rob- I know some people have sensitivities to certain foods and flavors, my oldest doesn't like spicy foods or bell peppers for example. But, she still has to eat some of it.

The only one left still fighting any sort of food battles is the 3 year old and if she won't eat, that's fine but I'm not preparing her another meal.

I cover her food and at the next meal, she gets to have it. Eventually hunger will win out, as it did a few weeks ago when she decided she didn't want to eat her chicken and peas. She had no breakfast, no lunch and no dinner the following day because every time she said she was hungry, I got her plate out and she changed her mind.

She finally was hungry enough that night to eat the food while telling me she didn't like it.

I told her that's fine, you don't have to like it, but you do have to eat it.

I've never met a child that would starve themselves, but I have met parents who gave up the battle too quickly.

I won't be swayed either. I have many, many, many examples among friends and in-laws and others in my family. All anecdotal but my experience shows a consistent pattern too. Fussy and inflexible eaters who prefer little variety often grew up in families with the same practices and often are fussy and inflexible about more in their lives than just what they eat.

It's very hard to construct one sentence using "nice dinner" and "little kids" unless it's something like "Adults shouldn't expect to have a nice dinner if little kids are also present and eating at the same time". By all means ask what they like and maybe plan to feed them first and then get them occupied in front of the TV and hope that buys a moment of time for the adults to eat.

People that claim they did "this" and never had any problems, so if you are having difficulties, you obviously didn't do "this", remind me of Dr. Benjamin Spock. Widely regarded as a top authority on child care, he ended up rewriting his section about step-parenting after becoming a stepfather and his "this" met a different reality. What works for one, does not necessarily carry over to working for all--or even most.

Texas-Gem, that is cruel. I see no reason if a child does not like peppers, they cannot be allowed to substitute a healthy item with similar nutrition value that they do like. My best friend had a mother that did the same thing as you. Once an adult, tests proved she had multiple reactions to many of the food she was forced to eat. The doctor suspects that being forced to eat foods she was sensitive to, broadened the category of foods that caused reactions. Now she is on a very limited diet. Food should not become a power play. People can develop serious eating disorders when such tactics are used.

You're starting with the premise that there are things people "can't eat". That's true for a small number of people who learn they have dietary restrictions, fair enough, but for taste variey alone that makes no sense to me.

Everyone has different tastes and preferences, for sure. If you try something and dislike it or don't prefer it, fine. How come so many people only eat what I'd call a "meat and potatoes" diet without trying new things?

It's irrational that people dislike food by looking at it. And the following, as I've heard in various forms so many times, "I've never had Szechuan-style (or Central American or Ethiopian or whatever) food but I know I won't like it", is absurd.

I think a nice dinner is more about the relationships of the people than the food served. I've seen too many table battles over the food turn into power struggles and sometimes even eating issues later in life.

Of course, parents have to make sure their kids eat reasonably healthy food and not allowed just junk, but a tasty, varied diet is pretty easy to provide. So for a "nice" dinner with Grandma, I would suspend any potential battles and make something you know they'll like (as per mother).

My grandson is a "picky" eater compared to some kids, but he was born that way. When he started on baby food, it wasn't the taste of things so much, but the textures. If you try to mix a bite of two foods together, it would come right back out of his mouth (even if he didn't notice what was on the spoon). Even today, at 7, he'll eat a variety of healthful things, but don't try to give him a casserole, or chicken with a sauce or crust. No nuts or chips in his cookies. He says he likes "plain" food - so he'll eat beef steak, or plain noodles with butter and melted cheese, broccoli or edamame, carrots, apples and other fruit, but don't mix it together or it's a deal breaker. If he could have a clean fork for each element on his plate, he'd love it. As it is, he has to lick the fork clean between bites of different food, so he doesn't get a tiny broccoli florette mixed in with the noodles. He'll eat yogurt, but only the kinds with NO fruit chunks; same with ice cream. Smooth only.

rob- there isn't a single food item I've come across that my children "couldn't eat". I'm trying to teach them to try new foods AND, probably just as important, if they are at someone else's home and are served a meal that contains something they don't like, they should still eat it and say thank you.

Gyr- next time I make chicken enchiladas, you are free to come to my house and pick out the bits of bell pepper and substitute it for something else that you think is an appropriate nutritional substitute but I am not and will not be a short order cook.

By the way, half the time she says nothing and really enjoys the meal, it's only when she can see bell peppers in it that she will say something.

Nope. By couldn't I mean, I just can't. Nothing will make me tolerate their texture, taste, etc. I'm not allergic. I just can't.

JoAnn- I'm sorry if your thread got off topic. I initially suggested lasagna, spaghetti or pot roast specifically because I haven't known any picky eaters who wouldn't eat those things. They seem like a pretty safe bet to me.

Again, good luck! I hope you have a wonderful visit!

Similar experience here. Oftentimes (I believe) our bodies know what "bothers" them, even before a child has words to express that word. I am amazed at myself, in my older age, how fussy an eater I am. When I cooked for my family I kind of knew I had very few things I didn't like....and rarely cooked them. Now that someone else is doing the cooking....WOW, it is simply amazing the preferences I (almost) demand. I like butter, as opposed to all the other stuff, but use it sparingly...in other words nothing drowned-ed in butter. I have a SIL who I thought was just a PITA when it came to peppers....cooked in anything or touching anything.....little did I know some people can go into anaphylactic shock from peppers in the tiniest amount. MY son, still gags on peas. Who knew??? Seems like it would be more rational or "respectful" (even to a child) if adults could just let people kind of "fend for themselves" about eating. Like: if you don't find something to eat at a meal....maybe at the next meal you will. That is how I want to be treated. I certainly do not believe that cookies or sweets make for a nutritious lifestyle, but offered decent mealtime options people will choose a decent combination of foods. JMO.

Wow, I never thought this would grow into a big discussion. Thanks for all your suggestions. I went to pinterest and found some ideas. I haven't called her yet but I plan to.

Texas-Gem, allowing the child to make something else, or wait until the next served meal, does not make you a short order cook. Trotting out the same rejected food for 4-5 subsequent meals until the child eats it is a power play. Somehow I doubt everyone else ate chicken and peas for four straight meals.

For the most part I am not a picky eater, I know the foods I didn't like when I was growing up. One of the vege's was brussells sprouts and peas. Well today I can eat the brussells and I still don't like english peas. So my cooking has been for myself,

When our girls were little and learning to try new things at the table they had to try a bite of what was on the plate (at however old they were ie 3,bites, etc.). Well now that they are older sometimes when I serve a meal they both will have a moment and tell me that they don't like it and make something they would like. Just remember the little's and have a gorgeous, de-lish meal, :)

All of my grandchildren always liked Ginger's porcupine meatballs (because they look like baby porcupines) and chocolate pudding. And I make them just for us also cause we like them too.

I was a picky eater when I was a child. I was never forced to eat anything. But when we went to other peoples houses to eat there was always something I liked on the table. No one made anything special for kids but we didn't starve. Bread and butter, salad, side dishes. there is always something there that a child could eat, even a picky one.

Just add a few simple basic foods to the menu and the kids will be fine.

It is entirely possible to have a nice meal with children at the table. Not a formal dinner certainly...but isn't a relaxed family style meal nice? I might make the lasagna and reserve some sauce in case the kids preferred "sketti" and maybe a side salad with many veggies that so some could be set aside as finger foods. Bread or rolls are generally liked by kids.

I love mac and cheese for kids!

I love mac and cheese for me!

"It is entirely possible to have a nice meal with children at the table"

With two three-year olds? I doubt it, that's never once happened in my family with such young ones. We have a 4 and a 2 in the family now. They finish eating in 5 minutes. Then what happens next at your "nice meal"?

My grands are 4 and 2. They enjoy dining out and family dining. When grand daughter was 2 1/2 we went out to a crowded restaurant on Xmas Eve. It was extremely packed and service was slow. We were at the table for well over 2 hours. She had just learned to use a knife and spent a good portion of the wait time proudly buttering bread for us. She also doodled with a pen and paper in grandpa's notebook. Her auntie showed her how to loop a scarf. At the end of the meal she stopped at tables along the way out and wished people a Merry Xmas. She is tall for her age and people remarked on her good behavior. They were shocked that she was only 2.

Kids can do very well at sitting at tables if they are included in the experience and are taught "butt in the seat" early on. The kids that act out are those that are ignored while the adults converse and/or have their noses in their cellphones. Our grands are part of the dining experience, not spectators, which is why I think they behave so well.

Both of my sisters kids ate at the table with us even when they were 3. I mean, granted we were not eating like a 9 course meal like Downton Abbey. Still, they did okay!

I still would ask the mother.......i'm with Rob on this one. I remember as a child I could not eat peas. They made me gag. My father made me sit at the dinner table for hours until I ate my peas. I wasn't being obstinate, I could not eat them. I like them just fine now. That's a wonder! I vowed never to force my kids to eat anything. We had a "no, thank you portion" rule in my house. That is, take the teeniest, tiniest taste and if you don't like it that's okay, maybe next year you will. My kids ate most everything. My one daughter, to this day, cannot eat Jello or whipped cream....go figure. She's a great cook and will eat just about everything.. My son's stepsons are 11 year old twins and eat very little. The one son is starting to get more adventuresome but the other is not. He really would like to be but he just cannot eat most things. I don't think three year olds eat very much....ask mom....maybe even a hamburger or hot dog or as I said before mac and cheese and make something nice for you and mom (chicken marsala or chicken piccata, so easy)

Any of you referring to boys or just girls? They're very different, I probably should have been more specific. Boys of this age will doodle with a pen/pencil and paper for maybe 60 seconds, couldn't give a diddly about using utensils (unless failure to do so means losing food), and are done with the table when the food runs out.

The little ones I referred to are not different (and if anything are a bit less antsy) than our own boys were. I'll attribute the difference in experiences to gender and personality, unless one of you has more to add.

It's funny how in this discussion the tables seem to have turned, based on the topic. We always insisted (and our kids who are parents do the same) that food needs to be tried, no excuses, that was ironclad. But staying at the table when there's ants in the pants and nothing left to eat serves no purpose. There are years and years to teach table manners and meal behavior but developing healthy and wide food tastes needs to start when they're infants with the first food and continue consistently in the ensuing years. Different prioties from one person to another, I'd rather the kids be happily entertained to leave the adults a chance for a meal undisturbed.

In our family the 4 year old girl is the one with the short attention span. She's the dramatic, imaginative child. The actress, the performer, the dancer ,the singer. She's the little social butterfly. Two year old boy will stay focused on a task for much longer. He will sit and play with something by himself for up to an hour. He is more intense and not as apt to engage others until he is good and ready to do so. He worships his sister and will follow her lead. He wants to do what she is doing. But he doesn't start the crazy zoomies. She does.

The girl being the oldest did seem to mature more quickly. Probably because she had her parents focused attention. At 2.5 she was using a table knife to spread and cut soft foods. At 2.5 her little brother can hold a fork properly and is just starting to handle a table knife. I was there the other day and he was eating spaghetti and meat balls for lunch.. Nothing cut up for him and he was doing his best to twirl the strands and was doing a good job cutting the meatballs with his fork. Messy face of course but he's doing well.

Have to add neither child was given much baby food. So spoon feeding was minimal. Solids were delayed so they pretty much went straight to whatever everyone else was eating within reason. They self fed from the day they showed could get food into their mouths on their own. Also never had bottles or sippy cups. They do have those spill proof bottles like commuter cups for water around the house, but they went from breast to small drinking glass for the most part. Maybe that made a difference in their table behavior. I don't know.

Ask the mother what do her children eat? Children change so fast at liking something and then not liking it. Being a nanny to kids it was the hardest thing I had to do was figure out what to give to them to eat. Its better to give little ones snacks instead of like adults a big meal at the table. I would make things as I did lunch meals macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese and tomato soup, chicken soup, yes, some may like chicken strips and dip. They like to dip things in dip. Alot won't eat meat so you need to ask and find out what they are eating. Pizza they may like if you have the right things on top of them, make tiny individual with them so the children will eat them if they make it and be part of all that. Hot dogs if allowed that, and find out what kind they can have.

Weiners and beans maybe be liked but make sure you cut the weiners in half so they don't choke.

Spaghetti is usually a favourite and some like sauce but again find that out.

Snacks, don't know if their mom will bring them or not but again ask.

My brother and sil would come and their youngest child was a nightmare to feed and it was like what does he eat and it was a nightmare to get him to eat anything.

A little boy I looked after wouldn't eat meat at all and it wasn't until they took him with them to visit and there was a bbq and gave him to chew on the chicken mini legs and he loved it and after that he would eat only if you called it chicken.

Kids can be so fussy and so hard to feed anything and others are they like what you give them.

Depends on what the parents have done as some cater to needs and they end up making every single meal and having to cook tons of things for everyone to have their own thing they will eat.

Can they have drinks at the table while having a meal as some will fill up and won't eat then and then they end up hungry later as fluid doesn't stay long inside them.

Yes, you have to talk or you could end up buying and cooking the completely wrong things and the kids won't eat anything.

Same with what does daughter like to eat too?

Make adult meal, maybe feed kids first and then adults later if that will work better for all.

Elmer--your children and grands are who they are. Other peoples' children can possibly act/eat differently. Don't smear everyone's family with your experiences. By allowing your's to dismiss themselves from your table, you lose opportunities. My sons and their children participated in many "nice" dinners without having to run off to the tv. And they weren't affected by having something to drink at the table or by how they were fed as infants, as other posters have implied.

My parents weren't very 'experimental' eaters. It was typically the same kind of meal - pot roast, stew, chicken dish of some kind, etc. My dad was particularly fussy. He wouldn't eat something if it didn't look good. I unfortunately inherited my parent's habits. I'm not a very experimental eater either, and I must admit, if it doesn't look good, I'm not touching it. I frequently travel to China for work, and China's Chinese food isn't anything like the American version of Chinese food. I struggle every time I go there to eat something that I don't find objectionable. I would encourage parents to bring diversity to the dinner table, to get kids used to a variety of foods.

This is an example of some nasty food. It was served at a dinner once when I was in China. I politely said "no thank you."

JoAnn, it's probably already planned but oven baked chicken strips, steamed veggies and mac and cheese would probably be a winner too.

I think everyone is overthinking this.

1. Invite DGD being sure to let her know the kids are included in the invite
2. Casually mention what you may be having, Lasagna, chicken, roast beef etc., no need to go into detail
3. DGD will either:

a. Say thank you, we'll be there
b. Plan to feed her kids beforehand
c. Bring snacks for the kids
d. Mention any allergies/food issues

The bottom line is that there is no reason for a host to have to provide a special meal for children. Let the parents deal with it.

However: This is your granddaughter and these are your great grandchildren. Grandmas can throw guest etiquette out the window and spoil their grands. So just ask DGD already what they would like to have.

sephia- I couldn't agree more. My mom grew up in extreme poverty and when she finally got out of it, she continually craved, and therefore cooked, a calorie heavy, meat and potatoes type meal.

As I got older she tried to make healthier choices and be more varied but really, the only vegetables I grew up eating were canned green beans, canned corn, canned carrots, canned beets and canned peas. Grains were store bought wonder bread, instant potatoes, instant rice, dried pasta, etc. She was stricter on me at least trying things than she was on my older brother.

He is one of the pickiest eaters I know. He basically only eats things that are white or yellow or meat- but only meat if it is beef or chicken. Mac and cheese, french fries, mashed potatoes as long as they haven't been doctored to much, bread, cheese, as long as it isn't that "weird" feta, bleu, camambert, etc. If it is cheddar, Colby jack, American, or mozzarella it's okay. A hamburger as long as there is no sauce of any kind and no vegetables, steak, brisket, etc. Plain cheese pizza, no toppings. His gallbladder ruptured before he turned 30 and I can't help but feel like his diet played a part.

I am still not much of an experimental eater, I have to force myself to try things I haven't been previously exposed to, such as hummus which I recently tasted and I really love it. I don't want my kids to be like my brother, heck I don't even want them to be like me. I want them to be willing to actually try new foods!

There are so many amazing things out there to experience; if you remain in your bubble and don't try new things, you miss out.

I take my kids to the big supermarket with the largest produce section or the farmers market when its open and I let them pick anything they want.

We come home, experiment with it and see if it tastes good. Sometimes they pick something I know I don't like, like green beans, but we still cook it and eat it and I tell them I don't really like green beans but I'm sitting here eating it because it is good for me and maybe they just aren't seasoned right, maybe I should try them again, prepared another way. I remind them that for the first 20 years of my life I hated bell peppers. Turns out bell peppers aren't bad, I just hated the way my mom prepared them.

My kids eat far better than I do, they willingly eat things I never would have tried or been made to try as a kid and I would like to think that at least a small part of that is because they were exposed to it several times and made to try it.

"By allowing your's to dismiss themselves from your table, you lose opportunities."

Yeah? Who said that was what happened? I don't live in a barn. I don't even know where the nearest one is.

sephia, I hear you. I've had the same experience in China myself. Pre-British relinquishment of Hong Kong, it was said that an upper tier restaurant there was where the best Chinese food could be found because the raw materials were available, skill was present and standards were at their highest. So long as not in a Cantonese restaurant, whose adherents are said to eat anything at all with a source having two or four legs except tables and chairs. I had very enjoyable food there.

Maybe the same is true today in Taiwan, I haven't been there.

Elmer - I have a pic of a chicken dish that I won't post, because it looks like it has a little baby hand. It's a chicken leg, but I swear, it looks like a little hand. No way was I going to try that. "Everything tastes like chicken" - yeah, right.

I always made one meal but also put peanut butter and bread on the table. If you did not like the meal, help yourself to the peanut butter but you will eat something. I have one kid that will eat anything and the other is more of a fussy eater. Both ate most of the prepared meals. But sometimes just the peanut butter.

JoAnn- did you have your meal yet?

I also believe that preparation has a lot to do with your ideas about adult food.

For instance my husband would not eat anything with onions in it for years because of the way his mother prepared it she never diced it but just served it in huge pieces that he called slimy but now that I've learned that I always make sure that I dice the onion and he actually loves them in food .

they are coming tomorrow

Hope all y'all enjoy it!

Have a wonderful visit!! Twin 3 year olds, you might be worn out after they leave but I would love to hear how the visit goes.

I just found out that the other DGD & her young son are coming also.

What fun! Can't wait to "hear" all about it.

What did you decide to serve?

I am making Pasta Pizza bake with some green beans and a apple pizza dessert

That should work very well. Did it?

Sounds yummy! Did you have a good time?

Its tonight

It was all good but it was a wild ride! 3 little ones screaming, crying, hitting and getting into EVERYTHING. Its been a long time since I was around little kids or that many at one time. It was wild! I'm glad I did it but it won't be again soon.

The one twin got hurt last week, they are missing their Dad who is away in the Air force for the past 4 1/2 months and being away from home they were quite cranky overall.

Those toddlers are a hand full when you aren't used to them, aren't they. A friend proudly brought his grandchildren over a couple of weeks ago and they were cuter than cute. And I wiped up hand and mouthprints for a couple of days, glass topped kitchen table, leather furniture, floor to ceiling windows one wall of my living room ;0)

I'm glad your dinner party worked out well. That must be a tough job for your granddaughter with daddy serving and away!

We were worn out after Thanksgiving with an 8 year old and three 2 year olds. They are so full of energy and are loud! I thought that I had toddler proofed the house, but they zeroed in on everything that I forgot :-)

How true that its, She found scissors, & other electronic no no's. I thought after they left "This house is Not toddler proof at all!" The 2 girls are 2 1/2 and the boy was 3. I was wiped out! Even my son & his family had to go home and get some rest after just a short visit.