Husband and Stepson problem



I found this discussion group while searching the internet for help and advice about my situation. I will try and make this short, and I really, really, need opinions about my situation because I don’t know what to do.

First of all, I am in a second marriage. My husband never got along with my son and visa versa. They don’t understand one another. My son, Joe, has mental health issues that my husband does not fully understand. Last year my Joe, moved out of our house. He was staying with us after he and his wife separated and he attempted suicide and ended up in a mental health facility. He stayed with us for 3 years. My husband couldn’t wait until Joe left the house and made it clear to him and at one point, there was an escalated fight. My husband unleashed his fury out on Joe and Joe retaliated Verbally. It was so upsetting and made things very uncomfortable for everyone.

Last year, Joe moved out and got his own place, but due to his mental health problems and having to go in and out of mental health facilities, and losing jobs over it, and many set-backs, he is going to be evicted very soon from his home. Joe has nowhere to go, except to live in his car and it does not even have heat!!..........I am freaking out because I want Joe to come back here to live. There is just no where for him to go, but here or his car.

Now I have to tell my husband that Joe is going to have to come back to live and I just know there is going to be a fight about it. I am worried because I don’t want to have to choose between my 40 yr. Old son with Mental health issues and my lovely-judgmental husband... who I do love but I love my son too and I just cannot turn my back on him And go on with my life. I am at

At a loss. What would you do in this situation? Help Please!

Comments (3)
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I think that you need to talk to a family counselor. Alone, at least at first. You really need to talk to someone in depth. Good luck.

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Your best bet is to help Joe catch up on his rent so he isn't evicted. Then, you'll have some time to help him file paperwork with Medicaid and with social security disability. At that point, you can help him find a residential home where he can live with supervision.

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Yvette Hawley

Dear alammy,

I see the date of your original post was a year ago. However, your description of the dilemma (involving your husband & son) is very similar to mine right now (there are significant differences, but the similarities are what caught my eye and interest). Because of these things, I hope you (still) get notifications from this thread and could answer a couple questions for me?

1) did you happen to follow either of the two suggestions offered on this board? I saw one suggestion thought you could consult a family counselor. The other poster suggested you pay for your son's rent and doing so could buy you both some time (no pun intended) to get him help by seeking additional support/ assistance?

2) Would you mind posting a follow-up (or update) now that a year has gone by?

I feel for your situation, whether it has passed or is still ongoing. I hope to reconcile my problems with my son, but I doubt it will occur soon. I feel some problems, especially those which involve mental health issues, chemical or substance abuse, divorce or family involvement, and/or legal issues, can be long, drawn-out processes which do not get resolved quickly. Additionally, contrary to what many people may think when superficially reading others' problems, the issues we all face are rarely singular in nature and are frequently layered issues complicated by unique and individualized lifestyles or economic status.

Thank you for your post,


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