Paige, Don't give up on your hopes of finding a new partner who'll appreciate what you enjoy. You have something special about yourself that you can share! Look at it this way.... you can learn from someone else just as they can learn from you. This mutual respect that other posters mentioned is the key. When I met my 2nd husband he wasn't much of a gardener; he and his first wife had sporatically kept vegetable gardens over the years. After we married and bought a house, we we began to make it "ours" inside and outside. He started out just helping me to build walls, move rocks, shop for plants and dig the holds & plant. He'd go with me to garden centers and began to form his own opinions of what he liked to see in our yard, so we'd buy those plants/flowers and put them in. Because he's not fond of the daylily plants that I can never get enough of, I've slowed down that urge. Because he really loved the idea of a Heritage River Birch in our backyard, we planted one. He feels that the gardens are "his" too. Now I find him watering and weeding. He loves seeing the gardens change over time, I guess because they contain both of us. He tells me that he was influenced by my love of gardening and how excited I got over growing things. I kind of shared my hobby with him. But he also shared his hobbies with me. I appreciate his need to hear music played most of the time and his love of painting, so I support him with both his hobbies. I hang up his paintings all over our home... the other day he came home with a new orchid plant for our front room. Molie

I am 50 now and have been single my entire adult life, which is about 32 years if you start counting at 18. I've had a few relationships, but only one of any substance even though I was in love a few times. Yes, sense of humor does always seem to be high on the list. I don't know about men, but I don't think women mean they want a comedien or joker for a partner. They want someone who is good natured, doesn't get all bent out of shape at every little thing, can laugh at himself and what life throws at you as a couple. This quality has been invaluable for me in my current dream relationship since I have been midly sick most of the time since we met. I was coughing so bad during our first date that other people I didn't even know in the bookstore cafe were coming up to me and saying, "Are you OK, my you sound terrible!" Did I say he was tenacious?! :) Actually, if you are interested in a long term loving relationship, I would say tenacity is a very important quality. Abject subborness is what has kept my parents together for 51 years. Neither one of them was willing to be the first one to blink, lol! Having dated my share of losers, I would say that what is needed besides what I have already mentioned, is good character. All the standard things we know go into that quality--kindness, concern for others, being a problem solver instead of a whiner, responsibility, integrity, common sense . . . (No wonder I never married, lol!) My honey is very patient, I consider that to be a godsend! He listens and takes my point of view into consideration. I can't abide by smoking for my own health's sake. Having someone who at least supports and encourages healthy habits is pretty important. I wouldn't want to get too fond of someone who smoked and drank, didn't exercise and ate junk food all the time. The piper will need to be paid at some point for those kinds of folks. I'm a very active person, and I'm finding I need someone who understands my need to be out and about and social. The don't always have to go with me, but don't expect me to sit at home too much. I like to nest, but only to a point. But that's just me. You don't have to have the same personality type or interests but you do have to be able to meld and mesh the differences together into something workable. You need some bottom line shared values. And . . . you need some things in common. Not all things, but some things you can enjoy together. As for physical attractiveness, that's a hard one to quanitfy. None of my boyfriends have looked anything alike. I can't say exactly what it is, but it is a combination of a person's physical features but also how they carry themselves and how their personality plays out into their appearance. Some people you don't much notice at first, pro or con, can grow on you as you get to know them. There are a lot of very physically attractive people I have met who have such a jerky or blah personality that I don't really find them all that attractive. On the flip side, there are some men that I have known who have all the great personality qualities I describe but I just haven't clicked with them. That one is always a mystery to me . . . One thing I always advise my male students if they confide in me or ask me for girlfriend advice is do not underestimate the power of desire, and I DON'T mean sexual desire. If a man wants to be with you and is willing to do what it takes to make you happy and make that happen, it is a powerful aphrodisiac. But it's a thin line to walk, because it is easy to do overkill and you look desparate and clingy. Women appreciate a man with a sense of forward momentum, who appear to be going somewhere with their lives. Desire mixed with a modest amount of confidence and sense of self is a potent mix. Not enough or too much of either spells jerk. What's a poor boy to do, lol!

I love the box idea. Must get one soon. DH of 26 years leaves things everywhere. Right now there's a coffee mug on the bedroom nightstand, socks on the chair, newspapers in two locations, TV and computer parts still in boxes in the dining room. I will get that big box, pick up and place everything in it. Then just wait for him to ask "where's the TV satellite tuner that came the other day?" In the box,darling. When we were first married, he'd get home from work and remove and toss his clothing as he walked in and up towards the bedroom. There would be a tie in the living room, shirt on a chair, undershirt in the bathroom, shoes and socks in four different spots. And, being a good little wifey, I would gather everything, launder as needed, then place in the closet or drawer where it came from. He didn't seem to notice,but he did expect the maid service to continue. After a while, I was exhausted from taking care of him AND two kids AND working 52 hours a week. So instead of picking up after him, I went thru the house and stuffed all his clothes under the bed. After about a week, he ran out of socks and underwear. He asked me if I had seen his stuff. Look undewr the bed, dear. That cured him, at least partially. From then on, he'd put all his clothes on one chair. (I tried a hamper,it was too much effort to lift the lid,I guess.) But at least the mess was confined. And when I did laundry all I had to do was take everything off the chair. Now I must get a BIG BOX.

stir_fryi, that was a good assumption. I won't keep harping on it, so last time, don't give them anything. Unless you dislike the victim. marge727, obviously you're not an attorney in MN so for you to not have heard about the publication requirements and probate requirements would not be surprising. As I said states vary. There is also a "simple probate" procedure for limited asset estates but not knowing what the assets are I can't say whether it would be covered or not. My Aunt's estate was covered by it, shouldn't have been but was because of events, but that's a long sad story. gini2, what makes you think you need a SS# to place something into a credit report? Plus, getting a SS# these days isn't all that difficult. People fling them around so readily that it truly is scary. For some reason you're under the mistaken impressions that 1) the FDCPA has substatial teeth, which it doesn't; and 2) collection agents care. And BTW, you assume that they ARE representing Wells Fargo and that Wells Fargo is aware and condones their actions. Both assumptions are pretty precarious at this point. You don't suppose a collection agent would misrepresent themselves would you? There's an old saying about what happens when you assume.... It's like the do not call list. Good idea, poorly executed. Theoretically you tell them to put you on the DNC list they "can't" call you again. But that presupposes they put you on the list and obey the rules. There's been some people that have had some fun with them and there are a lot of more reputable places trying to follow the law. That's where the benefit it. But you're still far better protecting your privacy than expecting the callers to obey. BTW, if you do want to play with them some more, just start requesting company name, address, phone number, supervisor name, etc from them when they call. Although they are "required" to give this when asked, that doesn't say they will, nor does it guarantee it'll be accurate. You can then do some investigation to verify it, get a non-800 phone number, all this presupposing you want to mess with it. If not, ignore them or change number. Expect frequent calls though for about 6 months, should then die off for 3-6 months then start up again. For your own sake, don't let it get to you. I fully understand the frustrations but take a deep breath and laugh it off as best you can. If it gets to be too much you can always change your number. BTW, it does get them very frustrated (turnabout is fair play as they say) when you start asking them what they had for breakfast the last week, their dog's parent's name, where they go on vacation, what their favorite fart smell is and what color underwear their goldfish wear! Act like you truly care! :D