More insidious (and more difficult to understand and recognize) than physical abuse is emotional and verbal abuse. It's also more common. I hope anyone reading this understands that being called vicious names and being diminished or belitted is also a form of abuse, no less horrific than being slapped around. Even more sinister is emotional abuse that doesn't include raised voices or ugly words, but just messes with your mind, silently eviscerating your self-confidence and self-esteem and sense of worth.

I was at a woman's shelter a few years ago and at one of the group therapy sessions, this sad, older woman finally spoke up one day and said, "I've been beat and I've been screamed at and I'll tell ya, I'd rather take an ass-kickin' any day than listen to that mouth of his. The physical wounds heal faster."

These men who say they can't control themselves when it comes to cussing out their wife are full of %&$^. They don't talk to their bosses that way. They don't talk to their male friends that way. Yes, they can control it.

Took me 24 years to leave a screamer. I used to think marriage was so frickin' hard. Being married isn't that hard. What *is* hard is being married to an angry, miserable, screaming man.

I believe it was someone at THIS very site who recommended Pat Evans' book, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship." I went to amazon in February 2002 and purchased that book, on the recommendation of someone here. I read it five times in five days and it changed my life. I was divorced three months later. Whoever that was - THANK-YOU. I think you saved my life. Truly.

Rose Thornton

That was very informative!
I clicked on the 7 reasons people stay in an abusive relationshipe and that is right on! I will have to click on the rest later today. Thanks for posting it.
My DSister is in a awful relationship, we finally seen her at the family gathering at Christmas time, the first time in almost 2 years! We were all happy!!

Rose, great success story. You've been through a lot.

Thanx for sharing that story, Rose, and for the book suggestion.

What I hope is for every woman reading this to understand she is not to live a moment of her day by any man's permission, under his scrutiny, or at his will.

He is not to tell you what to do.
He is not to tell you what you cannot do.
He is not to criticize you in any manner.
He is not to make you feel smaller than him.
He is not to say things that make you look or feel stupid.
He is not to humble you to his will.

He is not the boss of you.

And it's so extremely important to make our daughters understand this. Right this very moment is the perfect time, not when she encounters or is in the middle of an abusive relationship. It's too late then. It will be much better for her to be able to recognize the signs. Please show your teenagers this thread.

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There may be people glad to find this information, so please forgive that I'll keep it on the front page for a while. Maybe weeks.

Abusers are everywhere, aren't they? Being critical...saying things (in an attempt) to make someone feel small...or (in an attempt) to make them look or feel stupid. Sadly, the abuser is the one who looks stupid. Very interesting post. I'm sorry I missed it earlier.

Good point Rita.
Abusive people come in all forms and appear almost everywhere.
Sadly, as Rose says, mental and verbal abuse rarely rarely get the attention of those who can help.

Lori

I have a dear friend in an abusive relationship. Please lift my friend up in your prayers. God knows her name.
Thank you my friends. Charlene

So very true abusers are everywhere, and everybody knows one or two or more. They call other people abusers but never recognize it in themselves.

Charlene, I want so badly for your friend to be okay.

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Thanks bestlawn! I've copied down some numbers for my friend.

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I wish Kasey had access to a computer to read this..hell if she had access to a phone without him aroundwould hlep.....STacy who still prayers everyday...her daughter will one ay get up the courage to leave...stAcy

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Thank you.

back to the top!

You are amazing, Mallory~
Always wanting to help others.
You have a heart of gold!
Isn't it funny how a woman tries to be good, even submissive in a respectful, loving way and it backfires?
Then it takes her years to admit the truth to herself, to gain confidence and strength and open her eyes!
And the man she stood by and protected and made excuses for, goes out of his way to embarrass and humiliate her!
How dare a man make his own wife feel worthless, and all just to have control! All to make himself feel powerful!
How dare a man take advantage of his wife who is already insecure from childhood; and he uses that as a tool!
It is one cruel man who can sit and watch his wife in silence, crying, only to turn around and walk away~
To take everything away from her....her phone, car, license, money,
pride, self esteem, worthiness, and so on and so on~~~

Mallory, your info will help many woman and I for one thank you for your loving spirit~
Kimmie

Oh, Mallory....where are you?
Did you get my email?

Hi Sweetie. I was away most of the day and then took a 3-hour nap. I didn't got to bed last night (Thursday night) and was really exhausted. I just got your email and see you responded here, too. I'm about to reply to your email right now.

One thing that's easy to do to help victims of domestic violence is to donate your old cell phone, with charger, to a battered women's shelter. As you probably know, even without service, the phones will make an emergency 911 call. If you have an old cell phone, check around to see if a shelter around you will take it.

Hello Kimmie,
So glad to see you posting..wishing you well.
I love you! Charlene

Back to the top again! Needful information for many, many women.

I just experienced, yet again, a young woman's misery. She lived across the street from me for two years before I learned the horrors going on in her life. She hid it well.

Now, she and her children are safe, in another state, single and happy.

Good to hear from you Kimmie. I hope all is well with you.

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Dd was in a physically abusive marriage for ten years,and she always said the verbal abuse was the worse,because it takes years to heal(if it ever does)
Thankfully she's been remarried to a very loving gentle man for the past ten years and is very happy,so there is hope!

thank you more than you'll ever know.miss
you all so much,get here when i can that's why it's always so short.just please keep me in your thoughts.

bumping this valuable info up a bit...since Mallory can't....sigh