Actually, I wrote this; what's the problem?

Just kidding, but I could have though.

I know I can be a cantankerous hostess when people don't use common sense. I have had pretty much the same 45 people for the family Christmas Eve party for 10 years so they know the routine and what the expectations are. Invariable someone will do something that doesn't fit the program. Last year a cousin brought her usual grape jelly meatballs in a 18 quart Nesco roaster and plunked it down in the middle of the buffet table amongst my beautiful serving pieces and taking up valuable space. I asked what was I suppose to the Volkswagen she just put on the table.

I truly beleive that if I recieved this letter I would call and cancel. I have no issue with her requests, but her snide and sarcastic tone is plain rude and un-welcoming. Or maybe I would be as rude as she is, and just be a no-show and leave her hanging for her 15 pounds of potaotes.

And Cathy, when she pulls up with her VW, just park it in the garage, plug it in, and serve the jelly goo in another dish. Her job is to now keep it filled and hot.

I do.....which is why I don't ask people to bring stuff!

Remembering once when "someone" brought a noodle casserole, dumped out of the casserole and wrapped in foil....you couldn't even use the micro to reheat. Said she didn't want us to have to bother to return her dish!
another time when someone who was to bring an egg casserole brought a dozen eggs....and once when I was having a "couples shower" ( that is a shower where both guys and gals come for dinner) for 50 and the woman who said she would bring the main dish but not help withanything else....brought a HUGE precooked casserole that only needed to be warmed up....it had been refrigerated.
Ever try to warm up a casserole that size?
I totally sympathize !
Linda C

Okay so maybe I didn't write it! I went back and read more closely; I wouldn't have been that rude. Last year I stressed finger food; I ended up with pies and salads.

These are really nice people (DH's family) for the most part so I wouldn't want to hurt them when they are being generous by contributing to the family get together. But it is frustrating for a person, okay, an anal person, to do so much pre-planning then have things not go according to a well-thought out plan.

Oh my! I would definitely send my regrets to that kind of invitation!

To tell someone what brand to buy and what recipe to use, and which dish not to use? That's just way over the top in my opinion. Yikes is all I can say....

Linda

Cathy....do it yourself!...it works..
"What can I bring?"
"Just yourself"...smiles...
Believe me in the long run it's easier!
Also remembering one time I had planned a silver and white and glass table....and someone brought a casserole in an orange Dansk pan....
I scooped it out and put it into one of my Villory Boch almost white dishes....and tried to ignore the flower in the bottom!
Remembering one time when someone asked what can I bring...I said "the wine" ....and got a couple of bottles of port....cheap port!! Luckily I had wine ...
Do it yourself!...or think of no harm stuff...like chips....or soda....or...
But where it matters....I do it myself.
Anal Linda C

I think that there is a long painful story to every request in that letter.

I'm a control freak, which means that I ask people to NOT bring ANYTHING, unless it is someone I can literally trust with my life.

Well I don't know why anyone would complain about the salad in the plastic box along with a Tupperware knockoff bowl for the bleu cheese topping in the middle of the holiday buffet!

But my control freakiness is more for the cleanup phase. The timing of it. And the ME doing it because I have a small kitchen and only *I* know what I'm doing. OK spouse can help. Can I send a letter to my guests informing them that we will NOT wash dishes immediately after the meal? And that no, they may not wash them while I relax because they must be supervised?

I have issues. :)

I'm not able to access the link to read the letter, but I can imagine it based on the replies.

fori, I wrote about the "clean up" issue in a post a few months ago when I was doing a lot of entertaining.

Someone implied that it was inhospitable of me not to allow my guests to help clear & wash dishes if they volunteered. I posted to find out if I was the only one who preferred to go it alone, after the dinner or party, and discovered that a number of people feel the way I (and you)do.

OMG! Two years ago our friends, the Canadians, brought one side of their family. OK each section of the family owns multiple McDonalds, so they should be used to seeing people cook. I'm finishing up, turkey is out, and I'm trying to make mashed spuds. Look up--four people staring at me from over the sink. I finally snapped--out!! out! Dinner will be served in 5 minutes. That's why I make make-ahead-turkey-gravy. Darn, I don't like stares!

Only 2 for dinner this year and that's fine! Love those folks, but let's make it another time!

Wow I guess IÂm in the minority here. I found the letter over the top rude. Yes I work hard to make a beautiful dinner and table BUT as a reformed Type A, OCD, control freak, I've learned to go with the flow. If someone brings a dish in an ugly casserole I'll either serve it as is or transfer it to another dish. If the wrong wine is brought, I'll serve it along with the proper one if I have it. If someone brings a totally in appropriate dish, I'll serve it. If they bring something that needs cooking or heating and they were told to bring it hot, I won't change my serving schedule I'll just serve it after, when it's ready. If it's a total disaster, I'll make a joke out of it. Holidays are about spending time with friends and family, the food is secondary. Yes I love to cook, no I'm not a great fans of my in-laws but I'll be darned if I'm going to let a few glitches spoil a holiday.

Now with all that said, I do keep a bottle of wine handy for the cook (me) for "medicinal" purposes on those less than perfect holidays.

I don't truly believe the letter is real, I think somebody wrote it to submit to that website to be funny and provoke comments. And if its real, oh well, I would just bow out and make my own bird!

I don't sympathize with her at all, and I wouldn't go. And, it's not funny, either, sort of pathetic, actually.

I've never asked family to bring anything to a dinner I've hosted, it's not the responsibility of the guests to feed themselves. My dear SIL makes wonderful salads and always brings one (but she always offers), that's a tradition we all look forward to, but if someone expected me to bring that much food I'd stay home.

We had a neighbor, many years ago (who had plenty of money), and decided to invite the neighbors for dinner, since her family had been invited to everyone's home many times. Except.... she asked the neighbors to bring all the food. Needless to say, no one came.

I agree moosemac. Thanksgiving belongs to everyone else as much as the hostess and I would never put my expectations upon someone who either doesn't care or know any better.
Cooking and hostessing can be an extremely intimidating job for many and so they chose never to learn basics. If someone brings a plastic platter of vegetables from the grocery store, I am disappointed but not surprised.
But they have to eat it too and don't seem to mind, so be it.
This is why for Thanksgiving although I have 20 coming, all my tables are set (with china and the tables are beautiful if I say so myself -just waiting last minute flowers), spring (fall) cleaning is in the midst, and I am preparing almost all the dishes.
I had to scrounge to think of something a single cousin -40ish- woman could bring and finally decided she could bring the coffee beans. She will bring a variety; regular, decaf and flavored. She was relieved at not having to cook anything. I only asked for coffee beans.

Here's what I read in that letter:

The writer is stuck (or feels stuck) hosting the family thanksgiving every year. No one else will take it on. She is not a natural hostess type and resents being the one who does it every year. She finds herself flustered and frustrated with everyone bringing the wrong food in the wrong containers and expecting to cook/heat, etc. after arriving at her house, creating (what she perceives as) chaos in the kitchen.

The thing is, as an experienced hostess, I (and many of you here) know that that's just how hostessing goes. And we know it's more about the company than it is about the food or how smoothly things go in the kitchen. And sometimes half the fun is the activity in the kitchen as everyone scurries about with last minute prep. But who knows WHAT the family dynamic is -- maybe in their case it's NOT more about the company!

I wouldn't necessarily turn down that invitation, assuming it's a family thing. Instead I'd follow her instructions and then offer to host for next year. And I'd just go ahead and make most of it myself, or play on everyone's strengths instead of commanding they follow my instructions.

Yeah, the letter was horrifying but I actually feel sorry for the hostess because I can only imagine how she must be feeling to actually write AND SEND a letter like that.

Put me in the corner with everyone else who thinks this letter is very rude. But I don't know this person, and wouldn't want to rule out that this might be playful humor.

I would never ask someone to bring a specific brand, unless it was absolutely critical. And also to insist that a specific recipe was requested is a little over the top.

"...as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level..." Holy condescending!

There are a hundred better ways this letter could have been written to be less offensive, while still getting the same messages across.

Lowspark, that was a truly tactful response.

But I'm afraid she was more some kind of horrible controlling person who demanded to host the holiday but wanted to tell everyone how to do everything. (If she doesn't like to entertain, it seems like padlocking the door or faking a heart attack would be more effective).

I'll hope along with susytwo that she was kidding. She's from some warm-hearted, talkative Italian family, and she hosts a haphazard but loving Thanksgiving each year, and is known for being extremely laid back, so thought it would be funny to pretend she's Bree VanDeKamp.

Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure she's just psycho.

Lighten up folks...it's what she FELT like writing!
I don't for one second think that letter was sent....if she were going to request certain stuff she wouldn't put it all in one letter.
It's a paen to those who always host the gathering, but of course it's no trouble because others always bring lots of food....and all she has to do is organize and put together a lovely meal out of mish-mosh.

Ha ha, I just had a conversation like this with friends last night. Lots of family drama over who stays at whose house, who cooks what, trying to keep grandma from getting exhausted, trying to get activities organized, etc.

Not my family, someone else, but it was so funny. My 92-year-old mom has always cooked the entire meal and always will until the day she dies. I set the table, pour the water, carry the serving dishes to the table and we all clear. I wash the dishes and prod my brother and son to dry. They are happy to do it but don't think of it unless asked.

Although I doubt that letter was ever mailed, it sure is over the top.

I agree with Linda--it's what she FELT like writing.

OR it's what some of her guests feel like she would write because she's a bit bossy...

Just a commentary on how family get togethers can be.

Once I asked what I could bring to a family Thanksgiving (inlaws, naturally). Paper plates. Plastic cups. Jarred olives. Cranberry sauce (canned was implied). I wanted to be offended that I clearly couldn't cook but considered the possibility that they were trying to make it easy for me since we had to drive a ways. I rebelled and made cranberry sauce.

All were impressed.

The puzzle about this letter, if the hostess, as lowspark, notes, is frustrated by hosting Thanksgiving every year, she is assertive enough to write these very OCD instructions, but not assertive enough to say NO MORE.

I truly received a similar email recently from someone at time in my life when my (STILL not ex) husband decided not to pay me support for several months and couldn't bring what she delegated me, because I was too poor! I backed out of coming to the birthday altogether over that. Not just that she had no sense of where I was financially, yet was supposed to be "close enough" to support her party, but more that it was said in a tone and expectation I'd never imposed on her!

Fori, I had the same experience, except it was greenbean casserole instead of canned cranberry sauce!

I agree that it is easier to ask your guests to bring only themselves most of the time. Better for everyone. I have a friend who offered to bring appetizers to a gathering of ours last year. She turned up about 15 minutes late with a cold package of brie that had come from Costco. Originally it had been frozen and she thawed it. It was designed to be eaten hot though so we had to cook it for 30 minutes. By then dinner was ready so I just added it along with everything else for dinner. It tasted strange to me so I checked the package and it had expired about six months previously. Into the trash it went.

Now when those friends come I just ask them to bring themselves and whatever alcohol they really like. I provide the rest.

Kate

Man, I don't care who shows up, what they bring, what dish they bring it ... just come on over and enjoy the day.

Moosemac expressed my views perfectly.
So did angelaid.

However.....
IF the letter was real and had been sent to me in a serious manner (i.e. know who it was from and the tone intended), I'd be likely to rebel.
I'd probably show up with a box of wine and some store-bought crap food.
When the writer "reacted" in person, I'd just telling her we're eating out anyway. And leave.

Yes, IF it were real, I'd be extremely offended.
I have my doubts that the intent is "as presented".

Deanna

Yeah, if I got a letter like that, I'd show up with a box of Eggos.

I couldn't open the link, but this post had me so curious I googled and found the letter. I don't think it's a real letter that was sent to someone's family. Sounds like the over-the-top "Letters from Camp" or "Christmas Newsletters" meant to make a point and/or entertain.

If you could find them, Shaun!