I've run into this problem in the last few years as well. I try to give experience gifts now.

Took my friend to get pedicures and coffee. Took my mom to a paint your own pottery place, took my SIL out to dinner, etc. Something where the two of us can just hang out and do something fun.

Also, edible gifts like grape jelly or toffee.

Why don't you all grab an angel or two from an angel tree and shop for them instead? You can have an early get together and show each other what you bought.

My Siblings, mother and I each give to each others charities of choice, in preference to gifts we don't need.

That is a challenge! Food, wine? My husband loves to try weird snack foods...don't know age of GS but donation to charity? Sometimes the kids get into the world wildlife "adoption" animals or the heifer international...tickets to music, play, museum entrance, zoo, ? Restaurant gift card, fancy coffee? Good luck!

Our family keeps Xmas small. I give cash to DS and DDIL and spoil the grands. This is by mutual agreement. We also have decided to exchange small gifts among the adults a bit so the grands see it is not just about taking but giving. and not all about them. Last year we got framed photos from our son and daughter's family. The grandkids gave us a picture of them in a snow globe. The grands get some toys and clothes but mostly we give them experiences, like swimming lessons, tickets to children's events etc.

There are so many in need, donate in their names then to some of them, there is food bank, there is buying an animal in different countries that need them for their living to survive, pets that are in need too. Give to ones that don't have it and can't buy for themselves.

I have a huge family and gave to all of them until a few years ago, when I decided to use that money to up the amount I give to charities. The family said I should have been doing that all the time. I do rent the meeting room in a motel to have the family holiday gathering.

I donate to charity quite a bit on my own as a rule. When I give money it is up to the person I give the money to to decide whether they want to donate it to charity or not. But that is my personal opinion.

What I do for those that are hard to buy for that I don't want to give money or gift card is find something they like to do. My son for example has every physical thing he could want, he doesn't need clothes so what to do? He loves music and sports. So this year for his birthday which is 8 days before Christmas I bought him 2 concert tickets for a band he loves. He can take a friend/date and have a great night. For Christmas his favorite football team is the Carolina Panthers they happen to be playing here on January 1st so I bought him 2 tickets to that game with nice seats and paid for the parking.

My mother in law loves to go to shows. I got her tickets to Wicked and a nice gift card to a restaurant so she can have dinner and see a show she loves. For her birthday this year I took her to feed the giraffes at Busch Gardens. She has always wanted to do it and the smile on her face while she did it was priceless.

Last year I took the whole family to see Trans Siberian Orchestra. My mother in law and I had been going for years as our tradition. We decided to take other family members last year and now they all will be joining us this year for dinner and the concert. We will have nice memories to share every year by doing this.

Movie theater passes, for GS, maybe some McD gift certificates, For DS and DIL maybe a gift certificate to favorite restaurant. If they like wine, we always subscribe to WSJ's gift wine pack. It's 15 different bottles of wine for $99.00 or something like that. Some are better than others but it's fun trying the different ones.

A beautiful live wreath or Christmas centerpiece would be nice......no clutter after the holidays, just display it during the season and then it's gone.

Are they close by? How about tickets to a show for all of you? Something you can all do together and look forward to once the holidays are finished?

I was just going to post and then saw what Sephia posted! If they don't need or want anything, and have made that clear, then I don't see a problem. In fact, I think that is wonderful as it takes some stress out of a holiday that was never intended to be stressful.

I was confused by the question, too!

When someone tells me that they don't want or need a present, they don't get one. The exception would be consumables, something seasonal perhaps.

We stopped giving gifts years ago and I am so glad. It used to be crazy. Then we went to two gifts a person, then one and now none. I used to exchange with friends too but we stopped that. I want to downsize, not add. I am going to a party where I have to bring a gift so I bought a nice soy candle. It's a draw number and get a surprise gift.

My family is probably just bit different. They don't go out or do much of anything, just work. They do not drink, go to movies, out to eat or sports anything. Since it just the 4 of us we always had a big Christmas of gift giving and I hate to change that now after all these years. I'm sure I'll think of something. Thanks

I don't blame you for wanting to do gifts at Christmas. I know it is hard--my kids have more than I do and pretty much get what they want/need. I want to get them gifts because it gives me joy. I do gift cards for things I know they like such as nail salon, massage, a local theater performance, movie tickets etc. I also buy each person something I pick out and it could be a special food item or special bottle of wine etc. It can be stressful but I hope I don't ever reach the point that I don't enjoy giving gifts. It is part of the season for me as is celebrating the real meaning of Christmas.

Put together a nice photo album with old photos labeled, dated, and explained. Write up your family history,

I agree Satine. We have a small family and added to the fact that most are not nearby. I still enjoy buying gift for my DH, daughters, SIL, and her boyfriend. It is just all part of the flurry of excitement to me that surrounds the holidays.

I completely understand JoAnn. As our kids grow into adults they don't "need" gifts from us. We want to continue the tradition. It's fine to cut down, even way down, but cutting out gifts completely is like not decorating anymore.

Easy to fall into that also. It IS a lot of work. I'm guilty of it. I gave my 9' prelit tree to our daughter this year. They just bought their first house and so money isn't as free flowing as it was. I was happy to give it to her. And then I went to an auction yesterday and bought a 7.5' prelit tree for $8!!!! Yay!!

I'm considering getting each of my adult children an easy pass. Makes it much easier at tolls. Might not work for your kids, depends on the area where they live. Maybe some unique foods, wines, cookies. Gift cards for Starbucks, or for gas or eating out somewhere.

How abt some games the whole family can play. I will tell you our most favorite game for now is CatchPhrase. We have the electronic version. Sooooo fun. This is it, probably can find it cheaper somewhere else.

https://www.amazon.com/Electronic-Catch-Phrase-Amazon-Exclusive/dp/B00D4NJS9O

Not being Scrooge, but sister and I declared no need to BUY a Christmas gift for either of us probably 10 years ago or more. As mentioned in OP (I think?) nobody NEEDS anything... short of one of use winning the lottery and sharing. I usually make homemade cookies. One year, made a mess of different herb/spice mixes/rubs. Started when I found the recipe for Emeril's BAM. Found the little cellophane pouches in a craft store and included recipes, in case someone especially like one or more.

Y'all know how much I love my aroma cookers ! We were at Costco yesterday and they had a brand new model with more cooking options and it was only $29.99. Amazing price ! So I bought it . Now I can leave one full time in the rv and not have to remember to load it in when we travel . So this is a wonderful gift at a wonderful price . It had all the regular rice settings , slow cooking , saute and simmer , steam, new was a special soup setting which I will use a lot I used to set it on brown rice to cook my soup which was fine but it would really get to boiling . Also has an oatmeal setting and quinoa setting . I am probably forgetting some .

My family is like that too but I much prefer to make my gifts than to just go buy buy buy or give cash. As you can see below, they may think they have everything they want, but sometimes a home made gift can be something that wasn't necessarily on their radar.

A couple of years ago using one of the online photo companies, I made a coffee table book for everyone about our dad and his life. I even customized each one so the "dad" part of his story had several shots of special times he had with that particular sister. He passed when some of my siblings were just little girls, their memories were limited and none of the grandkids knew him. It was a huge success. One sister I seldom talk with, called in tears saying it was one of the most amazing gifts she's ever received because she had almost no memory of him.

So maybe you can make a book about an event, the family history or even just a person in your family that holds a lot of meaning to everyone.

This isn't a "what's a good gift" question. It's "I don't agree with their ways and I've been out-voted over what I prefer myself. How do I push back against an outcome I don't like?"

I don't know about others, but we tried to raise our kids to be independent in thought and deed and many parents do the same. When successful. and the kids have developed responsible attitudes and good judgement, they will have their own views, approaches and relationships with people parents won't always agree with.

If they're working hard, taking care of themselves and are happy with the life choices they've made, take that as as a sign of your success, not as a problem. There are more important things to spend time being concerned about, be flexible enough to let this one pass. If you taught you kid to make his own decisions, allow him to do that.

Read the OP's question one more time EF...I do believe she is asked for ideas, especially at the end. (I also suspect that you may not be the head elf when it comes to Christmas shopping).

JoAnn, my husband and I are a lot like the description you give about your family, we are more introverted, love to be home and hate crowds. I can easily understand where you're coming from, our group is only the four of us too and finding creative gifts is getting harder and harder to do. Our gifting is on a much smaller scale than it used to be, so we've come up with other things to do. My daughter and I will usually work on a craft project we've been wanting to do while my SIL and DH play a game of some sort. When we do want to step out, my favorite thing is to bundle up, grab some hot chocolate and go look at the Christmas lights. We have a couple housing tracts where the entire tract participates and it's fun seeing how creative they can be.

I guess you have to decide whether they're trying to save you some money and effort or whether they truly don't want anything. Not knowing them, my guess would be they don't want "stuff"--things they might not use, that will just take up space. Most of us reach a saturation point with stuff. :-)

I haven't read the above posts, so perhaps I'm duplicating someone else's idea, but what about a photo book? I love to make them and give them as gifts. They take time and cost money, so when one of my two favorite online printers (Mpix.com and Adoramapix.com) advertise a sale, I jump on it. It's a gift that can be enjoyed for many years.

I've made photo books about my grandchildren, about a year in the life of my family, about my parents, about all the pets we've had over the decades, and even one about the jazz parties I go to every year. The next one will probably be about my ancestors and/or extended family.

If that seems like too big a project, you could buy a nice photo album and fill it with family pictures. Or partly fill it, with a promise to add more on their birthday.

I love photos, and I think prints are underrated in this digital age. Can you envision a family of the future gathered around the computer to look at old photos together? Nah, I didn't think so. :-)

lukki, if someone says they don't need or want a gift, no further thinking or idea development is needed. No thanks is no thanks, right? The additional comments suggest there is unaddressed baggage and problems in the relationships, I took that as being the real issue.

"I also suspect that you may not be the head elf when it comes to Christmas shopping"

With our grown kids, my wife does trinkets, I do the big presents (after consultation with her and the recipient). With them or with others, when someone tells me they don't want anything, I honor that choice. Don't you?

We follow no religion so a precise answer to your question is that no one does Christmas shopping. The little ones will get small "Christmas" gifts given in a more seasonal or secular way.

if they just work, why not make them some dinners? or if they have a hobby or craft they like to do, contribute to that (gift card to the store they buy it at)., special piece of jewelry, watch, new wallets, something monogrammed, gift card to their favorite store or favorite on-line store....

i don't want this to sound harsh, but there comes a point where its not all about what you want. Yes, traditions are wonderful, but they can change too and sometimes for the better!! you have to let go a little and abide by what they want. they are adults and can make up their own minds. The holidays, to me, is all about being together and enjoying each others company. to me, that is much better than any gift anyone gives me. they may be doing this for reasons you don't understand and they are hesitant to tell you. sometimes you have to trust what your family tells you at face value. i know its hard, but that's life. it isn't easy....

flip side: if you do wind up not buying gifts, they can't by you anything either !!! i would be mortified if i didn't buy them something and they bought me something!!! worse nightmare!!! so clear it up ASAP!!!! but then again, sometimes it is nice to receive and not give!! haha

Good Luck!!!

just an FYI: my sisters and i decided this year not exchange gifts and go out and do something fun!! to be truthful, i was sick and tired of trying to figure out what to buy them (another THING) and would rather spend time with them and make memories instead. and i didn't want another THING in my house!!!!!

so sad that a tradition that started as a way to commemorate the gifts given to that baby in the manger has become such a big ole hand-wringing, teeth-gnashing, headache-making experience.

An old friend once told me that Christmas presents weren't meant to shower people with retail goods;

they are small tokens in remembrance of the gifts of the first Christmas.

& the other day a colleague said that when her kids got excited about making their "Santa's lists", she cautioned them to slow down:

"Jesus got 3 presents.

& since it's about giving as well as getting, you get 3 presents, & you get to choose which one you give to someone else."

forgot to remember...

As many of us are de-cluttering (better now than later, when someone will go through all our stuff & exclaim, "Why didn't she label these pictures??? I don't even know who these people are!" & throw treasures in the trash), maybe give something like the picture albums suggested above, or maybe record some family stories.

I once saw & heard a whole class room of cynical college students reduced to tears, or at least "teary" eyes & sniffles, when a "returning student" (ie, some old person in her thirties) played a recording of her elderly grandfather singing the old hymns & telling family history/stories, his old voice tremulous & his speech a little hesitant.

I once wrote a bunch of recollections for my cousins, & one of them was visibly delighted & moved when she read a story about her & her grandparents...a story that happened when she was about 2, so of course she didn't remember it, & both her grandparents were gone.

I was the only person alive who had been there, who remembered.

You can't buy that at the store.

my mom, a few years ago, took all the old movie films when my siblings and i were little and put them on a DVD. best present ever!!

sylviatexas1, i so agree. its just too much anymore and i have been scaling down for years....

I did that one year. I think I tried most of the ideas everyone has posted. I still have no ideas

JoAnn, I also want to be gentle with this as others have suggested. Perhaps they are trying to tell you that the tradition is more important to you than it is to them. Would you consider honoring their apparent wishes for no gifts and instead having a nice, stress less time together?

Send a nice card and a pretty seasonal flower arrangement. Not a plant they have to keep alive after christmas,just an arrangement. Or some sort of edible gift arrangement. That way, you can give them something,but it's not something that will collect dust uselessly .

Sylvia, I agree with you. I honor the true reason for Christmas, enjoy some Christmas music, but it's so over-the-top in many other ways. Exhausting.