Why do you think he hasn't played those tickets? I bet he plays them all the time. When you use those slips to select your numbers, you get the slips and can reuse them.

Passwords? That's paranoid thinking on your part.

I don't play the lotto so I didn't know. But since posting this I have talked with another friend who told me the same thing. The fact of the matter is yes I'm paranoid.

but when someone but when someone hides things from you you become paranoid.

yes I have caught him hiding money from yes I have caught him hiding money from me in the past.

I appreciate your input. It still remains that splitting up the family through a divorce scares me. It's not a question of his character I already know the answer to that.

Only you can decide if a divorce makes sense for you. If the tension level is high in your household, there are lots of arguments or the atmosphere is always highly charged and seldom peaceful or relaxed, then the kids will pick up on it and it will color their personalities and behavior. Sometimes it IS better to split up the family than have it be adversely influenced by a highly unpleasant living arrangement.

How is he as a father? Does he spend time with kids and do things with them? Does he treat them well and with respect? (we already know there is little respect for you) Is he freer with the money as far as they are concerned? Do they get an allowance to spend as they wish? Does he buy them what they need?

Lack of trust is usually a death knell for any marriage, whether it be associated with other relationships outside the marriage or not sharing information that both of you as marital partners should have access to.

Being a control freak is a form of abuse. Personally, I wouldn't stand for any of this and if he was not interested or able to to treat you more as a partner than just the childcare provider/housekeeper, I would be making my plans.

No, in my opinion he does not spend quality time with the kids and is impatient.

No one here gets an allowance.

Yes I think its abusive, yes I know the tension is evident, yes I know it effects them adversely.

Im not unaware of any thing you said. Yes its easy for people who are not in that situation even myself to know what I should do.

But thats not what Im looking for.

This is what I said.

"I just want to know if someone out there also wrestled with this, got out and everything was ok. I want 1000 people to say "do it. it will be much better for your kids as it was mine"

I knew though Id get the people playing analyst,and those who would tell me to just get out even though they have NO clue how someone in this situation is feeling or struggling with.

If you've ever read this forum, you'd know that 99% of responses are analysis. Sorry we can't provide what you want.

I hardly see how divorce could make your or your children's lives worse. You're all living with an abusive control freak, and those guys don't get better, they get worse. Your children are also learning, and have learned, to either model their father's behavior or to be victimized by someone like their father. Already they are unprepared for any other lifestyle. My "expert" advice is to get out, and to engage a really good lawyer and a forensic accountant. I wish you the very very best.

Well if you're staying together for the kids, it's the wrong thing to do. Kids like to see parents happy. Even if Mommy's living on one side of town and Dad on the other side. I had sorta the same problem. I was married for 15yrs, and emotionally divorced the last 5yrs of the marriage. She didn't wanna work and when she did she was selfish didn't wanna help out with the bills etc. etc. I have a couple of attorney friends who make a bundle at the end and beginning of each year. I know you can guest why. Both husband and wife ask themselves ( Do I wanna continue to live this way for the nx 12months??) Your choice be happy the rest of your life or be miserable.

I don't mean a trial separation either. You either #@$ or get off the pot.

Just my 2cents

I was so happy my parents got divorced, I practically stood out in the street and cheered. Living with the tension, the fights, the yelling - THAT was the horrible part.

But now that I'm an adult, I also see the realistic side. My father was disabled so there was no alimony. My mother had minimal skills and worked as a secretary, a waitress, or a housekeeper. We were poor, which wasn't a huge problem for us kids.

For my mom, I now realize there were a lot of sleepless nights, extra hard work, and endless worry about being able to pay bills. Forget saving for any college funds; it was more "I hope the kids don't need to see the doctor more than once this year".

There are NO guarantees, sorry. You're not doing yourself or your kids any good by staying. But only you can run the numbers and figure out if you can afford to support them on your own, even if you get a good lawyer.

Because that's what you really need - the very best divorce lawyer possible. If you decide to leave, I can guarantee you your spouse will make things as difficult for you as possible.

A good lawyer will make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to hide his money. A mediocre lawyer may not work as hard for you - and you would need all the help you can get.

It isn't easy being a single mom. But many women have done it, successfully. It takes guts and determination. Do you have enough of both? Only you can decide.

I too was so glad when my parents divorced. No more tension. No more abusive father. A bad marriage is a lousy place in which to raise children.

Insightful advice from Wise people. Take care.

I was happy when my parents separated. When they got back together, after a while, things were worse.

I divorced 40 years ago when my son was 4 years old. We did fine. Lots of people divorce and they go on to a happier life with new friends, new partners. Find a divorced women's support group like I did. And find a children of divorce support group for your kids. That group will make all the difference for them.

I wore a T-shirt that said "DO IT" and I did. I never looked back. Your new life is waiting for you! Go get it!

Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.

Every day you live with that stress is one more day of living without happiness, contentment, joy and laughter. I feel sad for you and your family.

Maybe DH is miserable too - work something out so you can be both good parents and happy.

Don't be sad every day. That's nothing but regret to look forward to. Your kids need a happy mom. Maybe controlling grouchy man will wake up when you tell him get help or I'm outta here.