We got two gifts in total. A vacuum cleaner and a pressure cooker. Both most welcome and the pc is still in use. No ’shower’ and only 8 wedding guests. Just parents, siblings and their spouses. DD got married during covid with the permitted 6 guests but a year later we had a party with 100 guests. They requested no gifts, just donations to two charities. The Italian side of the family found this diffcult to grasp and gave a lot of knickknacks they neither want nor need.

I honestly don't know anything about what would be an appropriate gift in Boston. In fact, as far as Houston (where I've lived my whole life), AFIK there's no "custom" gift. Not that I'm up on all that stuff!! The thing is, I give what I feel comfortable giving rather than trying to figure out what the couple expects or what the local tradition might be. If money is the custom there, they'll already be getting a lot of checks. Why not make your gift one of the few personal items that stand out and get remembered? I have a few quotes below from a very wise person who frequents this forum. See if you can figure out who said all this: When I got married, I did not have enough experience to know what would REALLY come in handy as my family and entertaining needs grew. Even then, I could see the difference between the gifts our peers gave us -- "unique," fun, or short-term stuff (e.g., a bed tray and a subscription to a book review) -- and the things the "grown-ups" got us: serving pieces, carving board, tablecloths, dishes, flatware, etc. We liked and appreciated all of it, but I could see the older generation had the better idea, and theirs are the gifts I am still gratefully using almost 26 years later. Registries tell me colors, styles, etc. I often give a silverplate water pitcher (there's an example of something you don't know you'll need but never have enough of, if you entertain). I look at the couple's registry to decide whether to choose a very simple or more ornate style. Not many young couples need giant serving platters or dishes, flatware, and crystal for 12 or 18. But years later, when they start to take their turn hosting holiday meals and family get-togethers -- for a family that will probably be getting larger -- they are going to need all that stuff -- at least many people do. Twenty-six years ago, I never imagined serving 29 people dinner in my home. But that is what we are doing tomorrow! So even though at the time it seemed like we would never use all the platters, bowls, and pitchers, I have used every one of them many times over the years. The nicest bonus is that every time I use the "boring" items, even all these years later, I think fondly of the person who gave it to me. That is a very lovely experience you don't get if all you get is cash or things you registered for yourself. My favorite gift was a big, fancy silver plate platter from my great aunt. She had received it as a wedding gift when she married into our family in the 1950s. I certainly didn't have occasion to use it much in the early years of our marriage, but I use it all the time now, and I think of her every time I see it. This is probably more a matter of local and ethnic custom than anything else. In many communities the northeast, for example, it seems that cash gifts are so customary that "thing" gifts are unusual (for wedding gifts \-\- these people also often give very large "thing" gifts for engagements and showers). But several posters who live in the south have reported that in their communities cash gifts are considered impersonal to the point of being a no\-no. Both are common here. I prefer to give a "thing" gift, but that's just my preference.

if you weren't invited to the shower, you don't need to give them a shower gift. If you DID go to a shower, you would give both, as you know. If you wish you had been invited to the shower, you *could* give them a shower gift, but I wonder if that might make them feel bad for not inviting you--in which case, don't label it a shower gift. But the wedding gift alone is just fine--and I bet they'll like it, LOL! it'll certainly fit w/ their decorating scheme.

I remember years ago, being a brides maid for my friend and giving her a hand blown wine decanter with 4 matching glasses as a wedding gift. She opened her gifts after the wedding at the reception, while everyone was eating and displayed everything. My fragile gift was a BIG deal back then....well received. I just looked up a similar items price to say what I would have to spend "today".................$681. I was thinking $300 sounded like a lot....