Underwear

6 years ago

My wife and I were married back in September 2017. We moved into a small two bedroom apartment with her 18 year old son, who was supposedly leaving on his mission in October, but hasn’t yet. My concern is lack of concern for another adult’s privacy. He walks into our bedroom without knocking, goes into our bathroom, which is right off of our bedroom, and uses it without even bothering to close the door, or, if I’m not in the room he goes and gets in the bed with his mother, in only a pair of boxer briefs, and they lay there together talking for over an hour or more, with her stroking his back. He’s constantly walking around the apartment nude or in only the underwear without a shirt or t-shirt. I’ve asked my wife several times to please have him respect my privacy and to realize that it’s no longer just the two of them living together. Her response is to get upset and tell me that’s how they’ve always been.

Featured Answer

cacocobird

6 years ago

This situation is truly inappropriate and a little creepy. If she won't go to counseling, go alone and some help with handling this. Good luck!

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (6)

colleenoz
6 years ago
That might work for a 7 year old, but not an 18 year old. Not appropriate.
engteach4368 thanked colleenoz
functionthenlook
6 years ago
I don't think you are going to get rid of the mamma's boy until mamma cut the apron strings. It seams she isn't ready to do it. It sounds like you are low man on the totem pole.
Related Discussions
So mother tells you to clear out your underwear drawer!
Q
Comments (4)
Dang. I hope you find what you need. Did you donate it to some place you can go get it back? Drat. Feel better. Soft hug over the internet so as not to touch your painful areas. Take care of you.
...See More
Need advice on men's underwear :)
Q
Comments (25)
Sometimes I wish I was good with a sewing machine because it seems like making your own clothes is the only way to find what you like and the quality you want. That will never happen though, I haven't the time or inclination for it. I've tried many times to learn to sew but it just isn't my thing, sadly. I agree with Eileen, I loathe clothes shopping for the very reason that it is so dang hard to find something that fits well, is well made and is reasonably priced. I don't want to buy cheap clothes but the expensive items are often little better in terms of fit and quality. Underwear is absolutely the worst shopping experience, which is probably why both BF and I put it off! BF and I tried to go shopping for clothes after Christmas, and after spending most of the day and trying on dozens of things, I came home with one shirt, and what I had been looking for was pants, skirts and shoes! I perused the underwear a bit, good cotton stuff is getting almost impossible to find. Well, that's on the female side, don't know about the male side but I suspect it is similar. My favorite "ugh" thing are the shirts that you pay extra for that are made of flimsy fabric and made to look worn out! We both got a laugh out of those, they sell them for both sexes! We even saw some of those kinds of things in a high end baby clothing store. You never can tell what some people will buy.
...See More
Underwear for my chairs
Q
Comments (26)
back to the underwear part - I'd use a plain weave cotton duck or muslin, Because they will offer enough friction that the slipcovers won't slip around too much on them, they're not too heavy a fabric, and they won't compete by showing through if you decide on a lighter weight linen for a slipcover. Linen is notoriously sheer, even the heavy stuff. I would use what's known as Bull Denim for the slipcover itself, it's beefy and would stand up to a lot of wear, but I wouldn't use it as the upholstery. The Bull Denim is a twill weave. Duck is a plain weave. Sorry ineffible, but I wouldn't even try to slipcover a chair that was upholstered in vinyl. Too slippery underneath, regardless of how well your slipcover is made. You could use a Sunbrella fabric - those are acrylics - but they don't breathe, and I guess I just like the idea of a fabric that breathes in a seaside environment. The reason that I suggested a duck or a ticking initially is that it would give you a bit more option when your slipcover was off. Most of the cost of reupholstering is in the labor. Since upholstery grade muslin is not suitable for finished upholstery, it's suitable for putting a slipcover over, it seems a bit extravagant to upholster without giving yourself the option of using it without the slipcover. I also wouldn't pay Pindler pricing, or even Fabricut, Kravet or any one of the other major houses pricing for a plain cotton duck. It's all coming out of one of just a handful of mills, and there is no reason to pay for the branding. A good basic 9 oz or 10 oz duck will be fine. I'm including a link to one, in NYC. Seems weird that it's a fashion fabric source, but I've ordered from them before with great success, and they actually give a good description, which is challenging with online fabric sources, and the cotton they sell is sourced in the US. 20 yds for $200. Here is a link that might be useful: CottonDuck
...See More
Underwear inside out?
Q
Comments (43)
OK, OK. Enuf! Men and women are different. Women, as you all know, don't dirty their underwear the same as men! On a good day, no big deal; however, there are some weeks that it just doesn't work out as planned. I wear boxers and turning them inside out does some goofy things with the waist band that make them uncomfortable. Women don't have that problem with the waist band. Now t-shirts are a different matter. On a regular basis, if I am not going anywhere, I'll wear the same t-shirt for a couple of days. After all, it's just the cat and the missus and they are accustomed to my ways of doing things. In the summer, when I am outside doing my gardening, I might use three (3) t-shirts in one day. I sweat and the dirt clings to them. Into the pile they go and hopefully they won't rot before laundry day!
...See More
Embothrium
6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago
For me it was just him being possessive of mom in the presence of the new guy - until you got to the part about her response. Not only does she allow the nudity and intrusions, undertake the lying in bed together but she gets upset if you imply there is something wrong with this borderline incestuousness - I'd think many other male teens wouldn't want to be seen naked by their mothers. Or observed by them while using the bathroom. And would also feel awkward lying in bed with them - seems like most of them are more inclined in the opposite direction, at that age. With Mommy's Little Boy being long gone by then.

This upset reaction means that there is a deeply set emotional involvement on her part with what she and the not-so-much-a-boy-anymore are doing. You probably need to get her to agree to off site professional counseling sessions, where you both state and discuss your points of view with a qualified third party before you can make any progress with this.

I would have called this one something like No Underwear, Under the Covers or No Boundaries.
rockypointdog
6 years ago
IMO: I see this as an issue of respecting boundaries that you want to set but your wife does not agree with. If this were me, I would have a series of conversations with my SO about what level of privacy I am comfortable with, and ask her to listen to my concerns. Appropriateness is a subjective idea, so I would not bring that into the conversation. On the flip side, I would remind myself that I have entered into an established relationship, and that there may be moments when I need to say to myself "While I am personally not comfortable with this level of intimacy, the two of them are. There are bigger battles to fight." I'm sure there are going to be some challenges as the three of you work through creating a new family structure; I hope all of you can focus on the common goal of creating a happy family :-)
Kim Aves
6 years ago
I don't think this is an issue of him being or not being comfortable with their level of intimacy whether or not the two of them are. Sometimes you get to say, "What the heck!?," no matter if you are a step who came along "after an established relationship" or not.

This would be inappropriate in just about any situation, and esp. considering the son is 18, " if I’m not in the room he goes and gets in the bed with his mother. . . with her stroking his back. He’s constantly walking around the apartment nude. . . ." Actually, I'm surprised you put up with this for so long without seeking out advice or saying something earlier.

He wants to make sure you know he is the alpha male in the household, and his mother is letting him do it. She is also damaging her son by having a near husband-like relationship with him. Have a long talk with your wife, and let her know this is clearly inappropriate. If she continues to contest, tell her she has to decide who is her primary husband--you or her adult son?

Underwear

cacocobird

Comments (6)

colleenoz

functionthenlook

Related Discussions

Embothrium

rockypointdog

Kim Aves

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US