FallDownGoBump... I hear ya... Loud and clear... Sounds as if we're both in the same boat... Hubby has 3 sisters and 2 brothers left and not one of them even bothered to send a card or call on his birthday, let alone any other time. Even if I did ask for help not one of them would... But the real kicker is that hubby has helped EVERYONE in his family and everyone has screwed him in some way... Six of his nine siblings and his father has lived with us at one time or another... When we first married we took in his father and youngest sister with the stipulation that 4 of the other brothers and sisters chip in a lousy $7. a week... The first week we got $21. the next week we got $14. then not another cent or even a crust of bread... I could go on for hours about them but I won't... It only upsets me more... My story: Three years ago hubby broke his hip and two days after the surgery they sent him home with me with no additional help... Three days after that something happened and he didn't know who he was, where he was or who I was... After a two week stay in the hospital, so they could perform every test known to man, they told me he had 2 strokes and a little stiff from the partial hip replacement but otherwise he was in good health and they sent him to a rehab facility ( nursing home )... BTW, while he was there, recovering, his youngest sister got it in her head that since the nursing home offered hospice services that was all they did and turned around and told hubby that's why he was there! Sorry for getting off on another rant... Anyway, after two months the rehab facility sent him home... For about a month and a half the visiting nurse and a physical therapist came over twice a week... By then I had to find a doctor because hubby's meds were running out. After reviewing all his medical records the doctor says hubby had SEVERAL strokes and a heart attack!!!! Ok, sorry, that's yet another rant... Right now I have a 67 year old hubby who moves as if he's 100 and, at times, has the brain of a 2 year old... Hugs, Rita

I doubt I could find all the holes in their house to plug up with steel wool, but I did find one in my house that I filled with expandable foam, which is also supposed to work. The hole was in my kitchen floor, right by where the outside door opens. We've only had two mice in the past two years, but I suspect that that may be where they got in. I know that mice used to come into my parents house through the attic, and I do not feel competent to seal that up myself. My sister and I agree that we need a professional to do the job, and my sister is willing to pay for it. I do not know what my mother's objection to an exterminator is. I think part of is that she thinks she has the situation under control, but I know that she doesn't. I don't know what De-con is, but I will look into that as well. My mother does not like for money to be spent unnecessarily - by anyone - but I see problems with living with mice - they can be very destructive. My mother keeps her food in safe containers, but she does not keep that much food in the house anyway. Unlike me, she will buy food in cans, and they eat lunch at Wendy's every day because they have a senior citizen special, and that is as much as they can eat. I talked with my sister last night, and she said that I might want to consider staying in a motel while visiting, but I would do that only as a last resort; i.e., if my allergies to the new cat are unbearable. I think I have time to get used to the idea of having mice, although at first my reaction was one of horror. I don't think my mother is averse to having strange people in the house to do work - she just does not want to be disturbed and does not want to admit that there is a problem. Thanks for your suggestions! Lars

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

Oh, good grief! Anything can be taken out of context and to the worst degree! I’ve purposely avoided this thread after I initially posted, as some posters made it sound like any parent who helped decorate this kid’s dorm room was crushing that child’s own creativity “Mommy-Dearest-like”. In retrospect, I’m sure there are parents like that. And, yes, some of those initially featured pics of rooms are so incredibly unpractical. BUT, there are so many more, like us, where daughters have grown up learning from mothers who are very good at decorating, and they are absorbing and enjoying it, too. They have their own likes and dislikes, which are encouraged and respected. BUT, they still need and want help with storage issues in those minuscule shared dorm rooms, lighting ideas, and a lot of other ideas to consider. It irritates the heck out out of me that some immediately paint the worst scenario when someone (Me) says, yes I did help my daughter decorate her dorm room. No, it was not some impractical designer room. No, it did not make her friends there hate her or her room. But, yes, it was overseen by DD and her roommate with the colors and art they wanted and chose. We mothers did, though, know what and where to find the storage and lighting that would facilitate the very best use of that minimal space. And, we did it at our daughters’ and with our daughters’ blessings. In closing, there are probably as many normal, happy mom-daughter collaborations as there are non/collaborations. Maybe I’m in the minority, having had a great, fun relationship with my own daughter her entire life. I consider it a blessing, but one that takes work. My own daughter has learned and absorbed so much interior design creativity from me over the years. She could easily make it her career if she chose. And, we love trading ideas still. But, even at age five, I allowed her to make the final design decisions with her own personal spaces. Not all decorator mothers are “Mommy Dearest monsters”.