You can't change anyone's behavior except your own. So wishing that the joint gifts would stop or that they will stop chastising you if you don't chip in isn't going to get you anywhere. You can either continue to contribute to group gifts in order to keep the peace and get over your feelings about it, OR you can quit contributing and just deal with (ignore if possible) the scolding from MIL. IDEA: What if you just chip in a nominal amount to their gift $5 or $10, quit giving $60 because you know it won't be matched. Then you can always buy a separate gift for the recipient, spending what you consider to be an appropriate amount. As for the birthday gifts, who ever said that you HAVE to buy someone a gift, and that it has to be something on their $100 list? Buy IF and WHAT you want and leave it at that. You're letting them bully you into buying them expensive gifts. They probably will still bully you but whether you let them is up to you. You're worried about not ruining the relationship and I can really sympathize with that. But what I've learned is that your in-laws are going to behave the way they want to no matter what. In my first marriage, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, MIL just didn't like me. And believe me, I tried! What a wasted effort. Second marriage, I'm just myself and nothing more, and unfortunaely inlaws & I have had a couple of unavoidable run-ins due to circumstances beyond our control. However, they still love me and treat me with respect (and vice versa). Bottom line, you need to live your own life, do what's best for you (just as they are apparently doing!!) and quit acquiescing to their expectations. It's fine to give in on some things, especially the things that are not important to you, but things that go against your grain like this apparently does, stand your ground and do what works for you.

I have a MIL and FIL just like that! And a SIL, BIL and wife too. Evidently, when the BIL's youngest daughter was born, they thought this would be the last grandchild, Then, DH and I had a son (3yrs.) and a daughter (14 mos). When we asked if they wanted to spend time with the kids, us, anything... the response is always busy. They told other family members that they retired and they aren't doing grandchildren anymore, yet they moved next door to BIL to be closer to grandaughter. They didn't retire from bing grandparents, they just retired from my family. They have sleep overs, babysit, take the other grand kids to lunch, santa, etc. They never include my kids. Once, the BIL's daughter told my son to move out of his chair because she wanted to sit next to her "Aunt Robin, and that she was the favorite". My 2 yr. old son, moved to another chair. When I commented that that wasn't very nice to say, MIL said "Oh let her have her fun!". They only live 15 min. away. I have decided that I will not tolerate this behavior anymore, and nor will I make my children tolerate this. I don't want my kids to know that they are not the favorite, or that their family even has favorites. I don't want my kids exposed to the "demeaning way" that my ILs treat me. I dont' want them to think it's okay to treat anyone that way. My family begins here. My holiday events will be happy, fun, and surrounded by people who love each other. Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. are at my house. If anyone wants to come, they can, provided they treat my family with respect and kindness. If not, they are not welcome here. In my house, I am allowed to say that, and inforce it. I haven't had the chance to say it yet, they never visit. Julie

er...uhhh...hmmmm...me? Hey there big sis! How ya been? We got our copper sink for the powder room BTW(off e-bay!). it's sitting on top of plywood now on our new vanity cabinet and I think I'm just going to tile the countertop instead of getting granite, although we did find an awesome deal on the granite. But we have all this tile laying around so I'm thinking...why not TRY tiling it for now, since it's basically free...and if we don't like it or we have problems with the grout then we'll change it later. It's just a powder room after all! Anyhoo, I have my eye on a 130 year old historical home in our small town. I keep looking at it on the realtor's site (DH doesn't know that though) and picturing what I could do with it. We totally can't buy another house and if we did, it certainly wouldn't be here...but it sure is fun to think about! Robin

I'm so sorry Scarlett. I think perhaps he is on the wrong drug cocktail. Unfortunately with psych meds it really is trial and error finding the right combo that works. And it is hard trying several different times to get it right and then waiting 4-6 weeks to start seeing changes from the meds. Don't give up, my heart goes out to you. From what I've read on this post my gut is telling me, OCD-BiPolar I'm not so sure?It's very easy to misdiagnose the creative artistic personality-The creative mind truly works and views the world differently. I would lean more toward clinical depression/ocd, but those are just my thoughts..Are you comfortable with the psychiatrist he is seeing? Please don't be offended by my asking but does schizophrenia run in his family tree at all? It often manifests in early adulthood. Does he have hallucinations at all? These are questions I would ask your/his mental health care provider..early diagnosis is best of course. I feel his sadness and your worry/frustration.(((Big hugs))) ~Cat