My Husband Passed Away
Marilyn Sue McClintock
5 years ago
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Missing my partner
Comments (9)Diane - I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm there, too, just a few months ahead of you. I understand that emptiness. I've heard people say that it feels like half of you is gone - well, for me it felt much more than half. I felt like most of me was gone and I felt like I was dead inside. The message my son passed along to my boss was that I didn't know when I would be back to work. I was on that roller coaster of emotion: a few minutes of talking with a friend - almost normally - then suddenly breaking down, sobbing like a baby. I went back after 3 weeks (I'm very fortunate that I work for a person who is very understanding). My husband died last September just 12 days before his birthday. Having also lost my Dad in September years before it's no wonder I think I'll dislike that month forever. BUT - here is the part you need to hear: Yes, you get up and go to work and simply do what you have to do. At first it's monumental and as time goes by it becomes easier. When friends want you to come for dinner you go and after a while you find you can contribute; but friends - true friends - understand and they just want to do for you. It's ok to be a taker for a while because those friends know it will just be a matter of time before you are able to give again. Some days I still feel like a heavy weight is on me and it's hard to lift my foot to take a step. That's the grief depression and it comes and goes - but it always seems to be just under the surface. I know you must be tired of hearing people say that in time it gets easier. I'm not sure if it gets easier because of time or if it's just that we get used to the new life we've been shoved into. Either way, I don't cry as much now and I still hurt but it's in a different way. Maybe a sadder way but not as sharp if that makes any sense. I still miss him but when you have a connection and a love and a life like Bob and I did I think that the missing him will go on for the rest of my days. I started therapy a few months ago and that has been helpful. I also started on a drug for my depression. My doctor and I talked and I told her that in the 5th month I felt I was going backwards - grieving more again, crying more. So I wanted something that was very mild just to take the edge off and allow me to be more calm. I made it clear I didn't want something to knock me out or make me numb because I knew I needed to keep doing what they call "grief work". (Who comes up with these names?). Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on but I thought if I shared with you where I am now it might help you to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Is my life like I want it? Absolutely not. But I can laugh with my friends again and I can play with my grandson (9 months old!) and have fun with him and I can spend time with my family and talk about things other than my pain. One of my biggest realizations was when I once commented about something I'd do when life got back to normal; that was the first time I really realized that I would have a new kind of normal and it might resemble the old normal but would never, ever be the same. So I'm working on my new normal and you will, too, in time. Just don't rush it - let it come to you. And it will. God bless you and I hope you are able to work your way through this scary and lonely time in your life....See MoreMy husband passed away recently
Comments (13)For those of you who have lost a spouse to any kind of cancer, there is a forum group called FACING AHEAD which I have found helpful, in addition to participating in a grief therapy group, reading numerous books about how to deal with the loss of a loved one, etc., staying busy, etc. Yes, it is terribly hard and I 'wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy' - but there it is and I know he would want me to go on living and not 'fall apart' s0 that is what I am trying very hard to do. I keep a sort of journal which is basically written specifically to him just telling him what is going on around me. He was my soul mate and just the right person to come along in my life at the time (we would have been married 29 years next week). I don't understand why I couldn't have had him in my life longer but maybe it is not for me to 'understand' but to simply 'accept' that part of my life is complete and it is time for me to move on, even though I don't want to move on without him. Carolyn (he died 2/13/09 of esophageal cancer after fighting it for almost 2 years))...See MoreConcerning my deceased husband
Comments (3)I'm back please excuse some of my spelling. I have not been on the computer for a couple of years. My son is helping with the basics. Now to get back to my notes. when I took my husband to v.a. nose,ear and throat doctor. doctor checked his death ear, doctor asked him was he around any loud noises. It was not a silence war. HIS EAR WAS ALL scar tissue,they gave him hearing aids, It didn't work at all for his death ear. and my husband's cartilage in his nose was disconnected years later,they took his cartilage out, and put it back in to reconnect it.when it was time to take him home the nurse pulled the packing out. I came home from work around 1am went and checked on my husband, he was laying in a pool of blood.I called 911,they could not stop blood,coming out of his nose and throat,they got him to hospital. they had to repack his nose.he was very weak. Now when came to his front blown out teeth,my husband told me back then there was a argument whether it was dental or medical problem. He was emotionally discussed. My husband said he went to a outside dentist. got part upper top plate. then he told me his nose was bleeding,he went back to v.a. they found there were fragments from the Bullet in sinus area,they took them out. When he starter getting a toothache. the v.a. told me,my husband didn't have enough % to see dentist there, only if he was already in hospital. a week later he was in hospital. I rolled him down to dental, they took xrays, the dentist told me to bring him back and will pull out his bad teeth. so I did. when I brought my husband back to dental, there was a different dentist,he took out teeth, found out he took out the wrong teeth,he made a mistake,so now he pulled the rest of his teeth.they had to make upper and lower dentures! The dentist looked at the xray before he pulled my husband's teeth and though the x's on teeth were suppose to stay. none of this mistakes was put in his records. now he has 100% dental with no teeth. got to take a break. work at all for his death ear.and his cartilage was disconnected in his nose.years later the v.a. did take it out and put it back and reconnected it....See Moremy husband passed away
Comments (3)Dianepa...I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure that while you are at ease that he is not suffering you still wish he was with you. I'm newly married and can not imagine how it would feel to lose my husband. I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers....See More
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