Terriks, that is so kind of you to say that.

Yes, I'm talking about the new GOP, not the one we used to have. I actually commented on my page this is not the Grand Old Party anymore, it's a cult. I went on to say the GOP we were proud of were the one's who stood up to Nixon, that they were the hero's during Watergate, not the Dem's.

Louise, the meanness has spread like a bad virus. FB really opened my eye's about what's in people's hearts. The lies they tell, like the meme I mentioned above, they don't research the trash they post. I had had enough the other night, but I was kind.

My son's live in the same town and are well liked. I've been instructed by both to can the political stuff although they agree with me.

I have twin boys that are very socially active, both through business and personally, and they have told me to layoff too on the political end. They have told me that they will block me. So I do my best, at least most of the time, to not be TOO alienating. And I know that my daughter's inlaws are in the opposite camp so I am likely blocked at least some of the time from her FB feed, which I certainly understand. Three of my kids have no FB presence at all, Instagram is their arena. And I usually block my parents from my ramblings because I don't want to worry them. So much of what I do online is protest, covering race, gender, sexuality, GLBTQ and other "hot" topics. It's who I am and I understand that may be uncomfortable for some of my friends. I am past the stage of really caring if anybody drops me because of my stance on any of this, the hurt, thankfully, has faded. My children know that the world is way bigger than just America and realize that we are a very small part in this global world.

I had to unfollow some people, and it has hurt me. But this is happening in real life too. I can't abide by racism and lies. If someone is spewing racism and lies, either in person or on FB, I can ignore them up until they start acting on their racism and lies by behaving horribly in person and on FB. I have friends who post very different political opinions than me, and we sometimes have spirited discussions, but that's not what I'm talking about. I also have some friends who have lived sheltered lives and are very unaware of how hurtful and untrue the things are that they post to people from a different background than them. I also have friends who in general are downright insensitive, and that shows up in the hateful things they post on FB. They don't mean to be hurtful, but taking care not to step on peoples' feeling is not their strong suit. For example, I am a teacher and the BS I have read about schools is amazing, but hey, my posting a comment on a FB meme or getting into a flame war with someone is not going to change that so I just don't go there. I have to put up with some of it to some degree. This has happened to me in real life too.

My fiance is a case in point. He's left-leaning, but often posts very insulting memes and some that are not true, about people of a different political belief than him. Many of my left leaning friends have commented on how "angry" his FB page is. I have tried to talk to him about this but he just says, "So what?!" His good friends I guess accept his cantankerousness but his posts haven't brought out the best in him or his circle of friends. I usually draw the line and unfollow people who call others names and use a lot of swear words. I'm not a wilting daisy but I just don't want to be exposed to all that negativity, from either side of the political spectrum. The level of discussion on FB is very low for the most part, which is why I rarely post memes at all.

But anyway, I have come a couple of times to almost unfriend my fiance due to him breaking those rules, and we are very much on the same page as far as most areas of values, with a few key difference. I've unfriended a few folks for very abusive or offensive behavior, don't miss them. I've unfollowed a few and even though they are good friends, I definitely know their true colors now and keep that in mind in my interactions with them. Too bad, but FB didn't cause this, it just reflects it.

As far as wanting friends IRL that reflect your values, Amen to that! I think we should try to seek out people in our lives who edify it and support our morals and values. I grew up this way and was advised by my elders to do that, but now I too am finding myself awash in a sea of snarky, rather indifferent and unmotivated people who have no interest in trying to make a difference, and that is not the way we want to live. We are also seeking to leave this dead-end area where I live, which is sad, since it didn't use to be that way. The things the remaining folks who live in my home town are willing to see happen is appalling. Not everyone feels this way, but it seems nowdays so difficult to fight the tide of callousness. Just the basic institutions folks are willing to let die, like churches, community organizations, parks, libraries, businesses, etc. Without friends or quality social contact opportunities, we are more and more looking to move.

You know, we can disagree on policies, but if we disagree on the concept
of basic human dignity and respect for each other and the earth, I
can't not see what I am clearly seeing. Just yesterday I was going to my local Walmart to pick up a movie and a plastic storage container and there was a truck parked in the parking lost with not one but TWO confederate flags flying in the back. Not a sticker on the bumper, large flags on large poles flapping in the breeze. I am from a state that provided more soldiers than almost any other state for the UNION army, many of our regiments were in the worst battles and lost many lives, so not sure why all of a sudden after 60 years living here I am seeing these flags flying. Not sure why something that celebrates a break-up of the US over who deserves human rights is OK with folks. And this is not something that is hanging in their home to celebrate their southern roots, which I would be OK with, it is flying double in their truck. I am not stupid I know why they are doing this, to thumb their noses at folks with a symbol of violent revolution and to hurt back those who have hurt them. This is not how I want to live. We turned right around and I will now not go back into my local Walmart, even though I know they have no control over what people put on the cars in their parking lot. I don't want to live like this, the quality of life in my home town had gone way downhill. Fortunately, the majority of my FB friends are not part of this trend. I have plenty of uplifting experiences with them and their posts.

I suggest unfollowing folks who upset you unless you really don't want to ever have any contact with them again. That will clear up your FB problem. They have probably unfollowed you already anyway. Then, seek out friends who are more in line with your values. There are churches and other groups out there you can hook up with. We try and do that. Slim pickings in my home town now days, but still some hold outs. Most of my friends and their parents, even elderly, have either moved away or died. Even back before FB, I know people left certain churches over personal conflicts, so this is not a new problem. Nor is it a left/right thing. A good friend of mine who is a very conservative christian left her family church because she was disturbed at the way some people were treating each other there. She went to another church of the same denomination in a nearby town, so it wasn't the faith that was the problem. Her old church had changed pastors and that affected it is what she told me. Leadership does count.

You know last night we rented "Game Night" which was mildly amusing, and there is a scene about a "fight club" at a rich person's house and an ongoing joke about whether such things exist. I pondered why so many violent things like dog fights, cock fights, human fights, pornography, violent video games, holds so much attraction for so many people. Our obsession with having to sell media products has exposed and fed this tendency. It's clear what we as individuals can do to stay away from that kind of thing, but when these lesser angels are fed and start to reach out and prey on the innocent because they have been egged on, well that I don't know how to stop.

I really don’t have anything to add to the several pieces of excellent advice above. But I do have 2 observations.

Years ago I walked into a convenience store. The clerk behind the counter was crying. Naturally I asked what was wrong, and got a torrent of tears and complaints about what a relative of hers had said about her father on FB. My immediate thought was, Well how machocistic is that? If you don’t like it, get off FB. You can’t control other people, as much as you’d like to.

Comment #2: DH is extremely interested in politics and has no qualms about posting political things on FB. However, I have no desire to have someone tell me what to believe or how to vote. So I blocked him. Problem solved.

Oh! I guess I have 3 comments: Church is a hospital for sinners, not a sanctuary for saints. In other words, churchgoers are not sin-free. IMHO, of course.

littlebug, this is gold. I hope it is okay if I borrow it.

Church is a hospital for sinners, not a sanctuary for saints.

Of course, d_gw. It’s what I truly believe. (As I sit here on my back porch enjoying my flowers, the breeze, and the cooler weather while skipping church this morning.)

Ha - I forgot to mention that hubby is extremely outspoken on FB and doesn't hesitate to block or unfriend the folks he judges to be unworthy, so when I want to share something that could offend some of my more conservative relatives (who are actually too polite to mention it), I simply share it to his page, where only like-minded family will see it. It's not always political either, sometimes it's just bawdy or gross humor.

I walked away from FB..four years ago?

I had not many friends (I think around 60 or 70?)

I was very careful to divide them into groups so some things, I'd share with only family or very very close friends for example(like numerous pics of my kids lol), and my stupid stream of consciousess-I write same everywhere unfortunately..lol..with folks who know me and how I write for years

some, I was polite to keep as contacts if they asked me to friend them, yet my page seemed empty, or almost always empty to them.

I had a nickname so few people from the past would be able to find me unless they'd figure out who I am.

In short, I compartmentalized as much as possible.

I followed just several famous people that I loved reading. I never commented. Neither I participated in any political discussions with my friends. I just read. If I start reading something it's hard for me to stop. And "just reading" started being really really bad for me. It could be even comments from people I don't know, y friends' friends, but I'd take it so close to heart my day would be ruined. Maybe couple days. At some point, I decided it'd be better if I just dissappear.

I miss many people who chose to be only there, I know they miss me too, so they say. Some made numerous attenpts to bring me back(as I also would try to bring them back to where I am)

I feel bad for not being there to see their photos etc..not being a part of.

But I figured...the messenger still works(and that's what I still use from time to time). They all know where and how to find me. They know where to read my ramblings if they feel like it. I know where to find them too.

I just can't stand reading there anymore.

And most of my friends I love and admire and respect and know for many years.

If these were just some folks from where I happen to live I wouldn't even join FB. It's too traumatic, really.

And yes, we lost several members of my forum due to politics. Even though we re very close knit small forum .And yes, I know some of my friends unfriended others. Over politics etc. More than that, I know some family members stopped talking to each other. That's real life, that's not FB. that's when it gets really, really sad.

Oh, I forgot that on FB you can create "groups" that you only post certain messages to, and also just to one person's page. I do that on posts from time to time because sometimes I post things that would be quite boring to some folks, like inside jokes, etc. Through using these tools I've managed to create a space that is relatively positive for keeping up with actual friends. LOL Littlebug, interesting to read I am not the only person who wants to block their SO! Mine is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde He posts wonderful family photos and then angry rants. And my SO is the sweetest person imaginable, it is hard to reconcile that with how angry he gets sometimes. Oddly, I have also found in my life some of the grumpiest people have a sweet side. Weird but that is the human condition. What a piece of work is man!

Is facebook healthy though? From what I'm reading here, no. It's not. You who are on facebook will argue this point, but reading these comments are proof to me.

And it's not just here that I'm reading this kind of stuff. It's also on a mental health website that I used to be a part of. So many posts had to do with the anguish people feel when they're blocked or are unfriended...

I do not think it's good for people.

Littlebug I agree with what you say...I live in the Bible Belt and the amount of hypocrisy is laughable.

pennydesign, I think it's all in how you take it (or maybe what you make it!). My fb friends are "friends" or family, not acquaintances. As someone else mentioned, I'm selective. In my job, I have made many friends that leave us (graduate students) and fb is a good way to keep up. Same as for friends no longer in the area, etc. I really don't post much of anything and I rarely share items. I don't go through "liking" posts, etc. I don't discuss politics or religion. I have taken advantage of blocking what you can read from certain posters. My community has a fb page that is full of info, my workplace has a fb page, even my church has a fb page. I see it more as a way of keeping in touch with people you don't see daily and info from church, work, community. You can't take it too seriously.

Of course there are sinners in church. We have all sinned. And you can be religious without going to church, but I think you probably get alot more out of religion by going to church, JMO. We are blessed with a wonderful church family and I want to be part of that.

DH and I had a lengthy conversation about social media today. He believes it's insidious and I find myself agreeing more and more with his position. I've copied below an article I found that iterates some of the thoughts he and I discussed. Hope others find this stuff thought provoking too.

***************

8 Dangers of Social Media We’re Not Willing to Admit

BY NEAL SAMUDRE

When I posed a question the other day about possibly leaving social media, I got a response that shocked me. People said it was risky—dangerous even. They told me I shouldn’t leave or change my social media strategy for fear of missing out.

It’s strange how fast we assimilated social media into the very DNA of our relationships. When at one time we questioned how we could live with it, we now question how we could live without it.

To some degree, this is troubling because many of us know the many disadvantages to living our lives on social media, and yet, we’re too afraid to cut the chord. We’ve grown too attached to the reality of social media.

After much discussing, I decided not to leave social media (namely, Facebook). But the whole discussion on the matter led me to truly analyze the pros and cons of social media.

I discovered that not many people even want to look at the disadvantages of social media because they know they can’t live without it. But maybe it’s time to face the dangers we’re unwilling to look at, because that’s the only way we can make our experience online a healthy one.

This list below is not my attempt to convince you away from social media. It’s my attempt to level the playing field and help you realize there are just as many dangers to relying on social media as there are to leaving it.

Here are just a few dangers involved with social media:

1. Validation

We’ve always wanted to be accepted. Social media has just exacerbated this desire in the form of likes and retweets. Seeking validation online is a danger because it has us relinquish our power to affirm ourselves even more. We now look for even more external measurements to our worth.

When we seek validation, we attempt to define who we are online, not have online complement who we are. Let’s cut all the validation at the roots and get back to being our true selves.

2. Comparison

When we see other’s accomplishments, how many of us envy them? How many of us compare instead of connect? Like validation, we’ve always done this with our peers. But with social media’s ability to edit our image, we now do this even more. It’s time for us to stop comparing ourselves to others and place the power back in our own hands to judge our worth.

3. Bitterness

I often get bitter that one person liked another status and not mine, or that one person shared a moment with another friend and not me. This is ultimately a heart problem on my part. But how many of you also grow bitter from what you see on social media? Maybe the best cure is to step back from the platform that only fosters a bitter heart.

4. Caring About the Wrong Things

I used to care more about real, tangible things—like my relationships with others. Now I find that being watered down with cares about a virtual world—how my image looks on social media or how many “likes” my Instagram photo got. Give priority to what happens in the real and visible present, not what occurs in a virtual world.

5. Noise

Before, I used to really take the time to digest content. I would read longer paragraphs online and thoroughly enjoy it. But now, I only read lists online. The clutter and barrage of noise has led me to only consume bullet point information. This way, I could read everything given to me.

The reality is, however, you filter what’s noise from what’s essential, and you only consume the beneficial essential. This unfortunately becomes increasingly difficult with social media sharing everything.

6. Convenient Friendships

We don’t have much risk with our relationships today. It is now hard to call someone on the phone because that involves giving something of ourselves. Instead of risking, it’s easier to glance at someone’s profile to learn about his or her world. Unfortunately, this makes a relationship convenient and easy, when the best foundation for a long lasting relationship is one that’s willing to risk.

7. Wasting Time

Time is valuable, which means we shouldn’t waste it with people, interactions and advertisements that offer no return for our attention. Social media forces us to waste time with these sort of things. It’s better to invest our valuable time in something that gives the world—and us—more value.

8. Isolation

On social media, we are in a world within a world. It’s easy to shut ourselves off from interaction because we believe our interaction online is enough. It’s easy to not see people all day, but rather see them online.

Distance yourself from this tendency to isolate. Allow social media to push you in the world even further, not away from it.

It is just as equal of a danger to stay on social media than it is to leave. What this means is we are free to choose. We are free to pick which set of problems we want. We can decide how we want to improve our online experience. And most of all, we can choose which measures will help us honor God and live more like His Son in this world. The choice is yours.

Am I the only one appreciating the irony of critiquing social media on social media?

I see what you're saying, carolb, but this site is hardly the same thing (at least not yet). I've never had a friend insist that messaging me on GW or houzz is the only reasonable way to contact me, nor tell me that it's essential to be here to keep in touch with friends/family and refuse to stay in touch via other means.

To me there is a big difference between a website where people with similar interests (roses, say, or antique furniture) are able to make contact with others with similar interests and discuss those topics, and deliberately allowing yourself to be part of a huge exercise in psychological manipulation (which facebook constantly gets caught at with no penalty more than a shrug from anyone).

I'm sorry, but someone who is only a friend via facebook is not your friend.

I see your point, Carol, but I see forums such as this as so much more, simply because of the flow of information and thoughts exchanged. Facebook is a series of quick hits and runs for the most part.

I would like to add to some of what's been said....I have also been criticized for not being on facebook (or instagram). I've been told that I "should" have an online presence. I feel a bit ostracized because I'm excluded from any neighborhood happenings as that's the only way to find out what's going on. People look at me a bit askance like I'm a deliberate hermit :)

For the record, I'm here a lot lately because I'm ill. I do understand that social media is the only way for many to connect, but my worry is that so many people are mistaking this kind of interaction as reality. It's not. It's a very select view that you're allowed and the rest is filled in by your imagination.

Despite that some of us know one another in real life, does anyone feel like the anonymity here is helpful, better than than being yourself on FB?

This is an older format, but discussions like these can & do take place on FB.

I agree it's not the same, but similar.

I would agree that it may well be goal of houzz, but what can you show at GW or even houzz that equates to this?

http://time.com/5197255/facebook-cambridge-analytica-donald-trump-ads-data/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/07/01/9-answers-about-facebooks-creepy-emotional-manipulation-experiment/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.df17f01c9464

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-facebook-likes-could-flag-voters-for-manipulation/

FB is ginormous - orders of magnitude larger than Houzz. IMO, it is so huge, I don't understand they can effectively police themselves w/ the relatively small proportion of staff to users.

My neighborhood leans conservative, and we definitely don’t feel like we fit in, so we don’t socialize much. I certainly wouldn’t share my political or religious views in a public forum where my neighbors participate. We’ve also cautioned my stepson about posting political views on his page where his employer might see them. He’s not that extreme, but it could affect his career if they don’t share his world view. When we had a business, I looked at FB pages of job applicants and saw some really weird stuff.

I joined FB years ago but never posted anything and didn’t really participate. I left my page up mostly so I could occasionally look up long-lost friends and they could find me if so inclined. When they did, I gave them my personal email rather than friend them. I had a few friends, but blocked all posts. I checked the page about twice a year for messages and recently deleted my account altogether. I just don’t see the point.

My stepson’s wife puts her entire life on there. Including every detail about her kids and marriage. Daily. It’s like she’s addicted. He hates it but can’t stop her.

I spend more time on the forums lately because I retired and got an iPad, and the DH works out of town. I really should spend more time doing something constructive.

This is an older format, but discussions like these can & do take place on FB.

I agree it's not the same, but similar.

I find conversations on FB to be difficult to follow. And since it's not easily searchable, in the groups that I belong to the same questions pop up over and over again. For gathering information, I find the forum format much better.

"I find conversations on FB to be difficult to follow."-oh yes. it's not a format for long discussions. It's not like you can wait and thougtfully reply tomorrow. It's not like you're even expected to do that. Everybody'd be surprized, or so I feel:) You can, technically, find the post in question -but the post will go way way down by the time you gave yourself time to think. Many times I don't want to reply I just want to see someone's post/pic-by the time I went to read the link somebody provided in his post-I can't find the first post anymore, not easily

It was construed as a very different format. The best thing it actually does do-makes it extremely easy to download the pictures. One of the reasons I still was able to hold on to it until I couldn't.

at a certain point, before me leaving FB, I stopped looking at the feed and checked several friends' pages only. By name. That was easier. But then of course I felt bad not checking on other people. Gosh. Of course it's not on FB only, it's how different people react to stuff. But if I can't change FB-I figured the best would be to walk away.

Many platforms change for the worst, it's kinda.. normal. I remember LJ being such a great placem full of very talented people..I didn't write much but I would follow many poets and esseists. Then at some point all good people left, and it turned to be a swamp..

I saw many forums become swamps too. Or they quietly die out, or it's an ugliness that I, at certain point, can't bear, neither can many others. This here-is a rare place. I'm on forums etc for..wow, 15, 16 years? I used to be very active, in political discussions as well. I travelled the country for meet ups-East Coast to West. Almost all friends I made in USA, with exception of couple of my relatives and old friends from school-I met them on forums. There are about couple hundred people I met personally after I met them online. Some, was just meet and greet, some, became close friends, some became friends but drifted away, some stayed. The usual drill..

I have the same nickname on Facebook-very smart of me lol. Many people actually call me April. Their kids are kinda convinced it's my real name..:)

So no, answering Rita's question-I feel the same, in terms of anonimity. I write the same. Or I don't write the same. I can post pics here, can post pics there. I can go mute. I can ramble. I'm very private, but my writing is not. So I don't know whether real name matters. I'd see real names on FB-and it wouldn't give me any insight about these people. I didn't have months or years to connect with them, like on forums.Get a whole picture, Find that I love something even about the ones I really disliked. So. It was easier to get mad at them. They were just names. And I hate..not seeing a person. I hate myself for not being able to see a person, that rarely happens to me. I know many people just have trouble of expressing themselves, but it was too many people who poorly expressed themselves, too many to bear.

FB is what you make of it. As are other sites like Instagram (owned by FB). None of the points in Idaclaires list apply to me. Especially this: "And most of all, we can choose which measures will help us honor God and live more like His Son in this world." What?

A couple of people have said that their children have asked/insisted that they not post political/controversial things on FB. Do you acquiesce? I am dumbfounded by that idea. I'd unfriend anyone who suggested that to me. Even my children. Or, at the least, change settings so that the people who might be offended wouldn't see the posts.

The only "negative" friend I have on FB recently bowed out because of the negativism. Apparently he has no idea that he was part of the "problem".

The larger issue stands though. Are we becoming so insular that we can no longer read or listen to people who disagree with us? That, my friends, is the way to cultural destruction.

My children have attempted to "silence" their mother. I am always open to listening to their point of view. I may tone some of my viewpoints down a tad but, no, they know full well I will not be quiet. I have, on occasion, blocked my mom and dad from reading particular posts. I am a green card holder and not American. My dad worries that my political viewpoints/rants might make it difficult for me to re-enter when I visit Ireland/Europe. I really don't want to worry him, he's 84 and needs to enjoy his retirement.

Thanks for the explanation, april. I opted out of FB early on, so I didn't have much of a feel for it. This is the social media I have the most experience with.

When I was a teenager in Plano, Texas I desperately wanted to be able to get on to bulletin board services, but alas, I had no computer back then, so it was just a dream to be able to make friends all around the world through those old BBSs.

Roses, the reason I acquiesced to my son's request is because we live in a small community, and I don't want my political affiliation to affect him in any way. He's very popular & was born here. It's no big deal because like I said, I didn't post very much political stuff to begin with.

Last year his bff's wife unfriended me and the only thing I can think of is that it had to do with politics. They live up the road, our nearest neighbor. I've known her since she started dating her husband, who I'm like a mom to. That's when he said not to post political topics anymore and I agreed. It wasn't an order from him.

Funny thing is, a couple of weeks after I noticed she unfriended me (she rarely posts on FB and she does post political stuff), I ran into her at the store. We chatted for a very long time, laughed, etc. We go to each other's homes for cookouts a couple of times a year. I didn't say a word about being unfriended, but I gave it some time then sent a friend request and she accepted me.

I've always been fascinated with people, I guess you can call me a people watcher. FB opens my eye's and can be highly entertaining, and it lets me see what is in someone's heart. Like the cousins I mentioned above.

I do wonder about those who only take selfies of their beauty and wealth almost on a daily basis. Don't they understand they have a problem? lol

One friend was constantly constantly talking about her ailments since we've all become older. I had to unfollow her. Unless someone broke a leg and takes a picture, I don't want to hear about their daily ouchies.

None of the points in Idaclaires list apply to me. Especially this: "And most of all, we can choose which measures will help us honor God and live more like His Son in this world." What?

Rosesstink, this wasn't necessarily directed at you. Take what you like, if anything, leave what's not applicable. Oakley expressed a spiritual concern in her OP, and the comments in the article were applicable to her situation, and surely to that of others.

If Facebook is somehow dictating your emotional life, best advice is to get off it. It is not real life. It is best to return to dealing with people in real life. I would never shun someone due to their political or religious views, unless they are aggressively trying to "convert" me to their views. Believe me, certain people of both sides do this. Otherwise, I welcome acquaintances and friends of all perspectives. Isn't that what diversity is all about?

If you really hate your environment, make a plan today to move. Life is too short to hate where you are. It is a big country (and big world).

It's not about different views..it's about ability to discuss them. Which few people possess.

My husband is an atheist and I do believe (not religious, but faith does play a huge role..and no, I wasn't brought up like that, I was an atheist too, until I wasn't). And it doesn't bother us at all becase we share similar language. We're able to talk about things.

I was considered one of the best when I still was active in political etc discussions. I was respected by all, whether sharing my views or having opposite ones. But at some point you get very very tired. Very tired. Few people are interested in discussions to understand a different point of view. They want to say what they have to say. The best scenario-they are really interested, and if they do respect you already, they'll listen too. Second best scenario-they don't know you yet but the manner with which you discuss makes them respectful towards you as a person, so while their opinion stays the same, they do want to continue talking. Maybe, just maybe, something will be born out of it.

Within 5 or 7 years though, one just feels he discussed enough of this, and enough of that. He understands hat the main wonderful thing he can take from discussions, are people themselves. Some of them. So he takes the people. For better for worse. And leaves the discussions.

Also. At some point it's not just discussing views. Something big happens. Say you have a war. A real war. You have somebody near and dear where the war takes place. Start discussing it. When some people see that war in one light, and other people, in a totally different light. Or you can just read and listen to them. We'll see what happens with the diversity. And acceptance. And all the beautiful things. How fast it all goes down the drain. Regretfully so.

I'm lucky in that 95% of my FB friends do not discuss religion or politics. There is the occasional mention but many on my list are people I grew up with or family. We know there are many different views and the majority do not force any issues. Most of us are on there to share photos and updates on children, grandchildren, pets, trips and home building etc. My annoyances are mostly minor like those who post several daily photos of ones self. Luckily that has slowed down.

If FB bothered me I wouldn't go there.

Small town meanness and snobbery did not begin nor will it end on FB. It's something you have to navigate. Does not even begin and end with small towns, it is a universal problem we face as humans. In the past, I have used my community of friends and family who are not like that, who try and avoid being like that in fact, as a counterbalance to help me not get so caught up in the negativity. There are people who are uplifters and people who are not, so by choice I sought out the former. But at my age me and my friends are really squeezed for time that we can spend on uplifting much of anything. We are uplifting at work, uplifting with family, uplifting in our communities, uplifting in our marriages, uplifting to our friends. My back is killing me!! :) So I think the real issue is how to spiritually recharge, FB or not. Particularly when you find yourself in a draining environment. This has been an ongoing issue for me throughout my life. And different people have different recharging styles. Introvert and extrovert are opposites in the way they recharge. So there is that pesky diversity even in the successful strategies for coping with the challenges of life's creeping negativity.

My personal page on FB covers the following: race, LGBTQ, l, reproductive choice, child and young people advocacy, updates on my. children and extended family and, of course, Leo (The dog who rules this house lol). And yes, I do take on those who disagree with me. FB and other social media platforms, ARE RL. And so often they show who people really are.

Oakley, it's clear from your posts here that you are such a kind soul, with a tender heart. The world can be a painful place for those of us with a tender heart. :) From what I can deduce from your posts we are in many ways a lot alike.

Sadly, for me, my soul has gotten a lot less "kind" as I've aged due to stuff like this. I don't like admitting that and I work very hard at not letting it change the way I interact with people (either in real life, or online), but I think I know how you feel.

My new mantra? People can suck. Ha ha. I work hard at not taking it personally, and I've gotten much more adept at just moving on rather than letting people's petty meanness get under my skin. When you think about it, chances are good that deep down, anyone who is that mean and petty probably isn't very happy inside. And frankly, I'm pretty happy inside and at peace with myself - I can look at myself in the mirror and be pretty ok with the person looking back at me. So on a lot of levels, I end up feeling a bit sorry for people who spend their lives being so angry and in turmoil all the time. Life is just too darn short for that.

Peace my friend. Find your kindred spirits, and just ignore the rest of them.

Well Louise your post made me think.. maybe my problem is I don't want to know how people really are

I was brought up to immediately respect everybody I meet -until something very dissappointing happens.

And so it was for many years (with some blows I had to take on the way lol) until this constant writing started.

Now(in all fairness, not on FB..I don't even remember where..some Russian site) I found once an article "how gypsy young people live" (yes I know one should say "Roma"). With photos. Just photos of girls in prom dresses, and stuff like that. Apartments. blablah. Nothing special. Not much point to the article. Not much difference beteen this youth and some other youth.

Then I, in my stupidity, see the comments and start reading them. it was thousand comments..I went through 400 plus until I couldn't handle them anymore. 80% were along the lines "it's a pity Hitler didn't burn gypsies together with jews" and "they kill our youth by selling them heroin" etc. One pour soul, unexperienced I guess, tried to say something like "you know, my Grandma she was a Roma, and she was a good hardworking woman.." the answer she gets:

-you're so egotistical..our youth is dying because of them, and all you can think of is only your own Grandma??

that's the level of discussion.

which I can't even fully grasp

why should I respect these commenters?

if I met them in real life I'd see them as a whole, as individuals. They probably wouldn't voice their opinions right away. we'd probably talk about weather. They'd look sweet. They'd look sad. They'd look thoughtful. I'd be able to connect to them. I don't know.

But I don't see them in real life. I just see what they write. and it makes it very, very hard to respect 99% of participants of such a discussion. and frankly even understand-why on Earth I'm reading?

needless to say I also started to avoid reading comments under YouTube videos lately

I think I'm undergoing some change, in terms of my respect that should be automatically given, and how everybody can learn from everyone, and all that jazz I was taught, and I don't like the change.

(patriceny I wrote as you posted..))

Agreed...people act differently online...many turn rather nasty (we have some on Houzz who I'm sure wouldn't say the things they say in real llife)...not sure of the psychology of it apart from anonymity and false bravado. I ask "why???" and the only answer I can imagine is "because I can". I have read comments (as april brings up) on various platforms and I'm saddened by what I read. Also, it matters not if it's a response to a well-researched and written news article OR a youtube video posted by a child. The venom in the comments is equally distributed.

Brings to mind Lord of the Flies (extreme?---very. But the mindset isn't too far off, in my opinion.)

I tend to be overly sensitive. I know it's not good for me. I know I "should"_______(fill in the blank with whatever...my dad says "let it roll off your back" but any other cliche works). The thing is, you can't control what you feel. It's like telling yourself to love or hate or feel sad or happy. Emotions don't listen---no matter how much we all wish they did!!

In my very humble opinion emotions don't listen because they're backed up by the stories you tell yourself and vice versa. It's the Eternal Loop; you tell yourself people should act this way or sound of this way or behave this way or just generally be this way and when they are not in line with what you're thinking your feel what you feel. And we really dislike profoundly and deeply right now differences!

I know because I'm in the same Loop. but every so often I do get around to telling myself a different or even no story about what's going on around me. And it works!

So if you could remind yourself that people are just shouting their stories because at some point they decided they would never feel or be heard. They are in their Loop. You can give yourself a breather as you could give them some understanding by keeping distant emotionally. It's kind of like watching yourself and the other person from a distance. Getting distance helps you to have control. Cooler heads and gentler emotions prevail.

This takes practice! And I am nowhere near the amount of practice I need. I found out about this concept on TED Talks.

Also I realize that this kind of idea smacks in the face of prejudice and so on. I just don't know any other way to do it since people are just letting it rip nowadays! They're all het up so I don't want to be.

I haven't had time to catch up here, but THIS is why I won't give up FB. 2nd time this has happened to me.

This morning coming home from the store, my favorite breed of dog was running towards me on the highway. I pulled off onto my dirt road and she came down the road too. I stopped, opened the back door and she got in.

Slobber is all over my new car, but that's okay, she's my favorite breed. :)

I posted on my page and a community page that I found her, and posted a picture. Her owner was here an hour later.

Glad to hear she’s safe. We use Next Door for that sort of thing. Great for selling things too.

Oakley, that's using FB in a responsible manner. I have no problem with that sort of function. We see lost and found animals on our township pages all the time. But that doesn't mean that you have to share everything in your life or read everything about others' lives.

"But that doesn't mean that you have to share everything in your life or read everything about others' lives."

I so agree with that. You don't even have to interact about personal stuff with others to use FB that way. You don't have to read their postings, or post anything personal yourself.

I agree with you Sushi, and I just skim my newsfeed and only post trivial things. Unless it's a picture of a family member which isn't often at all. Rarely a pic of myself. Before this last election I was fine with the ladies I mentioned in my first post. I can stop reading their posts which I basically have, but I'm not going to stop reading others. I'm very selective with who I friend and I have under 200 friends which really isn't much.

Before I accept a friend or send a friend request I look at their FB page with a fine tooth comb. If any one ends up being just a bit weird, they're outta here.

Forgot to add, I rarely share anything about my life. A good example of what I share is my latest topic where I showed pictures of all my beautiful Roses that ended up dying this year, ALL of them because of a disease where there's no cure. Caused by one stinkin' mite. We kind of had a funeral & a much needed pity party for me since both my arms are scarred for life from all the TLC I did. :)

Umm, you're doing well, but 200 "friends" IS much. They aren't all friends. I'll challenge you to pare that down by at least 25%!

I had 6 friends and drew the line there. 4 of them were relatives.

For all of my bluster, I haven't posted much on FB for the past couple of days. I also took a break from the news. Sometimes that break is much needed. I am sure I will be back on in a few days.

Right now I a a bit unhappy with America. I have always held much respect for my adopted country, it gave me seven beautiful children. Currently I am very afraid of where this country is headed. They have actually deported green card holders. I am a green card holder.

Louise, I feel for you. This is my adopted country too, and although my hubs and 4 kids were born here, 2 of my kids have opted to get a passport for their birth country. I wish the other 2 would.

I would be concerned about "advertising" that I found a dog and posting a picture...purebreeds are valuable...just saying to not post a picture but get proof of ownership first.

I wish that facebook didn't refer to contacts as "friends"....it causes a lot of misunderstanding a false sense of intimacy, to a degree.

Sushi, some are friends I've known since childhood and we've hooked up again via FB, and I LIKE them, there are people I've met across the pond via FB where we have something in common and became FB friends, I have family, friends of family whom I've met and we liked each other. I have one of my favorite authors who friended me, friends of friends I met...you get the gist.

An example of a new friend. When I posted the dog I found on our community page, a teacher who taught my sons posted, and I used to work for her in the school library. I haven't seen her in in ages, so we friended each other.

Never do I accept anyone I hardly know or knew. Most friends I have on FB have between 500 and 1000 friends which I find ridiculous.

I can see that the end is coming for Facebook due to their unethical practices. That said, social media and online communities in general have been very helpful for me. As a very unpopular highschooler, I came online in the very early stages of the Internet. There I could find like-minded people who enjoyed my personality, of all ages. Those friendships, while virtual, were extremely important to me and helped ease some of the loneliness of my high school years.

I met many of my current irl friends and husband on a local music messageboard.

Through Facebook I have founded a very successful book club and found other moms, I belong to a low drama mom’s group that is great for support and problem solving.

I would be a lot more isolated and have feeer friends without social media.

I think some of the things that we blame on social media, for example, people not getting out and having real life friendships, can actually be at least partly blamed on a much larger structural forces in our society. How in the world could we expect two working parents, with the world’s most minimal vacation time, working 50 hours a week, in many cases uncompensated for the extra hours, to develop thriving time consuming friendships outside of work? It is only for the superhuman to do so. Life would be a lot more social if we had two hour lunches, worked near where we lived, had reasonable work weeks and had eight weeks of paid vacation. I’ll add two years’ parental leave and quality universal daycare to the list as well, haha. And maybe the ability to live near our families and extended families if we so choose.