I think an aunt can always get away with giving a check. It's just an aunt thing. I like to give a token something along with money so everyone can pretend they don't know how much I spent. :)

We got 90 percent cash gifts when we got married 5 years ago. Cash or check in card. We were a lot younger than your niece but already living together and everyone knew we needed nothing.

Thanks guys. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they've been living together for a while. Even if they needed something, I'd have no way of knowing what it could be (not registered). She seems like a really nice person and I figure they can just buy something they need or else something they don't.

Absolutely! A check inside a card is a lovely, generous gift. I'm so glad you're getting to reconnect in person with your family members.

I wanted to say I think it's great that you reconnected with family, too! I can "hear" your happiness. I think a check would be appropriate and appreciated. Have fun!

So happy you and your niece have re-connected and you will attend her wedding. Yes, yes to the check. It's not unusual at all IMO to give cash/check or a gift card these days, especially for an older couple who is established. Your thoughts and your presence will be appreciated.

A check or cash in a card is a terrific gift that is always welcome, in my opinion. I was just at a wedding of a not-so-young couple and there were three gifts and several cards. I'm guessing the rest of the gifts were sent directly to the newlyweds' home.

I would get an extra special card. I love Papyrus. And, of course enclose your check.

I really like hearing stories like yours. Life is so short, some families are small. Why not get along?

I agree. I give a check or personalized gift card (eg for an occasion like this, maybe an Amex with their name embossed). I find an especially nice card and perhaps also give some small token gift. But the vast bulk of my gift for such occasions is in the form of a negotiable instrument. The only exception is a situations where they have registered and clearly do not need any cash. Then I am happy to buy something from the registry.

You guys are the best. Seriously the best! Of all time!!! HUGE!!!

I seem to no longer have her home address, so it looks like I'll be taking the card + check to the actual wedding. If she were registered, I'd go that route.

She is my brother's eldest child. I'll call her "Grace." My brother and her mom split up when she was just a toddler and she lived with her mom. Until her early teens she would spend weekends and part of the summer with him and his second wife. My brother and his ex were not speaking, so his new wife had to take care of all the communication and logistics. Then they had three kids of their own. Being the oldest, Grace sometimes had babysitting duties with the half-siblings, who could be quite difficult. I think one day some miscreant got a swat and cried foul. People got bent out of shape and ended up severing all ties, except for child support. Sadly, my brother went along with it.

To this day, the kids (now in their 40s) from the second marriage shun Grace. I do not understand holding grudges like this. No murder or other heinous crime was committed.

At some point, it was dear Grace who reached out to my brother and they were reconciled. We became fast FB friends, bonding esp. over our love of animals (she's a dog groomer) and the SF Giants. I'm appalled at my other nephew and niece's meanness.

Life is too short, period.

I am happy to receive money any time anyone gives it to me and I am MUCH happier with money than with something I don't wAnt and can't use. Money by check or Visa gift card is great.

It sounds like the start of something happy for both of you. I like the Japanese tradition of pretty paper and a gold or silver cord tied in a fancy knot around the check or gift card and the whole thing enclosed in a lovely greeting card or fancy paper sleeve ( with good luck calligraphy ) or an elegant envelope. I adore the Japanese wedding cranes of happiness designs.

Kitty, that is lovely.

Linelle, good for you for being above the fray. I can only wonder if those people on their death bed will be thinking "well, it's a good thing I stayed away from that Grace person". Dumb.

Surely, you can find her address by just Googling her name. Where is she being married? They should have the address as well.

Out of curiosity, how much money is an appropriate gift? I decided on $100 gift cards with Crate and Barrel for my cousin's son and an old friend on her second marriage (to her high schooled sweetheart). More? Less? If you living on just social security, less, I should think? If you are worth millions, how much more?

I think the appropriate amount is one that suits your own budget; and if budget is not an issue, an amount that you are happy to give.

Surely, you can find her address by just Googling her name. Where is she being married? They should have the address as well.

Anglophilia, her real name is super common and she lives in a city of over a million people. Google couldn't narrow it down enough for me. I guess I could call the wedding venue, but it's not crucial that I mail it to her home.

Out of curiosity, how much money is an appropriate gift?

Sushipup, I was thinking around $500, 1) because I need to atone on behalf of my family for treating her shabbily, and 2) because my current budget can handle it. Different people, different circumstances and $100 from C&B sounds about right.

Kitty, such a great idea. I will try to find a really lovely card/envelope. That crane paper is gorgeous.

Well, I suppose it's ok. I mean, if you're not going to send them on a cruise as a wedding gift, money is the next best thing ;)

Monica, yeah, no.

Linelle, also, if there is any kind of family keepsake from her dad's side of the family that you could part with (even a serving piece from a silver flatware set or a vase or maybe a copy of an old family picture) it might be something she would appreciate. I'm assuming her dad didn't have stuff that the 1/2 siblings will share with her. Maybe something of your mother's or grandmother's if it wouldn't bother your own kids (if you have them) to part with.

Olychick, that's a lovely idea. Alas, there are no keepsakes that haven't already found their way to others or been lost or discarded.