Becoming a bit scatter-brained!
9 years ago
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When Does Simple Design become Boring?
Comments (116)I meant to mention earlier what a handsome kitchen that is ... extra nice! The front yard (lawn and drive) is a visual and physical path leading to the entire house. It's mostly a large "carpeted" and hard surface "floor." The hard surfacing of the drive and walk is necessary because turf would not be durable enough to hold up to ongoing vehicular and pedestrian traffic. If you had a hovercraft instead of a car and could float instead of walk, turf alone would work fine as the multi-purpose path and "plaza" area ... ready to receive all traffic ... as a collecting and gathering place before entering the house ... and as visual "white space" helping to emphasize the details and architectural features of the house. The large front yard "floor" is similar in function to the floor surfaces inside the house. As with the outside, there is much of the interior floor that is rarely walked on ... inside corners, places close to walls, etc. Instead, most of a person's walking occurs in well travelled paths that link to doorways, halls and commonly used furniture. Inside, it would absolutely never occur to anyone that it is a good idea to separate the well traveled paths from those less used with some type of raised, linear barrier. Imagine ... a confined pathway to the sofa or to the refrigerator! Even if we don't commonly use some areas of the floor, we want there to be immediate access if we ever decide we want to use them. For some odd reason, outdoors, it has evolved into a common (but not desirable!) practice to separate the well traveled paths from the less well traveled paths by raised linear barriers ... usually hedges of some type ... as if to tell everyone, "Walk here ... NEVER, EVER there!" (Even if the hedge is low -- 12" ht. -- it's still a barrier of some magnitude.) Even if it's comprised of disconnected segments (as the juniper will be) it still discourages passage when at some point a person wishes to have it. The juniper, as it grows in height, will eventually become a raised linear barrier that separates the well travelled path from the less well traveled path. I suggest that it would be better to let the lawn come all the way to the drive edge. This does not mean that there can never be a "momentary" barrier -- such as a landscape "island" that separates two path areas. It's the corral-like linear barriers that confine the well traveled path for its length that are so objectionable. The taller they are, the worse they are....See Morecremation & scatter of remains
Comments (13)Toobadsmom, I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand much of what you are feeling. My 30yr old son died almost four years ago and was cremated. His wife gave me a tiny urn with some of his ashes which I still keep in the pillow I sleep with at night. She keeps the rest of them at her home until my grandson is old enough to decide what he would like to do with them (he is 11 now). When he makes a decision, then I plan to add those I have so they can all be together. When my time comes, I will go to the same place. My second son is going to be building his own home this year and has already planted an oak tree on the block. Beside this tree we are going to make a little place for Glenn's ashes which I have but in such a way that we can retrieve them if they move from this home. I have agreed to this because it is what Brendan wants and I will do whatever I can to ease his pain a little. It is such a shame that you are being pressured in a way to do something you do not wish to do but perhaps your living son needs to do what his brother wished for his peace of mind and for the good of your relationship. Our living boys have suffered so much and I am sure our boys who have gone ahead don't want to be the cause of more heartache. Would it be possible to divide the ashes, honour your son's wishes (if you have no reason to doubt your other son's words) and have the remaining ones mixed with yours and released to the river when the time comes. You have to make the final decision and no-one can force you to do anything you don't want to do but remember you could perhaps be healing and freeing both of the boys you have loved and nurtured. Your son is in your heart and nothing can change that. (((Toobadsmom))). Elspeth...See MoreFoggy Brain
Comments (1)Missy, I am in the same situation. My motto these days is "The ol' gray mare just ain't what she use to be." I tell myself to stay in the moment all of the time. Not only can I not juggle what I use to, I don't think I care that much to anymore. I'm becoming more like my husband with his "oh well" attitude. I am glad I am aware of being in a fog because that makes me nudge myself more than I use to, but it is a bit scary....See MoreHow are you a good parent? How did you become one?
Comments (14)Look back on your own childhood and how you were parented. Is there a good example there? I was blessed with good parents who taught me about parenting by example. They made me feel valued and accepted for myself. Some people think they need to mold their children, make them into "something better." They mean well, bless their hearts. But you have to let children be themselves, learn about who they are, and figure out how to be their best selves. It doesn't mean you don't expect good things from them. It's a shift in thinking to "I know these kids do good things, and are capable of even more, and I'm watching for that" instead of watching for the mistakes to criticize. I have spent time with many other mothers. Some of whom I admire very much b/c of how they relate to their kids. I learn from them and try to model what they do when I notice something I really like. I remember noticing one mother whose kids were great little people, not just well-behaved, but really happy, well-adjusted kids. The thing that stood out to me was the mutual respect. She talked to her kids the way she wanted them to speak to her and to others. Of course she corrected them, but she corrected them the way an adult would *want* to be corrected by, say, an employer. With respect and a goal in mind. Once when I was preggo with #1 I observed a mother in a store, total stranger, whose kids impressed me the same way. I complimented her and asked her for insight, telling her that what she had accomplished was my goal. Every time I ask a parent I admire, it always comes down to respect. Just because they are children does not give adults the right to belittle them, rudely criticize them, embarass them, and generally disrespect them. That's hurtful, and hurt kids cannot be their best selves. It's a good idea to find a moms' group to join. That saved me when my kids were young. The exchange of ideas and comraderie of knowing you're not alone is invaluable. You'll meet parents you like, and some you don't. But you can learn from all of them. If you see your husband's anger as part of the problem you really have to find a way to address that. You still have a long road ahead, so find a way to have these conversations. Does he think he's right in what he does? Or do you think he's also confused and without ideas? I know I don't always do the right thing with my kids (ages 7, 10, 13 and 16). I try, but I have bad days. So does my DH. If I don't like the way he handles something, I tell him later, when things are calm. It has taken practice to get to the point where we know which of us handles certain situations better and we let that one handle it. I'm better at handling school stuff. When our 16 y/o gets a low grade, I remind DH to look at the big picture before he acts rash. Is this one low grade among 10 good ones, or is there a pattern? DH is better at handling DS's social life issues, he knows how a guy thinks and is better at getting to the truth with DS. Parenting takes practice, it really does. The fact that you are thinking, questioning and trying to make adjustments is a good thing; it doesn't mean you're failing. When your kids are babies and toddlers and you are physically exhausted, not sleeping, can't close your eyes or take a shower- people tell you "It gets easier." They are just trying to make you feel better for the moment. It does NOT get easier. The issues of that age pass, but it just gets hard in new ways. Emotionally exhausting ways instead of physically. ;o) Not to scare you, just acknowledging the truth of it. If you were expecting this to come easier, but it's not, it is not a comment on YOU, but rather on the challenge of parenting....See More- 9 years ago
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