And how about addressing a thank you card envelope to yourself at the shower to save the recipient all that trouble?

When I heard about a gender reveal event, I thought it had something to do with a transgender decision! A quite understandable mistake though.

Many years ago we guests at a wedding were startled by finding an impersonal "Thank you for the gift" note on our place settings. I admit there were many guests but really?

Yes ! The printed Thank You are your place, I'd forgotten about that egregious new tradition.

I

Remember the good old days when you chose the gift you wanted to give the couple and it didn't require remortgaging your home ?

My SIL was very intimidated by her soon-to-be DIL's wealthy family and always struggled to make a good impression with them. For a bridal shower held in a tony condo in NYC she pre-ordered a full set of very expensive cookware from the very expensive store of their choice and had it wrapped and delivered to the shower location since she lived out of town. On the night of the party the bride opened her very generous gift and discovered that box after box was EMPTY ! The store forgot to put the pots and pans and accessories in their boxes. SIL was mortified.

Yoyo, how devastating! Was it one of those things you laugh at later though?

I always understood that if the engaged couple broke up, the engagement and future wedding gifts were returned to the donors so I was astonished when the young man's mother, my SiL, airily said that the couple had split them up between them!

Not that I wanted my saucepans back, I had plenty, but I was surprised.

Thank goodness baby/bridal showers have yet to make much impression here. These days so many young couples live together before getting married (if they ever do) that the more generous spirited of them don't ask for presents or, as in the case of DD request a donation to a particular charity. Some couples ask for money for a slap-up holiday . . . now I consider that to be cheek! (see other thread).

Yoyo do you have the expression "Keeping up with the Jones"? Rather like Hyacinthe Bucket in the TV show Keeping Up Appearances. If your neighbour buys a new car/boat whatever, you must buy a bigger one.

We have friends badly afflicted with this painful and costly 'condition'. The husband got a pay rise so had to buy a model of car that reflected his position at work. Holidays had to be taken abroad first in Europe, then further afield. Then they had to buy a house in France to keep their status 'up'. They used to boast that both their sons were doctors (with PHD's) but never mentioned neither could find a job. We were so far beneath them we happily laughed and it never bothered us that we only went on local holidays or that our children were only averagely bright . . . but had good jobs.

I hope your S-in-L got over her problems.

Keeping Up Appearances

When I was expecting my daughter and had a first ultrasound, I told the ultrasound operator that if he suspected what gender the baby was, not to say a word. I didn't want to know until I delivered the baby because for me it was like knowing what you're getting for Christmas ahead of time, you lose half the fun of the anticipation of finding out a surprise.

Besides the above mentioned crassnesses, I also don't get why those sending out invitations either don't get responses (the height of rudeness as far as I'm concerned) or feel that to get responses they have to include with the invitation a pre-printed card which is essentially "tick the box- I am coming Yes/No" and a stamped, addressed envelope in which to send it. I'm still hand writing on best paper "Mr and Mrs Colleenoz have much pleasure in accepting the kind invitation of __ to the wedding of __ at [venue/time/date}." How hard is that?

And I see so many complaints from brides who say their response card has come back with the invitation accepted for more people than the invitation was actually for. Folks, if it says "Mr and Mrs Jones", it does not mean "Mr and Mrs Jones and all the Jones children and Mrs Jones' brother and SIL who will be visiting at the time".

Just checked my email and found a "Please donate to my fundraising page" email from my primary school nephew. Whatever happened to bake sales or lamington drives?

Vee......yes we have the Jones expression here.......now days it seems it's the kids who expect to keep up with and exceed the parents right out of college.

As far as rules of etiquette, we have lost our civility.

I cannot even expect to get a thank you note from a grandchild when a gift is sent.

Gender reveal wasn't done in the old days because no one actually knew the sex of the baby until the baby was born. Everyone knows now except for the few couple who choose not to be told, and in those cases, the doctor knows. Knowing the gender in advance is useful for gift-buying friends. and for decorating the nursery, as well as simplifying the name selection process. I agree, it is a new custom and perhaps taking some getting used to, but I have come to like it. I don't remember being expected to bring gifts to any gender reveal party I have attended, just to baby showers.

As for save-the-date cards, I like them too. I can remember more than one occasion when I missed a wedding I really wanted to attend because I had scheduled a trip that interfered with the date. If I had known further in advance, I could have done both.

I just received an invitation for the wedding of a couple whose parents are good friends. They are very high-tech Silicon Valley people (as are we, to a somewhat lesser extent). The reply is to be sent to an online wedding management site called The Knot. At first I was taken aback, but then I decided, well, why not? That is pretty much the way we do everything else these days.

There are changes I dislike because they indicate lack of consideration (thank you being omitted) or degradation of clear communication (inaccurate language and grammar), but I am not opposed to change solely because it is new and different. Sometimes change takes getting used to, but then, flexibility keeps us nimble. At least, so my exercise instructor tells us!

(Actually what I really dislike is when they rearrange the grocery store. I am not kidding. I like to dash in, get exactly what I want, and be on my way. I resent being forced to search for things when the previous week I knew exactly where they were, and have more than once abandoned shopping at stores that have done that to me.)

I'm with you on the grocery store rearrangement. Mine has recently put the bread in the very back corner and moved baking supplies directly across the aisle from their former location. Why?

Carolyn, they put things like bread and milk at the back to make you walk past lots of other things, hoping you'll buy more on impulse.

Of course; it's the same reason they put all the non-food items in the center of the store so that you have to walk completely around the building to get food items.

But why do you need to know the baby’s gender to buy a gift or decorate the nursery? Non-gender specific works better IMO as apart from anything else, it can be passed on to the next baby regardless of whether it is the same or the opposite gender.

I had friends who were told they were having a girl, so they bought everything in pink. They had a very butch boy who looked risible in pink but they couldn’t afford a new wardrobe for him.

I always bought or made baby things in white or yellow intending to sell what I could later as we were intending to move interstate at some point. I also bought good secondhand pram and cot. I was offered the loan of a beautiful pram (as used by the Royals!) and had to decline as I had too many stairs to drag it up.

Colleen....thank you for the new word : risible. I have never seen or heard it before !

annpan, I had one of those coach built prams bought second hand, which lasted for three children then was passed on to a local hospital that wanted to get their baby-patients in the fresh air. I always felt I should have worn a nanny's uniform when I pushed it, despite it not having a regal coat-of-arms emblazoned on the side.

Have you noticed how 'modern' babies seldom wear those little knitted jackets and bootees? Today it is all tiny (and probably uncomfortable) jeans or shades of brown/grey/black.

We called the knitted jackets for babies 'matinee jackets', and I knitted lots along with bootees back in the day. To be honest though, they aren't very good if you need to wash them. Modern fabrics are much easier.

I mourn the passing of the little batiste, puffed sleeved, baby dresses. When my daughter was born, she got several of them as gifts. She was so small that I put them on her to wear at home until after she was walking. They were so pretty and ironed like handkerchiefs (remember them?), except for those puff sleeves. IMO, newborn clothing is cute now but not nearly as pretty as it used to be.

My daughter had a white dress with light blue smocking across the front with tiny pink rose buds which she wore for her first birthday. I saved that dress for her first daughter who also wore it for her first birthday and then it was saved for her second daughter who also wore it .

I have all three photos framed together as a sweet memory.

It was a Polly Flinders dress.

I loved Polly Flinders dresses. One of my nieces had a beautiful one.

Kath, the big thing here in FL for bachelor and bachelorette parties is a cruise or long weekend in Vegas or Miami Beach. We were on a cruise last fall and met a bunch of guys who were on a bachelor party getaway.

People must have a lot more money or a lot more debt than they did when my DH and I got married.

Donna

Donna, I'm pretty sure it's more debt. Although here the housing market is very inflated and I think many young people no longer see any point in saving for a house deposit, so they spend more freely than we ever did.

Donna, if you had met an English 'bunch of guys' on your cruise I think it might have ruined your trip as these so-called 'Stag-parties' are booze-fueled both day and night. Passengers (the sober ones) complain about planes full of drunken revelers even at 6am!

Many youtube egs of inebriated groups, both men and women (often the loudest) being removed before take-off as they hurl insults at the crew and each other. They are dreadful ambassadors for our country. I'm no kill-joy but there is a limit to these excesses.

Vee......when my daughter spent a semester in London at King's College she would often refer to the "fun" party barges on the river .

Vee, these young men were pretty well-lubricated, but they were very polite and relatively quiet. There was another group who were much more conspicuous, but we didn’t have any interaction with them.

Donna

There is more money flowing around than is good for people in our area, and that money is not evenly distributed, as you would imagine. Young women of means frequently go on bachelorette weekends to Las Vegas or even Miami. Even if the host families can afford it, it is a financial burden for some of their guests who feel left out if they don't along with their friends. I have no problem with bridal showers, in fact I think they are a lovely custom, but this particular extravagance bothers me. I think it is part of the Bridezilla trend. A considerate bride would consider what her friends can comfortably manage, and do something that is a pleasure for all.

Carolyn, here in downtown Charleston, there are a couple of shops that sell charming, old fashioned dresses for little girls. I am not sure if the fabric is batiste, however. I used to love smocking on children's dresses. The prices on these little dresses is very upscale, however.

Just another reason to love Charleston, Mary. As if I needed another. I think it is the prettiest city in the U.S. and it's one of my favorite places to visit. How did you decide to move there?

Carolyn, I just happened to jump at the chance as a recent widow in 1995 to take a vacation in Charleston. I immediately fell in love with everything about it. I kept saying to myself, "One day...." Then, in 2010, I made a decision to downsize from my VA house. Friends in VA who were familiar with Charleston found a vacancy for me and helped me to downsize and move here. I have adjusted to the summers and find they are bearable, as there are strong breezes off the two rivers. I don't find the summers that much hotter than they were in coastal VA. And springs here are glorious!