My husband wouldn't go to the Doctor either and he died. Not from tiredness just other stuff that might have been prevented. Men are real hard heads. At 73 I wouldn't worry too much about being tired, it when they just won't eat or not hungry that gets me worried. I would try to keep talking to him about seeing the Dr. tell him how much he means to you and you don't want to lose him.

Fatigue after eating may be a symptom of a health issue. Your brother needs to be diagnosed by a professional. Sorry!

Echoing Summer...could be somewhat of an age-related thing, or could be

something serious....please try to get him to see his Dr. Actually, there are lots

of causes that it could be...some are not serious...some are.

Is he married? Does he have kids? If so, what's the dynamic there? If not, and you're his next of kin, you can/should call his doctor and express your concerns.

Will he go for a blood test? You can get orders for blood tests on line and have the results sent to you, no doctor involved. But he would have to go to a lab to get the blood drawn...

He sounds like one of my husband's relatives who refused to go to the dentist because all the dentist will do is pull all of his teeth, so finally 30 years later, he went to the dentist and guess what...he pulled all of his teeth!

Any chance he'd respond to: "Please go and see what they have to say? If there is nothing wrong, then great! If there is, you can decide what to do later"? Best wishes for you and your brother.

Yes, he needs to see a doctor and have blood tests to determine the cause. It is very difficult, if not impossible, for an untrained person to understand and evaluate blood test results. A doctor would be necessary to prescribe a course of action etc.

He needs to see a doctor, but you can't make him. It's his choice how he lives or dies. Other than the fatigue, what is his general state of health.? Does he smoke, does he drink alcohol, is he overweight? Does he take any medications of any kind? Any of those factors could contribute to the myriad of things that might be wrong with him.

Does he eat a lot of carbs?

lack of vitamin B 12 can cause extreme exaustion. I agree, he needs blood work, and that bloodwork should include vitamins, to make sure he is getting enough.

Extreme exhaustion can be associated with low thyroid function and diabetes...lots of potential causes, but no solutions without tests and information, unfortunately. But you can't make someone do something they don't want to...that's just how it is.

Have a discussion with him to determine whether he does not want to see a doctor, or whether it is the waiting room or other related things he wants to avoid.

I still recall when I was very young and had the measles, I was very ill, and the doctor came out to the house to see me.

Yes, he could be diabetic, the need to sleep or lay down after meals is a key point.

Trying to think of something other than going to a doctor.

Does he have health insurance? I ask, because mine has a phone number you can call to speak to a nurse. Maybe hearing from a health professional that yes, something might be sub-optimal with his health and these simple tests could pinpoint a course of action that would improve his quality of life....

Or, as much as doctors hate it (LOL), could you look up his symptoms on a reputable website (WebMD or such), and print it out for him?

If it's been going on for years, your brother might not realize how much better his life could be if his energy level was more consistent through the day. It's kind of you to be concerned, but only you can judge how far you can push him. Good luck!

He must go to the doctor. I was fatigued like that for a couple years. And even before that but less so. Could be a sign of hyperglycemia. I did not go to the doctor. And now it was clear I had diabetes. He needs a blood test asap. Urgent!

I completely understand when you say that he simply will not go to a doctor. I had a relative like that. He would. not. go. That went on for years and years, until he finally contracted dementia and forgot that he wouldn't go to the doctor! Then he allowed his daughter to take him.

You can't make him go; I get it. So at some point you simply have to accept that he's not doing anything to help himself and you're helpless in it. I've no suggestions about what might be going on with him, but since many are still recommending that he see a doctor, I wanted you to know that you're not alone in that frustration and you absolutely cannot convince him. So - the only thing that worked for my relative's kids was to simply accept that he was the one in control and their hands were tied.

I wish you peace in this.

Will he take vitamins, sounds like a possible vitamin D deficiency or iron deficiency. At least see if he will take a daily vitamin pill.

He's making his own choice to not seek medical advice - which he surely needs, but likely is in denial because he's scared of what they might find/say/prescribe. Sorry you feel compelled to try to do something for him when he won't do it for himself. We just cannot control others to do what we think is best for them, so I hope you'll at least seek a way to find peace with his decisions he's making for himself.

most likely lack of Vit.D and iron-try to get him to take those vitamins,and to eat liver,figs and spinach if he can....it will take a couple of months tho to see a difference.

It could be a lot of things. Diabetes would be a real possibility, with feeling extremely tired after eating. He DOES need to go to the doctor. If he won't go, you can't really force him. But, maybe at least get a glucometer, lancets and some test strips from the pharmacy and test his blood glucose.

^^really? Pretty dangerous to make assumptions like that. How about the other things that could be wrong that require a professional to diagnose. Things like heart disease, atrial fibrillation, diabetes, or even cancer?

I was talking about the vitamin deficiency, not the post right above me.

I agree with some of you above. I'm thinking if it's happening after eating and after sleeping he maybe having some blood sugar issues. If he's not willing to go to the dr he needs to clean up his diet, poop regularly and drink plenty of water. So simple but can make such an impact.

Are these concerns he's voiced to you or is it just an observation? At his age he maybe too set in his ways to change and that maybe part of why he doesn't to go.

It it could be fear. Fear paralyzes. perhaps a family dr can suggest a way to talk to him along the lines of seeing him to "fine tune" him vs identifying something wrong. After all, correcting is what matters. He may also be hiding other symptoms to spare relatives from worrying any more than they're now. Wish you the best

How strange to choose to feel exhausted -- and make you sick with worry -- instead of making an appointment with a doctor. Strange to want to wait until he's in an ambulance going to the ER, when you could take him to a doctor in your car. Strange to trust your health to some vague ideas about vitamins when you can find out *exactly* what's happening -- and how to enjoy LIFE.

Can you show him the details on two or three MD's -- their write-ups off the web? He can choose one or listen to you nag him for the next *forever*.

What's this all about, anyway? He's *afraid*? (Of what?) He's *cheap*? (Waiting will only add to the ultimate cost.)

If you know someone who has a blood sugar test kit, you could ask them to come help test him after eating. But that is absolutely no substitute for seeing a doctor, but if the blood sugar is high, it might scare him into a visit.

You probably cannot talk sense into him. He will finally crash and wind up in the emergency room, and then he will see doctors whether he likes it or not.

People who don't take care of themselves are being selfish, because when they become ill, they have to depend on others to help them.

I have a similar situation with DH. He is 62.

He suffered very serious incidents with his heart earlier this year and more or less died twice. After open heart surgery and an implanted pacemaker/defibulator, he thinks he's 'good to go.' He was instructed to make numerous dietary and lifestyle changes, but he doesn't want to. He. Will. Not. And I cannot make him. We have been married 43 years.

It's been 5 months, and I've almost come to a fragile peace with his decisions. I can't change him. It's his life and he's living it the way he chooses.

Men can be so stubborn. When I was 17 I met a man that was a little older than me but we hit it off and were together for almost 7 years. This man was a very hard worker, out the door by 6-6:30 every morning working til after 7pm at night. When he was home on his days off he was go go go always doing things around the house, we'd go fishing or spend the day out together. I slowly started noticing him napping a lot when he was home, then coming home mid day during a work day and napping. I kept asking him what what wrong and he'd tell me he was just tired. I knew he wasn't just tired. I begged him to go to the doctor he'd tell me no every single time. He would tell me he just needed some rest and he'd be fine. This went on for months and months. I'd tell him something was wrong and I think he knew something was wrong but didn't want to admit it. Again I'd beg him to go to the doctor and he'd get mad at me and tell me to stop nagging him about it he would go when he was good and ready to go.

In January he got a cold which quickly turned to pneumonia he finally had to admit defeat and go to the ER. We took him to the ER and he ended up spending 3 weeks in the hospital under medical isolation. Why? because not only did he have pneumonia he was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I was devastated his immune system was so weak. By the time he went to the hospital and got diagnosed we heard the words. It is too late, there is nothing we can do. It has spread through your whole lymph system and is now in your lungs as well. If only he had gone to the doctor there is a chance albeit small that maybe he could have tried treatment. But he waited to long. By March/April it had spread to his brain and in May he passed away. I got to spend 4 and half months with him after diagnosis. I miss him every single day and while I loved my husband with all of my heart. I do still love this man each and every day and miss him and wonder what our life would have been like. He wasn't my son biological father but he was with my son since he was a year old. My son will be 30 this year and still misses him and losing someone like that at such a young age has made an impact on my son that lasts to this day. He has always been afraid to get to close for fear he may lose them like he lost this person.

While I know they can be super stubborn show them just how stubborn you can be. Let them get mad at you but try every possible way to get them checked out. There is no way anyone can diagnose or even give an idea of what could be wrong unless he sees a doctor. I was young back then and not as forceful as I should have been. I had been taught that what the man says go. I now know that's horse poop and you do everything you can when you see someone you know not acting right.

It seems to be the anxiety your husband feels is the biggest health issue he faces. Could you put him in front of a fait accompli and get him to the doctor yourself? Can you reason with him that suicide by medical negligence will in all likelihood be slow and painful and involve a great many difficult medical interventions- because it's not likely he will just die in his sleep this way.

"Men can be so stubborn."

It's true, men can be incredibly stubborn. The only similar group I can think of to describe that way is women.

I'm sorry for your loss and its consequences but have to say that your ideas aren't very enlightened.

The best case scenario would be a house call from medical personnel. Or make an appointment and get someone to help you to drag him there.

My late husband was the same way. He would cancel the appointments I made for him when I was not in the same room with him. I think he knew he was dying but I don't know from what, probably multiple problems. The day I told him I was getting his (generally neglectful) daughters involved, and they would nag him too, he agreed to go. I called the doctor and he could have had an appointment that day but said No, make it tomorrow. A couple hours later he just nodded off in front of me and never awoke, despite the EMTs efforts. He was 75, and had been ignoring the doctor's advice and getting weaker, could barely walk. It is a sad story I try not to dwell on.

Good luck to you and try to remember you are not ultimately responsible for his choices.

It's most probably diabetes. The rise and fall of blood sugar effects the energy levels. If he won't see a doctor, there's nothing you can do but make sure you have an appropriate outfit for the funeral, because diabetes is not something you treat with over the counter meds.

Sorry, stubborn people die and leave behind them a wake of misery. There's not a damn thing you can do but take care of yourself.

Extreme, unusual fatigue can be symptomatic of low blood glucose, especially when it occurs at little to no physical exertion. He should see an Endocrinologist, but he's 73 yrs old and resists. You can't do much about this except to keep your 911 number handy in case he slips into a coma.

He also needs to move about after his body gets awake. He needs to 'stir' his internals with mild exercise to help 'wake up' the lazy parts. Walking a half-mile the first day and then increase that in later sessions may help. Overexertion may be dangerous.

Littlebug, I am so so sorry that you have to live in a state of fear. Have you approached your husband about the two of you sitting down and getting your affairs in order? Do you have everything in place so that you can carry on seamlessly should anything happen to him?

Maybe the seriousness of the discussion will make him realize how incredibly selfish he is being. His life is intertwined with yours, right?

My neighbor was proud of the fact he hadn't seen a doctor in 17 years until he had a stroke. He spent the remainder of his years paralyzed, on oxygen in a wheelchair.

Thanks for your compassion, rhizo. Yes, after his first heart attack three years ago we did all those things: wrote our wills, signed living wills, placed most of our assets in a trust, etc.

All that had no effect on his choices. Obviously.

I am religious and draw comfort from that. Plus, I discovered this spring that I am much stronger than I thought I was. I WILL carry on.

Your brother is 73 and has made the decision to ignore his heath which affects his quality of life. Though that symptom could be diabetes related, it could also be a food sensitivity, thyroid, a deficiency, or a mirad of other things, some of which are easily rectified with a pill or change of diet. There is no way to be certain without seeing a doctor. I cannot stress strongly enough the danger in taking iron or vitamin b unless it has been determined by a blood test that there is a deficiency. Taking iron can be very dangerous and damaging. No one can help your brother, he needs to see a doctor.

A sedentary lifestyle causes all the disease symptoms mentioned above.

It is amazing how many men accept the stubborn title. I am a man, and sometimes (not often) I have been accused of being stubborn. I attribute that to genetics. After all, I am becoming my father (shudder).

Let it happen. Relate to him that you care. Relate that you think he is being stooopid. Tell him that you will attend the funeral. Tell him that you refuse to be taken down by his intransigence (make him look up that word).

And, when all is said and done, if he wants, he can contact me and I will relate that you think he is being stooopid.

What would happen if you made an appointment with an internist and lied to your brother about taking him somewhere else -- to the library, whatever?

You pull up to the medical building and park. He yells. You say, "You are going in or I will be out $100 for a missed appointment. Get out of the car. We are going in like two adults. We'll be back in the car in an hour, and you can do whatever else you want to do today."

Sometimes people are too sick to *know* they need help. For instance, a person with a mental disorder is unlikely to realize he needs help before he gets it. Some people need to tell themselves that they are 'just fine', and that they only went to a doctor because their wife/sister/daughter MADE them go.

Can you do this? What's the 'downside'?

it could be so many things and to treat "through the web" is simply dangerous!!

either he goes to the doctor or suffers the consequences. what i have learned in life is, you can't change anybody!!

let him know that when he is ready, you will take him and be with him but other than that you don't want to hear his complaints. sounds harsh but you have to protect your sanity & take care of yourself & not be dragged into his drama. sometimes, the more you plead, the more people resists. just let it alone and he might come around. he has made is "stubborn" decision so unfortunately he has to live with his choice. Very sad :(

I wish enjoyingspring would contribute to this thread, and answer some of the questions that have been asked