Job hunting at 56
kadefol
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (23)
Related Discussions
Should I go job hunting?(venting)
Comments (9)I'm another who understands, having learned from hard experience. I used to think that everyone believed SAHM meant "She's Always Here for Me" because family, friends, and neighbors never hesitated to expect me to... be available at the last minute to take X to a doctor's appointment; babysit their little darlins so they could shop or visit other friends; bake cookies or cupcakes for 40 kids on 2 hours notice; design/fit/sew a new dress for the boss's party [sometimes all in one day]; pick up their kids from school; chair a committee -- occasionally a committee I wanted nothing to do with; proofread their resum or written assignments; *type* their written assignments [back in the days before PCs and home printers]; mend their torn clothes and hem their skirts; pick up their drycleaning since I was already going to the store and never mind that those were in two different directions; dig their gardens because I had a tiller... and so on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. The best month in my life wasn't when I learned to say No; it happened after I actually began to say it! To the MIL who always called at the last minute and expected me to take her [and wait] to doctor appointments; to the acquaintance who thought I should be delighted to spend an evening doing her bookwork while she was on vacation; to the neighbor down the street who -immediately upon learning that I could sew-- showed up on my doorstep with armsful of clothing for me to mend over the weekend; to the friend of a friend who was sure I wouldn't mind driving to the airport (20 miles each way, during rush hour) to pick up their brother-in-law who just happened to be a total stranger to me... even the neighbor who thought it okay to tell the repairman that I'd be home all day and would let him in whenever he could get there. "No." "No." "No." And guess what? The world didn't cave in on me. My friends were still my friends, and so were my relatives. Were they resentful? Oh yes... after all, I had been their free servant for years and what's more, not being able to call on me at the last minute meant that they actually had to take responsibility for themselves. Did I feel guilty? Sometimes. I was raised to think that always being able to help others was a Good Thing To Do. And it is, but not at the expense of resenting their expectations. Nowadays we have the term "enabler", which I don't think existed when I was younger. What we do, when we are always available to help and help and help, is enable others to take advantage of us. To stop being an enabler requires learning the difference between helping others, and letting them use us. In most cases, we already know the difference. And when we feel we are being used, all we have to do is say NO. "No, I can't take you to the appointment in 30 minutes." "Why not??!!" (You'll hear a lot of that, so be ready.) "Because I have already committed my time elsewhere. If you'll give me more notice, maybe I can take you next time." (Never ever commit yourself unless you are positive you will not resent the time and effort.) One has to be ready to repeat variations on having already committed yourself elsewhere. No one needs to know where, or doing what! It is [bluntly speaking] none of their business. And once you truly believe that - that it truly is not anyone else's business what you do with your time... you will find yourself free to volunteer to help, without resentment....See MoreHunting for the earliest yardlong bean....
Comments (3)Jim, Yep, I'm happy I asked here! Not only great answers, but unlimited other people get to benefit from the knowledge, too. Zeedman, AGAIN thanks for your input!! I had thought about the 50 degrees night rule... He lives in the Goshen Hole in SE Wyoming ... foreman of a 10,000 acre cattle ranch and his provided house is on the same water meter as the cattle tanks, so he can use drip irrigation all year. He turns on the soaker hoses and goes off for his day of working cattle and raising cow food... As for cold nites... last year when we were discussing plants for him to try, he reminded me that he could still get a frost on May 31. He very successfully grew Super Sioux tomato, Buttercup squash, and Cajun Delight F1 okra. Those may give some measure of his potential summer season. Summer is short, but it's about 95 - 100 degrees in heat. I had also suggested to him that he pick a south side of building as a place to put up a trellis to increase sun heat and reduce wind chilling. I use such a microclimate to grow figs and rosemary here in Arkansas, and I was able to get a last picking off my Green Taiwan Longbeans in mid October and have them in the frig to serve to our sister from Kansas a week later. My current intention is to send him about 6 seeds each of Anna's Taiwan Green, each of the 2 Indian varieties (I also expect them to be later than stated, but doubling their times = crop in zone 4), and the red one from the eBay seller in Wenatchee, Washington. WW is teetering somewhere between zone 6 and zone 5 near as I can tell from the map, so his semi-short season in a climate suited to apples may also mean a crop in Wyoming. I am forwarding my brother this link to read your suggestions and see the pix. I suspect his interest is as much in growing them to show off as it is to eat them, so he may or may not go for the bush type. I suggested that if his neighbors were growing black eyed peas, that might tell him what his chance of success was with the longbeans. MOST INTERESTING that you are finding unexpected cold tolerances in Philippine plants. My philosophy has become one of "try it", as so many times experiments work. When they don't, it's still education...kinda like the way Thomas Edison thought it useful to know a few hundred ways that wouldn't work. I think there are always surprises in hardiness. I had no expectations of survival of the Middle Eastern herb Zaatar (Origanum syriaca ), but it not only survived the humidity of last year (mildews immediately killed many similarly adapted plants from NE Colorado when I tried them here in 1990's), but has made the winter in an open pot as well... surviving to at least 17 degrees. I sent report this week to Johnny's where I bought it. I am having a lot of unexpected survivals with zone 8 plants under my big pine tree, where a thin blanket of pine needles plus overgrowth from native hardy annuals is enough blanket to fend off frost to 10 degrees or less. I weed in spring and welcome the return of Lemon verbena, pineapple sage, Mexican tarragon, Sicilian oregano, small dahlias, and the big purple oxalis. Tuberoses freeze just deep enough to kill the center stem which would have bloomed and send up instead a bunch of tiny sprouts. Winter of 2000 was zero for over 2 weeks, and I had to start over the next spring with that whole list!! Now I gotta figger out how to get rhubarb COLD ENOUGH in the winter to make it do well here... maybe grow in a big METAL pot that will chill down extremely cold when it freezes here? Laugh if you wish .... I am also interested in tolerance of extreme drought and heat. I have some candidates to go out on the road frontage this summer. I already know that catnip and sage and lemon grass will make it, and Matt's Wild Cherry, Gold Coast okra, and de Milpa tomatillos will survive but not make a significant crop. I'm looking for plants from Mexico, India, Africa, Middle East that might take such heat and drought. Any more global warming, and those areas of the world may prove to be the ancestral homes of the last food crops we can grow outdoors on this planet! Jan...See MoreSS Support - Mon. 4/30 thru Sun. 5/6
Comments (28)Lynn~I want to meet up with you too. I cannot stress how much I would like that. Was it a "purrrrrrr-fect" day? I hope so. Thanks for all the well wishes & prayers. I talked again to Tikanis yesterday as well as IMing with Jen. Both are doing well. I think that Jen just has a pretty heavy load with the girls. I've let my little Sis know that I'm here for her & knowing that I've gone through the same thing two times before, hopefully, will help her through. I'm not saying anything ugly to her about her husband. I'm just telling her to be certain to stand up for herself & be sure to get what is rightfully hers. TX is a good state to be in for that. She said tonight that she knows that she will be better off & happier but it is really hard right now b/c she is so angry with him. I understand that anger. She does have the support of all of her family except for her oldest daughter. I know that part is killing her. She also went back to the dr. today & her neck still hasn't fused from back in early February. After 8 years, it certainly has been a comfort to me to know that I can always come here & talk to my friends & sisters. I've told everybody what a special group that I have here. I don't tell them where I post though. LOL This is my place to be friends with each of you. My goal eventually would be to meet each one of you in person. Dave has his 30th class reunion this year & we had planned on going up the east coast but we probably won't now b/c we have planned to go to his parents 50th wedding anniversary in TX & back to TX to spend Christmas with the DSs & DGD. (DarlingGD!) LOL I wish that you had been able to see her picture. Be good to yourselves b/c you are worth it. Patti :)...See MoreDogs Hunting Backyard Wildlife at Night- Suggestions?
Comments (16)Our dog has a tie-out that we use just for going to the bathroom. He gets plenty of excercise both on and off-leash during the day but would love to hunt/chase given the opportunity. And sorry, but the leave-it command does not work, nor does even some tasty roast beef distraction, if a fresh chipmunk is available! Anyway, it's always different at night when you just want them to eliminate quickly and come back in the house. At night, we turn on the outdoor light, then hook the tie-out clip to his collar, open the door, and he has a 30 foot radius from the door to take care of his business. This works great, and even if there is a critter there he can't reach it and the critter has time to get away. A bonus is that by placing the tie-out where we did, it reaches inside the house so we don't even need to go outside with him. They come in different lengths, and consist of a metal screw-in hook that goes into the ground. The cable is plastic-coated and attaches to the ground hook on one end and has a clip for the ring on the dog's collar (like a leash clip) at the other end. I highly recommend it for your situation. Good luck!...See Morekadefol
5 years agokadefol
5 years agokadefol
5 years agokadefol
5 years agokadefol
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agokadefol
5 years agokadefol
5 years ago
Related Stories
LIFE12 House-Hunting Tips to Help You Make the Right Choice
Stay organized and focused on your quest for a new home, to make the search easier and avoid surprises later
Full StoryBATHROOM MAKEOVERSMidcentury Modern Style in a 56-Square-Foot Bathroom
The bright blue tile floor steals the show in this California bath with a sleek shower-tub combo
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSMy Houzz: Treasure Hunting Pays Off in Maryland
Artfully layered accessories and patterns plus an eclectic furniture mix make for intriguing decor with vintage flair
Full StoryMOVINGHouse-Hunting Checklist: 10 Essentials to Bring on Your Search
Camera, checklist, slip-on shoes — these and 7 more take-alongs will help you make the most of a house-hunting weekend
Full StoryLIGHTINGHouse Hunting? Look Carefully at the Light
Consider windows, skylights and the sun in any potential home, lest you end up facing down the dark
Full StoryMOVINGHouse Hunting: Find Your Just-Right Size Home
Learn the reasons to go bigger or smaller and how to decide how much space you’ll really need in your next home
Full StoryARCHITECTUREHouse-Hunting Help: If You Could Pick Your Home Style ...
Love an open layout? Steer clear of Victorians. Hate stairs? Sidle up to a ranch. Whatever home you're looking for, this guide can help
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: Making 'Normal' Beautiful for Less
Ingenuity, elbow grease and bargain hunting result in a light and lovely beach cottage style
Full StorySELLING YOUR HOUSEHelp for Selling Your Home Faster — and Maybe for More
Prep your home properly before you put it on the market. Learn what tasks are worth the money and the best pros for the jobs
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: Warm Country Charm
Clever Renovations Plus Bargain Hunting Equal Refined Farmhouse Style
Full Story
Alisande