I gasped when I read about it. So sad. Both of my young adult girls texted me about it. I know she isn't involved in the fashion line with her name any longer but I have enjoyed the aesthetic for years.

As someone who has been married since she was 25 and turns 50 this summer, and who worked side by side with her husband building a company, I can well imagine how destabilizing it would be to feel like that long term of a relationship, that encompassed so much of your life both in the marriage and outside of the marriage, falling apart would be devastating beyond words. But to lead you to suicide when you have a young child- no- I cannot fathom the amount of pain you would have to be in to think your child would be better off without you.

A friend of mine's sister, who had three young boys, attempted suicide three times. She said she honestly believed her children would be better off without her. She was being treated for depression for years, including inpatient stays. In the end, the only thing that helped her was ECT. She wrote a book about her experiences and is an evangelist for good mental hygiene as well treatment when things go sideways.

I cannot fathom the amount of pain you would have to be in to think your child would be better off without you.

Yes, that much pain is unimaginable to me. My dad suffered from depression and had those thoughts at one point. That sentiment is completely opposite what I would have felt.

It is so sad. If that is true about her relationship with her husband, it still doesn’t seem to make sense that she could take her own life as a solution. But then we don’t know what extreme pain, anxiety and depression can set into someone’s mind when faced with adversity. Such a talent, gone too soon.

So sad....I loved that she used polka dots in her designs. I chose my KS glasses because of the polka dots on the side, I have a polka dot vase....would have purchased her polka dot dishes but didn’t need another set. I always loved browsing her products.....she will be missed by many.

According to (don't judge me harshly here folks,) Daily Mail, Kate Spade's sister is saying the designer suffered from mental health problems for a very long time and the family tried over-and-over to get her into treatment.

Very sad - impossible for me to imagine what would cause someone to reach the point of suicide.

Apparently she got out of her company in 2007 to raise her daughter and has recently started a new company 'Frances Valentine' (named after her daughter). Perhaps she was also struggling with that. I remember very well when her particular look seemed to change, I'm supposing when she sold her company now that I know the history of it. What a talent! And what misery she must have suffered!

Apparently Kate was an untreated bipolar and because of her fame would never seek treatment & talked suicide for a long time Add to her dh wanting a divorce, she had to have been in a severe manic stage.

Sadly, Kate was wealthy enough to seek the best discreet treatment in the world but didn't. My heart goes out to her family.

Heartbreaking.

I still have my first Kate Spade bag - a black nylon Sam. Loved it so.

I hope she is at peace and her family is able to find peace and healing as time goes by. Such a desperate act. I imagine her note to her daughter reflects her pain and probably should be viewed through that lens. So incredibly sad.

I was very much taken aback by that note to her daughter --- if it's indeed that text.

But maybe I'm misinterpreting it.

So sad. IMO, it could mean two things. She could have wrote "ask daddy" because she was concealing her mental illness from her daughter. Or, if what her sister says is true about her alcoholism, her DH gave her an ultimatum and she blames him for pushing her over the edge.

I was not aware she was David Spade's sister-in-law.

I think Annie's post answers all the pertinent questions.

Notes left behind may help to answer some questions people might have, but many times they only reflect the very unhealthy thoughts of the person writing them. My own grandfather left a note when he chose to kill himself after my grandmother died. I never saw it, but was finally told that he somehow blamed my dad for not "being there" for him enough. My dad already suffered from untreated PTSD and taking in that criticism must have been horrifying.

I know people may be well intentioned, but when they ask a survivor of suicide, "Why?" it can be very hurtful. By expecting the survivor to know, it's putting the burden on them -- intended or not -- that they should've expected it and prevented it, adding to the guilt so many already feel.

No one asks, why did your mother have a heart attack or why did your father get cancer. We don't hold the loved ones of victims of physical disease responsible in the same way that so many do to victims of suicide...in a death that is already so agonizing in so many ways.

If someone loses someone to suicide, be kind, be compassionate and just be there for them. You don't need answers to the unanswerable, and especially not from them.

I'm shocked that a portion of her note was printed in the press. Is it mandatory that cops/coroners look at suicide notes? If a professional did it they should be fired, stat.

I'm a bit taken aback at the specifics that have been made public knowledge so quickly - a red scarf, the note details, etc., etc. Didn't it take several days for the details of Robin Williams' death to be known (that's not a criticism - I think it should be totally up to the family what details are released and when)?

I was wondering if there was a leak too. Or maybe these things are just handled differently based on jurisdiction.

I know, smhinnb, I was especially taken aback at the red scarf info?

Prayers for her family, obviously she had been in a bad place in her mind, rest in peace Kate.

Annie has said it all so well. All that really NEEDS to be said regarding Kate's private life, IMO. The public doesn't need to "feast" on the details, and that's something that bothers me very much about the celebrity autopsy programs that air these days.

Kate was talented and inspirational and her continued influence will be greatly missed.

As I heard Bill Maher comment last weekend, "It's been a tough week for 'the line.'" and then he went on to say, "As in 'a line has been crossed.'" Media moguls will continue to search for more fodder to sell to the vultures out there . . .

I posted comments and concerns that I would discuss with friends. My intent was not to sensationalize or "feast".

I never click a TMZ link or other gossip sites or watch gossip television.

I would never in a million years direct comments about motivation to a family member or friend.

I think the more we talk about these situations, the better it is for everyone.

IdaClaire said it well. We really don't know what happened, what state of mind she was in, etc. Her sister has been interviewed and part of the interview was broadcast on the TODAY show. Perhaps some of the details came out through that. She did say the family had been worried about her for years. She felt she had a mental illness and that she had recently taken to self-medicating with alcohol (her sisters words per TODAY). It is heartbreaking any time a person commits suicide. I had a relative who committed suicide (not in my immediate family) and I saw first hand how his parents, children and wife grieved and questioned. But I do believe my uncle thought that was his only option and that what he was doing was best for others. Those thoughts alone are enough to shatter a family.

ETA: I just noticed on Yahoo News (comes up on my email page) that the family is not happy with the sister's comments. I forgot that TODAY also quoted David Spade, but I did not hear much of his comments. Yahoo article

Just an FYI, the preferred term is died by suicide vs. committed which makes it more of a 'positive' and 'criminal' act.

Suicide is so tough. I too cannot imagine the mindset necessary and I feel very fortunate that I can't imagine. I guess it's true that wherever you go, you can't escape your inner self.

A friend's close relative passed away via suicide and it was so, so sad and felt almost shameful for the family. I wish that stigma could be lifted. They didn't even have a memorial for him, which to me is totally their right, and also a bit of a shame that they couldn't come together and remember the good things about their loved one.

Interesting and apt distinction, Annie.

I think people always try to make "sense" of tragedy, since the idea that tragedy can be random, illogical and "undeserved" is harder to live with. Albeit true.

As far as gossip, I don't judge others for gossiping about celebrities. We do not know these people in any sense, and we discuss them in very broad strokes. Most people's problems are kept quite secret. Celebrities lose that. But I agree it creates an opportunity for discussion and reflection.

We lost our manager a couple of years ago to suicide. We don't know how he did it, and it's not important. He was in his 50's, a very sharp energetic guy. He had gone out on leave for a short time for a medical issue and had come back to work. Apparently he felt overwhelmed by new business demands and went back out on leave. He passed away shortly thereafter. He was taking some medication for the medical issue, and I believe it was the side effects that caused his anxiety, depression, and ultimately the suicide. You would have never thought he would have done this.

I have several friends who are on various medications that have the "may cause depression and thoughts of suicide" warnings. I hope that I or their families can notice any signs that they are having trouble.

Annie said everything I am thinking. My first KS bag was also a black Sam, Ida. Hoping her family can find peace in the days ahead.

Unfortunately, a very common cause of death.

The 2nd most common cause of death age 10-35, 4th most common age 35-55.

Some feel these statistics may underestimate the actual number (e.g., unintentional injury/poisoning actually a suicide).

This discussion further confirms how misunderstood mental illness is. Many questions and hardly any answers.

i think autopsy shows are useful in that if you learn that X was taking 5 pills a day, and viewer is taking four, it might raise a red flag and cause viewer to re-evaluate consumption. Hopefully.

mdln, I'm sure stats are off. My nephew's death was officially an accidental overdose, but he left flowers on his wife's pillow before he died. I know it was intentional.

Not sure why anyone would want to stifle such an important topic as this. Trying to stifle this conversation is the same thing as keeping a stigma on mental illness. Thank God that stigma is lifting.

I read that her husband said she was bipolar. Not sure what is true or untrue. Some people get into such a dark place and hurt beyond imagination both mentally and physically due to the mental illness (and life's most difficult situations) that they see no other way out. I have been in some dark places myself and during those time can almost understand the choice to end things. I would never do it myself and can not say I fully understand but I can almost empathize. I feel for these people and the ones in their lives who have to watch their family or loved ones suffer and then to lose them is beyond devastating. My heart goes out to her family and friends.

The only statement that has been made by Andy Spade includes this.

"This is the truth. Anything else that is out there right now is false. She was actively seeking help for depression and anxiety over the last 5 years, seeing a doctor on a regular basis and taking medication for both depression and anxiety. There was no substance or alcohol abuse. There were no business problems. We loved creating our businesses together. We were co-parenting our beautiful daughter. I have yet to see any note left behind and am appalled that a private message to my daughter has been so heartlessly shared with the media."

NY Times

I'd like to make it clear that I wouldn't attempt to "stifle" adult conversation. I don't care what others discuss -- have at it. I dislike mere speculation which masks itself as "concern" but is, in reality, thinly-veiled judgment and aspersion. I've seen it happen when a family member killed himself, and when a coworker did so recently. I've seen people who have such a strong "need" to know the details that they are quick to make assumptions that are so far off the mark as to be laughable. Of course, this happens en masse when a celebrity suicide occurs.

I get it, though, Ida, there is definitely an unsavory quality to some of the coverage and gossip. Perhaps most of it.

mtn, I haven't heard or read much of it, but I know it's out there. That's why I detest programs such as TMZ. Such trashy, voyeuristic nonsense, and sadly, it sells because it titillates.

I think there may be some value, however, in the idea that if sharing certain facts helps prevent even one more suicide, then it's beneficial to make details public. That's pretty big IF, though, and I think the wishes of the loved ones of the deceased have to be very carefully weighed too.

Suicide is an incredibly complex issue, as everyone knows. Obviously, that's why there are some strong opinions being shared in this thread.

Seriously, though, I have to wonder about these prescription medications that have thoughts of suicide as a side effect. I think with Chris Cornell this probably happened, that the medication induces a temporary psychosis, and he may have taken an extra dose. Yes, I know he had a history of substance abuse. I saw some comments on the rock music sites from people who used Ativan who said the same thing. One woman said she tried to kill herself 4 times while taking it, that she would get these crazy thoughts that she had to kill herself right now.

I had read about Kate Spade that family was trying to get her to rehab, but she did not want the stigma of going apparently. Have no idea if this is true.

There's no doubt that these "brain drugs" as I call them can cause severe depression that leads to suicide. Especially when they are being managed by a doctor with little familiarity with them and their side effects. From the APA:

Most antidepressants are prescribed by primary-care physicians who may have limited training in treating mental health disorders. In the United States, almost four out of five prescriptions for psychotropic drugs are written by physicians who aren't psychiatrists (Psychiatric Services, 2009). And fewer of their patients receive psychotherapy than in the past. In 1996, one-third of patients taking antidepressants also received therapy. By 2005, only one-fifth of patients did, according to a study of more than 50,000 medical surveys that was co-authored by Mark Olfson, MD, professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University (Archives of General Psychiatry, 2009).

Annie, that's exactly how I started taking Effexor years ago. During a routine visit to my GP I happened to mention that sometimes I felt like I had a little dark cloud hanging over my head, and she instantly whipped out her pad and wrote a script. She even commented when she handed it to me that "many" of her patients were on this drug and seemed to do well on it. I received no psychotherapy and no referral to a psychotherapist. Effexor took me on an "interesting" ride for quite some time, and it was absolute misery getting off of it. All of this is to say that yes, what you've posted is the gospel truth.

With these drugs there is such a fine line between mental illness and normal life. On the one hand we have been rightly encouraged to be open to mental health treatment. The only problem is that the medical/pharmaceutical world would like to turn everything into a mental health problem that they can profit from.

Back in the early 80s at my all-girls Catholic high school in Dallas, the frosh year theology teacher spent a lot of time discussing what we would call life skills today. One of the things she made a fuss about was prescription drugs. She warned us to never complain to our GPs about how we were feeling - because in her experience that would result in a prescription for Valium and she said no good would come of that. Back then the assumption was that the doctor would be a patronizing man who saw women as hysterical. Mrs. Ling was in no way suggesting we should not seek help from a psychiatrist should we be having real mental health problems. She was talking about the difficulties of managing motherhood and work and such.

Le plus ça change ...

It's funny you mention Valium, Rita. There was a time when I was in high school, also in the 80s, when it seemed like literally all my friends' mothers were on Valium. At the time it was a big joke amongst us kids. The doctor in our small town eventually had is medical license revoked for some sort of irregularities in his drug prescribing practices.

Last night the Queen of Holland's sister committed suicide by hanging. She allegedly had mental problems.

I don't believe either woman had run of the mill depression that most have when they take an anti-depressant. Also, if one person out of a million who take the same pill commits suicide, it has to be listed as a side effect.

My lovely, wonderful, funny, sparkly, bright star neighbor committed suicide a few years ago. Shocked all who knew her except a few of us who knew she was being treated for serious depression. She had recently been given an anti-depressant and her doctor told her husband that one of the unfortunate side effects of taking it, which happened to her, is that after being in such a dark place, the anti-depressant can make the patient feel just good enough to finally put a suicide plan in place. Before, she'd been too depressed to even find the strength to figure out how to kill herself. The doctor said the most dangerous time with depression is when that dark veil lifts a bit and one is able to take some action to end their life. Very, very sad.

Olychick, that is terrifying. And heartbreakingly sad.

My God, Oly - that's horrifying.

I know a couple of folks who walk a very thin line and who have made an attempt to leave this realm at least once. I am acquainted online with another, who (after living through a number of severe disappointments that he was very public about, and then being betrayed by the person he loved most) posted that he intended to end his life. I don't really "know" this man, don't know what kind of people he has in his life, but was sickened beyond words to see that there were others LIKING his post. Can you imagine?!? I read his suicidal statement very early one morning, saw the "likes", and then realized that nobody had actually responded to him with words, so I did. Then I posted again, urging anyone within his local vicinity to get off their tails and go see about him. I felt I should have done more, but what, with only a vague idea of where he lived? At any rate, he did not succeed in his attempt, and one of his friends posted later that he had been taken into custody and would receive the help he so desperately needed.

(I'm rambling, I know ...)

I can't help but wonder if details of suicide such as have come out in Kate Spade's case create a spark of "I should do that too" in those who are already entertaining thoughts. I now know the method by which Ms. Spade died (did not know before today), and have no idea why the details needed to be made public. Makes it sound all too easy to just slip away, doesn't it? I hope to God there's not somebody else out there following suit, after reading about how Kate did it.

The folks at AFSP have a kit they put together for the media in how best to talk about suicide so as not to trigger a contagion effect as there is one.

Suicides increased in the US by 10% after Robin Williams killed himself. I wish the media would follow the suggested guidelines when they report these tragic deaths. I’m concerned about a friend’s daughter who has severe depression and has attempted suicide.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/06/07/617897261/cdc-u-s-suicide-rates-have-climbed-dramatically