Not only do we then have to beat ourselves up because our arms jiggle (oh, the horror!), but also because we aren't inflicting skin cancer on ourselves by allowing our arms to be the color they naturally are.

Spray tan Ida :-)

Not me, I'm the color of Antarctica, but lots spray around here.

shouldn’t have to comply to others objections to the point of dying from a heatstroke.

I find as I get older, I care a lot less what other people think and care more about how it makes me feel.

Exactly! I was making both of these points in my original post.

People can decide for themselves how to weigh the choices. So if, say, extra-large people want to wear mini-skirts, and they feel good in them, why not?

---- ie you shouldn’t have to comply to others "objections"

And if someone feels self-conscious about what others might deem a minor flaw, but they are more comfortable dressing to deemphasize it, that is fine too.

--- ie if you feel bad about how you look in something, that is what matters

Have any of you read Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck? I thought it was hilarious and, of course, poignant.

My (older, soooo much older) sister gave me this book ? I think I had just turned 40 or thereabouts but in any event i had no problems w my neck, still don't really (not really any wrinkles yet). She knew I loved Ephron but, being the neurotic that I am, I found myself wondering "should i feel bad about my neck" and was low-key miffed, LOL.

I would hope that the concerns have little to do with others opinions and are more about your own, as I said.

If you do, or wear, ANYTHING because you feel it makes you look "better"...then we're in the same mental space...

And I would guess that's true of all of us.

I don't wear sunscreen so end up with some color in the warmer months, and I have to admit I like my fat better when it's tan. ;-) (Sorry, Ida!)

I think we notice others, too. I tend to notice in others what I feel insecure about in myself. It's not about how you look but about how I feel about how I look. I try to keep it in check and not let myself think judgmentally, though, when I catch myself in these moments.

This thread also reminds me of a conversation I had with a male friend a few weeks ago. I tend to wear a lot of black in the workplace, and he asked me why. I answered that I don't care for shopping and black is just an easy color for me to work with. He then launched into a diatribe of sorts about women always wearing black... that his wife will go shopping and always pick out the black clothes... and he asks her why she doesn't wear yellow... and she replies that she wants to lose a few pounds and then she'll wear yellow but now she feels black hides her weight a bit more... and he replies--to me--"I don't know why you women think black will make your a$$es look smaller. If your a$$ is big in yellow, it's big in black, too. Wear the yellow pants!" His delivery was a bit surly but the message was loud and clear. We need to get over ourselves.

Mtn, I also received the Nora Ephron book as a gift from my cousin. I too don't have issues with my neck and overall, I didn't find the book funny.

My cousin, on the other hand, has a turkey neck. So, maybe it all rang true for her.

Hhiero, I'm off to read those 27 questions.

I like black too, but it isn't always about slimming effects. It goes with everything and looks classic. In certain industries and regions it is de rigeur. I would say for 95% of my career I have had on either black navy or grey suits or separates. In my industry men wear those colors virtually every day and no one thinks anything of that. Casual is khakis, once in a while a seersucker or like whale pants, LOL.

I've said this before but I think people make a mistake of choosing pretty garments (esp. patterns) over things that make *them* pretty. I suppose if a pattern lifts your mood, that is flattering. Otherwise, save your love of patterns for decor. (if then)

Like I tell my girls, and have posted before, they don't take out a gorgeous paisley or toile to lay the diamonds on when you are jewelry shopping. They take out black velvet. So the diamond shines!

I went to read all the 27questions. And, I do agree to all of them. I don't think you have to go through the whole run down though in order to make a decision.

Since I am now officially down one size, I am slowly replacing my wardrobe. Sometimes, I admit I am too quick to the "I really would like something new" fix.

For me it would be: fit, comfort and does it look good. If I start to question any of it, then no. I have to go with my first impression. And it should spark "joy." I should smile when I look in the mirror.

I have a confession about something I’ve become more critical of. When I was younger I could get away with wearing cheap fabric tops. Now I can’t so I notice it on my friends who are older. I guess now that I think of it it’s not really always the cheaper fabric of the tops it’s the little small prints combinations in a cheaper fabric. I’m trying to move away from some of the easier care items into more natural fabrics. Time will tell if I can keep that up as I’m not really into high maintenance. What’s a girl to do though as one ages. I’m sitting in the salon right now waiting for my color to “take” on my tinfoil silver that’s taking over.

Maybe you should free the gray, terri.... :-p

I think it's gorgeous, JT!

Thank you Ida!

JT both the cut and color are very nice.

Why not share the front view? I think you have shared other photos of yourself? I think it looks terrific. You have healthy hair which is a really good plus.

OK, so we have people do notice and judge what you wear, and you should wear what makes you feel good about yourself.

But put those two together and, as long as you are within some norm of appropriateness, people may notice but not remember much and their judgments, if any, will be mild and unexpressed.

But if you dress beyond the norm for age/size/occasion/etc then recognize that you will get a higher level of attention and will face more judgment. If that makes you uncomfortable, then the outfit will too.

I still remember my cousin's daughter (17 at the time?) who wore a dress to her GF's funeral...met her for the first time there... that was cut so low and so tight on top, that I remember nothing else except spending the whole time hoping she wouldn't sneeze and have a wardrobe malfunction. I don't remember anything about her, but I sure remember that dress! If she wanted attention, she got it, but maybe not the kind she expected. And like the diamond on paisley, I don't even remember the 'diamond'. A good outfit will make you shine, not the outfit.

However, when it comes to putting together an interesting outfit, Stacy & Clinton had a mantra of "color, pattern, texture, shine" ...having some of each in an outfit will make it interesting. And my wardrobe was getting very boring with all the solids...a hangover from the formal business world I think...and now I find myself using scarves or printed tops to make it more interesting and casual.

JT, I love that color and cut! It is a beautiful platinum shade imo that isn’t dull. Only you can decide if it suits your coloring and will require more maintenance. I hope not. My only other contribution is to find a shampoo without sulfates or parabens that will strip that lovely color.

My wardrobe has always been pretty much solids and mostly black and gray with a few other colors thrown in for blouses and sweaters. Since retirement I am much more casual obviously and find myself getting into more cool pastels and enjoy wearing them. Almost always have those black or gray pants or skirts though.

Eld, no way I’m posting a frontal. My eyes are swollen little walnuts in my head this week from something...maybe something blooming outside. Don’t know.

Anyway thank you ladies! My stylist called it Dimensional Balayage. I’m not sure if I have this right but think she said the lighter parts will take on a bit more blond-ish tones after three or four washings due to the toner? She also gave me a small half a can of M Moroccan Oil dry shampoo for dark hair to try.

I have been ordering tops for my trip in mostly lighter colors or monotone’s. Maybe I should have waited as it’s possible I might look washed out. It’s tricky. My Lancôme vibrant lip color for evening is way too bright with this hair color. It’s freaky. Not sure about my usual blush shade either. I’m going to have to play around with a few things to bring it all together.

Well, I tried to start a new post but it hasn’t shown up. Thanks Houzz.

Anyway, Gap is having a 50% off dresses sale today only. There are some cute dresses that would be good for vacations. And they have tall and petite sizes, somethung I forget about. I ordered two but will probably just keep one.

oh well I guess the Gap sale has sailed. Anyway I love your hair JT. Dimensional Bayalage huh. Nice!!!!

Still quite a bit of stuff on sale at Gap, incl. dresses and all shorts.

Speaking of the Gap...Old Navy, Gap, and Banana Republic (and another that I can't remember) are owned by the same company. I was browsing jeans on the Gap website and found a pair that looked remarkably like those at Old Navy. Price difference was about half, I think...

Not everything is the same of course, but it pays to compare.

Athleta is the fourth, it's exercise wear. . Old Navy is the cheaper version of Gap. The quality is definitely not on par with Gap and Banana.

I've found the Old Navy jeans to be as good quality wise as Gap jeans.

Penny you are not alone when it comes to covering upper arms. I never wear sleeveless unless it's a shell underneath a jacket, sweater or blouse. If I wear a t shirt or Polo I avoid cap sleeves or really short sleeves. I've found that Land's End, L L Bean and Orvis usually have very nice Pima cotton tops with slightly longer short sleeves and often have elbow length too.

I'm spending the first 9 days of July in France and I'm definitely looking for a few pieces that are lightweight, packable, comfortable and attractive. That's a tall order and I may settle for 3 out of those 4.

And just to make packing more interesting I don't wear shorts either. Since I'm short Capri-length pants aren't the best look on me so I'm on the hunt for cropped or full length pants.

maire