Dear John Letter to fiance widower with children
I have been having doubts about marrying a widower with children -been widowed for 5 years with SD 9 and SS 10-, been engaged/dating for over 2 years. In the beginning, things were wonderful and still, when we have time together without the children, they are. However, with the demands of his new job, I have been spending exponentially more time with his children than him and what little time he has left is spent with all of us together. I do not have any of my own children and becoming instant mom is very stressful on me. He is out of town one week out of every month. Even though we have a nanny, she is not live-in so I shoulder a lot of the childcare responsibilities in addition to my full time job. I also end up having limited time to spend with my friends. Right now he is currently out of town.
I hope I am making the right decision. I feel very torn about this. I have been paying mortgage on a home I barely reside in and have made a New Years Resolution to live at my home so that if he needs childcare, he can hire someone. Can a relationship work with someone if you don't want to live with them and their kids full time? When I didn't live full time with the kids, I enjoyed them much more, I was more like the fun Aunt. I long for the good old days when I could come and go. He is coming into the relationship with a lot of baggage (kids, late wife, etc) and sometimes I need a break from it. Otherwise I can feel trampled and suffocated by the weight of it. Is this normal? I love him and don't want to end it. Has anyone had this sort of arrangement and gotten married later on when the kids were more independent? Next post will have the letter.