Your house is super cute!!

Can the fascia over the porch be removed? A much simpler, smaller scale board would suit the house and open up the front a lot.

For trim colour you could use black, forest green, taupe, grey, white, spicy red like cayenne or paprika, rust... Lots of options.

Porch I would do the same grey as your cement when it's dry.

I don't see any shutters in your picture. I'm not sure the house needs them or that they are appropriately sized for it. They would follow the trim colour.

Door would also depend on the trim colour. Could be plum, mustard, eggplant, navy...

I also love the green suggestion above. I didn't mention it because you seen averse but it would probably be my first choice!

Well, that or rust. I love red houses with rusty orange trimmings.

Then do the gray on the porch, leave the trim white and do a bright blue for the door. You will be emphasizing the colors you like and downplaying the red and green that you don't. Good luck, it is a very pretty and classic house.

It really is a beautiful house and beautiful brick. You dont have to stick with a green-green. Theres a whole range of blue-greens, ashen gray-greens, dark almost black-greens to choose from which would be a vast improvement over the white.

Ive seen dark inky blues work well with red brick. My neighbor has that, plus a rich vintagey mustard color door. It works (primary color scheme)

Just wondering - and maybe someone else can answer if OP doesnt know - how paintable is a metal roof? One would think it would be very paintable - given the array of paints/primers available that are made especially for metal

I'm going to throw out some pictures.

PS I truly love the title of your post. It really captures your feelings. :-D

Greeny-black

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Beige

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Taupe

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I know you said you hate it,but red

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When things "dry out" ; clean out the gutters, remove all the bushes etc., cover the bare earth along the foundation with plastic sheeting and have everything power washed (including the sidewalk). The "fascia board" along the front porch needs to be reduced in size, it should not extend any lower than the porch ceiling. I don't see any shutters in the photos and do not add any. The crisp white trim is perfect. You have the opportunity to do something different on the porch and stairs. I suggest a bright white base coat of paint, followed by a large stenciling of green-black on top, (to make it appear like 12 inch tiles) keeping the stair risers a solid green-black. A holly foundation hedge, adding flowers as you wish. Your roof's "shade of green" is not bad - I have seen much worse. It's a cute house, and with some tweeks, it will be wonderful.

Love the stenciled porch idea. I must say that I wouldn't want to keep a white porch sparkling so I would do a mid-tone grey base.

Omg I have green shingles orange brick and beige windows I’m screwed