My answer is: nothing. I love designing spaces, and I would want very much to start with a blank slate wherever I go. Oh, I may take a few seeds from plants that are good all-around fillers, but I would really want to design from the bare ground up. An arresting conversation. I've been thinking along these lines for a year or so now, without really realizing I was doing so. My DH has been muttering for years upon years that we should finish up the house (it's been in a continuous state of remodel for.e.ver) and sell it. I've been constantly expanding the garden, not really concentrating on the idea of leaving until about a year ago when, all of a sudden, he started actually doing the things that needed to be done to get us out of here. I figure we have about 1 1/2 years of work left to do on the interior, then it's on to other pastures. I continue to plant, transplant, sow, etc., but I didn't realize until today, while reading this thread, that a lot of my recent planting decisions have been centered around ease of maintenance and creating more of an "outdoor room." I've never really cared about ease of maintenance before, and I know for a fact that the "outdoor room" concept comes directly from home improvement television shows, and is almost entirely to do with increasing perceived value. There are a lot of reasons why a person would have to be a gardener to really want our home (no grass anywhere, for one), and an avid gardener with an appreciation for the offbeat, at that. I guess I've been thinking that if we can sell the garden as an extension of the living space, rather than something for the neighbors to look at, we might have a better shot at non-avid-gardeners without ripping out half of what I've done and sowing grass seed. Of course, I'm an avid gardener and I wouldn't want to move into a home with an already-established garden. Lots to think about.

ttod, You poooor thing! I feel for you, I really DO understand! I'm going to tell you a rather long story, and really there IS a point to it.:) With any luck, maybe it will zero in on your problem or maybe it won't help you but just maybe it will help someone else who's going through this. Exactly what you describe is what was happening to me three years ago. At first I too thought chiggers. Then fleas, then mosquitoes then allergies from something I got in to. Never on my face. The first couple weeks it was only on my torso and a few on my legs, usually the outside thigh area. Going into the second month I would wake up with the little 'bites' on the outside of my arms then on my outer calf area. More and more, month after month. Doctor was baffled. Sent me to a dermatologist who sent me to some uppity-up specialist who asked me how often I bathed as in his words, it looked like it was a case of bad hygiene! Back to square one. Every day from the moment I put my feet on the floor until I crawled in bed, I checked, double-checked and then added to my spiral notebook list of things I came in contact with that day. Another doctor who didn't want me in his office because he feared I was contagious, prescribed a lotion for scabies over the phone.I used it as directed, no results but I did learn it causes cancer. Neat. A whole year and bottles and bottles of liquid Benadryl and OTC itch creams later, I was again sanitizing the family room. The fold-out couch was rather heavy so I asked my son to give me a hand moving it. As my son got behind the couch he asked "Mom, what's this????" Heck, looked like someone had sprinkled a whole container of tan baby powder on the back of the couch...the part you lean against. Long story a bit shorter...... The couch was in front of the very large window. Outside that window, with it's fronds just reaching the window screen the year before....was our Australian Fern Tree. A bit of Columbo'ing and here's what we figured out..... The fern would create this really tiny, very fine powdery stuff on the underside of it's fronds....it's spores. The air would blow those fine particles against and into the screen and onto the couch. I took my daily nap on that couch! My face was at the far end of the window, and my head was elevated and resting on a hand towel. Even though I would vac the couch, those teensy spores from the Australian Fern Tree would just filter back in through the screen as fast as I vac'd. I never saw that little powdery spore stuff...they are a golden color as Was the print on our couch (notice I say "Was" ?) I'd take a nap and those spores would stick to my skin. I'd crawl in bed taking the spores into bed with me where they had even more time to embed into my pores. I took a shower every morning but lie on the couch again and if I didn't nap on the couch, I'd crawl into bed at night where the spores, that I took to bed with me the previous night, were waiting for me. Hubby never once was bothered by the spores in bed. DX= terribly allergic to spores from ferns. And of course, ferns of any kind are my very favorite plant life in my back yard. Moral : A year and a couple thousand dollars later, and arms, torso and legs full of scars today, going nuts changing detergents, clothing manufacturers, sanitizing my home, not touching anything I was not familiar with....... And it all came down to fern spores that came in through my window screen (Southern Calif----that window remains open all year). Whatever you have, I really feel for you! I know getting a good night's sleep isn't easy when you are itching and worrying about what is causing those little red 'bites' you're losing even more sleep......it's sooooo frustrating! Maybe start thinking outside the box. Wish I would have...would have saved me a lot of time, money and stress! I hope whatever it is that is eating you, you find out soon. Please keep us updated!

One of our dogs, Tatya, graces us with her presence when she so desires. She is very good and stays at the foot of the bed and doesn't move all night. She has her own bed next to ours, as do the other 3 dogs. Most nights she sleeps in her bed, but sometimes she wants to sleep with us. She's our smallest dog, a ~35# Husky. The other 3 can't get up into our super-tall bed, but the height is no problem for our jumping bean! It's a king sized bed, otherwise I don't think it would work. And she absolutely would instantly and permanently lose all bed privledges if she gave even a squeak of protest to the OFF command.

I think everyone's right that visits are the way to go. It's what he & I have agreed on, it's what seems to work best for him, and it's what works best in my life right now too, financially, logistically and circumstancially. Of course, as fate would have it ---the way these things tend to go--- is that I am finally in a better position where my prospects are looking better career-wise... heck, maybe it isn't fate just all the a$$-busting I've been doing the last four years with work & this degree. But it does kind of require that I stay put here for the forseeable future. And in terms of finances I will not see any big rewards anytiem soon, if ever (as tends not to happen in the arts/academia sphere). So it's kind of a sad irony: after having been more flexible before in terms of relocation options due to lack of skills or opportunities tying me somewhere, I now have many more skills and more opportunities that tie me where I am, but w/o the financial means to allow me a ton of "back-and-forth" flexibility. Still, plane tickets are more doable, both because of my financial situation and my dad's willingness (albeit behind SM's back) to help me with some of those costs. Which, when you think about it (and add it all up), DOES kind of indicate that it isn't just finances preventing him from loaning me money to move. I agree with everyone who's guessed that he might be at least partly "shielding" me (and maybe even himself?) from the day-to-day harsh awareness of his mortality, or exactly how much pain he is actually in. And also that he wants to avoid potential conflicts between me, him and SM. Can't say I blame him, and don't want to "add stress" (although I can't take all the blame for that... maybe a better term is I don't want to "be a contributing factor to stressful dynamics"). My fear is just that even though this seems to be the set-up that works best for everyone involved, that it will still get "re-framed" or "re-interpreted" so that it comes off like it's all my fault, or that I am "abandoning" my father, which I have never ever wanted to do. I guess at this point it's not so much the opinions of others that concern me, but I don't want my Dad feeling like (or being influenced to feel like) I don't care enough. I guess I just have to take him at his word and hope that he really, truly is happier this way. TOS honed in a gut-level feeling I've been having with all this: that he just doesn't care enough or love me enough or even like my company enough to loan me the money to be there in his last days. (And thank you, TOS for your comment about looking after my cat! But it looks like kitty & me are sticking together...) Even with all the other explanations and other ways I understand his situation and needs, I can't lie: that part hurts. And, yes, I wish he would just say that it's not that. The only thing I can figure about why he doesn't is that it is either too painful for him to admit out loud, or maybe even admit to himself in a fully-conscious way. This would tie in somewhat with perhaps a bit of denial of his own mortality. He's been facing so many aspects of this cancer head-on and putting on a very brace face about it, but I do have to wonder if it's possible for a person to face EVERY aspect of something like this so bravely. In other words, maybe denial "will out" in some other way, somewhere... and maybe that's what's happening here... In any event, I'll respect his wishes either way. It's just that there is that selfish part of me that doesn't want to take on the full burden of guilt for what is really a mutual decision, largely following his lead.