I joined the Air Force at 21. I had wanted to do it earlier but my dad talked me out of it. I couldn't stand the little town he had retired in, casinos and factory work was all I saw in my future. In the middle of a divorce, years later, I went back to school to be a nurse at the age of 38. I was the oldest student in my class. It was much harder than leaving home to join the military. Major stress in my life for those two years. If I failed, it wasn't just me who would be hurting, had two kids to raise on my own.

Lots of life changing events.....but the ones that come to mind....was being a caregiver for my mother and Ken.

My dad died in 1968....one year after he retired. He and my mother had lots of plans, but they only got to make one trip before he suddenly was diagnosed with brain cancer and died a month later. My mother had never driven a car or paid a bill. After he died, she was so depressed, she stopped cooking for herself. I cooked her meals and took her everywhere. I showed her how to write a check and balance a checkbook. I ended up also being the go to person, and go for person, to her best friend. Her friend, Gertie, had 12 children, but if she needed anyone, she called me.

My mother sold her house and moved the equivalent of 3 blocks from me, which made it easier to look after her, because she had been 8 miles away, prior to that. I always cooked her evening meal....always took her everywhere. She never did learn to drive.

In 1989, she fell, hit her head and had two blood clots. They were removed but she never was the same. She went into a nursing home. By then, I had a baby, and she was 9 years old. My house was too small and my mother's house was too small for us to live together and she was very difficult, the older she became. I hated putting her in a home, but she needed around the clock care. Every day for 6 1/2 years, either Jody or I went to see about her.

I had a friend and neighbor when I lived in Santa Fe, and when I moved here, I stayed in touch with him. I got busy and hadn't heard from him in awhile and I called and his phone had been cut off. Thinking he had died and no one had told me, I went to see him. He was 9 years older than me, and had emphysema really bad. Heavy smoker and alcoholic. He came to the door in his underwear....long hair and beard. He had not been to the post office to get his mail and no one ever called or came to see him, and he was depressed....didn't know his phone had been turned off for lack of payment. No food in his house except some moldy burritos in his fridge. Wine bottles everywhere. I got some food for him and paid his bills....he had plenty of money, so it wasn't like he couldn't afford to do it....just didn't do it.

He always was thin....now he was skin and bones. I promised him I would look after him and help him. He looked like death warmed over. How long could he possibly last? A couple of weeks? How about 8 years. I did everything for him....cleaned his house, laundry, paid his bills, got food for him that he ate once in awhile, paid someone to come to his house to cut his hair and trim his beard or sometimes shave him. Paid someone to mow his grass. The last 4 years, he never left his house. He wouldn't go to the doctor...hadn't been in years....since he was diagnosed with emphysema and his family doctor scolded him. I can truthfully say this....I always did my best to let him think that whatever I did was his idea. He was very demanding in some ways.....very particular about everything. I paid myself $300 a week for taking care of him....he was agreeable to that. His family lived all around but never came to see him. I bought him books and movies and take out meals that he liked....although seldom ate and I ended up bringing it home and feeding it to my possums, usually, after a few days. If anyone was ever as good to me, as I was to him, I would be forever grateful. At the end, I sometimes slept on his floor to stay with him, and other times, I was there up to four times a day. He lived 20 miles from me....so 40 miles round trip. I was with him when he died.

After he died, is when I was really tired of doing for other people. And I bought a new horse, and started back to riding and doing things I want to do. So, it changed me in that I became rather self indulgent....as for doing what I want to do. I took care of him from 2002 to 2010 when he died.

Sorry this is so long.

I remember Ken clearly Marilyn,and all that you went thru back then.

Joan...wow...just wow

Seniorgal-happy to see that you are able to post here still

Me....a divorce after 29+ yrs of marriage was a major upheaval in my life....I would have been married 43 years, just yesterday

I am deeply humbled by these stories from extraordinary women.

I too, am humbled by the stories above. What I consider my hard life events are nothing in comparison. What courageous ladies you were to move on to better your lives. I am not sure I could have done that in your circumstances.

Ditto what rhizo said!

Marilyn...I too remember Ken. Joan, Kath & Senior....all extraordinary! I'm "not" elderly, but I do look back.....

IBM hired me right out of college, but sold us, closed us 1.5 years later. The town I lived in had very little "high tech". I actually made more per hour working at Sears in the automotive shop. One fellow employee started the rumor he was sleeping w/ me, several customers offered me money to sleep with them & threatened to report me to management for being disrespectful when I refused, old men wanted to date me, Amish would point @ me & scowl. I paid cash for a BMW when I was 22 years old, the money was very good!.....determined not to go back to Sears and the abuse I had to take...... I took a job in a banks computer room, 90 miles away, commuting. Worked 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts that rotated nights to days every 4 weeks. Brutal schedule! The snow storms back then. Leaving @ 4am so I could be there by 7am...wow!

Getting out of retail was "life changing".....but working for myself was when things actually got better!

I am deeply humbled to read the struggles you all have endured and how you are today. My problems are nothing compared to the ones you have been through. Blessings to those who shared your life with us.

A father with physical and mental decline. A husband bed ridden with back surgery. Both in the hospital at the same time. At least it was the same hospital. Two toddlers and a sister that was and still is as useful as a broken door knob.

Seniorgal, Kath, Joan and Marilyn ... you've all experienced such hardships and as someone else said surviving those experiences just highlights your strength.

I thought that I'd had some tough times, but compared to yours they were nothing.

Let me tell you a funny story about Ken. As I said, he was very demanding and in his mind, never wrong. He told me to go buy him some new underwear. He said he wore XL. I knew that wasn't possible because he wore size 32 jeans. He was skin and bones. And he wanted me to get 3 packages....and they had to be white. I can't remember how many were in a pack....five or six, I think. I tried to tell him, no way did he wear XL underwear but he just got mad at me and insisted. So....I went to Walmart and bought 3 packages of XL underwear.

When I came the next day to see him, he was wearing a pair of them and he had the waistband doubled over and clipped with a clothes pin. Obviously he was wrong, but I never said a word. Just acted like it was the most normal thing possible. :-))

It is very humbling to read the stories from you wonderful, strong women.

A big turning point came for me when I was working as a technical aide in my late 20’s. I was up for promotion and everyone, especially my co-workers and mentors told me I was a shoo-in. The hiring Division chief called me in and told me he was promoting Mr X, who had only been on the job a few months ‘because I was married and my husband had a good job and Mr X had a family to support’. I was of course devastated, but it caused me to take action. This was in the late 70’s and long before there was any way I could file sexual discrimination charges that would be taken seriously.

I decided to return to school to get my engineering degree (a second degree). To shorten the story, I enrolled to catch up with a few prelim courses, then got into a cooperative program where I could work a quarter then go to school full time a quarter. I finished in 3 more years with a BSEE (electrical and electronics engineering) and went on to have a highly successful career.

I left home a few months before my 18th birthday to enter a work/school program. (There was no money for college in my home. My folks were barely scraping by.) I worked full time part of the year and attended college the remainder of the year. I also attended late hour and night classes. Every dime that i could collect was spent on school. It took 6 hard years, but I did earn a degree in Mechanical Engineering and met my future wife. After getting a job, marriage, and starting a family, I earned a Master's degree and became a Registered Engineer by exam in my State. That was a lifetime ago. I am now retired and have let my registration elapse.