My BIL had a jeans, cowboy hats and boots wedding where the guests primarily wore jeans. I recall the bridesmaids wore cowboy boots with their short dresses-I think the bride was going to wear boots too but didn't for some reason (I didn't go to that wedding). At the time I attributed the attire at that affair to the trashiness of the whole spectacle (that's a whole other story). But a friend got married at her parents back yard and the groom wore a similar set up-he was big into horse activities, and guests were very casual. My eldest DD got married at a lakeside place where guests could tent camp if they chose to. Neither the wedding party or the guests wore jeans, but every one was dressed in what I would describe as urban casual attire. If the wedding is going to be a casual theme, then no big deal IMHO. My younger DD was married in a ballroom at an opera house-had anyone shown up to that affair in jeans I would have croaked. I like the dress you've shown, I think it would be very appropriate.

You write, “I have not asked her anything. We discussed aspects of things of this nature years ago and for the most part she agreed at the time. Maybe she still does? Maybe she changed? Maybe she never really meant it? I don't know. But I have said nothing to her about this since she brought up being a bridesmaid months ago.” i am confused. This is so important to you, but when she told you about being a bridesmaid, you said nothing. Months passed and you said nothing. The wedding is tomorrow, and you’ve still said nothing. Nor have you confirmed what you hoped she feels about this. What‘s the plan here? Just let her think everything’s fine, and then she comes home from the wedding to find you gone for good, with no warning? This sounds like a pretty sneaky test. It’s one thing to ask that she make sacrifices for your feelings. It’s quite another to require that she read your mind as well. You talk about a “clear” line -- how clear can it be to her if you haven’t said a word? It is baffling that in all these months you never told her how you felt, how important this is to you, that you really don’t want her to be in this wedding. Even if you tell her now, with just hours to go before the wedding, you are putting her in an impossible spot. You never just asked for what you want and need. You never gave her a chance to succeed. That’s what loving spouses do. Which terrible outcome are you hoping for? That she will read your mind (or listen to an eleventh-hour ultimatum — because that’s exactly what it would be) and back out of the wedding, which will make everyone she knows think forever that you are a world-class controlling jerk? Or that you will have an excuse to walk out? Those are the only two outcomes you have set up. I strongly encourage you to consider a third: accept that your wife is going to be in the wedding and attend graciously without complaint as her escort. If you don’t think you could pull that off, then plead illness and stay home — a very rude thing to do, but much better than spoiling someone's wedding. Next time, you can talk it over first, and maybe get a pleasant surprise. It wouldn‘t mean your feelings and opinions are wrong at all. It’s just being a loving and caring grownup spouse, and playing fair.

When do they expect people to wear these things? Certainly only at a wedding-related event, but if you were an attendant or relative, or for that matter even as the bride or groom, would you really want to wear one of these shirts to a shower or rehearsal dinner instead of an outfit of your own choosing? They wouldn't look too weird at, say, a bachelorette party, but they are certainly not necessary. I'd still rather wear my own clothes -- even my own t-shirt -- thanks. Those shirts cost $22 each. I'm sure you can think of better ways to use that money! People will sell you anything, and try to make you think you "must" have it, to make a buck. In all the details that have to be arranged for a wedding, it's hard to keep it all straight.

Married 56 years ago, in Korea ... we were together 11 years, apart for over 40 ... Sue died 11 years ago. Clergyman was missionary colleague, he and wife had an apartment in same house as I a few years earlier. He died, after dealing with dementia, nearly 10 years ago, we'd stayed in contact occasionally. His wife was matron of honour, they'd lived in a city 50 miles away after retirement - son has been a guest in their home while working for a few days in their area. Some time after Don's death, Alice moved to Calgary to be near her daughter and died three or four years ago. Both are buried in Korea. Best man was a missionary doc, retired to the east coast, we were in contact occasionally, had not met them in years and he died several years ago. Guests were pretty well all missionaries, several of whom I've contacted occasionally; some Korean colleagues, not much contact with them. ole joyful