Decorating Marital compromise?
palimpsest
7 years ago
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lisaam
7 years agoMy3dogs ME zone 5A
7 years agoRelated Discussions
When do you compromise on purchases?
Comments (23)I'm struggling with this very issue right now with a living room chair (a cheap one that I like and is a compromise choice vs. one that costs 3 times as much that I love), so I'm no expert! But I can say that I used to err on the side of getting things that would 'do for now' and I regret some of those decisions, because the pieces are still in very good shape but I'm 'over' them, and it feels wasteful to get rid of them. Now I'm trying to prioritize based on how long I expect to keep things, and how much use they will get. So for things like throw pillows, comforters & duvet covers, shower curtains, I stick to bargains because I like to change them frequently. But for more major items like a sofa, chair, etc., I'll probably splurge. When splurging is just a budget-breaker, I try to find great bargains so that I don't have to sacrifice aesthetics for cost. But that takes a LOT of time & many trips to warehouse sales, outlets, consignment shops, etc., and is pretty hit or miss....See MoreRemodel--Marital discord--kitchen fatigue
Comments (69)My advice, cawaps - is that you make sure to retain control over this project. You do not want your husband and the contractor to do the male bonding thing, and proceed to make all the decisions on layout, appliance choices, and materials, while brushing off the little wife yapping at their heels. You know that the typical contractor is going to instinctively take directions from the man. It is not clear to me, frankly, how much attention your husband pays to what you think. If the contractor says X and you say Y, who is he going to listen to? Especially on a supposedly factual, contractor domain sort of thing, like this material is better or that location doesn't work or this kind of drawer lasts longer. And you also know that the typical contractor doesn't necessarily know as much about kitchen design as he might think, or as your husband might think. It might be good that your husband is taking an interest in the kitchen project. But it might not be. If others don't think I'm being a silly, paranoid, overly Machiavellian man-basher, what do you suggest cawaps do to keep the reins? For those who do think I am being such, consider that I know how it works, because I am an opinionated man and routinely overrule the views of everyone below me in the pecking order. Now, in my house that pretty much means the cats. But cawaps may have a different situation....See MoreKitchen Compromise - How do you co-design with your family?
Comments (8)I'm not sure "co-design" is the operant term. Co-evolve? Co-hallucinate? Co-riccochet? or Zig-zag as a tag team? We've been married 40 years. This is our third project on this house. It's DIY with DH being most of the Y. I started this one with a hope for a really distinctive muse, to make this former little postwar Midwest tract house look like the oldest house on the block, a Swedish farmhouse that had been here for a century and a half. I really thought I could do it. But this was my dream only and at a certain point in the planning I abandoned it. We now have a "cute" addition at the front that does make the house more symmetrical than previously but the only thing I can do to it to make it mine on outside is to work on making it look slightly mod, slightly quirky, and NOT like a craftsman bungalow or other tract house pseudostyle that's popular right now and that DH sees and hears about from construction trades friends. "Death of a dream" is one of the comments I made on one of the threads. I have conjured up and destroyed so many visions for this kitchen that I blush to remember them all. The one I see now is, for better or worse, the one I'm gonna live with for a couple more decades. Or more. I guess it's okay. I have reserved the opportunity to buy appliances at a later date and hope that living with the space will make it more personal as time goes on. I was trained by my mom from childhood on how the wife of a strong personality works behind the scenes and tries to assert herself and occasionally wins. DH would tell you that this is my design and my vision. But if I kept a running list of his "wins" and mine, he would be surprised to see how much influence he really did have--a great deal, I assure you, starting with how he and the designer ganged up on me regarding windows and where the range would go and how the ceiling would connect. Once he and this guy and other structural experts he consulted had set up the parameters, I just worked within them; but I also made a lot of choices knowing that I _could_ have chosen things that DH dislikes, but would have felt terrible about doing it. I could have made many choices to spend more too, but I know that this would be counterproductive for the marriage, starting with very different wood cupboards that were much more elaborate and much more expensive but would have given me a thrill to own and handle daily. This is not my kitchen, despite what he says. It's our kitchen. Money and practicality and the infrastructure were more important than my whims. I do wish that we had made different decisions about flooring. I really should have had cork for my health --we talked about it from the beginning but the idea went byebye at some point and he chose wood for kitchen and tile for lobby and hallway. My feet, legs, and back will always remember that compromise. No, that concession. I wrote here at GW at one time about how I had misunderstood his tastes at some strategic times. Trying to get him to commit to "I like that, I dislike that" was very hard, but then once I'd make a choice or at least an inclination, sometimes the judgment came down surprisingly hard against it. Often this was when I was trying most to please him, leaving me very confused. I no longer pretend that I can predict what he would say he likes or dislikes. The damn 50 cent porcelain floor tile I picked out from a remainder pile that we used in lobby gets praise from him over and over. Whodathunk it? And once we committed to that, then my box of other samples quietly got put into a closet because they were wrong with it. And that caused a chain of other decisions that are now "cast in cement" so to speak....See MoreMarital Disagreement Help! :)
Comments (4)I agree with your husband and I would keep the whole wall with the stairs the upstairs color, then paint the rest of the basement if you want. I think the banisters are fine....See Moreaprilneverends
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