Randy, Amber may grumble (what kid doesn't?) but I believe deep in her soul she knows EXACTLY how lucky she is to have such a wonderful, caring dad involved in her life! Now that our 'little boy' is almost 23 years old and has begun his professional career, he is SO CLOSE to his dad. There had been that "I'm grown up and you can't tell me what to do or how to do it" clash on and off since DS became a teenager. Well, all that is behind them now. Since they both work for D-FW Airport (DH in police, DS in fire), they have many co-workers and friends in common, and are always discussing their retirement plans and investment opations. They are often involved in the same 'incidents' at the airport, with DH usually running the police command post, and son responding as either an EMT/First Responder or Firefighter. It is amazing to see them relate to one another as co-workers and buddies and not just as father and son. By the way, if anyone had told DS when he was a teenager that he would end up working for DH's employer and LOVING IT, he would have vehemently denied that such a thing would ever, ever occur. Now, sometimes he says to me...."It is amazing how much I am getting to be just like Dad." (And he says it with pride, too!) The closeness you and Amber share now will get you through the terrible teen years! I know, 'cause we've been there and done that! Dawn

No dance at our wedding Feb.23,1960.We married at my aunt's house with cake and punch reception.If we'd had a song to dance to it would have been "Only You" by the Platters.The words expressed how we both felt (and still feel 49 years later) about each other. Marilyn-DH worked all the time too,didn't get paid unless he worked.We tried to plan the day for a Friday so we would have the weekend for the "honeymoon",such as it would be because we had no money to go anywhere.LOL We married on his parent's 25th. anniversary and it didn't work out to be on a Friday.I can't remember what day of the week it was but after the wedding we went and ate at a steak house,42 miles away,then went back home.We lived in the country,17 miles from where he worked and 27 miles from there to the town where my parents lived.Next morning we woke up to 6 in. of snow on the ground! I dressed up in my "going away" suit,heels and SIL's fur jacket she had loaned me. I took him to work then drove to my mom's and spent most of the day with her.She had a fit because I drove that 27 miles with snow on the ground!LOL I went to the grocery store,then picked him up after work and went back home to the country!

there is so much 'hype' here in UK. It is supposed to be a national holiday (day off work) but my lovely boss (being sarcastic here) decided we should keep the garden center open and have a big screen tv in the coffee shop so people (shoppers NOT employees) can watch it. We've sold t towels, mugs, coloring books, sticker books, paper doll books etc. I hope the couple can enjoy their day even with the millions watching/reporting on their every move. Diane

Hi, I think we're going to have to presume a "worst case scenario" here for the sake of argument, to get at the roots of this dilemma, and clarify the issues. (But we can certainly hope for the best!) Worst case scenario: Daughter tells you ---for whatever reason (BM interference or her own personal feelings)--- "no way", she won't consider inviting them and she wants only you there. Your decision now is whether or not you go solo. I feel very strongly that you should, and I'm going to explain why via responding to your list of concerns one by one: "1 - My fiancee is very family oriented and has gone out of her way to bring us together as a family" That's fantastic, and to me is evidence that this situation ---even in the worst case scenario--- will work out fine b/c if she's very family-oriented she will understand that you need to go to your daughter's wedding with or without her, as this is an extremely important day for her and b/c your kids have recently expressed their need for you to be there for all of them. I don't think I need to tell you that if you, as her father, were not present for her wedding, especially after the recent conversation about "being there" in general, that would definitely spell the end of that relationship at great loss to you and she. But it is not going to spell the end of what sounds like a great relationship with fiancee and kids if they don't go. It's the most important day of your daughter's life but one family function out of many to come with your fiancee and her kids. "2 - If my fiancee finds out that she and her kids were not invited, my fear is that she would feel rejected and possibly think it was her and call off our future so that I can be closer to my kids." Again, I really don't think that's going to happen, based on how family-oriented she is. And the way she feels about it can be somewhat modified by how you present it to her and what you do for her to ensure that even if she feels rejected *by your daughter* that she is not rejected by *you*. You might even be able to soften the blow of rejection altogether (i.e. "ex-wife's relatives are being crusty and old-fashioned about this and don't consider fiancee part of the 'family' until you're married...it's nothing personal", or "the guest list was made a long time ago and they can't change it" or "this wedding won't be the last chance we'll have to be together as a family and forge family bonds"). Yes, she'll probably still be able to detect that there's opposition to her being there behind whatever excuse you give, but then she has a choice: push it or not? A matter, for her, of picking battles. She's still relatively new in this situation and also would be well aware that if she pushes coming, she would be putting you in the same "middle" spot of having to choose that others may be attempting to do. She's most likely not going to want to do that, nor take the gamble that an ultimatum will fail. She'll probably decide to let this one roll off and do her best to form family bonds at future functions. And then you can further help the situation by encouraging/arranging plenty of those future family functions. "3 - My kids seem to like my fiancee but have not gotten close to my fiancee's kids" What are the age differences? Also, if they haven't seen each other but a few times, and never alone, they probably haven't had the chance to build bonds just yet. Especially because the blending of families is always an ambivalent thing and takes plenty of time. As I wrote above, this wedding will not be the only chance for the new family members to be together and grow closer. "4 - No, I did not have an affair with my fiancee before I divorced. I think my ex-wife still have not gotten over the divorce nor admits we had problems while we were married for 19 years. She has also stated that she doesn't ever want to meet my fiancee." Well, that is her issue to deal with. Hopefully she will be an adult and not continue to pressure her daughter to make an "either/or" choice which bio parent she wants at the wedding, thereby also setting the stage for others to possibly insist you make such a choice. Maybe BM will remove herself from the equation if she really can't handle co-existing at the same geographical location for the sake of her daughter's important rite of passage. But unfortunately we can't count on her rising to this level and certainly not her backing out. So you have to make a firm decision on what you will do regardless of what BM does. 5 - Yes, I'm paying a large portion of the wedding but this is not a leverage that I care to use - it is not a financial exercise. To me, it is all about bringing together my old and new family as closely as possible. I desperately need this.... I really hope your daughter and/or BM will be gracious adults and not exclude their soon-to-be-new family. But even if they refuse, this one event is not the last chance ever to bond, and is not insurmountable as a slight if you handle it well and make an effort to be as inclusive as possible in the future. Remember: your daughter's exclusionary behavior in this instance doesn't have to keep YOU from being all-inclusive. Hopefully, it might even encourage her to be more inclusive in the future, once she sees how welcoming you and fiancee are to her and those bonds continue to be formed over time.