Sorry everyone these stories about NGS (love that term) make me appreciate my farm-raised DH more! He finished building my last 2 raised beds (each 2x12) today while I took DD and her friends to the movies. AND he filled them with composted manure! Definitely not afraid to get his hands dirty. He loves telling the kids each summer "If we raised our own meat then everything on this table would be from our land!" - though we're getting chickens, I draw the line at butchering them (once they get too old to lay I told him I would cook them into soup if he did the dirty deed, though). Now if I can only get him to understand things like brown/green ratios, nitrogen-robbing soil amendments (like wood chips and leaves), and soil compaction. And that not everything small and growing outside a perfectly straight row is a weed (why I try to do lettuce transplants) - the man can't stand "weeds"! He does recognize cucurbit and bean seedlings, though. My niece is a city girl though, hates getting hot/sweaty, won't get dirty, is afraid of bugs so I sort of understand. She loves coming here for the summer and picking the berries near the house and having them for breakfast though. Don't know how she and my DD can be best friends when they are so different (we call DD "Pigpen" b/c she attracts dirt just like the Peanuts character). In this house, we hate to buy produce from the grocery store b/c we don't know how it's been raised, how old it is, and even organic fruit (just bought organic nectarines, I would love to have your trees!) rots before it ripens b/c it's picked green. We like FRESH produce.

Finedreams, I want to reiterate how this conversation/disagreement between you and I started: * Posted by finedreams (My Page) on Mon, May 10, 10 at 19:44 If someone sends her naked pictures around and plans threesomes, it is beyond "what went wrong" issue. It is not a typical affair. * Posted by silversword (My Page) on Tue, May 11, 10 at 15:24 FD, I think "typical" is changing. Threesomes became very popular when I was in highschool. I would not be surprised if that is a very common make/break issue with marriages today. Bi-sexuality is now very "normal". Also, with the new cameras and the non-issue of development at outside locations (no stigma of having to send those nude pictures off to get developed!) times they are a changin'. * Posted by finedreams (My Page) on Tue, May 11, 10 at 18:15 Bisexuality is not a behavior, it is who people are, it is neither normal nor abnormal, it is what it is, nothing to do with threesomes. Bisexual people are attracted to both sexes, does not mean they cheat or have threesomes. Of course threesomes are not something never heard off (I am much older than you so I have to tell you it was popular before you were at high school), but generally people who love to arrange threesomes and post their naked pics are not much of a marriage material, at least not at that point of their lives. Would you want to be married to someone who secretly arranges threesomes and posts naked pics? I don't. I do not understand why people suggest this marriage needs to be saved. But oh well. It is just me. You said "not typical affair" because of pictures and threesome. I said, "typical" is changing. As bisexuality becomes more acceptable in our society and as multimedia makes photography/video that would previously "typically" (prior to 2000) not be shared (at least as easily); the behaviors that constitute a typical affair change. I never said that bisexuals have threesomes, are cheaters, that bisexuality is only a behavior, that it was ok for his wife to be doing what she did or anything else you put in my mouth and pointed fingers and called me naive. My point is, "typical" is one of those words that means absolutely nothing unless everyone is standing in the same little circle. Depending on your age, socioeconomic status, location in the world, upbringing, etc.... what constitutes a "typical" affair will vary. Much as the interpretation of a "typical rainstorm". Once it starts sprinkling here in So. Cal. it's "pouring". Where I'm from, there has to be at least a foot of water on the ground before anyone begins commenting that it's raining hard. I agree with you that "promiscuity and dishonesty are wrong at any age" and again, I never said that bisexuals have poor moral character. It is becoming a lot more common, or at least a lot more people feel comfortable admitting to it. Thus, I believe bisexual "affairs" are becoming more "typical" than the "normal" (lol) affair.

Nicole I can well imagine the anxiety that those parents are feeling.I will keep them in my prayers, but as was stated before, they perform miracles with medicine these days. That being said it would be so much better for the babies if they can just hold on for a week more. My daughter had twins just 2 years ago November a boy and a girl. She delivered two weeks before her due date. They are just the best !! Have you posted any new pics of your little one recently? We love baby pics. Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family. June

Behavior #1 - sits in the living room with headphones on and plays video games for 4 to 14 hours. To me that is normal. Not the 14 hours but certainly the 4 hours or longer. Under the same conditions as your stepson, about to be on duty on a submarine, at his mother's house where he did not grow up, no friends in the area, that is exactly what I would expect my son to do. There are 21 year old men who play video games to unhealthy extremes but a 21 year old in the Navy on leave in my opinion is not in that place. Behavior #2 - I must be missing something here. That doesn't sound like eavesdropping to me. He has his earphones on, he can hear you with the earphones on, he laughs at a joke he overhears. That would not bother me and I wouldn't consider it eavesdropping if my son did that. Scratching his privates, monologues, not making eye contact, not saying goodnight or be right back, BSing, awkwardness petting the dog, chewing with mouth full, not waiting till everyone has their food, leaving a messy room, some young men are like this. I have known some awkward young men who turned out to be perfectly nice when I got to know them better. My son does not do these things but plenty of normal young men do. I realize these things are disconcerting to you. In our family we say goodnight or be right back...except my daughter for some reason didn't do this and I just let that one go, not worth it to me to bring it up. I think you are being unreasonable to expect your 21 year old son to observe and fall into that custom. The BSing will probably take care of itself over time as your son spends more time in the Navy. Other Navy men or women will probably call his hand on that one I would think, and that would be way more effective than anything your wife would say or do. The only thing that would really get to me on that one is the pacing up and down during dinner if that's a frequent occurrence. The note thing when he left sounds reasonable to me, at least at his own mother's house. I would expect my kids to write a nice, appreciative thank you note if they were guests in someone else's home but not at my home. If my son was in the Navy on leave, realized he had some things he needed to do and needed to get back to base quickly I would kick his butt for pausing to wake me up or write a long note. I wouldn't expect my son to wake the family up if he needed to leave unexpectedly. Behavior #3 - Your family is gregarious, he is not, he stifles the vibe at your house. You would be doing your daughter a favor if you teach her not to let those things bother her (and you). She has a lifetime of being around difficult people - college roommates, co-workers, possibly in-laws. It would be better for him if he learned how to join in, but it would be a gift to your daughter if you taught her that she cannot control others but she can control herself. It is also a gift to your daughter to learn to be inclusive and draw out difficult people in a way that is not overbearing. Not only is it the kind and decent way to be but also some people earn more money through their excellent soft skills. Behavior #4 - The person causing this problem with your daughter is your wife. As mentioned above, you, your wife and your daughter need to get family counseling for the 3 of you. He is your daughter's half brother, she shouldn't have to *entertain* him very often. Also, your daughter needs to be communicating these issues with her mother if she isn't already doing that. Your daughter sounds melodramatic to me for the situation you are describing. 16 year old girls (boys too) can be real drama queens, even if they were not that way as kids or young teens. Keep in mind your daughter will feed off your feelings and actions and our kids are very, very, very good at sensing what our feelings are even if we think we have kept them hidden. Families are messy, people are messy. This is a golden opportunity to teach your daughter how to deal lovingly, kindly, compassionately with awkward people while still doing what she needs to do to keep her own life reasonable. It is so much better if she has had experience with this before she goes off to college while you are there to act as a sounding board and sometimes a buffer. Sometimes our kids are in stressful, awkward situations that we want them removed from when really those very situations are going to prepare them for something down the road. What if your daughter has a stepson with Aspberger's one day, or a child with Aspberger's. Or a roommate or coworker. If I were your wife I would not sit down and talk to my son about Aspberger's or even much of this behavior you describe and I would embrace family counseling with you and your daughter. If I were you I would couch this to your wife in terms of going to a counselor to learn how to best help your stepson and also to help your daughter deal with this. For one thing it's true, your wife does need to go in order to learn how to best support your stepson and your/her daughter. I know you said previous visits over the years went fine but now they're not. That could be due to a lot of things. Maybe the visits are longer now, in which case you would see more issues bubbling up no matter how delightful he is. Maybe he is stressed from his college difficulties and now joining the Navy, perhaps doubting his path in life. Perhaps before both he and his brother visited together and he was more comfortable then or perhaps having his brother there masked some of his issues. I think your wife is correct that it is not her place and not yours to talk to him about possible Aspberger's Syndrome at this point in his life. It's not your place or hers to ask him to go get evaluated or tested; the time for that was years ago. It doesn't sound like any of you have a close relationship with him. The thing to do now is to build a good relationship with him. He probably really needs your support right now at this point in his life so this is a golden opportunity to build that solid relationship. Welcome him, love him, respect him as a person and a member of your family. If you do that then later on the time will come when you or your wife can broach some of your concerns. I am not hearing that he says mean things or sexually inappropriate things, not hearing that he steals things or destroys things. Not hearing anything about drugs or alcohol, nothing about him offering your daughter drugs or alcohol. Not hearing about him taking your car and wrecking it or constantly hitting you up for money. This does not sound like an awful situation to me, just a situation that is awkward and uncomfortable. You know, your daughter is going to have awkward and uncomfortable situations with family in her future whether your stepson visits or not. What kind of person do you want her to be? If you want her to believe that family is important even if it's awkward or uncomfortable then model that for her. What if her husband doesn't like you, do you want her to expect that her husband will still be thoughtful and considerate to you? If so, then model that for her with your stepson. Last, if I were you I would go to counseling with your daughter and give her some time to talk to the counselor by herself. Your daughter could be melodramatic because she's feeding off your emotions, because she's just going through a drama queen phase right now, because she's upset about something else in her life and projecting it onto this situation. But there could be things she isn't telling you or your wife that are valid concerns. Whatever you decide, I hope and wish the best for all of you. It's not easy knowing the right thing to do sometimes.