I have an upholsterer like that. If there's not a war going on when she gets up in the morning, she starts one. I think it energies her, but it sucks the wife out of me If she were not brilliant, I'd find another.

I used to have a friend like that. Constant drama. Usually it's brought on by a stupid decision or mistake she made. This person has poor impulse control, poor judgement, and is constantly the "victim." Notice is said that I "used to" have a friend like this? All the drama wore me out. And it was frustrating to watch her making stupid choices, have something not work out, and then blame it someone else. She had the "everyone is out to get me" attitude, and was extremely defensive.

"I own my behavior."

A wiser statement I can't remember seeing. Good for you.

I noted it with some irony, happening upon this in the same evening as the thread in which some were talking about how they deal with the panic and chaos for the start of school for elementary pupils. I could only think, seriously? And I think some don't realize that kids themselves can sense the unnecessary tension and and over-organization that's happening in the house. As with your co-worker the drama queen, much personal agitation is self-induced and comes from people not owning their own behavior and not coping with the minor annoyances and challenges we all have.

I have known a few people like that. I think it's a way of keeping all the attention on themselves. My step-father would call this a means to self-aggrandizement. I would invisibly roll my eyes at his statements like that- but methinks he was right indeed.

I too used to have a friend like that. Conversations with her were exhausting and I found myself avoiding her phone calls. She was eventually diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. Which brought on more outrage. Yada, yada, yada.

I have a tenant like that. Everything that happens to her is worse than anyone else. She is a drama queen, and I think a pathological liar. When she is late on rent, she always has some dramatic, detailed story of what happened this time, and who wronged her. She sounds exactly like sephia's friend. She must be exhausting to live with.

I think we all know someone like that. I find them enervating.

I avoid such people. The most contact I have with people like that is thru assorted online forums.

I have an acquaintance like this. I am exposed to her drama mostly via Facebook - we are FB friends because we are both support a certain local cause. Stuff is always happening to her, and of course she shares all the details, I think as an attention getting ploy. On a daily basis she is asking for prayers for this, that and the other thing. She has family in the area, yet is always soliciting rides to the ER and various doctor appointments, so I suspect she has worn out her parents and siblings. It is exhausting enough just reading about what she has going on that I have hidden her FB feed so I don't have to see it.

One of my older sisters was like that. Mother used to say that she thrived on drama and trauma. Her troubles were always more devastating and her children always more seriously ill than any others. Family used to say that it was exhausting to have to filter out the truth from the fiction so they could act accordingly.

Pk, in your case, this woman seems to use all the drama as a way of skipping out of work. I'm surprised that this is allowed to continue.

I have a SIL that is a drama queen as well. Not just her life but her friends. So and so now has (insert some illness) and how serious it all is. EVERYONE has all these serious complications. Yet.......here they all still are. I always say to my DH if this was the way she actually says, why aren't all these people in the hospital?

eld6161, I am surprised that she's allowed to get away with this at work also. Of course my complaints about having to pick up her workload make me feel/look like a troublemaker. She had surgery last autumn for her shoulder and was out for 6 blessedly calm months. I really hoped that she would find something else to do while she was out. I just changed teams to get away from the situation, it was bothering me too much.

I wonder what my malfunction is that I let stuff like this eat away at me?

I don't think it's a malfunction when it affects you or you end up paying a price for it somehow.

I know a tragedy magnet also. I learned to keep my distance. I think there is a little manipulation in that they drag the non-suffering people into feeling guilty for not bearing the tragedy cross. PK, remember that next time you feel a guilt pang.

It's been my experience that there is generally a connection between these types of people and various degrees of mental illness. Bipolar disorder, personality disorders etc. often that go unrecognized because the people are highly functioning despite their altered brain chemistry.

That's not to say that every person who is a drama queen is mentally ill but it is certainly a flag frequently enough it should be noted. There is so much we don't know about mental illness because of the stigma attached. We couch it in terms like he's just depressed, he just has sleep issues, she's just a nervous type etc.

My MIL. She used to call my DH and he would dash off to yet another "family emergency" . Now, to me, a family emergency is someone dying or being diagnosed with a horrible disease or in an accident. But for her, everything was an emergency and everyone had to rally around her - bear got in the garbage - clean it up but no it's an emergency, tap is leaking - call a plumber but no it's an emergency. You know the story of the boy who cried wolf - I told my DH that unless someone was dying to keep me out of it.

Sometimes crap happens - deal with it.

There are also the people who truly see themselves as victims - everyone and everything is against them. I used to have a friend like that. That was exhausting. She isn't my friend anymore.

With my former friend it started in childhood. She was the overly sensitive one who cried over everything. Later on she became angrier and said she was bullied. As an adult ( sort of ) she claims that others are favored by the boss at work and she is singled out for bad treatment. Same song different verse.

I have a saying that if trouble follows you around, the trouble is you.

How about the saying, "If you have trouble with 4 or more people, the problem is you." One of my Mother's favorites.

My brother & sister are like "that". :0) I like to think it doesn't run in the family... lol

Years ago I came across a phrase, "the tyranny of the helpless". It puzzled me for a while, until I had exhausted myself trying to help a whole bunch of "helpless" people LOL. As bossyvosst said, they get really mad when you don't shoulder the burden. One of my colleagues reached out to me and several other people on Facebook, when her husband was terminally ill. His children wouldn't help her children wouldn't help his family was mean and she could not care for her husband , because she was very small and he was very big and she couldn't change the sheets at cetera. Although a lot of us offered to help, she would not let anyone help her. Many crises later, it finally dawned on me that she was a crisis junkie and a manipulator as well as a Perpetual victim. (After she sold her house and moved, she started posting pictures on Facebook moaning about the house that she had lost. She had not lost it. She had sold it.)

Exactly

When I was young I had a job with a crisis junkie boss. At the time I didn't realize that and was completely drawn into each crisis. It was exhausting and I finally left, unfortunately not because I learned to recognize what he was but because he also couldn't budget and didn't have money to pay his employees sometimes on payday.

And yet growing up and into young adulthood, I've known people who stuck with friends no matter what. My mom, our neighbors, family. They are always there, a shoulder to cry on, helping with kids, finances, being a true friend. Does that even happen anymore?

Don't get me wrong, I get what the OP is saying and others in reply posts, heck I even have started to avoid a friend of over 25yrs. I just don't want to deal with her anymore, I want to be left alone. Are we all becoming loners not wanting "to be bothered"? Just makes me think.

It depends on the person, I guess. I broke off contact with my long term friend as she became toxic. Every night I would be venting to my DH about the latest conversation with her and I sounded as angry as she does. I didn't like the sound of my own voice. Was I helping her? Turns out, No.

schoolhouse, my mom is friends with someone who is a drama queen. Still a shoulder to cry on. I'll be friends with just about anyone. If they write me off, their loss. I have two friends that A) is completely written off, and B) I have much less contact with. If they needed me, I'd still help them. But have them in my life? No thanks. The "A)" friend, couldn't bother to remember anything about me. I burned my eye with hot oil cooking her a meal. She didn't seem to care that night. A week later, asked me again what was wrong with my face, what happened? A third time and I was ready to hang it up. There was much more leading up to that and more after, but I did finally cut ties. What kind of friend not only doesn't ask you if you're better, but doesn't even care enough to remember what happened. I'm pretty sure I burned my eyeball, and I know I had second degree burns below my eye. It was obvious. If they don't want to be a friend, then why bother? I think that's called a doormat.

Schoolhouse I think a lot depends on the relationship. Someone like a boss or coworker is one thing. Family is another. True friends are another- if a nice level headed friend suddenly changed I'd suspect a physical cause and stick with them, or a life event that they really needed to vent about that would be fine. But if they were a drama llama to begin with they probably would never gain true friend status in the first place.

Very entertaining to learn of these great phrases, precise and to the point: drama llama, crisis junkie, tragedy magnet.

At my last job, a co-worker called these people "Emotional Terrorists", isn't that a great title? ETs suck people into the vortex of their own chaos and suffering, but never reciprocate or empathize with others. They need to be at the center of attention always. Being kind and helpful rarely improves their lot...there is always something to complain about!

' Cause they believe their own bull###t.

The phrase I use is "don't let yourself be swept into someone else's crazy vortex."

Emotional Vampires is more like it.....they try to suck every emotion out of you; good or bad.

There are some people that just need other people's reaction to everything. The reaction could be over either a positive or a negative event but over time, I think Emotional Vampires prefer others to feel sorry for them....at least those that I've encountered.

I too try to limit my interaction with these kind of people but sometimes, it's unavoidable.

The kind of interdependence and mutual support that Schoolhouse is talking about is, I think, a sort of healthy two-way street. When a friend is having a baby, you pick up her other kids at school and make sure they get fed, bathed, and put to bed. Then when you cut your hand doing some stunt like I once did with the chainsaw LOL, the new mom, still in her housecoat and flip-flops, throws her kids into the car and drive you to the hospital. With these emotional vampires and drama queens, the street is always one way going their way.

Sylvia - I agree true friendships are two way, as I said to my friend sometimes one is down, the other helps lift them, over time it is balanced. My friend was an emotional drain, always a victim I could no longer mentally, emotionally or physically support her. I told her to please not call me any more, I still feel a little bad for her, but know she is the only one who can help herself and choose to change, supporting a victim doesn't help either of us. I've known her for fifty years, and she seems to be getting worse. I've know her since childhood, she still has high school "problems"..

Yep that's the thing about one-way streets LOL. I've been down a few myself. And when you do disengage from such a draining relationship, the other person paints you as some kind of Benedict Arnold. They're crushed, they're disappointed, they're shattered, you've abandoned them, Etc.

Exactly, Sylvia!

A long-time friend is having financial issues many years after her divorce, but won't admit she's the cause of 75% of her misery.

She got a decent alimony for a few years and frittered the excess away instead of setting some aside for leaner times. (I know for a fact she could have put away $1,000 a month minimum for 5+ years.) Same with food assistance she received. Fed her kids & their friends meals often (instead of stocking up the pantry for her family and just providing simple appetizers to her kids and the children who came to play). To the tune of $200 extra dollars in groceries every month! While on FOOD STAMPS!

She works part-time, takes free college classes, has subsidized rent on a decent apartment and believes she is destitute. She believes her parents and brother have it good and should help her.

I'm seeing now that she plans things with me in a half-as*ed manner, changes plans often, is forgetful and self-focused enough that I don't have a good time with her anymore. She recently asked me if we could go out to get an inexpensive $10 lunch and visit--and only told me she was broke half an hour before we were to meet...So we didn't go out. I have a very tight budget, too, but I plan a meager $10 for "fun".

I'm not sure she's ever truly grateful, just playing the "poor me" card to gain sympathy to avoid taking full responsibility. I used to see the instability in her character as her emotionally recovering from the divorce, but it's been going on way too long.

I hadn't seen her in awhile, and I realized recently why I hadn't made much effort in contacting her. My life was peaceful and I didn't want the hassle. After a dozen years of once-treasured friendship, I'm wondering if she has a bit of a personality disorder and seriously considering dropping her.

I see it frequently. For that matter, even on the forums. It makes me shake my head to see how good so many people have it, only to snivel over something that is often of such little consequence. Not to say we don't all have pet peeves or something we wish to be different, but the exaggeration often needs to be toned down. I've rid myself of a number of toxic relationships over the past 20 years or more. The lyric "Lost the friends I needed losing..." was really great advice. It's sometimes just not worth it for my health and well-being. I had trouble working it out with myself since I don't usually do favors for people with the idea that I'm "owed" something, but I also don't feel bad asking for something I need from someone who is always receiving from me. And It's been an eye-opener to see the excuses (read "lies") some come up with to avoid doing a simple return favor.

How many times have I heard If I just had ___, things would be so much better... Were they just raised to not appreciate what they have? A favorite movie line is Could be worse... could be raining (kaBOOM!)