It isn't the retirement you should be fed up with, it's the expectations of other people ;-) You work your whole life, looking forward to the day you can finally have some days with no obligations.

To me (who is easing into semi-retirement) it's not that I want to stop working.........I enjoy working......it's the time without obligations I shall enjoy.

It's not just retirement, anneliese. Anybody who has their own business, especially a home based business, is treated without about as much consideration. IOW, hey.........you're going to be home anyway! Even their professional contacts make assumptions that time can be bent anytime for a self employeed person to do things 'working' people can't. ARGH. I have never worked so long and hard in my life as I do for myself.

Stay at home moms also get the same treatment. I certainly did, when I was. I was hit on from every working woman around with kids to watch theirs (and never with mention of reciprocation or payment).

I have increasingly become proficient at saying the word NO. My kids are great about not assuming I am not busy, especially my DD who has worked right alongside me. My DH, up until very recently was great about setting up appointments for servicmen, or anyone who wanted to stop by for something, and then just assuming I'd be here to attend to it, and then leaving if he had somewhere else he wanted to be. I tried over the years to get him to ask me first, and I'm sure he tried, but it just didn't sink in. I really don't mind if I don't have other plans. But, the last time he did it, and then told me after the fact to expect someone in the evening........I just told him I had plans and split. They weren't important plans, mind you, just plans NOT to be here. That technique works. LOL.

Oh I know it's not the retirement, but "this" retirement. The expectations of persons outside the immediate family are the culprits, volunteer organisations, remote relatives who did not acknowledge you before they got sick and neighbors who think I should clear out their broken trees because they hang over the fence into our yard.

Geesh. I know and that is right in the same vein as fair weather friends, who are friends as long as it is beneficial or convenient for them. You get a lot of them, or wanna bes when you own a business too.

I must be pretty good at heading them off at the pass now, because it's not the problem it used to be. I also don't answer the phones for business calls after hours, and have gotten a lot better about customers taking inches at a time until they have a mile. A blank stare, or excuse me I have to hang up, or "I don't think so" are good ways to deal with it. A few Bless your hearts and then no more works too. As for the assumptiveness, I don't let it bother me anymore. I live under a rock. LOL.

I have lived as all of the above - SAHM, self-employed, and now retired.

For years I didn't understand the concept of saying no.
I had a Dear Abby article regarding 'how to say no' taped by my kitchen phone so long it was yellow and brittle.

When I FINALLY realized 'my' family and/or me were the ones having to be put on the back burner because I over-extended myself, I came up with my 'pencil in' calendar.

This is probably on the borderline of manipulative or passive/aggressive but it works for me and, for the most part, hasn't hurt feelings that I'm aware of.

I carry an 8 x 8 appointment book with two calendars for each month...my 'real' calendar and my 'pencil in' calendar.

On my 'real' calendar I schedule things that are necessary and/or I specifically want to do - doctor's appts, take grand to dentist, Garden Club meeting, etc.

On my 'pencil in' calendar, when someone asks me about helping with something and my time is limited or I just plain don't want to do it, I tell them I already have made plans for that date/time and not to count on me; but, I will 'pencil it in' and if plans change, I'll let them know.
Sometimes plans do change or when the time comes I may want to do whatever it is.

Like I said, works for me...helps me budget my time and energy more efficiently.

I used to work as a secretary for the local schools. We often had non-traditional days off which I learned NOT to tell the rest of the family about, or I wouldn't HAVE a day off!!! Everyone used to think "Well, as long as you're now working today, can you (fill in the blank) for me?

I'm another who understands, having learned from hard experience. I used to think that everyone believed SAHM meant "She's Always Here for Me" because family, friends, and neighbors never hesitated to expect me to... be available at the last minute to take X to a doctor's appointment; babysit their little darlins so they could shop or visit other friends; bake cookies or cupcakes for 40 kids on 2 hours notice; design/fit/sew a new dress for the boss's party [sometimes all in one day]; pick up their kids from school; chair a committee -- occasionally a committee I wanted nothing to do with; proofread their resum or written assignments; *type* their written assignments [back in the days before PCs and home printers]; mend their torn clothes and hem their skirts; pick up their drycleaning since I was already going to the store and never mind that those were in two different directions; dig their gardens because I had a tiller... and so on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

The best month in my life wasn't when I learned to say No; it happened after I actually began to say it! To the MIL who always called at the last minute and expected me to take her [and wait] to doctor appointments; to the acquaintance who thought I should be delighted to spend an evening doing her bookwork while she was on vacation; to the neighbor down the street who -immediately upon learning that I could sew-- showed up on my doorstep with armsful of clothing for me to mend over the weekend; to the friend of a friend who was sure I wouldn't mind driving to the airport (20 miles each way, during rush hour) to pick up their brother-in-law who just happened to be a total stranger to me... even the neighbor who thought it okay to tell the repairman that I'd be home all day and would let him in whenever he could get there. "No." "No." "No."

And guess what? The world didn't cave in on me. My friends were still my friends, and so were my relatives. Were they resentful? Oh yes... after all, I had been their free servant for years and what's more, not being able to call on me at the last minute meant that they actually had to take responsibility for themselves. Did I feel guilty? Sometimes. I was raised to think that always being able to help others was a Good Thing To Do. And it is, but not at the expense of resenting their expectations. Nowadays we have the term "enabler", which I don't think existed when I was younger. What we do, when we are always available to help and help and help, is enable others to take advantage of us. To stop being an enabler requires learning the difference between helping others, and letting them use us. In most cases, we already know the difference. And when we feel we are being used, all we have to do is say NO.

"No, I can't take you to the appointment in 30 minutes."
"Why not??!!" (You'll hear a lot of that, so be ready.)

"Because I have already committed my time elsewhere. If you'll give me more notice, maybe I can take you next time." (Never ever commit yourself unless you are positive you will not resent the time and effort.)

One has to be ready to repeat variations on having already committed yourself elsewhere. No one needs to know where, or doing what! It is [bluntly speaking] none of their business. And once you truly believe that - that it truly is not anyone else's business what you do with your time... you will find yourself free to volunteer to help, without resentment.

I hate to tel you guys this, but volunteer organizations are targeting people at retirement age because they will be out of the workforce & now will "have time" to devote themselves to volunteer activities.

I actually brought on the problem myself. When we moved here from Dallas, I didn't know a soul & figured that a good way to get to know people was to volunteer for some organizations that interested me. It started with out little local community library in the town of Bullard & then I signed up for the Master Gardener program which had interested me for a long time, but was impossible to do when working a full-time job. Then some, how it just snowballed & I can only say that the old cliche, if you want something done, ask a busy person, must hold true because last year I found myself on three boards and heading up about five separate projects and running around like a chicken with my head cut off & being angry & frustrated a lot of the time because I couldn't do what I wanted to do.

So starting last fall I began telling people that I needed to take a break & began dropping out of activities that were giving me more aggravation than pleasure. What a relief! I still get the guilties sometimes when I tell someone no to working on a good cause, but those guilties don't last too long.

I've just walked away from being on the Board of my Church and being the liason on the three committees that came with it and that met monthly. Naturally I couldn't just liase, I got involved in those committees.

I believe in volunteering, it's volunteers that make the non-profit world go around, but I'm taking the red cross off my forehead and taking my time back while I still have some left. I continue to be a Big Sister and I continue help out where I can, but without feeling overwhelmed. I think I will always be willing to hold out my hand. Difference is now I say "no" more readily.

The feeling of relief is wonderful.

I seem to be asked to do things that generally are only asked of young men ( I am NOT young or a man)..seems that has always been the case..maybe just cause i'm active and do so much everyone thinks they can take advantage and get me to do their stuff and for free rather than hire someone to do it..like my sister, 5 yrs older than me, expects me to repair her drywall in her bathroom for free, and get right over there and do it..oh and me buy all the materials ..for her..for free..duh..prob cause I was helping Joel drywall his basement..but good grief..drywall is a heavy job and drywall is NOT free.