It's been two months


My boyfriend died January 19, 2018. He struggled with addiction. We were long distance and the day he died, I got a call from his brother. I still have the voicemail because I was at work when he called. I still have dreams he's back and read old text messages. I can't get myself to listen to all the voicemails he would leave for me but I like knowing they're there. I got a new job and moved away from home, I'm living on my own for the first time in awhile. We had a pact that whichever one of us got a "real" job first, the other one would move to be with the other.
I have a lot of what if questions and know I'll never get answers. During one of his severely depressed days, he told me if I ever died, he would probably kill himself. I know it's dumb and too soon but I was thinking about what if I was in another relationship later. I would feel like a terrible person if I did date someone else even next year. He was so committed to me I feel like a bad person for even considering a relationship at some point in the far future. I'm 25. I don't know life just kind of sucks right now.
But I also have good things going like getting a good job.
I have my good and bad days and I think today is one of those really bad and sad days when I miss him so much.

Comments (3)
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So sorry for your loss. I just don't know what you are asking right now. As far as dating, take your time, you will know when you're ready. He wouldn't want you to be alone. All people grieve differently. I was with my husband 40 yrs, I still grieve I don't think that will ever end.

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Sorry to hear of the loss of your boyfriend. My husband of 35 years passed away on Feb. 5, 2018. The grieving is a total roller coaster. The only advice can give you is to enjoy the memories and the good days, but be prepared for the sad depressive days. They come without warning...a smell, a taste something that suddenly triggers your mind and you are filled with sadness. I hope you find happiness in the future.

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Sorry to hear of your loss. It's not dumb at all, nor too soon. It's normal to think about the future, now, as it's changed from what was expected.
Choosing to have other relationships after you mourn him is alright. Choosing not to is alright too.
It feels now like it would be hard, in the future, to move on. But take your time getting to that point, you'll be fine.
Best wishes

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