At the working class level.....I'm hoping women are "believed".

I remember having a fellow college class mate in the late '80's tell me our instructor was trading grades for sex. I said." I like this man, I'd gotton "A's , what! I wasn't good looking enough to be asked?" She said, "OMG! You don't believe me?" Next semester.....I got a "B". I publicly told him off when he approached & propositioned me in a very public "math lab" on college grounds. I was overheard by MANY. I was taken aside by one of my professors, told "I was going to be VERY successful, he'd heard IBM had hired me. HE was very proud of me. It was an honor to have had me in his class." He took me to the college dean, I needed 3 more classes to graduate. They pulled up my records, saw the "B" & my "leaving" was granted. I was THERE & THEN a college graduate.

I owe THAT woman a huge apology. I have thought of her often. I have made many mistakes in my life. I am very sorry for this one.

I don’t quite understand. Are you saying they allowed you to graduate with three more classes to go just to get you out the door? I don’t understand how you made a mistake.

She made a mistake in not believing her friend.

I don't understand either, socks.

Dolly, georgysmom is right: she didn't believe the friend.

Thanks Rob. I thought maybe because she didn't pursue it to prevent it from happening again.

Sounded to me as though she believed her enough to have given the old boy hell, in public, when she got an (unusual) "B" ... followed by a proposition.

Looks like I'm wrong - she figures that she owes that woman an apology.

ole joyful

Yes. I was allowed to graduate, without taking the 3 classes ....if I left immediately. Now. They wanted "me" gone. The instructor was still employed when I left. Him...they kept.

People keep asking "why" these women waited so long to come forward....and the answer is...they don't want to be involved at all. But if they can help a fellow woman be "believed", then they will speak up...to help another woman...but not for themselves.

Everyone thinks there's money involved. Compensation. That's why women are "now" speaking up after all these years. Old women simply have nothing left to lose. No one left to protect....

Nicole is spot on it again. I actually did it on the front end. I knew the top man in the company personally because he and mom attended college together, and I went to him on my last day. I told him how this underling of his (a big dog too, just not as high up the chain) and told him I didn't want to bring suit, but here's what dude did, and when, not if, another woman comes to you absolutely believe her. With all your heart. The bad dog was fired over this sort of thing, and I am certain they had more than enough ammo against him even when I didn't do more than prime the pump. I was agile enough to side step his stupidity, but knew what he hinted at and called him out on it more than once. To his face. He was bold. Ugh!

.

Dolly, the thought you added is another reason why women wait--they regret not having done something sooner.

Karma got that doctor,Marilyn...Karma.....

There will me many more before this thing is over. They are just falling our of the woodwork now.

Exactly, Nicole.

....and Garrison Keillor?

I think/hope we're in a big cultural shift here. From now forward, men better think twice before pulling that sh--. It's no longer socially acceptable, like driving drunk is no longer laughed off the way it was before Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD).

What I don't know, is how to deal with incidents in the past.

And I don't know how to deal with women who also put their hands where they shouldn't.

I just don't understand why it's taking all these years for people to speak out. I was sexually harassed at another store that I worked at. After the blood stopped dripping from my tongue, I went to our store owner and said, "you need to talk to XXX (he owned a store inside our store) because if he EVER talks to me like that again, I will introduce him to my husbands fist all over his face!" My boss immediately walked over to the man and told him that under no circumstances is he ever to speak to any of his employees that way again.

We are told as children that if someone makes you uncomfortable to tell someone. If that person doesn't listen, go to someone else. If that person doesn't listen go to someone until someone listens. If my boss hadn't listened and taken charge, my husband would be in jail. I don't care how much $ or power you have. You have NO right to sexually harass ANYONE. I have no sympathy for all those who have been finally caught and fired.

Now for the men who are sexually harassed by women to start speaking up. You know it happens. Who will be the first to admit it?

It's taken "all these years" because

1- Women who have been sexually harassed/assaulted in the work force aren't BELIEVED. Who would they report to? Usually a male. The "good ol' boys" attitude is/was rampant.

2- If they reported, they would be fired. Hard to find another job when your viewed as a trouble maker.

Not everyone is a bold as Debby is.

It's not easy when you're the victim of an assault or harassment and feel threatened physically, intimidated and need a job to support yourself.

Something very similar to what happened to Marilyn, happened to me. I never told a soul, til now. The reason is I felt embarrassed and ashamed though I had done nothing wrong.

Why women don't come forward??? Countless reasons. Including those that pudgeder noted:

Shame, denial (minimization), fear of retaliation, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, history of previous violations, dissocation and the fact that we live in a Rape Culture where rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence is normalized and excused in the media and pop culture.

As I said on the other thread, I'm encouraged that some of the mighty have fallen, but don't believe there will be a sea change as long as that self-admitted sexual abuser sits in the Oval Office as leader of the Free World.

The same thing that happened to Marylyn happened to me and I never thought about it till now. I was having a physical for marriage which I'm sure isn't required anymore. My doctor wasn't available so I saw another one who lived a block away. He was going to give me an internal exam except I had my period. He also made raunchy jokes the whole time. Unbelievable. I never told anyone.

I understand one not coming forward. Years ago, it was swept under the rug with the blame being put on the victim. Instead of determining the guilt of a perpetrator, the person that was raped was put on trial to ruin her character and alluding that she asked for it.

It would be interesting to know if the posters that shared their stories here, would speak out today if allegations were made toward the person that was inappropriate with them.

As you've seen Irma, I did. I didn't go further because I had just been diagnosed with a very rare condition and didn't even know if I was going to live, so I figured why start what I couldn't finish, and I needed to put my energy into my health. It's the 24th anniversary of that condition diagnosis almost to the month. Facing death has a way of rearranging your priorities. Needless to say, I survived. If I only knew then, what I know now, I would've seen it through to the end.

rob, you did what you had to do. Wishing you continued good health.

I still wouldn't have said anything about it, because as I said before, my dad would have killed him. There is not a single doubt in my mind about that. He could be very irrational and I had seen him in action before. If the doctor hadn't ended up dead, at the very least, my dad would have been in jail.

The person I was as an 18 yr old, small town girl, is very different from the person I am now. I have been hit on by men for most of my life....I could handle it and did. No big deal. I didn't have to make a big deal out of it to put them in their place. I remember one guy coming by my barn and asking about buying a pony I had. Not for sale. Then he noticed my ponds and asked about them. Thinking I had someone who really was interested in fish and waterlilies (ha!) I got some fish food and we walked out to the ponds, and I extoled the virtues of the various types of waterlilies and koi. Then he said, "I would like to make love to you." (Hey, what? I thought we were talking about waterlilies.) I said "I'm not interested." He said "I would like to make love to you, not f*** you." I said again, "I am not interested." He said, "Oh well, some people like green beans and some people like carrots." I said, "I like green beans, but I have green beans at home." End of conversation.....and end of pond tour.

Had to laugh at your response Marilyn! Great come-back. What a jerk he was.

Here's a gross one for you. When I was 12 I wanted to get my ears pierced. My dad, a physician, had seen too many infections happen when a girl got their ears pierced at the mall so he sent me to a colleague of his to get them pierced in his office. This 50 some year old physician stood in front of me while I sat on the exam table and ground his crotch into my knee as he pierced my ears! I was so shocked, I couldn't move. I didn't know anything about sex, but I knew what he was doing was wrong. I never told my Mom, I was so embarrassed.

If you wonder why grown adult women don't say anything, take the case of Gretchen Carlson, the news anchor who won a $20 million dollar settlement after suing Roger Ailes. Yes, she won the money, but part of that settlement goes to her lawyers. And she still can't get a job!! She could have easily made 20 mil many times over if she had kept her mouth shut and continued on as a talking head. Now she is blacklisted and will not work again. She needs that money to LIVE. 99.9% of women are not so fortunate, and need their jobs and their careers. That's why women keep quiet. So women out there, quit bashing others for keeping quiet!!

Seldom are such advances made in public ... and when it's just two ... it's a case of, "he said ..." ... "she said ..." ... and in such circumstances, it's hard to over-ride the principle of "innocent until proven guilty".

Even with the DNA evidence that's been available for a number of years, unless there's physical evidence of coercion, the usual claim is that the action was concensual.

Tough being a woman, even in these (partially enlightened) days!

ole joyful