I promise I'm not trying to be snarky or rhetorical ... this really is simply information gathering. But, do you have dressy parties? Or any parties? Because when I dress up, my shoes are usually the most important part of what I wear. I often have a uniform of black pants, white shirt, and fabulous shoes and bag. I would be sad to lose half my outfit. If I came to your house in outside boots and then put on my velvet flats (lined in cashmere!) once I got inside, do you consider that dirty, too? I don't think they've ever been in manure or dirt, and with teenage boys in my house I think unfortunately my bathroom floor is often probably not much different than many public bathrooms. But I don't take my velvet flats into really gross public bathrooms, anyway. (Of course, I wouldn't do that as I'd feel uncomfortable being the only shod person.) Again, I am just trying to understand this. I understand the philosophy of customs and all that, no problem; just the actual reason behind the custom is what I'm trying to get. Went to a party last fall where all shoes were off. I was wearing jeans and Frye boots, or something, and when I took off my boots, I was wearing two very different socks. Good lesson. Usually I don't really care, I'm in boots, no one will see my socks! (There was another friend there in mismatched socks, too; we laughed.)

Wifey, I really do understand. My childhood was also smattered with abuse, physical, verbal and sexual. I'm also a survivor and a very strong woman. I have been on my own since age 16, managed to finance and get through most of college on my own, and at age 35, I now own a pretty strong company that I built from the ground up. As a survivor type, I never even entertained the idea of "can't", giving up or not making life work for me - I really didn't have any other choice. I've learned this is not something everyone is programmed with and I am very lucky to have these expectations of myself, where others are too scared to consider or can't even see life's possibilities. You're absolutely right, blood sucking spongey types seem to practically hunt down survivor types. I have to fight them off constantly and most are from my side of the family. I've learned to recognize them right off but most of the time I still try to play the hero until I get disgusted with them and then I play the avoidance card. Only you know your limits. I guess I just hate to see her win. :) I also know that my survivor background causes me to expect more from people than "normal" people might. I also share your feelings of "well if I can go through this and be this strong in my life, why should I sympathize with someone who makes no effort at all?". I guess my own answer to that question in the middle of my sleepless nights is: I'd rather be me than them. Knowing a little more about the relationship with you and your SD, I would think you shouldn't offer any more of your money to her at all. That should be a boundary you set with her and her father. If you wanted a relationship with her at all at this point, I would insist that it be strictly a mentor/friend type relationship so she can hopefully learn how to grow from you. If she thinks she can con you and be nice to you long enough for you to give her cash, you aren't making any headway at all, just making matters worse. And if she won't accept that type of relationship, then you did your best in offering, and hopefully she'll figure it out on her own someday. I wish I had better answers for you. My husband is ten years older than me, so I related to what could be the unspoken part of your situation. In my situation I wondered if maybe I didn't accept this man in some way to fill the father slot that was left in shambles in my childhood. When I look at it in that light, I begin to question whether I may be suffering from jealousy issues that aren't present in "normal" SM/SD relationships. Examining the possibility has given me more gas for tollerance until I am sure. Oddly enough, the question of how life would have been had my father had the personality of my husband, isn't so much comforting, but scary. I can't imagine what it would be like to be so nurtured and unprepared for this rough world we live in. Another byproduct seems to be the years it takes before family considers your relationship with your husband valid. They seem to think you are going to flee with half the bank account someday. My father was 24 years older than my mother, so the age difference has never been a problem for me, just everyone else. What fun! More unspoken, yet heavy stress. I sit here and I honestly do not know what I would do in your shoes. My situation is rosey compared to yours. What helps me through all this turmoil is communication with my husband, but if yours won't talk to you about it, I don't know how you could ever be expected to move forward. I don't think you are a bad person, a whiner or any of that. If you are like me, you were at your total wits end before you even thought to Google this board. I think anyone on here who creates a dialogue with themselves about these issues is facing the issue and questioning how they can make it better. I haven't yet found a posting on here from a step father, which to me is very telling. It's funny, my husband is so awestruck by the person I am and the things I have accomplished in the face of adversity. He is equally petrified of his children ever having to face these same things. I have explained to him that everything I went through made me a stronger person...that I VALUE these parts of my life because they made me who I am. I don't mean to sound cocky but I can look at myself in the mirror each morning and know I did the right thing the day before and I am very pleased with my progress in this life. Really, what more can you hope for on this journey than that? Sorry this is so long - I pretty much rambled as I went. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide.

I've been the victim of three crimes - all preventable. 1.) Being assaulted by a man while walking with a friend down a dark street to an unlit parking lot after Fiesta in San Antonio around 2am. I was 19 and clueless. We were more mentally harmed than physically. 2.) My brand new '98 Thunderbird was broken into while parked on the street in front of my house. It was locked but I should have parked in the driveway and not under the shadow of a large tree to the side of the house. 3.) My sister and I were at a salon in a mall and I was getting my hair cut while she was waiting. A guy with a backpack sat next to her and secretly fished her wallet out of her purse. I had just paid her a few hundred dollars because she was going to stay with me for the summer, babysitting my son. Of course her purse was on the floor, totally laid open with her wallet in plain site. The things I do to keep myself safe: -keep all doors locked all the time - security system - keep lights on in the house (even at night) and have motion sensor flood lights on the exterior - big dog who is encouraged to bark - TV stays on when not at home - reporting suspicious activity - being aware of my surroundings and not putting myself in precarious situations

Regarding mayo, the ingredients used to make this condiment are veggie oil (any type will do), egg yolks and acids such as vinegar and lemon juice. Egg yolks are often used in home hair treatments to strengthen and moisturize hair. It is thought that the combination of oil, egg yolk and acid (as found in mayo) work together to condition and restore moisture to the hair. I tried it many years ago, and while it left my hair shiny and silky, it also took many shampooings to get it out and left my hair feeling kind of limp and oily. How well it works probably depends on what type of hair each individual has. Eggs used alone as hair treatments are broken down like this - egg whites treat oily hair, yolks moisturize dry, brittle hair and using the entire egg is used as a general conditioner. To use a yolk or a whole egg, whisk and apply to wet hair and leave in for 1 - 3 minutes. Rinse well with cool water. To use whites, separate from yolk, mix with a couple of tablespoons of oil and beat until foamy. Apply to damp hair. Use your fingers or a comb to distribute thoroughly thru hair and leave on for 20 minutes. Rinse with cool water. WalnutCreek, I hope you are feeling better every day and that, among these many good ideas, you find a solution that restores your hair to it's original condition. Best of luck!