Rent a tent and maybe a few fans, tables, tablecloths, chairs, plates and utensils. You can buy paper napkins or price cloth napkins to rent them. Using plastic utensils cheapens the best of foods, however, there are some really good quality plastic utensils and plates if you search for them. If you have to go with the plastic plates and utensils, do go with cloth tablecloths. They are so much classier than plastic tablecloths. I do not like drinking out of plastic as the feel of the plastic rim on my lips drives me nuts and plastic changes the flavor of the drink. Rent the glasses instead. When renting glasses, you get the glasses in the actual dish washing trays they use in their dishwasher. They are all there neatly and when you return them, they go back in these plastic trays. We just left them outside and hosed them down to keep the bugs at bay. It was so convenient!! The best thing to do is google ""sturdy plastic tableware"" and do some price checking with the biodegradable tableware companies. Some places will send sample plastic ware for free or for a small fee--well worth it.

I think that this is a much bigger question than what the wording should be. Please forgive me if I am getting too personal. I may be way off base here, but perhaps this is something you might want to think about. I would suggest rethinking the idea of your fiance making any public vows at the ceremony to your son. No matter how much they love each other and no matter how thrilled your son is about the marriage, they aren't really getting married to each other, are they? You and your fiance chose each other, and you are the ones making the commitment of marriage. Your son may love the idea, but he isn't the one who got engaged; this would be a vow in which he has no choice -- even if you gave him the choice, how could he say no? (I realize you are just talking about a one-way vow from your fiance to him, but still, that affects the "vow-ee.") Your post refers to your fiance's making vows to your son "along with the ones that she says to me." But any kind of vows he makes to your son are, and should be, very different from the ones he makes to you. I think the close juxtaposition could make your son uncomfortable, even if he doesn't say anything about it to you (and even if he isn't himself totally conscious of it). Any child whose parent is remarrying, even a child who is very happy about it, will have mixed feelings, at least sometimes. That's normal and healthy. It's a big change in his life, and even good changes are stressful. It's wonderful -- really wonderful -- that they get along great. But what is the purpose of a vow, or any other kind of public commitment ceremony? What would it mean? When your son leaves home, would he be breaking it? If his father is alive, even if they have a poor relationship, what would this mean with regard to that? And what will happen when, inevitably, your son and your new husband quarrel? The added emotional load of some sort of vow can't help. You mention you have heard of others doing this. Unfortunately, some of those marriages probably didn't last. What is the psychological effect upon the child then, when the vows to him/her are broken along with the vows to Mom/Dad? I'm not saying this will happen to you; it's just a thought for the concept in general. Although I am sure that the adults truly believe they are doing this for the children's sake, to make them "special" and "involved" too, I suspect that this practice is at bottom more for the adults' feelings than for the kids' true well-being. Consider if you wouldn't get pretty much the same positive effect by doing things like having him be either your or your fiance's honor attendant and having your fiance make a fabulous toast to him at the reception which could come very close to a vow and include all the wonderful things he would have said if he'd done it during the ceremony. Maybe if the two of them really want some sort of ceremony for their own relationship, they could do it privately or just with family the day before the wedding or some other time. You will think of other ideas, too, I'm sure. Whatever you do will be lovely and meaningful. But for a variety of reasons I would keep it separate from the vows you and your husband will make to each other. Like the string about children "giving away" their parents. It's just too big an emotional load to impose on them, even though it all seems wonderful at the time. Please forgive me for being a wet blanket. As I said, I may be totally off here. But it is something to think about, perhaps with your clergy or whoever you go to for advice. You might also consider talking to adult friends whose parents remarried when they were your son's age. They will have a good perspective. The most important thing, of course, is that you all love each other, and you are all committed to being a family. You don't need a ceremony for that! Congratulations to all of you.

I once lost a good friend because I told her I was in a panic that she was about to marry a guy who had "swept her off her feet", promised her the moon, &, as I found out later, already driven wedges between her & me...he'd done this before & knew exactly how to isolate a woman & control her. He was a detective for a drug manufacturer; he never said how he got started in that field, but I later wondered if he had been in law enforcement & had been forced to leave. I tend not to see red flags; if *I* can see the guy is bad news, he's probably a serial killer or some such. She was angry, she was defensive, she cut me off. They married, he got her to quit her job so he could "take care of" her, leaving her completely dependent on him. He got her to trade in her economical car on a big sedan that she "deserved". only thing, since she wasn't working, she couldn't get a loan, so new car was in his name. She knew he'd been married twice, since there were a couple of kids he had to explain; after the marriage, she learned that he'd been married 5 times. One of the women had died young, of a heart attack if I remember correctly. She came to me once looking for a safe place to stay...& missed him so much that she called him to come get her. I came home to find him *in my house*. He smirked at me. I stormed into the house & told her he wasn't to walk through that door again, & she drew herself up to her full 5'2" & frostily told me that that was fine. She carried each of her belongings outside, & he carried them to his car. It was the last straw. I'll do anything for anybody, but this put my life in danger, & I never spoke to her again. I did see her at the grocery store one evening, with him hovering very close to her; she was as thin as a rail, she had shadows under her eyes, & she looked very fragile. Years later, I googled her & found her obituary. No cause of death was listed. She had been in her late 50's. I apologize for the long story, but the moral, if there is one, is this: When a bad man worms his way into a woman's confidence, there's nothing you can say or do that will convince her; he's already brainwashed her, already taken control, & time & experience are the only things that will convince her that he's a predator or abuser. If I had it to do again, I think I'd get *a man* to talk to her about the danger signs; if I had it to do again, I'd love her & go to her wedding & make sure she knew that I was there for her. but, sadly, I'd send her to a shelter to protect myself.

Thanks for the good wishes. We all had a wonderful time. Jenna,(the bride) will have quite an adjustment to make, after the honeymoon. She's going from living on a large dairy in CA, to Chicago, IL. She spent the past year in charge of the calves on the dairy, starting at 4:30am each day, bottle and bucket feeding hundreds of them. She worked very hard, physically. I'm sure apartment living, Chicago winters, and office work will take some getting used to. I don't know who did the flowers, Diane. I'm guessing a local florist, and not a family friend, or I would have heard about it. You're right, Carol. I've never really thought about it, but roses do play a significant role in many ceremonies. I wonder how that began, and why roses in particular? Cath, that is sweet about your late MIL. I just know someone who would do that, HAD to be a special woman. The fact that your FIL was willing to stop for her to do so, tells me he's probably a sweetheart, too. He must have loved her very much. This rose in one of the arrangements reminds me of a cross between Abraham Darby and a large size Earth Angel bloom. Yes, Kristine. Here's a picture with my daughter and SIL. Lisa