son bought this (ugh!) gambrel. how to improve beside demolishing!
George Jake
5 years ago
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Elizabeth B
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoPugga70
5 years agoRelated Discussions
ADHD stepson
Comments (8)Welcome debunny! You've already gotten some very good advice on breakfast in particular so I was going to address the situation in general. It seems to be a recurring theme here where Dad has/gets custody, but SM is the one who spends the most time with the kids, trying to maintain consistency and keep to the agreed schedule and rules, only to have her DH pop in and start making "exceptions" and un-do all of the progress SM has made. As for SS's trying to get a rise out of you, I wonder about that. My SS is only eight and has lately started arguing with me about everything, and I mean everything - if I mention a news story I read he'll try to argue with some part of it! But, he mainly does this with me, not with DH - and he only does this after weekends at BM's. I'm wondering if he's testing me. He's already said if he pushes at BM she either gives in or screams at him and spanks him. I don't know if SS is trying to see if he can make me reach my breaking point, or if he's checking to make sure that I don't push him away too. I can't imagine how a 14 year old must feel when their mother announces that she doesn't want to deal with him anymore and wants him gone. I'd have to think that he has some issues right now with maternal figures - and unfortunately it is now you who is right in that spotlight. To make matters worse, it sounds like your DH just wants to stick his head in the sand and dump most of this onto your shoulders - so of course now you look like the "bad guy" on top of being a woman - and thus likely to kick him out with almost no notice yourself. I don't have a magical solution (yet!) because we're struggling through some of our own things right now. Some of the things that have helped us are to have very clear, very well-defined, agreed upon expectations, with set penalties for violation thereof. I try to make sure that the "rules" do not involve any judgment calls - because that's when DH is most likely to want to make an excuse or an exception. So, instead of saying, for example, "room must be tidied" it would be "floor must have nothing on it but furniture, all clothes must be either in dresser if clean or hamper if dirty, bed must be made, all toys must be in toy box". SS knows exactly what to expect, and I have that clear guideline as well, so there's less of DH wandering in from work to find a room two-thirds of the way tidied and saying "Oh, I think it's pretty good - what's the problem?". Meanwhile I'm ready to pull my hair out because I've spent the past four hours with SS coming to me every five minutes saying "It's done!", when I check, the only thing he'll have done is maybe make the bed - and SS will put away one more toy and then find me again - "It's done!" Over, and over, and over. Maybe you should all sit down and come to an agreement - here is a list of foods SS can eat for breakfast. He can eat as much of them as he likes. He is not to have breakfast at school. (You may have to negotiate in "exceptions clause" because guaranteed otherwise DH will say "Oh, it was only one time! Let him go!"). Here is what will happen if SS eats breakfast at school - the cost comes from his allowance, he is required to do household chores, whatever. Done, post them, proceed. Now, it's not incumbent upon you to convince SS he needs more milk, apples are good for him, he didn't eat "enough" breakfast, or anything else. Did he eat food from "the list" or not? Did he eat breakfast at school? Yes or no, true or false? See what I mean? It's no longer your judgment that's in question - it's a clear infraction of rules and boundaries agreed upon by all of you. And the complaining about meals needs to be stopped now. I'm usually the one who cooks dinner as well, and I told DH in no uncertain terms that I was going to stop cooking entirely if I had to ever hear "Ewwwww! Yuck!" at the dinner table - it's just very bad manners. You don't have to like my cooking, you certainly don't have to praise it - but since I went to the effort to put a nice homecooked dinner on the table you'd better not disparage it while I 'm sitting right there!...See MoreI Bought My First ____________of the Year
Comments (59)Lascatx -- I play French horn. I was a long-time member of a quintet back in B'ham and was fortunate to arrive in Santa Fe just as a quintet here was losing its horn player. We're comprised of an attorney, a HS band director, a retired forest service biologist, a wetlands conservation/restoration consultant, and a technical type who works at Los Alamos labs and can't really tell us what she does for a living (!). I know your son will enjoy his quintet -- any small ensemble, really. I found that my playing really improved when I joined a quintet some 18 years ago. Having to carry your own part with no section mates to lean on is good experience....See MoreColder Than a Frozen Potato...How About You?
Comments (1138)Not hiding, Diane, but I'm afraid you'd have a long wait for MY Spring flush :-D I might cheat and show a few Autumn rose pictures though. Many thanks for introducing this funny and educational thread. What a great idea, Jasmine; I'm looking forward to all the garden tours, which should get me through my 'winter blues', although I'm ashamed to admit to those, considering my mild climate. Baby Austin is so lovely, and just the size rose I've room left for, after this year's roses arrive. Jim, the rose motels,as Patty called them, look great....still working on a way to hibernate my remaining herbaceous peony :) Melodye. ps. all ideas gratefully received re peony. M...See MoreIt's September 2017: How is your build progressing... ?
Comments (163)Correct, we used the general layout of the previous house I.e. great room and kichen setup and relocated the master bedroom and retained the upper level as was previously done since it was perfect.. The entire goal from day 1 was to have a wide open view of the bay and the only way to get that view was to elevate the house. Here's the actual front elevation and the exact siding color and ledge rock color we are using. 3D CAD drawings are a bit rough. Rear elevation is basically the reverse of the front. Granted it may not be everyone's cup of tea but, it works for us and accomplishes our goals and within our budget which is the most important thing. Not much point in designing something that doesn't work for our taste nor our budget. I've seen FAR and away too many people end up in an incredibly gorgeous house and when you walk in, their idea of a kitchen table is a moving box with bean bag chairs. I don't think so ! Here's ARG's original plan cuts. The first floor has pretty much the same layout with the exception that we moved the Master Bedroom to where the garage is and reconfigured that area a bit. Also the second floor as shown below is exactly the same as it was. That was absolutely perfect as it was. The revised layout has the master bedroom in the front of the house which, typically I would not do for car lights into the bedroom or for privacy concerns. In this case, the master bedroom windows are right at about 15' up and off the ground so it's no longer a real concern. With the change, we started at the left front corner of the house with the guest bedroom and went straight to the rear. Now, the rear of the house is all great room area, dining area with an island and then a second island for prep and then the kitchen....See MoreGeorge Jake
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