Did you get your MRI? It sounds like things are progressing nicely for you. I just had my 2nd hearing on Nov. 3rd & I think it went well. Looking at my denial letter from the April hearing, things that were focused on were 1) I do laundry 2) I food shop 3) I drive my daughter to school. When I went back this time I brought with me a page I made in Word, explaining my laundry area showing I have a "dirty clothes" basket on a chair, so that I do not have to bend. I also highlighted the dryer which is set up on a base so that I do not have to bend. On top of the dryer is the clean clothes basket- clothes get folded & go straight into it. To the right of the dryer are hangers, any shirts coming out of the dryer get hung. If you food shop, be sure to note if your food shopping consists of picking up 2 or 3 bags worth of groceries to get you by till someone can go with you. Also note that if you do food shop, how often you go (me- every 10 to 14 days). If you food shop & get employees to load soda or heavy items in your cart, or if they unload your cart into your car for you. At this hearing I also made sure they knew that it was incorrectly noted that I drive my daughter to school & that I drive her to the bus stop which is around the corner. Your symptoms mimic mine. I've got a computer desk, my monitor is to the left, a wireless keyboard & mouse. If you can picture this, I have 2 chairs in front of the desk, 1 my high back computer chair, the other a fold up chair I keep my feet on. A heating pad is on the computer chair. I get up, turn on the heat, then sit down & put my feet up. My keyboard is on my lap. I'll sit here for close to 2 hours before I'm able to get up & do anything. The heating pad has been a life-saver. Where are your spasms? What are you doing for them? I've found that the heat plus trigger points helped with those. I used to be really bad, so much so that my legs would shake like jello. I keep crutches just in case. We found out by accident after I had a discography (5 needles) that showed no results (Dr did it wrong) I was in worse shape due to him hitting a nerve. My neuro prescribed methylprednisolen dose pak, let me tell you, that was the thing that stopped the bad spasms. It was like this magic pill, after that, going back for trigger points every 4 months or so instead of every month. I'm also taking Zanaflex at night with Skelaxin as needed during the day. If you want to email me from my member page, let me know where your pain is. If it is lower back, down to the toes like me I've got some great photos I found on the web that I put into a word file detailing my treatment, medications (current & tried) as well as a description of my pain along with the photographs which I edited to show exactly where my pain is. I just uploaded 2 of my edited pics- & . I've also got some muscle views, side spine views. If you notice, each pic has different color pain lines- they each mean something different like stabbing, shooting pain, numbness, etc. Took me about a week to find the various pics, it was not easy. Good luck

I agree that it is easier to ask your guests to bring only themselves most of the time. Better for everyone. I have a friend who offered to bring appetizers to a gathering of ours last year. She turned up about 15 minutes late with a cold package of brie that had come from Costco. Originally it had been frozen and she thawed it. It was designed to be eaten hot though so we had to cook it for 30 minutes. By then dinner was ready so I just added it along with everything else for dinner. It tasted strange to me so I checked the package and it had expired about six months previously. Into the trash it went. Now when those friends come I just ask them to bring themselves and whatever alcohol they really like. I provide the rest. Kate

Dear Fiance, SD wrote about what she is thankful for Thanksgiving. She discussed being thankful for the earth, her house and family. -I appreciate my family because I have a dad that loves me and my brother that is funny. My dad gives food to me and my brother.- It struck me that after all the time I have spent with her, practically living here, and dinners we have made, I am left out. It has been a sad realization that my rose-colored fantasy of what could be has shattered little by little, day by day. The more I open up to them and try to create a solid foundation, the more pain I feel. I wish I could hug your children and feel like their mother and love them unconditionally. When I read things like --no person, grandmother, sister, brother, Lady Dianna, mother Theresa et al can replicate what Late Wife provided to me and the kids...I had a gorgeous women look at our children with eyes that just gushed love. Only a mother can possess that look of absolute, unadulterated love for her children-, I can't help but feel like s--t and wonder why I am here. As much as I love you and enjoy our time together, being in a role of stepmother or surrogate mother is taking a toll on my identity, redefining me into a second rate role fraught with loss and insecurity. I wish the word --mother wasn't even part of stepmother. At every developmental level, there is bound to be confusion about my role, their loss, and who their mother was. You will also mourn that Late Wife did not witness pivotal moments of your children's lives. Your children will ask you, ---Tell me a story about mommy?--- I honestly don't know if I will ever be fully comfortable listening to your stories or hearing Late Wife's family tell stories about her. After all, if she had not died, I would not be a part of your lives. It is hard to live daily with this cold reality, when it is normally, first comes love, then comes marriage, then children.... Every day, I am confronted with reminders of a past intact happy family: love letters, pictures, furniture, christmas ornaments, her recipes, dishes et al. I find it emotionally distressing to reside among visual representations of my secondary and outside position, yet I know I should just suck it up and be mature about it. To be in your lives, I have to suck it up a lot more than you may realize, dealing with grief and loss that predated me. I think that marrying you and adopting your children is premature and unrealistic, and unfair to ask of anyone, when I do not believe that you have grieved enough. If you had, I would be offered more drawers than what LW's belongings occupy considering I live in your house most of the time. Throughout this experience, I realize that the stepmom/potential adoptive mother role is based on a lie, that I will be the --mom.--- I can help raise SD and SS; help with homework, feed them, clothe them, and drive them to school. But I will never be their mom. Building our relationship so that we have a solid foundation also takes up time you can spend with your children when they have already have lost a parent. Your children have had to adjust as you bring a stranger into the house. They struggle to feel secure and form an attachment when they already have abandonment and identity issues. That's why they cling and then pull away from me. I too struggle to fully embrace children who I had no hand in raising during their formative years and who are not mine genetically. It is difficult to not be able to see myself in children I am trying to raise, as parents sit around a table discussing their children and see themselves in them. It is difficult to know when to act like a -parent-, when to be a -friend-, and when to be your girlfriend. It is hard to explain the difficulty of such a task until you walk in my shoes. And what about you? You feel exhausted because you are trying to spend time with me to keep me happy and spend time with your children to keep them happy. It is draining trying to please everyone while having a demanding career. It is a tug of war instead of the cohesive unit you had when you were in an intact family and which you so often refer to in your writing as ---wanting back---. While you are only marrying me, I am also becoming wedded to your children and LW's sainted memory. If I move in with you, I will forever be surrounded by mementos of your past. If I put them all together, they wouldn't even fit in a bedroom, and we would be downsizing and hopefully moving some of my stuff into the new home. How can that possibly happen? At present, there is no room for me in your life, that space continues to be occupied by the love of your life. I feel like an interloper as I lay here on a bed frame with the love of your life's name written on it. SD mentioned today that her New Years wish is for you to smile all day and be happy. I think right now we are working so hard to be happy, it is causing us to get sick and tired. I am being kept awake projectile vomiting and probably can't go to work tomorrow. I love you and want to stress that I have never loved someone so fully. We however met under unfortunate circumstances and poor timing. I want you to be happy and I cannot do that for you. I am adding complexity to an already complex situation. My self-esteem is also crumbling under these conditions because while I know that is not your intent, I feel second best. I want to have firsts with the man I marry. I also feel selfish for wanting time with just you, limited time taken away from time you can spend with your children who need a parent. This tug of war would not occur in a marriage not involving children and is not something that can be prevented under current circumstances. I am truly sorry that you lost the love of your life. I cannot fathom the sorrow you feel. I wish that she was still alive and with you. You would be smiling all day. I hope someday to have someone love me as much as you love her and to be the only woman, the first lady, in a man's life. Love, Pityparty

Goutgrec wrote that T"hat's because there usually isn't anyone from the magazine at the photo shoots, or the designer doesn't want to reveal too many sources, especially those which aren't obvious." Not to be argumentative, but that's not true, at least with the magazines I've freelanced for. House Beautiful, House and Garden, Elle Decor, Metropolitan Home almost always have an editor or producer around when the room is shot. What is true is that often the designer has added things from vendors that aren't owned by the client or homeowner. Shoot's over, lamps go back to the shop.