Emotional roller coaster
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6 years ago
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I'm feeling down and its my fault.
Comments (31)I'm still here and appreciate all of your comments. Jemdandy, I do those things. I offer to help regularly, but she is unhappy with the quality of my cleaning, so she prefers to do it herself (which creates more stress on her). Yes, there is definitely a lot of stress due to my father and the remodeling. Then, pile on the stress from my wife's job and it becomes very very stressful. We are hoping the stress level will drop when the remodeling is finished. I am not completely clueless. On Tuesday, my wife was under a lot of stress and I seemed to deal with it farily well. At least, she was not upset at me and I think she actually felt better after talking to me. However, yesterday was worse, and she felt worse after talking to me. I listened, I care, I felt for her, but I did not give her the empathy in terms of verbal feedback she is looking for. I thought I was, but in fact I did not. Generally, the problems start after work when either I walk in the door (if she is home first), or when she walks in the door (if I am home first). If she says, "I am on overload" this is my clue to watch out, that there are problems, it will be a rough evening, and I need to do my very best to try to empathize with her. She wants me to demonstrably say things which exhibit empathy, like, "no wonder you are overwhelemed, anyone would be with what you are going through." Or, "It is amazing what you have to deal with. I am really impressed with how well you handled that situation." Sometimes I say these things and sometimes I don't. Also, I need to communicate absolutely everything, which I still have not gotten used to. For example, last night, after our blow-up, we went to bed. She seemed to be calming down. It was late, I had just gone to bed and she was in the master bathroom getting ready to come to bed. There was a loud noise. She came out and asked me if I heard a loud noise coming from the guest bathroom. She was concerned that my father was in there and perhaps had fallen down. I said I didn't hear any noise. (In retrospect I did hear a noise but I thought it was coming from the master bath, not the guest bath). I get up, take a quick look in the guest bath, realize my father wasn't in there, and came back to bed. This morning she told me she was very unhappy with me about this behavior. Do you know why? I do in retrospect. I didn't communicate! Before I got out of bed, I should have said to her, "I'll go check it out." Then, when I came back to bed, I should have said, "I took a quick look but my dad wasn't in there." I was tired and I just wasn't thinking. Her response to this is that I obviously think so little of her that I can't even be bothered with telling her what I am doing or what I find out. As though it isn't important for her to know. No, I did not, do not, think along the lines she alledges. I was trying to respond to her concerns as best I could. Mostly, I just didn't think at all. It must have been around 11:30 p.m. and my brain was shutting down for the night. While I should have been a better communicator, I did the best I could do. That was a good example as to how I get in trouble and why my wife is unhappy with me and may just leave me....See MoreOld cat with CRF not eating or drinking
Comments (19)Here's my favorite site for interpreting feline lab results. Click on the name of each lab value of interest, and it'll download a small pdf file that explains the primary implications of that particular lab value: lab value explanations If Ziggy dislikes the liquid al hyd that your vet provided, you can purchase it in a tasteless powder form that is easily mixed into food at the following link: aluminum hydroxide powder At the same website, you can purchase the needles that are most popular with CRF caretakers (Terumo Ultra Thin Wall 20 ga.). Terumo needles are considered by many (myself included) to be better manufactured and sharper than the Monoject needles that most vets use. The superior sharpness and smoothness of Terumo needles seems to be more comfortable for cats. The 20 ga. Ultra Thin Wall Terumos have a flow rate that is almost equivalent to the larger, more uncomfortable, 18 ga Monojects, as well. You can also purchase IV lines at the same site. In case you're not aware, you can purchase Ringer's very inexpensively by the case if you call around and price shop at your local pharmacies. You probably won't find any pharmacies that keep it in stock, but they should all be able to order it for you overnight. You'll just need a prescription from your vet. I can purchase a case of 14, 1000ml bags of Ringers for $23/case from my local Target Pharmacy. Lactulose and Miralax are both osmotic laxatives with similar action in the gut. Lactulose, however, may cause digestive upset in lactose-intolerant animals (which most cats are), whereas Miralax will not. Miralax, being a nearly tasteless crystalline powder, is MUCH easier to administer than Lactulose, as well. It is easily mixed into canned food and is undetectable to most cats. Like Lactulose, Miralax is a dose-to-effect drug, meaning that you can adjust the dose up or down to maintain optimal stool consistency. But like Lactulose, Miralax is only effective in a properly hydrated animal, which is one more important reason to be consistent with subQ fluids. From your description, I have to assume that Ziggy is responding to your husband's nervousness during fluid admins. If I were you, I would kindly dismiss your husband from fluid duty and handle it yourself. It's also extremely important to warm the fluids before admins, as room temp fluids can badly chill a cat and make him extremely uncomfortable. If you'd been using room temp fluids on Ziggy and just recently started warming them, he may still be anticipating the chill of unwarmed fluids. Just give him a little more time to trust that he'll be getting a warm internal shower instead of a cold one from now on. I have found that the less restraint I use, the more cooperative my cats are during fluid admins. I do admins on diningroom chairs by a large window. I use my body and the chair backs to block the cat's movement off of the chairs without actually having to hold the cat, while the window helps to distract the cat a bit during the admin. I'll post a pic of my setup if you'd like to see it. It's very common for CRF cats to have problems with excess stomach acid, so many of them do take an acid blocker. As I noted earlier, Pepcid AC is the most commonly used med for this purpose. I use Zantac 75, instead, because it has fewer potential drug interactions than Pepcid. But Zantac is a pain in the neck to cut into 1/8's. I don't know of anyone who uses Prilosec, which is why I'd be very interested to know why your vet chooses to use it. If he knows of any studies of Prilosec's use in CRF cats, I'd love to read them. We CRF caretakers are always on the lookout for potential improvements in our management protocols. Laurie...See MoreTa Da! GardenWebNewbie's BS dilemma update...
Comments (12)A2gemini, thank you for the kind words! I love your kitchen and had spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make the Rixi work as it looks so gorgeous in your kitchen (and Ellendi's!). If you click in the picture, that should take you to a few more pictures at different angles, etc. I also showed some close ups of the edge we switched to which was more of a rounded edge with a flat bottom. We originally had a mitered edge to hide the seam somewhat better than a regular laminated edge as we have a plywood base. What I found out was that some granites chipped more than others, especially when they become paper thin at the 45 (??) angle necessary to fit the two pieces together. JP was one of those granites, so there were more epoxy areas than I had envisioned. It also bothered my elbows when sitting at the island. We also had them match the rounded aspect at the sink edge and the backsplash edge, which IMO, makes it a bit different than the 'norm.' As far as the island, for as many con's were against it, we had just as many pro's for it. I always said I wanted an island in my next house. Well, we've been here 15 years and it doesn't appear that we are moving anytime soon so we made it work. I am so glad we did, it really gets used a lot. We had to forgo the kitchen table, however we still have the dining room table if we need more or formal seating. Resale may be affected down the road, however as there isn't any sink or cook top on it, it could be very easily removed and put back to being able to fit a table. Another issue was with the existing bench seat (non removable as the wall behind the bench does not go all the way down to the slab...association rules against changing any exterior) but it's fine. I am still toying with painting the dark trim piece that is there so it fades a bit more into the background. I got a pretty basket that I set on the bench in the center to hold the daily mail and newspaper....so it doesn't function as a bench but more of an overflow space. Thanks again for your reply! I am happy to say I have not shed a single tear over this kitchen since!!...See MoreHelp...how can I let go of these feelings?
Comments (12)I have joint custody of her. The only reason I never went for full custody is because her dad and I agreed to never try to keep her away from the other parent. I wanted her to have a good relationship with him as well as myself. He constantly accused me of doing things behind his back...like having an affair. He would come home from work (he worked 3rd shift) and check the house for signs of someone else having been there. Which no one had but he did not believe me. He would count the eggs in the egg carton (seriously!) check my cell phone, smell my clothes in the dirty hamper....crazy things like that. Originally when we made the decision to divorce (well I made the decision) I stayed in our house with my daughter for a couple of weeks. My ex would pop in in the middle of night or would just hang around even though he agreed to move out. I think he did that thinking I would come around eventually and he could move back in and we would patch everything up. Well that was not what I wanted. Plus his parents lived one road over...so avoiding him was almost impossible. I made the decision then to move out myself and get an apartment. My daughter had her own room and she did come and stay with me some in the beginning. As time went on...she started becoming more distant though and not wanting to come over. Sometimes I think even scared to come over. I firmly believe that this was all because of her dad. For example- He came by the apartment one night and she was going to visit with me (it was actually his night to have her). So..he dropped her off while he was supposed to be going to the store. Well...he got to the apartment and saw that my sister was there visiting with me and she wanted to see my daughter. Well...my ex hates my family just because they are my family. They have never done anything to him. They don't like him but they have never done anything to him though. He created a big scene. After my daughter being in the house for 10 mins...he began banging on my front door demanding that our daughter leave with him right then. My sister asked him to please not create a scene in front of my daughter and he basically gave her a piece of his mind and threaten to physically hurt her (my sister) by motioning for her to come out side and settle it with him. He continued on ranting and raving until finally we had to call the police to resolve the problem. By this point my daughter is a nervous wreck and so was I. My ex made my daughter believe that all of that was my fault that night and that mommy wants the police to take him away from her. This is just one example of several that have happened. We went back to court about 6 months after the divorce because he wouldn't let me see her (he denies that though). The judge ruled that I was contempt of court because I did not forcefully drag my daughter out of her dad's home when I was supposed to get her. I didn't drag her out of his home because I am afraid of him and I think she is too. He is very hot headed even though he claims that he walks the straight and narrow line and is a Christian. I am terrifed of what he will say or do to her once he gets her back. I do think she loves me and misses me but is a afraid that he will be angry with her for feeling that way. It is a very, very hard situation for me to deal with. I have to take a deep breathe sometimes throughout the day and tell myself everything will be alright. I don't know what the best thing is to do anymore. My attorney said legally he can't keep her from me but the emotional part of it is not something that the court system will deal with. Their job is just to make sure you get the child when you are supposed to. If my daughter gets angry or if he gets angry..they can't help me there. Which I knew that but I am so scared of how he may be treating her. I keep thinking that everytime I call her...he standing there telling her "don't answer that phone!". I can't prove that but I know how he is better than anyone and he is capable of manipulating her. He did it to me for years. I would like to think that he wouldn't do that to our daughter-but my gut feeling says he would. So...over time it went from me getting her and taking her school (doing the mommy thing) to calling every night at 8:30pm (that was the time my ex said I needed to call if I wanted to call) and I get a voicemail almost everytime. The only time she answers the phone is if I leave a message saying that I am coming up to her school to eat lunch with her. She will answer the phone the next night only to tell me not to come up to the school. I don't know how to get through to her anymore....See More
Jenn TheCaLLisComingFromInsideTheHouse
6 years agoUser thanked Jenn TheCaLLisComingFromInsideTheHouse
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