Michael Buble's 3-yr old son has cancer
9 years ago
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9 years ago
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Guidance for a 21 yr old son
Comments (43)I have a very similar problem -- my son lives at home, sleeps much of the day away, and does very little to help around the home. Although, he is a sophomore in college and so far has maintained good grades despite what I think is excessive use of weed and not sure what other kinds of partying. He has minimal interest in me, his other family, or doing much except his studying and going out with friends. He is moody and very difficult to talk with about most anything. I am a single mom and I am supporting him through college except that he gets tuition paid because of his good grades so far. He did not live at home his freshman year, now he is home and I am saving money by not having to pay room and board. Yet, I see him in so much of what you all are saying. He contends that he cannot work part time because of his school load, but has made no effort to see if there is any work on campus or anyplace he could work. In the summer he found a short term job, yet put no effort into finding work after that. Many of the suggestions here are so helpful. I need to make it uncomfortable for him to live here unless he contributes. He seems to have minimal desire to change or make anything of his life. Getting through school seems to be his validation for doing little else. I do not like having to deal with the anger, name calling, put downs against me when I ask him to do chores and contribute to the home. It's difficult. Both my own guilt and he can be surly and very mean. Looking for more ideas and suggestions. My first attempt will be to require chores for spending money. It will likely not go well. There will be a barrage of insults hurled at me. Yet, I need to make a stand for us both. I have a brother who is still living off of our parents at 50 years old. I do not want this to happen. I want him to make something of his life. ellabright...See MoreNew cervical cancer vaccine - You & Your Daughter
Comments (36)I think the vaccination is a good idea. "Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year." Yes, the condom idea sounds great, but what happens when a woman decides to get pregnant and her husband carries HPV? He probably won't have any symptoms, so he wouldn't know. Now the woman who has been so careful has HPV and an increased risk of cancer. The virus could also affect the babies vocal cords during the delivery....See More18 yr old drinking
Comments (18)Oh yuck!... I think you're very wise to be so concerned and I'll keep my fingers crossed for a mild ride... In my book, social drinking with friends at parties at age 18 is within the "normal" range of teenage activities, but having empty bottles rolling around inside drawers and rum-filled soda cans is "problem" behavior. Not to mention the knife! Drinking alone in her room and having empty bottles hidden are both signs of a possibly serious problem. I imagine you're aware that a vulnerability to substance addiction is an inherited trait? And that with alcoholism on both sides of her biological family tree, your SD is very vulnerable to alcoholism? Is this a point that was brought home to her in the strongest possible terms? Seems every 18 year old knows that they personally are invincible -- but the stats show otherwise... Al-Anon is a great place to get more information. I can't imagine a better group of people to help you and your DH sort out just how big of a problem this is likely to be at this stage -- Is it something you will be likely able to handle on your own with guidance and discipline? Or is rehab called for? (I can't see rehab actually working until your SD believes she has a problem that is beyond her own ability to control.) And what type of interventions and control strategies to they advocate? It's good your DH took the car plates away, but at some point, she'll probably get to drive again. When I was a teenager, my parents had a policy that turned out to be very effective at helping me learn to set my own limits. I had a curfew, and the house rule was that when I came in, I had to wake up Mom and spend a few minutes talking with her about where I had gone and what I had done (though they always knew where I was going in advance also.) That simple late-night conversation was enough to assure my mom that when I came in, it would be on time, and that I wouldn't be so drunk that I couldn't pass the 'coherent conversation' test. That didn't stop me entirely from underage drinking, but it did prevent me from underage OVER-drinking. It might be something to consider if you conclude your SD's drinking may be controllable....See MoreAdult stepson doesn't care for younger brother with cancer
Comments (49)I am going to put a thought out there that hasnt been mentioned yet, but is a possible explanation for part of the young mans aversion to his ill half brother. My sister passed away a few years ago, at the age of 35, after a six month battle with cervical cancer. ( get your pap smears ladies, it could save your life) After her original diagnosis, which occurred right around Xmas time, everyone , friends, immediate family, long lost relatives, all came to see her. It was assumed that she would recover, since most cervical cancer does not result in death, because its caught early on. Sadly, that was not the case with my sis. As it became more obvious that she was very gravely ill, people began to withdraw from her. In the last four months of her life, most of the family who were not immediately close to her, made excuses why they couldnt get over to see her, and ALL, and i do mean ALL of the young men in the family between the ages of 15 and 35, pretty well avoided her like the plague. Many many young adults cannot handle the thought of human mortality, and are extremely uncomfortable with someone who is seriously ill. Men are worse at it than women are. This young man doesnt feel particularly close to the six year old anyway, since, although they share a dad, they are more than twenty years in age difference, and a lifetime apart in experiences. Instead of assumeing that this young man is intending to be hurtful and insulting... Perhaps he is just uncomfortable with the thought of death or illness, as MOST people his age are, and is avoiding the boy for that reason, since they havent been particularly close, because of age and circumstance. I just am not ready to hang this young man out to dry for behaviour that I saw fairly often from many people during my sisters illness. People who were otherwise very good caring people....See More- 9 years ago
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