I'll second, third? Lisa and Sov. Six years old is too young to teach a charity lesson at birthday time IMO. Their birthdays are about silly fun with their friends. Lisa's statement in regards to gifts (optional but please be sure to bring yourself blah blah) is as far as I would go. As the mother of a small child who has too much, I use these experiences to teach the gift of giving. The joy of finding a special toy (and a matchbox might be all that is for some but it's still special to a six year old) is a lesson I don't get to give very often so I really take advantage of it (our son is 4 and not yet in school). At 8 or 9 plus it's a fun idea to discuss giving a party for charity, but only as an idea for the child...you know when they're ready for this or if they ever are :) I bitterly remember the birthday where my father taught me about charity. I opened all the gifts and then they were given to the "less fortunate" (I had no idea who those people were because we didn't learn that lesson). It was really more about control (now that I look back on it) verses a lesson in charity, but to a small child...do they really know the difference? I think we often forget the "joy of giving" and focus on the receiving too much :) So I get where you're coming from, but for a child of six...it's a party :) Let them enjoy it as a six year old should. Goody bags aren't a tradition in our area of the country. But I think the cookie and balloon sounds great. Great for table decor and enjoyable for the kids to take home. Or you could go with a matchbox given the theme of the party (those cheap ones). I don't mind cheap crap...it makes DS smile. The fact that he does not know the difference between a one dollar car and a twenty dollar one actually pleases me. And I don't mind the matchbox's anyhoo...at least they're metal :) My DS is afraid of birthday cake (or was until this year when he's braved the frosting) so I guess we're not overly birthday focused, but he has enjoyed the parties he's gone to as long as we avoid the cake. I don't remember getting any party bags...wait maybe one, but perhaps that is just our circle of friends. I don't think a lecture on how to throw a party is necessary :) Family, friends, it does not matter. Kids should have special birthdays be it with their school friends or family or both. Special does not have to mean much. We had our favorite couple over with their two kids for DS's 4th. Then we repeated a simple dinner with grandma the next week (we were moving to her state). He enjoyed both parties immensely and both were quite simple. DS would love to attend by the way....do you allow 4 year olds? I promise to limit the plastic LOL

Kay.... Going through the teen years can be like the terrible two's but with a much larger child! It can last for years. Don't get discouraged. I have a DS16 and just trying to have, what I consider, a normal conversation with him can sometimes make me want to stick hot pokers in my eyes....or his. It might be a good idea to talk with him at a time that is calm and remind him what the rules are. I have tried to lay down some sentences that I can say to DS16 during a discussion or disagreement that can remind him of the rules....Such as...."Remember who you are speaking to."...."You need to lower your voice."....."Your tone of voice sounds disrespectful to me." and so on. Sometimes he doesn't even know that he is loud or that I think that the way he is saying something in bothering me. All of that being said....do what you can to rule out the things that we all fear as parents of teens....alcohol or drug use, inappropriate internet use, depression, becoming sexually active. I'm sure I have left things out but you get the message. This day and age is tough. I feel for these kids. All the more reason to not let go of your house rules when it comes to respect and safety for the teens. Discussing with him some changes that he might like as he matures is an option. Stress the "As he matures" part. He needs to learn to handle his anger, talk about his feelings and still follow the rules. Each one comes to a calmer place at a different time. Some take a long time. The hard knocks of life can be the only teachers for some kids. Parents lose IQ points big time when their kids hit their teens. I wouldn't rule out getting him into see a counselor if you feel his anger is beyond control. Some kids can't talk to their parents and a third party can really help. It doesn't mean that their is something wrong with him. His brain and his body are on mega drive right now. Watch how he grows in the next few years!....I have heard that every growth spurt, whether it be mental or physical is preceded by an emotional time of turmoil. I think that is true when a child is entering into the just beginning to walk months and the teen years. Just fasten your seat belt. The ride will be bumpy at times. It is a good thing that God gives us these kids as sweet little babies. If we got them as teenagers they would likely mysteriously disappear...or we would. I remember thinking, when my DD20 was a teen and she would be mouthing off to me...."You know child, you are standing way to close with your back to those stairs to be talking to me like that."...Of course I would never push her but a bit of a sense of humor helps!!!

I have an 8 year old Boxer, Millie, that had her first seizure just over a year ago. It was long and violent and tortuous to watch lasting well over 3 minutes. I immediately took her to the vet and he started her on Phenobarbital and Valium. She had several more smaller ones until the levels were where they needed to be. In the year since she's had dozens, some worse than others, and we've added Potassium Bromide to the mix. She continues to have small focal seizures lasting a few seconds almost daily. She was hospitalized last month with Pancreatitis. While there she had one larger and one smaller seizure. Since she's come home she seems to be deteriorating. She sleeps most of the days away. She has difficulty walking, stumbles or falls when she stands still for more than a few seconds, bumps into things and has fallen down the stairs. She seems to be losing control or strength in her hind legs. Last night she fell asleep at my feet and then couldn't stand or walk for a couple of minutes when she woke. This morning, on the other hand, she came as close to running as she has in a while to go outside and potty and play for a moment. It was brief. She's eating well, looks and sounds a good as ever which makes it that much harder to wonder "How much is enough for her?" I guess that's what I'm looking for, advice on "enough". She is our absolute favorite person in the world and is loved beyond measure. As terrified as I am about her leaving us, I am more afraid that she's suffering as she is. I've never had to even consider this for a pet so I'm lost to the rationale of it. How do you know when they've had enough?

I think it's unproductive (not to mention rather sick) to envision the relationship between father and daughter as in any way akin to a relationship between he and "another woman", or even to think in terms of who is "top" or "bottom" on any totem pole. Those things simply are not comparable. I can understand that an SP ---because of their position as the romantic partner of the parent in question--- may tend to view anything or anyone that interferes or comes between or undermines as just as threatening to their partnership as a competing romantic interest. But to really BUY INTO that idea twists and distorts some of these quite common childhood behavioral, disciplinary and yes, expected jealousy issues (on both sides) into something that they're not, something much more sick and intense. And it's simply not the way either the parent or child in question experiences their relationship UNLESS the parent is sexually abusing their child (and sometimes if the child has been sexually abused by someone else). Sadly, that sometimes happens, but unless there is any evidence to believe that, you can be reasonably assured that natural incest taboos tend to prevent parent and child from having or wanting the sort of parallel "partnership" you may think you perceive. It's simply not a competition of that sort. It may be a competition for time and attention and importance, but it's not of the same kind as a romantic love triangle. I believe that this tendency of adults to impose adult desires on children (and other adults) is the reason why some of these common everyday child-rearing problems become so blown out of proportion, and many times so deeply bitter and even unresolvable, especially in blended families. So I say definitely address the basic discipline, manners and expectations issues fully and firmly. Because that's what they are. SD, like all of us, needs to learn how to get by in the world and that means learning some basic manners and rules. She also likely has adjustment issues and probably has resentment for having to share her time with her father, especially after living through the divorce of her parents. That in no way automatically implies that SD wishes to be her father's "partner" or even that she wishes to be "top" on the totem pole, so don't let a presumption of such an attitude on her part lead to a distorted version of that same attitude on your part. SD is likely acting like she wants to be the "top" or "only" person in her Dad's life as an overcompensation from fear (based on divorce) that she will have NO place in his life. This is expected and common, as is some of the acting out. She needs to have it drilled in her head that she is just AS important in his life as ever, and that she is no LESS nor MORE important than you are. Hence she will get nowhere by thinking in terms of "top"/"bottom", who "stays" or who "goes", and neither will you. Don't let yourself be tempted to view it as a competition with sicker overtones than really exist. SD has her specific needs regarding her father, and you have your specific needs regarding the same man, but they are not the same issues. Thus there need not be any automatically adversarial relationship between you and SD. That is key to understanding how to resolve issues in any family, especially blended families. As long as any one person perceives a directly adversarial relationship, it will always imply that a "win" for one is a "loss" for another, and that there is a "top" and a "bottom". That means that there will never be a time when all parties are happy; hence there will always be conflict. When you realize that there's no inherent adversarial relationship and that everyone's needs can be met because they're *different* needs, it eliminates conflict. Just keep reminding yourself and SD are NOT fighting for the exact same things. Her behavior is only a direct threat to you if you perceive and allow it to be.