Congratulations of the upcoming marriage!

Wedding announcement and invitations should not mention presents or registrations. That information is shared by word-of-mouth.

Emily Post is always a great resource: http://emilypost.com/advice/announcing-your-marriage/

Congratulations on the wedding!

Wedding announcements are just that and people will send gifts only if they want to as none are expected with an announcement.

Sending announcements can't help but lead to confusion if "No Gifts Please" isn't stated. I think the notion of there being rigid rules for social matters (like that cited) is pretty passe. Common sense is a more useful reference. If they don't want gifts, that needs to be communicated.

Someone who isn't close enough relationship-wise to be informed during whatever the normal means of contact is (speaking or email, for example) probably doesn't need to be sent an announcement.

My DD had a destination wedding with just the immediate family. They didn't want a big wedding either. This is what I sent out. You could also put in, no gifts please.

xxxxxx and xxxx xxxx are pleased to announce

the marriage of their daughter.

xxxxx xxxx xxxxx

To

xxxxx xxxx xxxxx

in an intimate beach ceremony with family.

On

Thirteenth day of May, Two Thousand Eleven

In

North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Please add the newlyweds to your address book

xxxxxxx

xxxxxxx

Tell them no matter what they write on the invitation, people will still feel obligated to buy a gift. We put that on our invitations: Your presence is the only gift we need. No gifts are needed. Every single person brought us gifts. Every. Single. One

Someone who isn't close enough relationship-wise to be informed during
whatever the normal means of contact is (speaking or email, for example)
probably doesn't need to be sent an announcement.

I agree with this, though maybe I'm just not imaginative enough to recognize the sort of relationships that one might have where you'd need to tell them by general announcement that there has been a marriage.

Perhaps it could just be included with the family news and notes in a letter. Maybe a year end letter such as some send out at Christmas would be appropriate. Ex: "Denny graduated and has his first job with BP....Sue's promotion has her traveling to Nashville six times....Janice and her beloved Steve were married in January and are living in Great Falls....In July we vacationed at the Wisconsin Dells, sharing a rental house with the B&SIL for a week...."

functionthenlook...that's perfect....right to the point, but eloquent. I agree....add, "no gifts please", just so everyone knows.

Thanks nicole. On the front of the card I put their wedding picture.

I don't think proper etiquette is ever "out of fashion" or "confusing". Etiquette exists to AVOID confusion.

People send wedding announcements for lots of different reason, the most common one being that the wedding was immediate family only. But they want other relatives and good friends to find out from THEM, not via the grapevine.

There is no obligation for anyone receiving such to send a gift, but they may wish to do so. Is there a particular reason they don't want gifts? They could enclose a separate small card saying that anyone who wishes to give a gift, please make it to a particular charity (this is what Prince Harry and Meghan did). It should not be on the announcement, however. Just follow Emily Post's advice in the first post. They should be mailed the day after the wedding or even the day of the event.

anglo, comments reflect individual preferences and experiences. From one to another, most of us live in different places, have different backgrounds and often have different ages (which can affect things like this). Practices do change over the years and I think yours could differ from what others do today.

I don't live in a world where arbitrary "etiquette" notions override common sense and common practice. If you do, fine. We all share our views and they're likely to differ, especially by time and place.

If you think what a very wealthy royal couple does is instructive for others in different circumstances, great! They're in the public eye (for some) only by reason of birth, live very differently because of it and are in a country with an archaic class and social structure. I don't think most people really care what they do or don't do.

I am not sure that I would follow Emily Post. Her advise seems rather dated. I would send a printed announcement worded much like functionthenlook suggested and clearly state at the bottom " No gifts please". There are some who will still give gifts. Because they would feel badly if they didn't. It's inevitable. I think the gift would have to be accepted graciously with a "thank you, you shouldn't have" and a smile. And a follow up thank you note.

Be simple and don't worry about coming across as a gift grab. I think, my opinion is, some people are overly sensitive and think everything has an angle. That's their problem, not yours. You should get to be excited and announce your wedding, no strings attached to your happiness.

They live 600 miles away and gave you three days notice of the gathering? From a cousin you do not keep in touch with? By email? Oh, that clearly is a gift grab. A gift registry to choose a gift from? That is gall.

I might have been annoyed enough to reply also by email with my best wishes and my regrets that I could not attend due to time and distance restraints.

Sea, that was a gift grab! Dang.

Wow....

Well my chick...you and you husband did much more than I would have. ..I would have just pretended their email was lost in cyber.

Though I wouldn't I would feel tempted to send back an RSVP on the 4th that the whole family was coming to the celebration. Let them sweat it out getting the extra food, etc that they never planed of providing in the first place since it was apparent that all they wanted was a gift. Then email the morning of the celebration with some lame excuse and cancel.

I think Anglo's suggestion of enclosing a small card is the best idea!

Gifts should never be mentioned period. Etiquette hasn't disappeared. People chose to ignore it. People should give gifts because they want to. Never because it is expected or not expected. People who get gifts should accept them with grace. If they don't want them they are free to pass them on to others or charity. Once given a gift it become their property to with what they wish.

Both my kids quietly got married without fanfare.

On their first anniversary DD and her DH hosted a costumed anniversary party for close family and friends at a restaurant. They ever intended it to be "a wedding" but it sure turned into one. It is still talked about. Everyone came in costume and everyone one brought gifts. No gift registry no mention of gifts but every gift was unique and appreciated. Why? Because they invited real friends and close family. Whenever friends get together that wedding party is still talked to this day when the subject of marriage or related subjects comes up.

DS's friends were probably aware of his marriage before we were. I am pretty sure many wished to celebrate by gifting them. But again they would be true friends, not distant people or acquaintances you only exchange a Xmas card with if that. Family was told at Xmas dinner and he said he they would like to have a small BBQ for family when the weather got warm. Immediate family only and a few best friends.

While an announcement doesn't not require a gift etiquette wise I have often wondered when the etiquette gods decided a wedding invitation did require one and worse yet you must select a gift off their registry. While I get that people find it convenient to find out what people want it has always seemed to me a tacky thing to do. I was at the wedding of a relative's daughter and her new husband made a big loud deal of welcoming even the guests who did not bring gifts. Well that was vulgar. I didn't select a gift from their registry and maybe that is why we never got thanked for the gift. When someone asks me to their wedding why don't I get to assume they have asked me to share in their moment, not to pad their gift list.

Where I'm from, wedding gifts are sent to the bride's address and never brought to the wedding ceremony or reception. Also a shower gift can negate the need to send a wedding gift. So only the couple knows who chose to send gifts, it's doesn't need to be public knowledge.

As for registries, it's very easy with online access to find out where a couple is registered. I married in a large city and there was a dept store that was so well know for their registry service that almost all couples registered there. In my parents day, it was typically the local jewelry store as they carried china, silver and crystal in their inventory.

Thanks everyone who wrote in. I much appreciate the time and thoughts shared.

I feel less 'weird' now after reading your posts and getting the feeling *I*, *we* weren't complete clods for not sending a gift by express mail or something like that. My sense of normalcy can be skewed with the inlaws I have, to the point it makes me question whether I am the oddball who has no manners lol. It's been a long and bumpy road this crew, and the cousin in question is so not in contact, he's the most normal of the bunch simply by lack of knowing him. He may be a great guy in other ways, I just wouldn't know, but by the looks of his e-vite we received, it's not seeming that way.

Thanks again for the timely topic!

I hope I didn't hijack the OP's thread.

Just the facts: Who, What, Where and When. You're announcing something, not telling anyone how to respond, or *to* respond.

When I married (Dark Ages), announcements were sent to more distant friends and relatives after the wedding. They included "At Home After (X Date)" and our new address. Some people sent gifts. Some sent cards or letters. Some made no response. All good.

In my little world, wedding gifts are sent to the home of the bride-to-be in advance of the ceremony -- or to the couple after they are married. We also offer "Best Wishes" before a marriage. "Congratulations" is in order after the couple are wed.