Lovely to hear from you MIMS, Big changes in our life this year, my husband retired from 25 yrs in the USCG and we moved from Cape Cod Ma. to E. WA to be near our youngest daughter, we took a rental house for a year so we could really look around to find our dream retirement home. Our garden was very small this year, I didn't get to wintersow last year so I'm really craving it this year but I'll keep it light as we will be moving again. We got our first snow fall it is beautiful and so serene, it will be interesting to see what winter is like here in E.Wa. I hope you get lots of snow and have a peaceful winter. Wendey

I had the same issue with my husband over a year ago and i was really upset with him and felt bad for him at the same time. But the time came when i sat down with him and said enough is enough. I told him: You decided to divorce with your ex. These are consequences and deal with them. stop mopping around and being depressed. I didn't marry you to have to deal with depression everyday., You accepted that your ex would have full custody of your kids and you have visitation rights. VISITATION! which means you do not raise your kids. You decided to let go of that right when you gave her full custody so dont complain to you are not in their life enough (she live almost 2 hours away) If it bothers you so much get off your A** and get more involved! or get 50 50 custody. STop whining! I will not give you any pity anymore. I'm your wife. I will support your decision in what you make but dont complain about things that were set in motion, accepted legally and then call the kettle black! Its doesn't cut it with me. If you dont want 50 50 custody then be quiet and accept the time you do get them, enjoy it and stop being depressed even when you do ahve them cause they are not having fun with your face being sour! He still to this day wavers every once and awhile but that was the wake up call for him. I have no pitty for any father or mother that divorces and make no effort in being active or using excuses. If you dont want to be active , dont but dont complain about and then ask for pitty. Cannot stand it.! Have a looooong talk with your husband and if he wants to mope around do what i did iwth mine....i went out to enjoy myself and kept reminding him to cheer up and not discuss his exwife with me any longer unless it was a massive emergency. His exwife boyfriend common law husband now, is also questionable with the kids. screaming at them and basically doens't like them. I feel very sorry for the kids but if my husband really wanted to do something then he should get off his A** and take custody if he thinks they are in a bad situation. THis is his business and i'm also sick of the ex as well with her games. She's just as bad. I told them both to shape up last year or both your kids will hate both your guts. Mark my words on this one! It has already begun. His daughter doesn' tthink much of either one of them. Treat yourself to a new hair cut!!! go out have a coffee!!! get into a routine that once a week you go out with the girls for coffee! MAke yourself happy! Do not depend on your husband to do this for you. Yes you feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for mine but i'm not his mother and he is doing it to himself. He needs to take control of the situation and make it positive. He has to fix the issues with his ex. Not you. You will only be blamed in interfering and looked upon as the bad one even though you have good intentions. THis must come from your husband. Take care of yourself!!!

When my father died... my siblings didn't argue over who got what my mother handed out what she thought each should have ... WW2 medals and flag to my sister in the army. His gun collection and huge maps of europe to my brother. Oldest sister nothing ... younger sister and myself nothing. Eight years later when my mother died. My siblings and I gathered to figure out who got what but I had a list my mother had made of what she wanted who to get. The rest was up for grabs. Then the fighting started ... we bickered over petty stuff ... I finally went in took what I was supposed to get and they could fight over the rest. And they did ... they still continue to fight ... 12 years later fighting over pieces of "stuff". My mother and her 5 siblings were surprised to find out they were due huge inheritence.. back in the 80's the oldest sibling was beneficiary. She was supposed to split it equally between all six. She decided to keep the money and never told her 5 siblings... (reason... she quit HS to get a job to support the family when their parents died.) When they did find out about the money .... the 6 of them bickered for years never spoke to each other again. Last year my aunt (father's sister) was breaking down her house as she headed to a nursing home...huge collection of family memories, antiques you would not believe. The fighting began again. I wanted nothing. Didn't go to break it down. Weeks later they were still sending me emails of "what I wanted" kept repeating nothing. Last month at a family BBQ the aunt did not speak to me ... I asked her if I did something wrong? She said how come you didn't come take what you wanted ... I said I was not going to be a part of another family argument over "stuff"... but I have things your father wanted you to have. I said well I will call my children and see if they want the "stuff" because I do not. My aunt has no clue my siblings were fighting I guess. So I was wrong on both ends to stay out of the fighting over stuff and insulting my aunt because I didn't want the stuff. I WILL NOT FIGHT OVER STUFF OR MONEY. NOT WORTH IT. YOU CAN'T WIN EITHER WAY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. If it is not in my possession I am not entitled to it. But that is me. Not saying it goes for everyone. Just how I feel about "stuff".

"Just wait until you have to pack up all that crap and move it." My SIL just bought a retirement home so they are decluttering their current house as a preparation for selling it--she keeps telling me she can't believe how much STUFF she's got to get rid of. When I go to their house I always admire how it looks nicely organized and without extraneous things all over. However, I also admire her tons of closets and storage space which she says leads to keeping, you guessed it, all that stuff LOL. I've decided I will play a mental game this summer and pretend we have to move; maybe that will be my motivation to get rid of much unnecessary and unused stuff in our house! I use the holidays and shopping for gifts to satisfy any yen I may have to be a retail hunter/gatherer. The past few years I increasingly feel as if I am gorging myself after staying on a careful and healthy diet; by the time January comes I feel so psychically bloated from all the shopping /buying that I need another year to rest up and recover! It's interesting to me to watch my young adult daughter who is setting up her first home. She loveslovesloves Home Goods, Marshalls, Pier 1 etc. And when I go with her I usually find stuff I could easily buy. I have a rule that I can't take anything from those places home the day I see it. That usually short circuits the purchase, I'm rarely motivated enough to fight the traffic and crowds to go back a second time!