I agree with the money part...I have a 12 yr old GrDtr and she has two older and one younger brother. They've all gotten to the stage of having everything. So now I give them a small gift to open and some spending money to buy something...She likes the store Justice and will give her a gift certificate to use there. A few yrs ago I opened a small savings account for ea of them, and now give them Half or a Quarter of what I used to spend on them, and the rest goes into their accounts. Also for their Birthdays...now they enjoy seeing their savings grow. In fact when they get money from others, they will give either all or some of it to me for their savings...and will compare, who has the most. Funny, the youngest ..who's 10, has the Most money! Oh and to make my life easier $$ I put money aside ea month so when a birthday or Holiday comes, it doesn't break My Bank !! jane

Agree with those above. I'm 31, and I can tell you I wasn't interested in 23 year old men as partners when I was 26, let alone 2 years ago at 29. No offense, but men that age have not sown enough wild oats for me! Things change after 25, and again after 30. Any girl who would play this game with you while being engaged would play it with someone else while you were with her. Ask yourself if you want to be in the shoes of her poor (future?) husband. "she said she felt bad she did it because she loves her bf and was probably going to get engaged sometime soon, but she said she didn't regret it. " Wow. Now that's integrity. You say friendship is the only option? I don't think I'd want to be her friend either. Who has friends like that? 'oh, I love my boyfriend, but I'm going to flirt with my younger co-worker and then put myself in a compromising situation with him and possibly expose myself and my boyfriend (soon-to-be-fiancee) to diseases and I don't regret it one bit' *flashes dimples, lifts one pretty high - heeled foot off the ground and winks* yeah. sounds like a great girl to me!

I have an 8 year old Boxer, Millie, that had her first seizure just over a year ago. It was long and violent and tortuous to watch lasting well over 3 minutes. I immediately took her to the vet and he started her on Phenobarbital and Valium. She had several more smaller ones until the levels were where they needed to be. In the year since she's had dozens, some worse than others, and we've added Potassium Bromide to the mix. She continues to have small focal seizures lasting a few seconds almost daily. She was hospitalized last month with Pancreatitis. While there she had one larger and one smaller seizure. Since she's come home she seems to be deteriorating. She sleeps most of the days away. She has difficulty walking, stumbles or falls when she stands still for more than a few seconds, bumps into things and has fallen down the stairs. She seems to be losing control or strength in her hind legs. Last night she fell asleep at my feet and then couldn't stand or walk for a couple of minutes when she woke. This morning, on the other hand, she came as close to running as she has in a while to go outside and potty and play for a moment. It was brief. She's eating well, looks and sounds a good as ever which makes it that much harder to wonder "How much is enough for her?" I guess that's what I'm looking for, advice on "enough". She is our absolute favorite person in the world and is loved beyond measure. As terrified as I am about her leaving us, I am more afraid that she's suffering as she is. I've never had to even consider this for a pet so I'm lost to the rationale of it. How do you know when they've had enough?

I think it's unproductive (not to mention rather sick) to envision the relationship between father and daughter as in any way akin to a relationship between he and "another woman", or even to think in terms of who is "top" or "bottom" on any totem pole. Those things simply are not comparable. I can understand that an SP ---because of their position as the romantic partner of the parent in question--- may tend to view anything or anyone that interferes or comes between or undermines as just as threatening to their partnership as a competing romantic interest. But to really BUY INTO that idea twists and distorts some of these quite common childhood behavioral, disciplinary and yes, expected jealousy issues (on both sides) into something that they're not, something much more sick and intense. And it's simply not the way either the parent or child in question experiences their relationship UNLESS the parent is sexually abusing their child (and sometimes if the child has been sexually abused by someone else). Sadly, that sometimes happens, but unless there is any evidence to believe that, you can be reasonably assured that natural incest taboos tend to prevent parent and child from having or wanting the sort of parallel "partnership" you may think you perceive. It's simply not a competition of that sort. It may be a competition for time and attention and importance, but it's not of the same kind as a romantic love triangle. I believe that this tendency of adults to impose adult desires on children (and other adults) is the reason why some of these common everyday child-rearing problems become so blown out of proportion, and many times so deeply bitter and even unresolvable, especially in blended families. So I say definitely address the basic discipline, manners and expectations issues fully and firmly. Because that's what they are. SD, like all of us, needs to learn how to get by in the world and that means learning some basic manners and rules. She also likely has adjustment issues and probably has resentment for having to share her time with her father, especially after living through the divorce of her parents. That in no way automatically implies that SD wishes to be her father's "partner" or even that she wishes to be "top" on the totem pole, so don't let a presumption of such an attitude on her part lead to a distorted version of that same attitude on your part. SD is likely acting like she wants to be the "top" or "only" person in her Dad's life as an overcompensation from fear (based on divorce) that she will have NO place in his life. This is expected and common, as is some of the acting out. She needs to have it drilled in her head that she is just AS important in his life as ever, and that she is no LESS nor MORE important than you are. Hence she will get nowhere by thinking in terms of "top"/"bottom", who "stays" or who "goes", and neither will you. Don't let yourself be tempted to view it as a competition with sicker overtones than really exist. SD has her specific needs regarding her father, and you have your specific needs regarding the same man, but they are not the same issues. Thus there need not be any automatically adversarial relationship between you and SD. That is key to understanding how to resolve issues in any family, especially blended families. As long as any one person perceives a directly adversarial relationship, it will always imply that a "win" for one is a "loss" for another, and that there is a "top" and a "bottom". That means that there will never be a time when all parties are happy; hence there will always be conflict. When you realize that there's no inherent adversarial relationship and that everyone's needs can be met because they're *different* needs, it eliminates conflict. Just keep reminding yourself and SD are NOT fighting for the exact same things. Her behavior is only a direct threat to you if you perceive and allow it to be.