It may hurt, but stand your ground. I don't know what the compromise might be.... the guest dog can visit but must be crated at all times when not on leash. And the owners must clean up after it immediately. Frankly, what you describe is disgusting.

This advice comes from someone who had owned, bred, trained and shown dogs for 30 years. It's subhuman to live in the midst of excrement.

Stand your ground, They'll get over it.

Is this the hill you want to die on?

For 14 years, you have attended to the dogs, your family expects you to attend to the dogs.

Either you compromise , or she leaves.

Your children do not respect you.

Well I think the wife does not respect her husband if she has expected him to clean up after what was essentially _her_ dog for 14 years and clearly expects him to continue being the poo clean up slave. If she is so keen to have the children visit with their dog (personally I feel it is extremely rude to expect to bring your pets to someone else's home without an expressed invitation), the compromise should be _they_ clean up after their own filthy pet or she does.

PS I have had pets for over 50 years; sometimes they become incontinent due to illness or age and I clean it up, but I would _never_ inflict that on someone else's home or ignore it and expect someone else in the family to be the only one to deal with it.

How about insisting that the dog wear diapers when in your home? There are dog diapers.

Do they just bring the dog right inside from the car after the long drive, without making sure that it eliminates outside first? And frequent "outs" while in your house? I feel for you; I'd not allow the dog in my house. And I have several pets, including dogs.

Can the dogs be trained better ?? Find a good dog trainer.

Tom, I think you are a saint, putting up with all that for 14 years, for the sake of your family.

Stand your ground, say NO, to cleaning up any more mess - why can't the others do it ??

My daughter has a dog, and she knows I do not want a dog and she respects that.

Good to establish boundaries - so everyone knows where they stand.

It seems there is more going on in your family than just the dog issue.

Have a similar situation with our little italian greyhound who is 10. We both wanted her however. We kerp a pressure gate at the top of of seven steps down to our familyroom. We don't press it hard into the space but merely push it slightly in so that you can just pull it gently out without repositioning. My husband is constantly forgetting to put it back up and the dog sneaks down and wets every time. I have done the unthinkable in my mind and told him that when this happens I won't lift a finger to clean it up and many times he won't either. His answer is everyone makes mistakes. I don't want to get another dog after this and I absolutely adore her but cannot stand the thought if smelly carpet. I don't want o sit anything on the floor even. We have a very nice home and really spent a lot for carpet when wrvbilt 10 years ago so I agree eith you that this is unfair and disrespectful. I think trying the fog diaper sounds like a good idea or bring a cage and the only time the dog hoes out is to walk and potty.

I am a dog lover myself and would never stand for this!! Honestly, I am having a very hard time seeing why your family is putting up such a fuss. Not housebroken pets are not welcome anywhere! I have a dear, sweet little dog that is perfectly housebroken at home but I never take him into any of my family's houses......even when they say it is fine. The reason is he is a non-neutered male and likes to mark his presence. Not often but every now and again and I would be appalled if he did that in someone else's house!

How anyone, regardless of age, can think it is acceptable to allow their dog to poop and pee in someone else's home is beyond my comprehension. And then not bother to clean up after it???? WTF??

I realize this is causing tension in the family but HOLD YOUR GROUND!! Not only is this irresponsible and disgusting behavior but it is unsanitary and diminishes the value of your home. If your family is ready to estrange themselves from you over this then their priorities are very much misplaced. Do they really value the presence of the improperly trained dog over peace in the family and the ability to live in a clean environment? Would your wife really leave you for a dog or is she just being manipulative to get her way?

If you really cannot resolve this on your own as a family, then I'd suggest getting some mediation help to assist. Sometimes hearing the obvious from a third party sinks in better. And I will guarantee you the mediator is going to side with you. No one in their right mind would put up with this!

Tom, you want any advice, good or bad, so I'll suggest something too.

Let your daughter know (before she comes) that she must clean up after her dog immediately after it defecates or urinates. Ignore any reaction from her which is negative. Act as though you expect it will be done. End of story. That's the rule. It's all in your demeanor.

If your wife has a fit, remember, that's your wife's problem. She'll learn. It's time they grow up. The secret is I think to remain calm.

winker58- Yes everyone makes mistakes, but when they do, they're supposed to fix them, not expect someone else to.

Everyone making mistakes is the sort of lesson one would expect to be guiding children into learning that if they make one it is ok but they now need to understand that when they do they need to fix it - if it's a big mistake and they need help (I'm talking younger kids here) they have to ask an adult to help them because nobody can read minds.

An adult, with the responsibility of a dog, something shared with another adult or just them, is going to need to understand that a dog is going to be a 2 year old child who is not mentally capable of understanding what 'mistake' means, let alone grasp that they have to remedy the situation their mistake has created. That dog may look at your face intently as you explain to it that if it once again sneaks down to potty in the family room it's going to need to figure out how to clean up too or maybe have to go in 'time out crateland', but it just cannot make the connection of what the bad thing was and how to make you happy again for the unknown bad thing done at a a point in time it won't recollect and think "oh that bad thing 2 days ago! That is why I am in trouble! How to make happy again?"

This means that someone is going to have to take care of the mess and whoever it is may need to recognize that it is more harmful to the two adults in the house and their relationship to let a standoff passive aggressive thing take hold than it is to just clean up after the dog that both of you wanted in the first place. Could be you, could be your husband. :)

ETA: the above was actually addressing the situation winker 58 has and I wasn't fully clear about that and I totally blew by the original OP matter for which I do apologize. OP - your daughter is an adult and the dog is her responsibility. There is no requirement that specifies a dad can only be a good dad if he will allow his adult child and her boyfriend/fiancee/husband whatever visit his home, along with their dog who he picks up after the whole time because that adult kid is lazy and forgetting you don't HAVE to have her there because that obligation was over at 18. I feel TERRIBLE that my dog growls at my dad and that's her entire response, he loves dogs but my mom doesn't so he has to get his dog enjoyment through the dogs of other people. He's not sneaking down the block to hang out in the neighbor's garage workshop to get that sweet furry belly rub action on with the neighbor's dog or anything but he will never not stop and 'good boy/girl' every friendly dog he might meet, and really likes the corgi mix that belongs to my brother's oldest boy. My dog just growls at him if he's across the room or 3 feet away...she's never been agreeable to getting pets from him and it breaks my heart for him - she has a problem with men, miraculously tolerates the mister and we're not sure why but go with it. I would be MORTIFIED if I brought my dog over to his house and she crapped and peed on his floor. And I'd be the one to clean up after her! I am a married adult, but I have had my dog since I was single and an independent adult living on her own so visiting my parent's is not going to be permitted to be like things were back when I lived there before moving out on my own.

This is quite an easy one, actually. You are right, they are wrong. End of story.

No one else’s pets are going to potty in my house. My parents drive cross-country to visit me and they stay in a hotel as their dogs have come straight in my house and messed on my floor. It’s just plain rude to think that other people want your pets in their home. My parents probably didn’t appreciate my frankness regarding not wanting their dogs in my house....if they don’t care about their dogs using the toilet in my house then they don’t care about me and how I feel. No negotiations necessary!

I run a dog rescue. I also have a sister who's dogs are not potty trained and she brings them to my home. I keep a potty pads, an x pen, a mop and paper towels handy when she visits. I also, very politely, says your dog peed or pooped and point it out. Bottom line it is your home and your daughter needs to be a responsible dog parent.

You might want to suggest a "belly band" they sell washable ones and disposable ones. Its like a diaper and keep your floors and furniture pee free. They also sell diapers. There is no excuse for your child not being responsible for hers.